Where Dwell the Brave at Heart The Outtakes
by Scandalacious Intentions
Summary: As avid a photographer as Remus is, there are some moments that would just be completely inappropriate to capture. These, ladies and gentlemen, are those moments. Companion to 'Where Dwell the Brave at Heart'.
1. In which James makes a decision

**Disclaimer: Almost twenty fics later, I still don't own it but if I keep deluding myself, who knows?  
****A/N: I know I shouldn't be starting this but I had so many ideas whirring round my head that I could never put in 'Where Dwell the Brave at Heart', as avid a photographer as Remus is, there are some moments that would just be completely inappropriate to capture. These, ladies and gentlemen, are those moments.**

_May 1973_

Blood.

There seemed to be an awful lot of blood. How was it possible to lose so much and survive?

The bed sheets were already developing a scarlet hue but the cuts themselves were soon healed with a flick of Madam Pomfrey's wand.

Shallow and raspy breaths seemed to take all his effort. His chest heaved and in his potion-induced sleep, he made distressed noises that could signal his pain as much as it could signal his displeasure at the presence of his friends.

Upon their last visit, Remus Lupin had covered himself with the duvet and buried his face in the pillow. His friends had only been able to get a decent look at his hair.

This time though, James Potter had been clever and shown remarkable restraint. The night of the full moon he had insisted that he, Sirius and Peter be in bed and asleep by half past nine. With a jaunty cliché, "Early to bed, early to rise", James had disappeared behind his bed curtains and was not to be seen until half past six the following morning when he had shaken Sirius into action and headed towards the Hospital Wing.

This time, Remus wouldn't even know they were there.

James was somewhat relieved that he and Sirius had been unable to wake Peter. Something told him that he would not have reacted in quite the same way. He imagined a minor panic attack at the very least.

Sirius had sat; jaw clenched, on the opposite side of the bed and locked eyes with James, refusing to look away, much to James' consternation.

"What?" James hissed.

"We shouldn't be seeing this," Sirius replied.

James frowned. "Madam Pomfrey said we could sit in if we wanted."

Sirius gave his friend a sarcastic smile, one rarely used on James. "It's not Pomfrey I'm worried about. Look, Remus doesn't want us here. You know how funny he gets about it."

James bit his lip. "He'll be okay with it. He doesn't keep anything from us anymore. We share things with him."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Not stuff like this."

James relapsed into the awkward silence and stared down at Remus' scarred body. They appeared to be everywhere. His arms had been a pulpy mess and he was sure he could make out bite marks along the inner forearms.

"We've got to do something," he mumbled, pushing Lupin's fringe off his damp forehead. "This has got to stop."

"What do you think we can do, James? We're thirteen!"

The light in James Potter's eyes clearly hinted at a plan and for once, Sirius was not eager to hear of it. James frowned.

"Werewolves are immune to animal blood, aren't they?"

Sirius stared at him. "What the bloody hell does that have to do with anything?"

James smirked. "What if we can trick it?"

"What are you-?" It dawned on Sirius. "Oh no! No way! One of us could end up with a permanent tail or something. We could be arrested."

James let out a mixture of a gasp and a sigh. "I notice Remus didn't worry about expulsion when he helped you cheat your Charms test last June. You'd have been held back if he didn't spend the whole hour whispering '_Leviosa_' in your ungrateful ears."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh please. He's Flitwick's Golden Boy, nothing would have happened to him."

James raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "He risked it though, to help you and he couldn't have gone anywhere else."

"Don't come it with me, James. I don't go in for guilt. I don't know what it is. You know that."

"He would do it for you," James snapped. "I don't care if I have to spend the rest of my life as a socially inept hermit. I'm going to become an Animagus."

"Keep your voice down!" Sirius sighed. "If I end up covered in fur for the rest of my life, Potter, you can consider yourself as good as dead."

James grinned. "See? I knew you'd come round." He leapt out of the chair and promised a comatose Lupin that they would see him later and even go as far as to make notes so that he could copy up.

"Okay, let's get some breakfast."

James shook his head. "Nope. Mornings are now study periods in the library."

Sirius snorted. "Dream on, Jamie. Dream on."


	2. In which Lupin binges

**Disclaimer: See First Chapter. I hate writing disclaimers because I run out of witty things to say…**

**A/N: I know that this would take place in 1976 but it's a year late because for some unfathomable reason, it's a year late in "Where Dwell…" too.**

_6 p.m. November 17__th__ 1977_

How long had it been now? Months. November, October, September – that was three months alone that Remus had barely spoken to him unless it was absolutely necessary - August, July – Sirius noted that whilst he had spent a week in Devon, not a cross word had been spoken between he and Remus, not a word had been spoken at all really– and half of June. That was five and a half months of hell.

Admittedly, Lupin had always been quiet but never this reserved. He spent all his time with his head in a book and deep in conversation with Lily Evans who appeared to be the only person who had the faintest clue what Remus was thinking.

He had also spoken to James on a regular basis. Perhaps it was just Sirius' slight paranoia over this particular subject, but Lupin's relationships with James and Peter had not changed.

Outwardly of course, neither had theirs. Lupin had forgiven him almost straight away after blacking his eye and calling him 'a fucking prick'. Sirius had spent days worrying about his friend's outburst; Remus never lost his temper and nor did he condone obscenities.

He had not worried long. After all, they continued to sit together in Charms as they had always done and also Defence because Sirius had been keen to provoke even the slightest hint of conversation. He had not even teased Lupin about his inability to sketch with anything other than the same pencil he had used for the past seven years.

"Can I borrow that pencil?"

Wordlessly, Lupin had handed it over.

"Where are we?"

Lupin had pointed to the third paragraph down the page and continued to take notes.

That was the most that had been said between them when they were alone for five and a half months. In the presence of James and Peter, Sirius still said nothing for fear of being shot down publicly. He liked to believe that James thought peace had been restored.

Sirius groaned, remembering summer. One throwaway comment; that's all it had been. Snape could have been killed. It wasn't that he didn't care about Snivellus, well it was but he couldn't say that, he just cared about Remus being a killer slightly more. One throwaway comment risked his three friendships. One throwaway comment meant that Lupin had sent back a silver badge on the basis that he deserved every prejudice remark he ended up on the receiving end of.

It hadn't even been worth it.

It was his birthday tomorrow and Sirius wondered whether Lupin would spend the evening with them, obviously drinking and making prats of themselves.

Sirius shivered. No matter how many times he had been assured that the Astronomy Tower was a great place to think, it didn't make it any less cold.

"I'm freezing my bollocks off," he muttered to no-one in particular as he ran up the steps, throwing open the door and standing on a ridiculously high platform in the freezing cold. The view was breathtaking though. He felt as though he was higher than the turrets of the castle, although he knew this was a trick his eyes could not help falling for.

The small, hunched figure, sat on the very edge, his legs dangling over it. He held on by gripping the bars until his knuckles turned a brilliant white. Honestly, the kid looked like the next gust of wind would blow him away.

"Sirius," the voice was a hushed whisper that Sirius barely heard.

"How do you know it's me? You couldn't have seen me."

Lupin twisted and tucked his legs underneath him, swinging himself to his feet using the bars. "I heard you coming up the steps."

Sirius nodded. "Wolf thing?"

"Yeah, I know the way your footsteps sound. James' are similar but they're a lot lighter and Peter doesn't walk so much as trot. Besides, I don't know whether you're aware of this, but you were talking to yourself."

"Right. Yeah, yes I was. I'm great company."

To his shock and absolute joy, Lupin smiled at him and asked, "What on earth are you doing up here? You didn't even take Astronomy."

"Neither did you," protested Sirius.

"No, but I like to check on the Lunar Cycle."

Sirius nodded slowly. "Good point. I don't know why I'm here; I just remember you telling me it was a great place to think."

Lupin frowned slightly and with startling grace, laid himself upon the wooden planks. It would almost appear as though he had fainted but he patted an area of space beside him and Sirius took this as an invitation.

"What do you need to think about?"

"Honestly?" Sirius asked, half laughing. "You."

"Me?" cried Lupin, incredulous. He sat up and stared down at his one-time best friend. "Why?"

Sirius shrugged. "You're getting quite pally with Evans."

"Well, Lily was there for me."

Sirius propped himself up against the bars and wondered whether they were suicide barriers if this was such a renowned place for thinking and depressive ramblings.

"I respect that, Remus, I really do…"

"But?"

Sirius shrugged. "The next bit isn't about you or Evans. It's about me."

Lupin nodded. "Okay."

"I've seen you about a bit with Lovett. What's going on there?"

Lupin bit his lip. "You know everything about that."

"I've heard the abridged version, yes. What's going on there?"

Lupin laughed. "Well remember when James said he was taking me girl hunting and he rubbed mud into his face to try to camouflage himself like we were on some sort of sick safari? Well, he took me to the Library and she was sitting at one of the desks so I went over and we started talking…"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Remus, I didn't want an Auror report. Are you taking her out or what?"

"We went to Hogsmeade last weekend. That's why I wasn't about on Saturday."

It occurred to Sirius how little he knew about the boy he used to call one of his best friends. He never admitted it but although he and James were almost like brothers, it was Remus he went to when he needed help. He could tell James almost anything but it was Remus who would never laugh or judge him.

"Kissed her yet?"

Lupin shook his head. "I don't know what it is, I just can't."

"Remus, you've kissed girls before."

"Yeah, believe it or not, I know!"

Sirius laughed nervously. "How long has it been since we've spoken like this?"

Lupin shrugged. "Couple of weeks?"

"Remus, it's the eighteenth of November tomorrow. We haven't really spoken since last June. That's a couple of weeks?"

Lupin's eyes widened. "The eighteenth?"

Sirius nodded. "I don't know if you remember but-"

"I'm not that forgetful, Sirius! My sense of time may seem to have passed me by but I remember your birthday for Merlin's sake!"

"Are you going to-?"

"Do you want me to?"

Sirius nodded and bit his lip. He wished for something large to crush his legs or something, anything so that he could have a reason for the blurring of his vision and pooling of tears. He sniffed. "Sorry."

Lupin shook his head. "It's fine, don't worry about it."

"No, I feel like such a girl," Sirius protested. "You haven't even said that we'll be mates again. You've only told me that you'll stick around for my party and already I'm welling up."

Lupin coughed and wiped his own away. "I know how you feel," he admitted.

"The only way this could be worse is if we'd eaten a whole packet of biscuits to ourselves. That's pretty female, isn't it?"

Lupin nodded. "Speak for yourself. I got through a family pack of my mum's Custard Creams. Nance brought them at half six and by twenty to seven, they were gone. I didn't even give one to her. She pecked me for it though so I don't feel too bad about it."

Sirius laughed and soon both fell into silence.

"I miss you."

Lupin turned slowly to his friend. "Really?"

Sirius nodded. "I can't apologise enough. If I could turn back time, I wouldn't do it."

Lupin frowned. "I thought you didn't care. I thought you didn't want to speak to me. I was honestly surprised when you came round last summer. I thought you'd ignore me."

"I wouldn't do that."

"That's what it feels like you've been doing," Lupin told him. "You've barely spoken to me."

"Only because I didn't think you wanted to speak to me."

This took a moment to sink in.

"This is so bloody stupid. Seriously, how childish do you feel? Is it just me who feels five?"

Sirius grinned. "Are we alright then?"

"I'm not even going to justify that with a response."

Sirius beamed at him. The smile was beginning to hurt his cheeks. "While we're feeling gay, you might as well give me a hug."

Lupin rolled his eyes but squeezed back regardless.

"I can feel those Custard Creams on you," said Sirius in the manner of a doctor diagnosing a terminal patient. "Remus, I think you're getting fat."

Lupin elbowed him and Sirius winced.

"Nope," he concluded, massaging his ribs. "Bony as ever."

"Come on," called Lupin, darting across the platform and laughing. "I've got an early birthday present for you."

Sirius leapt to his feet. "What?"

Lupin smirked. "I'll give you three clues. She's a Slytherin, she's a Beater and she's currently landing on the pitch."

"Electra!"

Lupin was pushed aside. He laughed to himself and followed the Sirius-shaped blur down the stairs.


	3. In which Sirius is forced to apologise

**Disclaimer: Almost twenty fics later, it's still not mine but if I keep trying to delude myself, who knows?**

_December 1977_

"Oi!"

Lupin scoffed. "You're a right Casanova when you get going, aren't you?"

Sirius Black smirked. Yes, yes he was.

"Just watch me, Moon. Just watch me," he murmured softly.

Slowly, Electra Nott turned to face him, her striking, vivid blue eyes betraying no hint of emotion. She raised an eyebrow and realising that Black most certainly was addressing her, adopted an expression that told him she thought he was mud.

"Oi, Electra!"

This time she was forced to acknowledge him. She took a deep breath, shook the snow off her hat and almost danced towards them, smiling at Peter's obvious envy for her grace and balance.

"Yes, Black?"

"What are you doing tonight?"

He knew perfectly well what she was doing. She was sitting in the Common Room alone because the majority of the school's students had returned home for the Christmas holidays.

"That depends on who's asking."

"_I'm_ asking."

She smiled angelically. "Ah, I see. In that case, I'm taking out my own eyes with a pair of knitting needles."

James winced. "Bit harsh, isn't it?"

Electra's eyes never left Sirius'. "So…care to tell me exactly what you've been spreading about my best friend?"

Lupin groaned. He couldn't take much more of this. He had absolutely no doubt in his mind that it was true and the last thing he needed was Sirius rubbing it in his face.

"Let's face it, Lex, she's not going to wear white on her wedding day, is she? I think Vestal Virgin is no longer a career path open to dearest Anna."

Electra pursed her lips. "So what if she's not? What's it to you?"

Sirius smirked and wrapped an arm lazily around Lupin's shoulders, pushing him forward.

"It's nothing to me, Lex, but if you can take a stand on your mate's behalf then so can I."

Electra raised her eyebrows and said, "Remus, technically they were still together so you were in the wrong."

"Hang on a minute! Remus didn't have a bloody clue!"

Lupin smiled at James and shrugged Sirius' arm off.

"Besides," said Sirius in the same clipped drawl he usually reserved for Lily Evans. "If it was me losing my virginity, I wouldn't choose Colin McCormack, would you?"

"I should bloody well hope you wouldn't!" cried Electra. "Especially not because you're taking me out tonight."

Sirius grinned.

"Apologise to Anna!"

He rolled his eyes.

"If I must."

Electra winked at him and sashayed over to her small group of friends, a group that included the aforementioned 'dearest Anna' who was not best pleased with her friend's arrangements.

"Oi, Lovett!"

Anna looked up and widened her eyes, almost pleading with him not to say anything. Alas, in vain.

"I'M SORRY FOR SUGGESTING YOU WERE A PROSTITUTE! I HAVE SINCE SPOKEN TO COLIN AND HE ASSURES ME THAT YOU DIDN'T CHARGE HIM!"

Anna shook with anger and Electra gave her long term admirer the finger.

"I SWEAR TO GOD, BLACK, ONE DAY I'LL KILL YOU!"

Lupin cleared his throat. "Sirius, I don't think she's joking."

James nodded. "Her eyes have gone a bit of a funny colour. They're almost all pupil now."

"It's bullshit, boys," Sirius assured them. "She's not going to come anywhere near me. For starters, Electra wouldn't let her. Besides, I can take her any day."

Peter seconded this, nodding fervently to emphasise his point. "She's not as good at magic as Sirius is."

"No," agreed James. "But she's a better duellist."

"Whose side are you on, Potter?" snapped Sirius. "If she's a better duellist then she can't be worse at magic."

Lupin nodded. "Yeah, but when it comes to a duel, she's not going to need to know how to lift a feather off the desk, is she? No. She's got great reflexes and protective charms are her speciality. You haven't got a hope in hell if she starts on you."

"Thanks, Remus."

"I'm just saying is all."


	4. In which Peter listens and learns

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Hi! Long time no see. I really appreciate that so many of you have added this to your favourites or put it on story alert so thank you. Some reviews would also be very much appreciated. Thanks :)**

The first night hadn't been so bad, thought Peter. Admittedly, they had all ignored him, but with Sirius Black and the redhead antagonising each other, he didn't suppose that James had much time to notice him between keeping the peace.

The second night, though, was excruciating. James and Sirius were still loud and laughing until Peter was sure that their ribs would break, but now Remus was with them too.

Remus wasn't so bad. He was very shy but at least he spoke to him and smiled as they passed in corridors. At least he didn't stare at his teeth.

Now they were all friends and he had to sit in bed with the curtains drawn from last lesson to dinner and from dinner until morning. Peter bit his lip and listened to their conversation. It was easy to tell who was speaking. Whilst James and Sirius both lived in London, James' accent was bordering on Cockney no matter how hard he tried to disguise it, and Sirius spoke in a clipped drawl that identified him as a Black.

Remus, though, was an enigma. He came from Devon and Peter thought that he ought to speak like a farmer or the gamekeeper who terrified him, though he would never admit it. But he didn't. He pronounced every consonant, especially the ts and ds that James was prone to dropping and had he sounded any more upper class, then he could have rivalled Sirius.

James and Sirius were loud enough to be heard across the corridor but Remus spoke so quietly that Peter had to strain to hear him. The other two would soon bring him out of his shell.

"I just don't understand it," snapped Sirius. "I'm clever. Tell me I'm clever."

Silence.

"Screw you then. Look, even my mother said I was intelligent and she bloody hates me."

"I bet she doesn't hate you," protested Lupin. "She's your mother."

"Remus, you haven't seen her, okay? She's so evil that when she hugged me goodbye, I thought she was going to steal my soul."

"What soul?"

"Remus, you've become awfully lippy since this afternoon."

"What can I say? You've brought out a dark and sarcastic side of my nature. Can I ask, if you she hates you so much, why did she hug you goodbye?"

Peter leant forward, feeling as much a part of this conversation as James did. While the two boys bickered constantly, James was tempted to fall asleep and let them get on with it.

"Oh no," said Sirius. "The hatred only really started when Bellatrix told her I'd been sorted into Gryffindor. Up until that point, she just strongly disliked me. You can't have missed the Howler this morning."

Lupin shook his head. "I go to breakfast much earlier than you do."

James laughed. "Mate, it was incredible. It blew up. It actually blew up." Peter heard a thud that he assumed to be James being pushed off his bed, the middle one that they all sat on. "And no more sneaking off to breakfast, either. We're your friends and you can bloody well wait for us."

"All the Marmalade will be gone!"

"Friendship's about sacrifice, Remus."

"Besides," said Sirius. "Why settle for Marmalade when you can have bacon?"

Lupin did not respond to that. "By the time you pair get there, it's practically lunch time."

"I need my sleep, Remus, I'm a growing boy."

"Sirius, you really could try the patience of a saint."

"And don't you love it."

Lupin scoffed and they fell into silence while Peter contemplated going to sleep, until he froze, hardly daring to breathe.

"What about that kid over there? What's his name?"

"Peter," Lupin supplied, yawning.

"Yeah."

"What about him?"

"Well what's wrong with him?"

Lupin laughed. "Why do you think there's something wrong with him?"

Sirius sighed. "Why do you have to question everything I say? Well, he's always on his own."

"Maybe he hasn't made any friends yet. We could-"

"I know what you're going to say and no."

Peter frowned. What was Remus going to say?

"Shh," hissed James. "You'll wake him up. What time is it?"

"Half eleven."

Lupin gasped. "I'm going to bed or I'll never get up on time."

The mattress creaked but Lupin made no other sound. Peter was in awe of his grace. He didn't even make a noise as he made his way to bed. In perfect contrast, Sirius made as much noise as was humanly possible; moaning about the cold, throwing back the curtains so that they hissed as they sped along the rail and practically stamping across the room before jumping into bed.

"Congratulations, Sirius," whispered James. "You have just woken half the castle."

One by one, they fell asleep. Peter sat awake, chewing his fingernails and frowning. Lupin talked a little in his sleep but it was nothing intelligible. Peter decided that he rather liked Remus. He wasn't as reserved as he had been prior to gaining friends and his wit was enviably sharp.

Peter smiled to himself. He had learned a lot tonight.

Sirius was certainly one to watch out for.

James was utterly transparent and very easily won over.

Remus was not all that he seemed.

Yes, that could be very useful.


	5. In which James has a bad day

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Yes, it's nearly summer and remember I told you that these were based on real people? Yeah, you get the picture. We were over the school field, having a picnic and some of us were innocently watching the rugby team…pretty yummy it has to be said…others of us were watching a woman run in shorts. One of us got her notebook out.**

_Friday 23__rd__ April 1976 4:15 pm_

This was what Heaven was like. The sun warmed him, the grass was sweet smelling and decidedly comfortable and he did not have to study. The only thing remotely antagonising Remus Lupin was the sound of Sirius Black's voice.

"She looks good like that, doesn't she?"

Lupin refused to open his eyes on the basis that doing so would mean staring straight into the sun and he was rather keen on his sight. Instead, he hummed vaguely.

"Moony, you're not even looking."

"I know."

Even James, who had vowed never to look at another woman but Evans, whistled. "Look at those legs."

Sirius smirked. "Her feet are really cold though so when she wrapped them round me, I had the shock of my life."

Peter frowned. "She got her feet all the way round you?"

Sirius smacked him round the back of the head, producing a sound that made even the practically comatose Lupin wince. "Don't be stupid, Wormtail!"

"Why was she wrapping her legs round you?"

"Why do you think, Peter?"

This took a moment of blissful silence to sink in. James, realising that said girl was now well and truly off limits, leant back against the tree and sighed, bored out of his wits. Slowly a grin spread across his face and he kicked Lupin in the elbow he rested his head on.

Lupin did not even open his eyes before muttering a warning. "Sirius, sod off!"

James laughed to himself and an affronted Sirius shouted back, "Sod yourself, I never bloody touched you."

"You had sex!" cried Peter.

Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "Obviously but before he gets the wrong idea and accuses me, not with Remus."

Lupin flicked him two fingers and hearing loud laughter, rolled onto his stomach so he could watch the goings-on beside them at the lake. James cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows, not missing the presence of what these days was known as the Remus Lupin Fan Club.

"I'm assuming that was Wednesday?" asked Lupin, ignoring James' nudges as Anna Lovett threw off her tie and adjusted her shirt. Lupin was trying his hardest not to stare. It was bad enough hanging round with boys who were serious competitors in the World's Greatest Perverts competition without being seen as a contender himself.

Sirius nodded. "How did you work that one out?"

"You weren't in bed and you never get up before me unless the female population have decided to go topless whilst using pogo sticks."

"You know, Remus," said Sirius, grinning at him. "I used to think that even your sexual fantasies would be square. I'm glad to find that I'm wrong."

Before Lupin had a chance to think of a smart-arse reply, James asked, "What was it like to have sex in an actual bed rather than with broomsticks up your arse?"

"Fuck off, Potter! I'll say this though; it was nice to have someone there in the morning to take care of my daily issue. For once, I didn't have to knock myself off and let me tell you, boys, it felt like Christmas."

Lupin winced. "Smooth, Sirius. Smooth."

"It was, yeah. It was also better than lying there wishing my fingers were Lovett's."

Lupin scoffed. "How old are you? Twelve?"

James shook his head slowly. "I just don't get it. What won't she have sex with me?"

Lupin and Sirius forgot their argument and turned slowly to look at him.

Sirius laughed softly. "You want Kate to have sex with you? Just ask. I did."

James appeared oblivious. "What has he got that I haven't?"

Sirius frowned. "Who?"

Lupin nodded in understanding and pointed to a spot just behind their tree where Lily Evans was leaning against the chest of a seventh year Hufflepuff.

"Oh, you mean what has Greene got?" asked Peter. "Well, dashing good looks, a bedside manner, come to bed eyes."

"Peter, are you in love with him too or what?" laughed Sirius.

James frowned. "His name's Adrian for crying out loud! Adrian! Who has sex with an Adrian?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "A Lily?"

"Fuck you, Padfoot."

Sirius grinned and wrapped an arm around his dejected friend's shoulders. "It's alright, Prongsie. I've got a plan. All Lily flower needs to do is find our dear friend Adrian in flagrante with Peter here and she'll ditch him."

Peter, having no idea what Sirius was talking about but wanting to pretend that he did and finally be of use to James, nodded enthusiastically.

"Brilliant!" cried Sirius as Lupin's mouth dropped open. "Pete, you wouldn't happen to own a thong, would you?"


	6. In which Sirius disturbs

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_March 10__th__ 1976. Approximately 5:30a.m._

"Happy Birthday, Toss-pot!"

Lupin screamed, sitting up, grabbing the covers and breathing deeply, his chest heaving. "Sirius, what part of 'don't wake me' did you not grasp?"

"The 'don't' part. It didn't make sense."

James laughed and handed him a neatly wrapped package. "Happy Birthday. What are you legal to do at sixteen?"

Lupin smiled. "Smoke and shag."

James shrugged. "It could be a lot worse, mate. I'm still only legal to wash dishes."

Sirius stole a pillow while Lupin leant forward to open James' present and made himself comfortable leaning against the wall. "Are you going to open it or turn it into an ornament?"

Lupin smiled sarcastically and ripped off the wrapping revealing a large packet of yogurt coated raisins ("because I know you're addicted"), a peacock feather quill ("you've been staring at it for ages, don't lie") and _The Art of Potion Making_ ("let's face it, mate, you need it").

Sirius cleared his throat. "Alright, while I'm sure that fattening him up and helping him pass his O.W.L. is a very worthy thing to do, it's boring." James rolled his eyes but Sirius grinned and continued. "So I toyed with the idea of a Werther's Original and a packet of three but you've got more condoms than you know what to do with, i.e. none, so I thought what does he actually want?"

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "If you went for Baby Oil, I'll kill you."

Sirius shook his head. "Nope. I got you this." He leapt off the bed and rifled through his beside cabinet, eventually pulling out a large box and handing it to a perplexed Lupin. "Go on! Open it!"

Lupin was speechless.

"It's a stand for your camera…"

He nodded. "Obviously but how did you guess?"

Sirius grinned. "I'm glad you like it. Now you can take pictures and actually be in them for a change. How cool is that? And that's not all."

Lupin stared, wide eyed. "It's not?"

"I'm going to push Lovett in the lake later so you can see her all sopping wet and see through again, but this time she has great tits."

James whistled. "Is it really sick to tell you that I can't wait? Yes? Okay, well I'll say it for Remus then because he won't say it but we all know he's thinking it."

"Shut it, Potter."

"Oh no!" cried Peter. "You started without me!"

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Oh, so waking me at some ungodly hour was all part of the plan then, was it?"

Peter dragged a remarkably long parcel past the curtains and Lupin sighed. "So you're all going to hop into bed with me, are you?"

Sirius winked. "Well, since you're legal now…James, you'd better leave."

James narrowed his eyes. "Grow up."

"I have grown up, Jamie. The salient point is that you haven't. Peter, that's rather large. When I said 'get a big one' that wasn't quite what I meant."

Peter furrowed his brow. "What are you talking about? Get a big what?"

Sirius could no longer contain his laughter as the joke dawned slowly on a terrified Lupin. "Oh, Moony, your face!"

Peter frowned. "I don't understand."

"No," replied Lupin. "That's probably for the best." Gratefully, he accepted Peter's card and gift. It was about a metre in length and several inches thick. Lupin raised his eyebrows and seeing Peter's grin, couldn't help but smile.

James gawped at it. "Peter, where the hell did you get that?"

Peter smiled. "Hogsmeade; where else?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Is that a whole metre of chocolate?"

Peter nodded and Lupin thanked him profusely. "It's brilliant, Pete. I am honestly amazed at how you managed to get this into the castle and wrap it without me seeing it."

"I'm amazed he managed to hide it so long," said James. "We all know you can smell chocolate miles away."

Sirius smirked. "I'm amazed that he kept it so long without eating it."

Peter almost blushed but his new found spine saved him the embarrassment. "Yes, well I was amazed that you managed to keep the camera stand for weeks without trying to use it as a sex toy."

The shocked silence soon gave way to peels of laughter from James, a high-five from Lupin and even a snort of amusement from Sirius. Peter had never been more pleased with himself.

"I didn't," said Sirius, winking.

"Use it as a sex toy or refrain from it?" Sirius tapped his nose and Lupin flung the box back at him. "I love it but I dread to think where it's been."

Sirius smirked. "Now, I don't believe there is a better way for Moony to spend a Wednesday morning than watching Lovett fall in a lake so if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare myself."

James raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean prepare yourself?"

"I think I would rather see a naked Snivellus than Lovett's stretch marks."

"She doesn't have stretch marks!" cried Lupin. "Shut up. Frankly, I think it's more than a bit perverted and I don't want to see it either. It's degrading."

"Remus," began James in a rather patronising tone. "Not only are we your friends and therefore lying to us is impossible but you are denying mankind the sight of those tits and I think that's just selfish. It might be the last glimpse of female flesh Peter ever gets."

Lupin smirked. "I also think her boyfriend will skin you alive."

Sirius grinned. "Ah, but he won't know it's me. I'm too clever. I can run rings round Colin McCormack any day. Come on, Moony, don't you remember what her bra was like?"

Lupin bit his lip. Of course he remembered. It had given him a fondness for red polka dot underwear that he didn't think would ever leave him.

On women. Not on himself.

"Do what you want but don't expect me to take the flack for you."

Sirius grinned. "You might want to set the camera up now."

"Pervert!"

"Young fogey!"


	7. In which Peter is excited

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_September 2__nd__ 1971. 4:30 p.m._

"And _I_ said to Ernie…" Sirius broke off. His smile faded slightly. "Well, I don't really remember exactly what I said to Ernie but I'll bet it was incredibly witty."

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "While we're taking bets, I'll place mine on it being incredibly offensive. In fact, I'll put my life savings on it being something to do with calling him Ginger Pubes."

James laughed and Sirius grinned, pleased that his suggestion to include the bookish Lupin in their little clique was well received. If James hated him, getting rid of him would have been easy but awkward. "I told you he was fun," said Sirius triumphantly. "Even if he pretends not to be."

Lupin frowned slightly. "There's no pretence here. I _know_ I'm not a lot of fun."

"See why I'm calling him Loopy?"

James grinned back. "Look, Remus, you're not doing yourself a lot of favours here. Here we are, saying we want to spend our valuable time with you and you're trying to persuade us not to. That's batty."

"Sorry," Lupin mumbled.

Sirius rolled his eyes and addressed James. "Oh yeah, and he keeps apologising for stuff. I think we'll just have to get used to that."

James shook his head in wonder. "What happened to you?"

It took Remus Lupin a while to realise that the question was aimed at him. "I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"Well, who made you this…forgive me, odd?"

Lupin shook his head. "I just am. At least, I think I am. And I think therefore I am, which brings us full circle. Now, if you don't mind, I'd probably best be-"

James was incredulous. "You don't half talk some shit."

Lupin was inclined to agree with him. "Well, yes, but I sound like I know what I'm talking about so it's six of one, half a dozen of the other really."

"You know, Remus," said James, narrowing his eyes slightly and appraising him. "I think that kind of skill makes you a very valuable asset to the team. Welcome aboard." He shook Lupin's hand. "Now what do you suppose is for dinner? Please don't tell me you have some sort of creepy food thing like you can't let green food touch white food or I'll have to drown you in the gravy."

Lupin's eyes widened and Sirius laughed. "He gets like this a lot. You can't shut him up to save his life. Oi! Potter! Shut the hell up."

James paused for a moment to digest this. "So anyway, do you have any allergies?"

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Dare I ask why?"

James shrugged. "I just want to know. Friends who care, share."

"Um…bee stings, Penicillin, pollen, honey and…"

"Honey?" cried James. "You're allergic to honey! You can't have it on toast?"

"I think that what an allergy entails," quipped Sirius.

"Or on cereal?"

"Who eats honey on cereal?"

James blinked. "Sirius, you know I do. What about honeycomb?"

Lupin shrugged. "I never had the guts to try. Honey causes me to die, you see."

"Well that's what Gryffindor courage is about. We'll have to get you some."

Lupin froze. "To be perfectly honest, I'm happy as I am. I'd rather just not know."

"It'll be a controlled experiment."

"I don't care."

"Well I think I can deal with an allergy to honey. I thought maybe you'd have one of those allergies where people couldn't open a bag of nuts around you and I can't cope without my Chocolate Brazils."

Lupin's mouth dropped open. "Are you serious? Me too!"

James beamed at him. "This could be the start of a beautiful friendship."

Sirius cleared his throat and began to fiddle with his nails. "Oh, don't mind me. I'll be fine. I can keep myself entertained for a few hours if you two would like some privacy."

Lupin ignored him, not knowing how to respond to sarcasm when it came from another. "Don't quote that film at me. Seriously, my dad's obsessed with it. My auntie Charlotte can recite the entire script."

"What is it?" asked Sirius.

"Casablanca," replied James. "I have a bit of a thing for Muggle films. I like Jane Russell best."

"I like Mae West."

James nodded. "Why don't you come up and see me sometime?"

Sirius frowned. "Why? You share a dormitory?"

James caught Lupin's eye and both laughed. "That's her most famous line," James explained. "I love them. I can't get enough of those films. Last Christmas, I got Mum to watch '_The_- whoa!"

The sound of books crashing against the stone floor echoed around the relatively empty corridor. The boy they had walked into squeaked, flustered.

"Sorry," said James quietly. He had just come face to face with a boy he was fairly sure qualified as his stalker. "I wasn't looking where I was going. Come on, boys."

Lupin bent and stacked the remaining books, handing them over to their owner.

"I have to carry them. I left my bag somewhere and I can't remember the last time I saw it."

Lupin smiled. "Um…I don't think you came out of Transfiguration with it if that helps."

The boy slapped his forehead. "Of course, sorry."

"Why are you apologising to me?" Lupin grinned. "Listen, sorry about that. They can be a bit..." He paused, searching for the word. "Boisterous," he settled on. "They don't mean anything by it. I know the sudden departure might seem a bit-"

"Loopy! Are you coming or what?"

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Hang on!" Turning to the other boy, he smiled and said, "I'll see you around, Peter. I hope you find your bag. I'd be lost without mine."

And with that the three Marauders turned the corner not even throwing him a backward glance. Peter Pettigrew didn't care. He beamed and turned on his heel toward the Transfiguration room. Remus Lupin knew his name. A Marauder knew his name.

He couldn't be happier.


	8. In which Lupin reveals his inner self

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Because this was too much fun not to write**

_October 3__rd__ 1977 9:15 p.m. _

The Library was a strange place to ask to meet, especially because it had officially closed fifteen minutes ago. He found her sitting outside reading a book on…_gulp_…werewolves.

Lupin cleared his throat and she looked up at him. No longer was her chocolate brown gaze adoring. Anna's chest heaved and he tried not to stare at it; really he did, but she had the most splendid bosom. Her tone was as frosty as it was possible for a lilting Irish accent to be.

"I know," she said quietly.

Lupin froze. His hands shook and he clenched them into fists. It just wasn't fair. The only girl he had ever loved had actually agreed to go out with him and told him that she thought he was as wonderful as he did her, but she had found out and was no doubt about to send him packing and announce his secret to the entire student body.

He tried to keep his tone even but his voice shook in anger and fear. "How?"

Anna swallowed hard. "You make it obvious, Remus."

He shook his head and struggled for breath. "I have spent my entire life trying not to make it obvious, trying to suppress it."

"I'm not stupid."

No, she wasn't. She pretended to be but he had seen her cast a succession of very effective protective charms only yesterday and she was no fool. He should have guessed then, ended it while he still had a fighting chance of hiding his disease from her.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, staring at his shoelaces and trying to count slowly to ten in an attempt to calm himself.

Anna stood and flung her book down. She reached up to cup his cheek. "It's okay. You don't have to be."

That should have been the first sign that they weren't on quite the same level but Lupin was too euphoric to figure this out. She knew he was a werewolf and she still loved him. She knew he wasn't human and she still wanted to be with him. She was perfect. Really, completely and utterly perfect and he would not break her. He would placate her until his secret was safe and then it was best to leave her for a whole man who deserved her love.

"You're not afraid?" he asked her, grinning broadly.

She frowned slightly. "Why would I be afraid of you?"

Then he cottoned on. "Are we actually talking about the same thing here?"

Anna removed her hand and his skin felt cold without it. She took a step back and glared at him. "I'm talking about your sexuality, Remus."

Lupin almost laughed with relief but thought better of it. "Annie, I'm straight."

She beamed back at him but her smile soon faded. "What were _you_ talking about?" she asked, frowning.

Lupin's brain was running a mile a minute. He could tell her that he was playing along. No, she'd never fall for it. She wasn't a Padfoot groupie. She was funny, sexy, beautiful, intelligent Anna.

He could tell her that he was talking about schizophrenia. No, that would scare the living shit out of her.

He could tell her he was talking about Moony and face the facts. No, he couldn't deal with the consequences.

Moony! That was it! He would tell her about Moony.

"My split personality," he replied, smiling to himself, revelling in the irony. "Come on, let me show you."

He took her by the hand and led her down three flights of stairs until they stood on the ground floor in front of a large painting depicting a bowl of fruit. Lupin glanced behind him, told Anna to look out for McGonagall or worse, Filch. By the time she turned around, the painting had swung open and she was ushered along the passage behind it.

They emerged into what she immediately knew to be the kitchens. The House Elves stared at her for an awkward minute before Lupin emerged and a hundred little elves clamoured around him as they would a God.

"What would you like?" he asked her.

"Pardon?"

"To eat. What do you fancy?"

Anna raised her eyebrows. "Do boys never stop? We ate not long ago."

Lupin shrugged. "There's always room for a piece of strawberry shortcake. Are you up for that?"

Anna nodded, speechless.

He bit his lip. "I'd better take something back for the lads too. Can I have two pieces of strawberry shortcake and three blueberry muffins please?" The House Elves busied themselves and Lupin turned to his startled companion. "It's a pretty neat trick, isn't it?"

She nodded. "But I don't see what this has to do with a split personality."

Lupin grinned. "I've never shown you Moony; my inner Marauder. I know my way round this castle like I do my own home and this place has so many more secrets. I want to show them to you. We're starting off easy so I can break you in." He was handed a small parcel. "Thanks, guys!" He took her hand and led her along the passage until they stood once more in a deserted corridor. He watched the staircase in front of them switch direction and hurriedly led Anna up it.

"This is the girls' bathroom," she hissed. "How many times have you been in here?"

Lupin laughed. "Too many to count. Come on, there's someone I'm dying for you to meet." He dragged her in and they stood in an ankle deep puddle. "When they say 'Moaning'," he warned. "Don't get excited. Sirius was seriously disappointed." He stuck two fingers in his mouth and whistled. "Myrtle!"

Anna started at the splash and heard her heart thump against her ribcage as a young bespectacled girl drifted through the door. She pouted at Lupin. "I don't see why I should come when you whistle." She caught sight of Anna and pursed her lips. "I see you brought another friend to see the little freak show."

Anna clutched Lupin's hand and was relieved to see him smiling.

"Aww, Myrtle, don't be like that. I'm sorry I haven't been to see you, I've been really busy. You know how I feel about you. Nothing's going to change that."

Myrtle drifted back through her door and made a harrumphing noise.

Lupin pushed a strand of hair out of Anna's face and leant down to whisper, "She's a bit neurotic. Don't worry, I'm not in love with her or anything."

"I know you're whispering about me. Say it out loud, go on. Fat Myrtle! Ugly Myrtle! Spotty Myrtle!"

"Myrtle, I wouldn't dream of it," he told her, holding his palms out. "I was merely telling Anna here about the rumour going round."

She pouted and drifted down to his eye-level. "What rumour?"

"Well," whispered Lupin as though revealing well protected information. "The word on the street is that James Potter has a bit of a crush on you."

Myrtle blushed; at least her cheeks darkened to a grey colour. "I always knew, of course. It was in the way he stared at me."

Anna bit back her smile and watched as her newest dating prospect laid on the charm with a trowel.

"I was wondering, Myrtle," he said, grinning at her. "Whether you would tell Anna all about your death."

Myrtle looked as though he had proposed to her. "Remus, this is all so sudden. I barely know her. I couldn't possibly…okay." Pleased to have a rapt audience for once, she painted a vivid picture that inspired true horror.

"Well, we'd better be off," said Lupin. "I'll come back this weekend and I'll bring James with me. He's been dying to see you since last April." He closed the door behind him and said, "Total bullshit, of course; heir of Slytherin indeed."

Anna laughed. "We'd better be going back. It's past curfew and-"

Lupin grinned wolfishly. "I'm a Marauder remember. Curfew isn't in my vocabulary."

Anna gasped. "You're a Prefect!"

"See what I meant by split personality?" He took her hand and pulled her along the corridor. "Speaking of Prefect, fifth floor…double quick."

They stood outside a perfectly ordinary door and Anna began to question Lupin's sanity. He frowned and struggled to reach something in his overworked brain.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"I need the password," he muttered irritably. "I hardly ever use it so I don't remember it easily enough. Think of something to do with cleaning."

Anna sighed. "Um…soap…water…"

Lupin shook his head. "Think bathroom stuff. Um…toothpaste…no…"

"Not another bathroom? Remus, how many ghosts are you four getting it on with?"

He laughed and draped an army lazily around her shoulders, pulling her closer affectionately. "Annie, there's only ever been Myrtle in my eyes." He winked. "The first and last time I used this, she appeared from under the…That's it! Tap!"

The door creaked open and Lupin pulled her inside a marble room. Anna gawped up at the chandelier but her breath was taken away as she glimpsed the sunken bathtub that could quite easily have doubled as a public swimming pool. "Jesus," she whispered. "What is this?"

"Prefect's bathroom," replied Lupin. "James has been trying to get the password out of me for the past two years. Now he's entitled to it, he's lost all interest. You mustn't give it out."

She shook her head. "I won't. Wow, would you look at all those taps. You've got a fucking diving board!"

Lupin grinned. "Try it out if you want to."

"Are you kidding me?"

He shook his head. "It's great fun." He flung his t-shirt onto the floor and Anna gasped in horror. He looked down at his torso and realisation dawned. Shit.

"What the hell are those?"

He shrugged. "You know how much of a sucker I am for an animal that wants to kill me. The feeling's more than mutual. They love me so much that they want to take a piece of me with them."

Anna smiled. "Still though, I think you should get some of those looked at."

"Yeah, maybe. Anyway, come on."

They emerged, dripping wet, at nigh on ten past eleven.

"I'm relying on you to cast the appropriate spells oh God of Charms," she laughed, shaking her hair and avoiding the flecks of warm water. "You don't think I could borrow your badge every now and again, do you?"

Lupin laughed. "If you think you can handle Myrtle. Come on, last but one stop." He gestured for her to follow and they stopped in front of a tapestry. Lupin beamed at her. "I suppose this is the pinnacle of the grand tour, madam. You need to think about what you want most in the world and walk past this tapestry three times."

Anna raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Lupin nodded. "I'm happy to go with whatever you want so get imagining."

The door eventually appeared and Lupin seemed rather impressed. "It took me ages to concentrate hard enough," he told her. "You must have been very specific."

The walls were blank. The floor was spacious and empty. The only light came from the tip of Lupin's wand. "Anna, what the hell were you thinking?"

"I didn't want anything," she answered. "I don't think I've ever been happier. I asked for a place I could just exist with you."

Lupin's hands shook and his mouth rather suddenly became Sahara dry. He leant in towards her and nodded. She closed her eyes and titled her head toward him, her lips parted slightly. They were inches, centimetres from one another when he pulled away and regained composure.

"Let me show you where I go to just exist."

It was a long climb, so long that Anna gave up counting steps and started counting calories. She'd be the size of a rake by the time he was through. She stopped, clutching her stitch.

"Come on," he said. "It's only through this door."

He opened it onto a platform with railing across it. She recognised it from her Astronomy lessons in her first few years at school and smiled. Following him to the edge, she looked out on the expanse of the castle and its grounds. She felt like she could see for miles.

"Remus! Remus, don't!"

Lupin stood on the other side of the bars, not even holding onto them. Only an inch of wooden platform stood between him and nothingness. The ground was disturbingly far away and the only thing Anna wanted to do was grab him and pull him back over but startling him might cause him to lose his balance. She bit her nails and pleaded.

"I love it here," he said simply.

"I know, Remus, but please."

He leapt over the rails with as much ease as a gazelle. "Did I scare you?"

"Only a lot."

He grinned. "My apologies."

She attempted to stifle a yawn and failed horrifically.

"Me too," he said, taking her hand. "Come on, let's go to bed."

She raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, you knew what I meant, Pervert!"

She laughed. "Well, I wasn't sure whether I was getting the Marauder or the gentleman."

Lupin smiled to himself. "You always get the Marauder, but sometimes he hides himself better than others."


	9. In which Peter is distressed

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: "Jelly" brought me a gift last night too. I feel Anna's pain (for once)**

_December 23rd__ 1976 6:03 a.m. Gryffindor Common room_

The piercing scream roused James Potter (comatose in the squashy armchair by a now dead fire), although he was adamant that the only reason he screamed in response was because he thought he was about to be trampled to death by an extremely overweight cat.

The cat leapt over him and with a final pounce clamped his jaws around his prey to the further consternation of the screaming Gryffindor that James assumed to be of the female variety. He straightened his glasses and slowly his eyes adjusted.

"Anna, shut the hell up."

Anna threw him a withering glance. "I don't know what he's got in his mouth but it's probably still alive. How can you just sit there? It's only small."

James shrugged. "It's probably a mouse. She's just doing her job."

Anna pursed her lips. "Jelly is a he. Stop giving him identity issues."

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "I'm going to bed."

"You only just got up. You can't leave me. What'll I do?"

James shrugged. "Go back to bed and let him eat in peace?" He winced as the rodent screeched and struggled. Anna averted her eyes and wailed. "I suppose you expect me to do something about it, do you?" James' eyes flickered over toward the girl's cat and found the only trace of the hunt sticking out of his mouth; a long, pink tail. He frowned and vaguely recognised it.

"Oh the poor little thing."

"FUCK!"

The resulting screams and hisses from Anna and her cat respectively, coupled with James' top volume profanities and squeals from the victim, woke even Sirius who plodded down the steps, rubbing his eyes and groaning after Lupin.

"What in the name of all that is holy?"

"Where's Peter?"

James threw them a glare and began to beat the cat with the nearest cushion, crying, "Let him go, you little bugger! Let him go!"

Lupin's eyes widened and Sirius frowned.

"Stop hitting him!" shrieked Anna, grabbing James' arm and pulling him back. "He hasn't done anything wrong."

"If I stop hitting him he'll eat Peter!" James appeared to only acknowledge what he had said after a good few awkward seconds in which Sirius was exasperated, Lupin terrified and Anna downright confused. "Peter's rat," mumbled James.

Lupin sprinted across the room and took hold of her. "Look, Scarlatti's always bringing gifts back for me. It'll be alive. Cat's are sick, remember. They're like psychopaths and they like to play with their food. He's probably just trying to find somewhere to deposit it before he tries to catch another one so he can race them. That's how cats think. Why don't you sit down or go to breakfast? I'll deal with it, okay?" She nodded mutely and allowed herself to be steered through the Portrait Hole. "I'd go with you," said Lupin, resisting the urge to bite his nails. "But they need me in there."

By the time he had returned, James was kneeling in front of the smug feline and asking, "Are you alright, Pete?"

"Does he sound alright?" snapped Sirius, wincing at the pitch of the cries. "For God's sake! Oh, here comes the cat psychologist. We're in luck."

"Shut up." Lupin frowned. "Is it even Peter, do we know?"

James nodded. "It's Wormy alright. He keeps screaming whenever we call his name. Besides, where else would he be?"

"Why would he transform?"

Sirius shrugged. "Because he's Peter."

Lupin accepted this explanation with a half-smile and said, "Okay, James get up. I need you to stand by the stairs and be ready to catch Peter, alright?"

James scrambled to his feet and Lupin knelt quickly, grabbing the cat around his middle and squeezing slightly.

"What do I do?" asked Sirius.

"You stand there and look pretty," said Lupin, dodging the cat's tail which had begun an assault upon his face. It cried out, dropping the rat which ran straight into James' outstretched, cupped palms.

James' triumphant grin stretched his cheeks. "I did it."

Lupin sighed and hid his face in his hands as a shadow loomed over James Potter.

"Potter, what the hell is going on?"

James gulped and clutched the rat tighter than was necessary. "I was er…I was saving Peter's rat but really the credit ought to go to Remus."

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "No, no, James. Congratulations on your victory."

Lily's eyes settled on the exhausted Lupin and she smiled faintly. "Morning, Remus. What happened?"

James' mouth dropped open. "Oh right, so Remus gets a pleasantry and a question and I get snapped at and blamed."

Lupin laughed. "That's what a track record of harassment does." He smiled back. "Nothing much. Anna's cat decided that it was going to play tag with Peter's rat and someone had to step in."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Before I get caught up in this, I'm going back to bed and if I hear one more squeak out of Wormtail, I'll go bananas. Goodnight."

Lupin smiled sheepishly. "I'm going to breakfast. Someone has to tell Anna."

James raised an eyebrow. "I don't suppose you fancy coming with me, Evans." Lily scoffed and turned on her heel, tying her dressing gown tighter. James followed behind her, still carrying Peter. "Charming as ever." He turned ever so slightly to shout, "Are you coming, Padfoot, or not?"

He needn't have bothered. Sirius had draped himself along the sofa, making even sleep look effortlessly elegant. He shifted slightly as he felt pressure on his stomach and sighed. Opening one eye, he glimpsed jet black fur and mumbled, "Get off me. I eat cats."


	10. In which Lupin is assaulted

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: No, I don't ship it.**

"_In fifth year, he told a twelve year old Hufflepuff who had been stalking him, that I was his boyfriend so that she would leave him alone. That spread round the school like wild fire and I wanted to hibernate for six months._"

**Chapter 27 - The Gospel According to Lupin**

_February 14__th__ 1976, Outside the Library. 14:30_

It had not been an uneventful holiday. James had been slapped across the face with a kipper which had made the days of both Lily and Peter. Peter himself had received a card that for once, Sirius knew nothing about. Of course, Sirius and James had been inundated with sweet things, cards and in the former's case, a rose.

Lupin on the other hand was unsure how the day had gone for him. On the plus side, he had received several cards (two of which he knew to be from Gemini Costello - a second year who had taken a sudden attachment to him). He had even been given some rather nice chocolate. To top it all off, he was currently walking behind Anna Lovett who was swaying her hips for what he presumed was his benefit as the corridor was empty. Surely, she knew he was behind her and - oh, well, she was kissing Colin McCormack. That rather put a dampener on his day.

"Cheer up, Mr. Photographer. There's always your stalker."

Lupin frowned and hissed, "Shut up, Padfoot."

Sirius merely grinned in response. The smile soon faded when the sound of giggling and short heels clacking against the floor seemed imminent. "Talking of stalkers," he muttered sotto voice. "Come on, let's go."

Lupin smirked. "No. I want to see your stalker."

She turned the corner, biting her lip. Though she wore blue jeans and a polo neck, Lupin identified her as a Hufflepuff by the canary yellow shade. Her bright orange hair clashed spectacularly with it and her big blue eyes blinked up at them. She blushed slightly. It was not an attractive look.

"Hello, Sirius," she said, beaming at him and disappearing into the Library.

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "Well, that wasn't too bad - was it?"

Sirius wrinkled his nose. "Getting with her would be paedophilia. I've explained that to her more times than I can count but she doesn't get it."

Lupin snorted. "She doesn't seem that obsessed with you/"

She sidled out of the Library and thrust a fuchsia envelope into Sirius' hands. "It's um…it's from my friend."

Sirius nodded curtly. "Right…okay. Thanks."

"So what are you doing later? You're not busy - are you? I know I'm not."

Lupin smiled apologetically. "I stand corrected."

For the first time, the Hufflepuff acknowledged his presence. "Who are you?" she asked.

A sudden light flashed in Sirius' eyes; a light that Lupin did not much like the look of. Sirius turned slowly and smiled at his friend. "You mean Remus?"

The Hufflepuff smiled in recognition. "Oh! Moony!"

Lupin's eyes widened in panic. "You know me?"

"There's not a kid in this school that doesn't know you lot."

Lupin smiled grimly. "I'd forgotten."

Sirius clicked his tongue and gestured in a decidedly camp manner. "Remus, you haven't introduced yourself properly."

Lupin took a step back and frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Remus is my boyfriend, dear."

Lupin nearly chocked. He managed to swallow and spluttered. "What?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows and pleaded with wide, bright silver eyes that he knew Lupin was a sucker for. "Remus, you had to come out some time."

Lupin narrowed eyes but shot a look that said 'You owe me' and mumbled. "Mmm."

The little Hufflepuff furrowed her brow. "But you can't be gay. You were kissing the Slytherin girl yesterday."

Sirius nodded and smiled to himself. He had sent a Valentine for the first time in sixteen years after she had nibbled his bottom lip and giggled afterwards, blowing him a kiss and running to Charms. Lupin cleared his throat meaningfully and he quickly came to his senses. "Well, yesterday was a long time ago. I kiss Remus now."

She raised her eyebrows and Lupin laughed nervously. It was alright. Sirius wouldn't dare. Nope, he was advancing. He was going to. Shit.

Their lips met and Lupin clenched his hands into fists, hissing and shaking with the strain of not pushing him away and legging it in the opposite reaction. He heard the wailing and clattering as the girl ran back to her friends who, judging by the soothing noises and choruses of "He's not worth it" were waiting around the corner. Lupin opened his mouth and for a terrifying moment, Sirius thought he was about to respond and then pain took over. He tasted blood pooling in his mouth and pulled away quickly, checking his shoulders and dragging Lupin into a deserted room.

"What d'ya bite me for?"

Lupin seethed. "Oh let's think - shall we? Whatever could the matter be?"

Thank God for Lupin's sarcasm. Sirius smiled faintly. "It's the lowest form of wit, Remus. Listen, thanks. You've done me an immense favour."

Lupin was not amused by this. "Isn't that marvellous? I feel loads better already."

"What's the matter?"

Lupin scoffed. "It's alright for you. She'll have a little cry and be confused when she sees you next week up against a wall with the next unfortunate _female_ victim but she'll get over it. _I_ will be gossiped about for the rest of my natural life."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You need a girl then, obviously. Look, don't worry. I'll sort it, okay?"

Lupin nodded. "But that's every I.O.U. cleared, I don't owe you any favours for the next two years and you can buy me a bar of chocolate bigger than my own head. Oh, and you never bring it up again. When these terms are agreed to, I believe I can try to forget the horror."

Sirius extended his hand. "Done."

Lupin shook it and turned on his heel. He turned rather suddenly and added, "Oh and detention on Wednesday for inappropriate displays in the corridors."

"You bit me!" cried Sirius, outraged.

Lupin smirked. "Self defence."

He stormed out leaving Sirius gawping in his wake.


	11. In which Sirius exacts revenge

**Disclaimer: Oh, we all know where to look by now.**

**A/N: Gosh, I'm on a roll with these. Thanks for all your great reviews. Friday was my last day at school. Even some friends who left came back to sign shirts. I was all chocked up and then I went for a drink and got over it.**

_June 16th__ 1978. The Lake. 15:30_

"_She reached up and kissed him, stamping on the cigarette that he threw on the grass. _

"_Sorry," he mumbled, shocked and slightly appalled that he was willing to stoop this low. "I must taste like an ashtray."_" - _Where Dwell the Brave at Heart. Chapter 48._

A small part of Lupin wanted to blush. This wasn't the sort of thing he did. It must be Sirius' jacket. It had the Devil in it and it was trying to influence him. His fingers twitched with nerves and he desperately wanted another cigarette just to give him something to do with his hands.

Gemini smiled. "You tasted fine. I can't remember just how good it was so we may have to try it again."

Lupin ran a hand through his hair and grinned. "Gem, this might sound like lunacy. I really like you, I really want to kiss you again and I really want you to sign my shirt."

Gemini laughed. "Is there room?"

Lupin reached into his bag and pulled out an old shirt that had been scribbled all over in a vast spectrum of colour. Some messages even glowed or changed colour and Gemini smiled. "I can't do anything like that I'm afraid." She grabbed one of Peter's biros and scribbled,

_Moony, you don't taste half bad. Stop being so bloody paranoid. Love and hugs, Gemmy xxx_

He smiled at her usage of his beloved nickname; the Marauder he hid behind and kissed her again to the surprise and secret consternation of James and Sirius who gawped, wondering what had come over their dearest friend. There was bound to be something to help him.

Sirius bit his lip. "You don't think it's Amortentia again, do you?"

James shook his head. "When could she have given him that? No, this is far more dangerous."

"What is it then?" asked Peter.

James smiled genuinely. "I actually think he likes her."

Lily, unsure what to do with Lupin's camera, shifted her weight from left to right and bit her lip, trying not to stare but make enough of a show of herself that he would realise she had it. Smiling grimly, she headed towards her boyfriend and handed it to him. "I needed to give him that back."

James shrugged. "He's got to come up for air sometime soon. He loves this thing more than he loves girls. More than he loved the tart anyway."

Sirius nodded. "She is, isn't she?" Without warning he yelled, "Oi, Lovett! Let me sign your shirt."

Anna glared at him and shoved her replacement boyfriend away. "Why don't you shut your fucking mouth?"

Lily pursed her lips. "Really, Sirius, leave it." She tried to pull her boyfriend back but James had already taken his place beside his best friend.

"Why don't you shut your fucking legs?" Sirius shouted back. This was now a full-scale battle of wills. Neither was about to give up and the vast majority of the school was watching.

"Is that the mouth you kiss your mother with?" Anna cocked an eyebrow and Sirius' hands shook.

"Has anyone ever told you what a bitch you are?"

"I've had about as many complaints as you've had long term, stable relationships, Black."

Lily caught a glimpse of liquorice black hair sweeping behind the tree and knew that Gemini had removed Lupin from the scene. It was probably for the best and she had a new admiration for her.

Sirius pulled out his wand and whispered something that Anna couldn't catch from the other side of the lake. She turned, smirking in victory, revealing huge black letters on the back of her shirt.

TART

Lily gasped. "Sirius, you can't leave that-"

Sirius shrugged. "I can do what I want."

James took a deep breath and eventually said, "She deserves it. You didn't see him, Lil. He was…he was really bad."

Lily sighed. "I still think-"

"Lil, she deserves it. We're only going round in circles so let's agree to disagree , okay?" James held up his hands. "Let's change the subject."

Sirius smiled. "Thanks."

James rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot. Pad, but it's the duty of a friend to stand up for you when you're in the wrong. I mean, anyone would stand up for you when you're right."

Sirius wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Promise you won't bugger off."

"Where would I go?"

"Not now. I mean, ever."

James sighed but smiled. "Sirius, there will never be a time when I'm not there to bail you out of some serious shit."

"Oi, Black!"

James grinned. "You see? Lovett's about to curse you rotten and I'm about to stand beside you and hope you can dodge."

Sirius' eyes widened. "You can't hope I dodge. She's as slippery as an eel rubbed in butter."

James shuddered. "Will you stop using that? It makes me feel sick; puts me off my butter."

"But not your eel?"

"Black!"

Sirius turned. "What? What do you want? What do you think I have to say to you?"

Anna took a deep breath. "I think you can bloody well explain what you mean by tart."

James bit his lip and tried to stop the grin from spreading across his face. His friend was about to have a tremendous amount of fun; he could see it in Sirius' eyes.

"Well, Lovett, I'd say that it either means; tart - sharp tasting or critical, or tart - a pie without a top, or tart - an offensive term for a prostitute. I'll leave you choose your own particular favourite but I think we all know which one I meant. Is that to your satisfaction?"

A slap was surely heading his way. Despite the fact that several people were watching her, Anna nodded slowly. "You don't understand," she muttered. "You wouldn't though - would you?"

James waited until she was a few paces away before whispering, "What do you suppose that means?"

Sirius shrugged. "What makes you think I care? She just wants to feel better about it so she can love herself a bit more."

She turned on her heel. "Do you know, I cannot believe I have just been called vain by a man who has love bites on his mirror."

"Well, it was difficult to find someone you hadn't already bruised."

"Bastard," she hissed.

Lily offered a strained smile. "Haven't you been humiliated enough?" She arched an eyebrow. "You're not going to defeat him so you might as well pull out now while you can still walk away with a fraction of your dignity."

Sirius winced. "Lil, how do you do it? She'll be licking that one for years."

Lily smiled. "I don't know why. He doesn't look particularly appetising."

Both James and Sirius stared at her in awe.

"I never knew you had it in you," said James.

"Marry her," advised Sirius. "She's the only one of your girlfriends I can say I still liked after a bitch fight."

James smirked. "She's the only one who wasn't bitching at you in a fight, Pad. That makes you kind of biased so I hope you don't mind if I don't pick that reason to propose."

Thankfully, Sirius' attention was diverted by the arrival of Lupin now without Gemini who was almost immediately set upon by a large crowd of girls, most of whom, Sirius noted with a certain self assurance, he knew remarkably well. "So," he said, locking eyes with a flushed Lupin. "What have you two been up to then?"

Lupin smiled sarcastically. "Pad, she's underage and I'm not you."

Lily laughed. "I don't know what's making everyone so bloody bitchy. It must be something they've put in the water."

James snorted and met Sirius' eyes. "I think someone had better ask Gemini Costello."

Lupin blushed a vibrant scarlet. "Oh screw you."


	12. In which James bonds

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_December 5__th__ 1971 18:32_

James groaned and staggered towards his bed. "If I eat anymore sugar, I'll be sick. I don't think I've ever said that before." He threw an armful of sweets onto the bed and collapsed beside them. "Bloody Christmas."

Lupin put down his book. "It's not Christmas, James."

"I know but I went to the House Elves and they let me have some stuff for Christmas. I've got half of Honeydukes here and I can't eat any more of it."

Lupin leapt off his bed. "I think I can help you there. What have you got?" He smiled and clapped his hands together. "Oh, come to Papa," he murmured as one might to a lover, taking the Chocolate Frogs. "Look at all those beans! James, are you sure I can have these?"

James groaned. "Knock yourself out, mate. Get them away from me."

Lupin sat beside his friend and emptied a box of beans onto the spare pillow before sorting them into two piles. James sat up to watch him, baffled.

"Remus, can I ask what the hell you're doing?"

Lupin's tongue traced his lower lip - as it always did when he was concentrating hard - and he held up his index finger to silence James. He sat back and smiled, evidently satisfied with the result although just what he had achieved was beyond James.

"I'm sorting them."

James laughed. "What? Without a song? Remus, I'm ashamed of you. Which ones are the Slytherins? We'll burn them."

Lupin grinned, rarely having had time alone with James. "Stupid. They're Edible and Inedible."

James frowned. "How can you tell that?"

Lupin pointed at the Inedible pile. "That aubergine one is liver. I had a run-in with liver when I was three and it was a lesson I quickly learned. The murky green one is spinach, the limey green one is bile, the pale brown is v…" he trailed off and a light glinted in his jet black eyes. "I heard Professor Dumbledore telling someone about a vomit flavour bean he had once."

James raised his eyebrows. "And?"

Lupin grinned wolfishly. "And I think we should give him a jar full of vomit flavour beans and just leave it on his desk for him to find for Christmas."

James laughed. "You're a bloody nasty git, do you know that?" He beamed at Lupin. "But you've got one hell of a mind. Okay, how do we do it?"

Lupin picked a dark blue bean and confidently bit into it. He ate Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans like no-one James had ever met. He didn't tentatively nibble the ends and spit them out with a pained expression. He'd chew them, take pleasure in them and tell everyone what it was. His party trick was telling Sirius the flavour he was about to taste and watching as Sirius reacted in amusement, wonder and on the occasion of the earwax flavoured one, sheer horror.

"Blueberry muffin," he informed James. "Well, Dumbledore's office has a password and it's always sweets."

"How do you know that?"

Lupin's eyes widened. They were already huge and when he was frightened, they looked like dinner plates on his face. "I had to go there a lot in the summer. He was arranging my leaving to see my Mum."

James nodded. "Yeah. Is she still no better?"

Lupin shook his head and hurriedly pressed on. "So I can guess the password and we're in."

"What if it's a Muggle sweet?"

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "James, please. Remember who you're talking to."

James grinned and nodded. "I apologise, Remus. How dare I insult your sugar related intelligence? So we're in. What happens if he's in there?"

Lupin frowned. "There's a gargoyle you give the password to and it opens onto a flight of stairs but at the top of the stairs, there's another door. We can stand there and wait and if we can hear someone in there, we'll come back later. Even better, we'll go at dinner when all the teachers are eating and there'll be no-one around. Since we found the kitchen, we never go hungry anyway. We'll ask the House Elves for some sandwiches."

James nodded in awe. "You're good. You're really good."

"By which you mean I'm bad."

James smiled at him. "By which I mean that I love your work and I'm proud to be associated with you."

Lupin stopped the scoff before it made it past his lips. "Open the other box and I'll get working on it."

James tipped the second pack onto a patch of duvet. "This'll be our thing, yeah? You and me?"

"What about Sirius?"

James shook his head. "I'll do something a bit less subtle with Sirius."

Lupin sighed. "Something like?"

"Something like stuff you wouldn't want to be involved in, Loop, or we would've asked you."

"I'm afraid."

"You should be." James grinned. "So which ones are which then?"

Lupin selected five beans and added them to a separate pile. "Right, we need a jar or something to put them in and a tag so we can address it to him. We'll sign it 'The Marauders' so he'll never guess."

"Remus?"

"What?"

"You're brilliant."


	13. In which Lupin is Sorted

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: The missing moments from "What's A Marauder". **

_September 1__st__ 1971, 19:24_

Lupin's hands shook. He shouldn't be here. If his father hadn't fought like a starving tiger, he wouldn't be. The thought leaves him in a flash. The Headmaster could still have said no, but he didn't. There would be a place for him just as there was a place for the dark haired boy who he had the feeling would make his school life hell. Although Lupin hoped that he wouldn't receive gasps and incredulous stares from the Slytherins when he was Sorted.

Sirius Black seemed to revel in the attention. Lupin's nose wrinkled in distaste. He hated him like nothing on earth…except perhaps for the moon. It occurred to him that the moon was not on earth and he mentally slapped himself.

The line was hurriedly depleting and Lupin had never wanted to turn and run more in his life. He steeled himself and took a deep breath. He didn't run from anything and he wouldn't start now.

"Lovett, Anna."

Lupin watched the plump little Irish girl walk toward the stool as though it were a guillotine and knew instantly how she felt. Rather suddenly, he realised that he was next and his air supply seemed to have expired.

"SL…" The hat fell suddenly silent, as did the whistles from the green clad table. Anna clutched the sides of the hat and bit her lip, eying Professor McGonagall, her eyes saying it all. She desperately wanted this to happen to someone else. The hat came to its conclusion and shouted; "GRYFFINDOR!" Anna leapt off the stool as though it had burned her and ran toward the Gryffindor table.

Behind him, Lupin heard the boy with the glasses stage whisper, "How can she go from Slytherin to Gryffindor? That's like going from…from Lucifer to Gabriel."

He gulped and crossed his fingers, muttering, "Ravenclaw, Ravenclaw, Ravenclaw," in a manner rather reminiscent of Judy Garland in _The Wizard of Oz_.

"Lupin, Remus."

He was so busy wishing to be in his father's house that he missed his name being called. He jumped and gasped. Noticing the eyes on him, he shuffled towards the stool and stared at the floor.

The hat slipped over his eyes and he was relieved to find that he could no longer see all those people staring at him, especially the staff who all knew his secret.

"_Ah, intelligence I see and devotion too._"

Lupin gasped. Was this Hat _supposed_ to talk to him? Supposing he was hearing voices. Supposing it was malfunctioning. He pressed his lips firmly together and repeated his mantra in his head.

"_Indeed you would make Ravenclaw proud._"

Despite himself, Lupin grinned.

"_But your loyalty outweighs this intelligence and your devotion to duty is very strong. You're patient too and conscientious, I see. Perhaps you'd make a better Hufflepuff_," murmured the Hat in a persuasive tone. "_Loyalty is certainly there but you are too influential to be a Hufflepuff._"

"Ravenclaw, Ravenclaw, Ravenclaw."

The Hat seemed to be able to read his mind and Lupin was not entirely sure he was comfortable with this. Besides, how long had it been on his head? Not even the girl before him had sat here for this long. It seemed to take forever.

"_Ravenclaw eh? Sure you couldn't be a Gryffindor?_"

Lupin shook his head. No, he couldn't be a Gryffindor. Gryffindors were brave and true and strong and a whole lot of other adjectives that were not entirely synonymous with the name Remus Lupin.

"_You have a knack for finding trouble, you know, and your intelligence will only aid you in helping you out of it. Your loyalty will make you friends in Gryffindor._"

Friends? He daren't believe it. What had he ever done that was brave? Yet, still…he _did_ have a knack for finding trouble. Why, trouble and Lupin were practically family.

"_Yes, yes, yes_,"agreed the Hat. "_Y__ou face the world when you don't want to. You're here, aren't you? You face the pain of Lycanthropy every month without complaint._"

"Shut up," Lupin hissed.

"_You bear your father's burden without-_"

"Alright, alright, just stop talking about it."

"_And you get into too much trouble with your teachers to be a Ravenclaw. You're not quite studious enough, you know."_

Lupin bit his lip and tried not to remember Primary school so as not to give the Hat ammunition. It needn't know about the time he 'accidentally' knocked his former Headmistress out with a crucifix. Besides, Hogwarts didn't have a crucifix so he was fairly sure that Professor Dumbledore would not meet the same fate.

"_And a sense of humour too,_"

Lupin shook his head. "No, I'm not funny."

"GRYFFINDOR!"

There had to be some mistake. Lupin gingerly removed the Hat and walked towards the table at the far left as though in a trance. He took the seat beside Black and stared at the table. What the hell was he going to say to his father?

_Hi, Dad. Didn't make Ravenclaw because the hat told me I wasn't good enough. Sorry. Do I still have a home or will you rent out my room now? Remus._

Perhaps he could say he made Ravenclaw and no-one need ever know…until they saw his tie.

_Hi, Dad. I made your house! Please don't rifle through my things. Love, Remus._

No. That was far too suspicious.

_Dad, I have run away from school and I am living in the woods with the Astronomy teacher. What she has is not contagious and we hope that the healers will find a cure for her sores soon. In the mean time, we are growing Cannabis to sell to our friends. Yours. Remus.  
__P.S. None of the above is true. I made Gryffindor. Thought that might soften the blow. Write to you soon. Love, R. _

Oh what the hell. He'd write in the morning and jump off that bridge when he came to it.

"What was that about being shoved in Slytherin?" said Potter, smugly sliding in between Lupin and Sirius.

"What was that about being shoved in Hufflepuff?"

Lupin sighed. He couldn't abide them, truly. Still, there was a reason the Hat had put him here and secretly, deep down, he had always wanted to be a Gryffindor.


	14. In which James bargains

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_September 1st__ 1975 21:03 Gryffindor Tower_

It was decidedly awkward, thought Lupin, walking with Lily on his right and his three friends on his left. He tried to keep up conversation and failed miserably. "-Unless they're on the same body," he said, laughing. He trailed off when he realised he was the only one paying any attention to what he said.

Sirius was frowning and stalking along the corridor, his hair hung in his face and Lupin daren't talk about what had put him in such a foul mood. Peter trotted alongside him and made no attempt to converse with them. James leered past Lupin at the second Gryffindor Prefect who pursed her lips and glared at him. Lupin came to the conclusion that the first years had to be terrified, or at least fearing for their mental health.

"Ooh!"

Lupin sighed and said; "Alright, this is-" He pointed toward the Fat Lady. "The entrance to our Common Room. The password is 'honeydew' and will remain so for the rest of the term. If you'd like to follow me, I'll-"

The Portrait Hole swung open and Sirius stormed in, followed by Peter who never really knew when people just wanted to be left alone, assuring him that the object of his affections did not have a crush on Snape, "I know it looked like she was really getting along with him but she hates Snivellus. You know she does." James shared an amused glance with Lupin and elected not to follow his friends.

"Ickle Firsties!"

It seemed Lily and Lupin had been ignoring him, trying to pretend that it wasn't happening to them, but Peeves was no quitter and as he materialised, grinning wickedly, the crowd of first years gasped and moved closer to one another as penguins did in a storm.

"What shall I do with you then?"

"Peeves!" snapped Lily. "I'll tell the Baron, I mean it!" She turned to the first years. "The Bloody Baron is the Slytherin ghost. He's the only one who can control Peeves. It's best to keep out of his way."

Struck by a sudden idea, Lupin held up a hand and beckoned the Poltergeist over. He leant closer and whispered at a volume that only Peeves could hear, "The chandelier in the Slytherin corridor unscrews anti-clockwise." He pulled back and winked, imaging the look on Electra's face as a chandelier landed on her; she'd probably be more concerned with her hair than her reputation. Still, he'd struck a blow for Sirius and that's what mattered.

Peeves winked back and zoomed down the corridor, leaving an admiring James, a baffled Lily and thirteen awestruck eleven year olds. Lupin cleared his throat. "Alright then, so if the boys would follow me and Lily will take the girls." He ushered James first into the Common Room, asking, "Are you a first year? No? Then get in. I'll see you in a minute." He led the boys up the stairs and emboldened by the lack of Lupin's friends, he was bombarded with questions.

"What did you say to him? Who is he? What does a Poltergeist do? Have you seen my rat? Why does he listen to you? How did you do that?"

Lupin grinned. "He admires my work," he said, smiling to himself. "Now, feel free to change the bed that's been elected to you. I know I did. Good night and see you in the morning. Any questions, feel free to come to me and er…no, I haven't seen your rat, sorry."

He closed the door behind him and knocked on the door of his own dormitory. He heard a sudden rush, the sound of curtains being pulled and Peter's choked cry, "Come in!" The room was eerily quiet. "Remus, I thought you were someone imp-"

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Important? Thanks, Pete. What are you hiding anyway?"

Peter shook his head. "Hiding? I'm not hiding anything."

Lupin narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Peter was still pressed against the curtains, offering him a strained smile with wide, terrified eyes. Inside the bed, he could hear Sirius mutter, "She let that greasy-haired git lead her down the train. He had hold of her hand!"

James sighed irritably. "Shut up and read."

Lupin tried not to be offended. He shrugged and said coldly, "Okay. Goodnight then."

Peter bit his lip. "Oh, Remus, don't be like this!"

"Like what?" asked Lupin, removing his robes and feigning ignorance.

"Mad."

"I've always been mad, Peter. Go back to your reading."

"Remus-"

"I'm going to change. Unless you want to see me naked, go back." He shook as he heard a gasp from Peter's bed.

"Is that Remus?"

"Yes," he snapped. "So put whatever you've got away. Heaven forbid I should see it."

He heard Sirius' smile as he said, "I was rather hoping to catch you naked, actually."

"Piss off!"

The curtains swung round the rail and Lupin vanished inside them. Peter turned to his friends and shrugged. James glared at him and mouthed, "What the fuck did you _do_?"

Sirius swung his legs out and crossed the room. "Moony, let me in." Silence. "Stop pretending to be asleep." He sighed. "I want to explain."

A moment's silence and then, "The truth or yet more bullshit?"

Sirius smiled despite himself and looked to James for confirmation. "The truth, but you have to promise not to go wappy on me."

The curtains opened and Lupin leant against the wall. "Let's hear it then."

Sirius bit his lip. "James, help."

James sighed. "Okay, you know you have your monthlies? Well, we've found a way to help and we've been working for three years on it. We can't do it yet but we're so close. We thought you were really busy and you wouldn't walk in on us so we started to do some work."

Lupin's mouth hung open. "What are doing?"

James licked his lips. "Um…we're er…you have to promise not to say anything."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "For goodness sake. What are we, eleven? Cross my heart and hope to die of death. Now what?"

"We're going to become Animagii."

"WHAT?" Lupin leapt to his feet. "NO! I can't let you do that. Don't be absolutely ridiculous. I won't have you putting yourselves in that amount of danger. You've come up with some pretty dangerous schemes, James, but this is by far the stupidest I have ever heard and if you think-"

Sirius could contain his laughter no longer and earned himself a sharp glare from Lupin. "What? I said this would happen. You're fucking hysterical when you lose your temper."

"Well, try laughing when I've ripped out your vocal chords," snapped Lupin. "No, James. I can't let you go through with this."

"I said we shouldn't have told him," said Peter.

James laughed incredulously. "It was your bloody fault that we had to!"

"It's no more my bloody fault that it's yours, James. You should have been a bit more bloody careful!"

Lupin shook his head. "I'll report it to McGonagall. I mean it. If any of you go any further with this, I will report it."

James smirked. "Oh no you won't. You crossed your heart and hoped to die."

"I don't believe your sheer nerve, Potter."

James shook his head slowly. "Remus, you leave me no choice. If you report this to McGonagall, I'll have to tell her that her Prefect has been using bribery and corruption with the ghosts and is responsible for the commotion in the dungeons."

Lupin paled. "How did you hear?"

"I eavesdropped. I knew it would come in handy one day. I just didn't realise I would need it this soon. Now, I know you know about this. You can produce a Patronus and since we need to do that before we can change, will you teach us?"

Lupin blinked. "I can't believe I'm agreeing to this."

Peter clapped like a seal, Sirius grinned and James embraced him. "I knew you'd help me."

"But that's where my involvement ends. I'm not about to help you endanger your lives and break the law. I just happen to think that a Patronus is a very useful thing."

Sirius smirked. "Yeah, yeah. I don't know who you think you're fooling."

Lupin beamed. "I…You're the biggest bunch of idiots I have ever come across. You're insane. I'm serious. You drive me completely mental. You and your bloody schemes have given me grey hairs, palpitations and a nervous twitch and still I don't know what I've done to deserve you." He grinned. "You're the best friends I could ever have asked for."

Peter smiled modestly and Sirius winked.

James grinned back. "Get back to bed, you look shattered." He frowned slightly. "Do you really have a twitch?"

Lupin threw a pillow through the curtains. "Yeah, in my arm. It makes me fling things."


	15. In which Peter is caught

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_April 28__th__ 1976. 23:30. Disused former classroom. Gryffindor tower._

The perks of being a Prefect were many. It meant that he was the owner of a shiny badge. It meant that he rather suddenly held a little more sway over strangers in corridors. It meant that Regulus Black was moderately afraid of him after he had swiped twenty points from him and given him a detention. It also meant that he was able to wander round the school at night, finding rooms for the map and shooing couples out of them so he could sketch. It was tiring, especially when full moons were looming ever closer, but Lupin couldn't say he hated it. Spending time with Lily wasn't all bad either. They were fast becoming firm friends.

Lupin frowned slightly and pondered the answer to her question. "Well, to be honest, Lils, I don't really know a lot about it. I mean, I've never tried anything with a girl so…" he trailed off. "I've had a girlfriend," he added hurriedly. He already wore cardigans, he didn't want her thinking he was a complete sad act. "I've just never tried to have sex with her."

Lily smiled. "Fair enough."

"Why? Are you thinking about it?"

Lily shrugged. "I just wondered if you had any advice. Ade has started talking about it and I wondered what it was that men liked and you know…as a bloke yourself, I thought you'd tell me."

Lupin smiled sadly. "Sorry. I'll say this though, never do anything in bed that you can't pronounce and foreplay is not like a badly cooked chicken wing so don't opt for three minutes on each side. That was about as far as Dad got before my mother had to step in."

Lily laughed loudly. "I've never even met him and already I love your father." She stopped suddenly. "Can you hear that?"

Lupin nodded and squirmed slightly. It sounded like moaning. He was all for interrupting heavy petting sessions but sex was another matter entirely. "Maybe we should come back."

"They'll have gone by then," whispered Lily. She edged closer to the door and peered through the crack. She gasped and stepped back hurriedly.

"You know, Lil, if this is an attempt to learn more about a man during sex, I'll just have it, okay? I'll have it and get back to you but get away from the door and stop spying."

She slapped him on the arm and ushered him closer. "You'd better go in."

Lupin gawped. "No way!" he hissed back.

"It's Peter."

His mouth dropped open. "Peter? No, you're joking. With who?"

Lily averted her eyes and muttered, "Just go in."

Lupin pushed the door open and cleared his throat. "Pete, it's me. Can you just go back to bed and take her with you? I really don't want to have to-" Lupin stopped short and gawped. "Um…okay. I'll just tell Lily that we're um…here." He poked his head round the door and said, "Actually, Lil, maybe you should go back. I'll be there in a minute."

She nodded, understanding and turned back the way they had came.

"So," he said. "Tell you what, Mike, why don't you go back to bed?"

The other boy hurried past him and Lupin was left staring at an abashed Peter who said something that sounded a lot like, "Mible wimble." Lupin sighed and told him, "Pete, you're my friend. I don't give a rat's arse whether you're straight, gay or shagging dogs."

Peter smiled weakly. "Have you ever wondered whether you might not be…you know…a fully red blooded male?"

Lupin nodded. "I had the talk with myself, yeah."

Peter stared, wide-eyed. "And what did you do?"

"I thought about that time Anna came out of the lake in her spotty bra and no amount of imagining elderly nuns in their underwear made my um...made it go back down again so I came to the conclusion that I was er…well, that I liked girls. Still do."

Peter nodded. "What if I told you that that wasn't an experiment?"

Lupin shrugged. "We'd go to bed."

"What?"

It took Lupin a while to realise what on earth had troubled Peter. "You knew what I meant, bloody pervert." His eyes flashed topaz, the colour of the wolf's. "He's a Hufflepuff, isn't he?"

Peter nodded wordlessly. "Remus, please don't make a thing of it. Don't tell the others."

Lupin waved off his concerns. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm not stupid." He took Peter by the hand and dragged him out in to the corridor. "Michael!"

Peter froze. "Remus, what are you doing?"

"We're finding the Hufflepuff common room," Lupin replied, sprinting along the corridor, dragging a breathless and terrified Peter - who had no chance of keeping up - behind him. They eventually caught up with Michael Harrington who was somewhat burlier than Lupin had imagined when he had caught him in darkness. "I…um…as a Prefect, I think I'd better see you to your common room."

Harrington stared back. After a moment he shrugged. "Okay. Listen, Lupin, if you tell anyone about that-"

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Don't even think about threatening me. I'm older than you, I'm bigger than you and I'm stronger than you." That wasn't entirely true. In fact, it was an outright lie. "Quite apart from that, my best mate is Sirius Black and I don't know if you've seen him on the Quidditch pitch but he's pretty bloody handy with that bat."

Peter groaned beside him, burying his reddening face in his hands.

Harrington nodded. "I wasn't threatening you. I was just going to say that I'd respect you a hell of lot less."

Lupin stammered, "Oh…um…o…kay." He bit his lip. "Sorry about threatening you with a Bludger bat."

Harrington grinned. "Don't worry about it." They came to a halt on the ground floor near what Lupin knew to be the kitchens. "Pete, I'll speak to you tomorrow, okay?"

Peter just about refrained from blushing and nodded. "Is this your common room?" he asked.

Harrington nodded. "See you."

He whispered a password softly and the painting swung open. Peter turned to his friend who was fervently sketching an outline. Even in the dark and desperate hurry, Lupin was quite the artist. Without looking up from his parchment, Lupin asked, "So, is he your boyfriend?"

"Of sorts," said Peter. "He doesn't mind that I have dates with Aggie, although I haven't told her yet."

Lupin dropped his pencil. "You know what, Pete, I'm just not going to ask."


	16. In which Sirius offends

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_May 8__th__ 1976 Gryffindor Boys Dormitory 18:30_

I've decided," said Sirius in a tone that told them he would not be swayed on the subject, though of course it would not stop Remus arguing with him; why, sometimes James thought it might be a hobby of theirs. "I'm bisexual."

Lupin put down his book and smiled smugly. "Sirius, you can't just _decide_ to be bisexual."

"Who says, Moon? Who says?"

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Er…Nature."

Sirius waved it off. "Just think how much it'll piss my mother off."

James frowned. "I don't think that's the point."

Lupin grinned at him. "Leave it to the professional." He winked. "Okay, Sirius, so who's the dream shag then?"

Sirius contemplated this for a moment. "Probably Stretch-marks Lovett. Why, who's yours?"

Lupin smiled sarcastically. "Oh my God! Same!"

Sirius gave him the finger and he laughed.

"It's you, Moony."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "I know it's not me; just as I know you're as gay as your House Elf."

Sirius raised his eyebrows and grinned. "How do you know the sexual orientation of my staff? I demand to know what you've been doing with my Elf!" He laughed. "Besides, how do you know? I could be muttering 'Remus' under my breath when I jerk off."

"But you don't," said Lupin, picking at the loose thread on his pillowcase. "You mutter 'Lexi, Lexi, Lexi'. You never put silencing charms up, do you?"

Sirius shrugged. "What's the point? We all do it. We all know James is getting off on Evans, we all know you're imagining finding Lovett's little treasure trove in amongst her rolls of fat and we all know Peter's thinking about losing his virginity to a cupcake."

Lupin caught Peter's eye, smiled conspiratorially and winked.

"Maybe I won't be bisexual," said Sirius. "Maybe I'll just pick a girl who looks like a bloke. I couldn't handle giving blowjobs."

Peter snorted. "That's probably just as well. I get the feeling you bite."

James grinned. "Yeah, and then we'd have to have you put to sleep. Besides, there's no such thing as a bisexual. It's just greediness."

Peter froze. "Actually, _I'm _bisexual and I don't just fancy everything I see. Incidentally, I've _given _a blowjob and you might think it's disgusting but that's how Remus knows. That's why I admitted it to him, because he isn't a prick. And you know what, I don't care what you think or what you say, but I'd really like you to shut the fuck up about things that you don't understand." He stood up. "Excuse me."

Sirius stepped aside and Peter slammed the door behind him.

"Well, shit," murmured Sirius.

"You knew?"

Lupin swallowed. "Look, James, I found him giving one on Prefect duty. He was scared shitless and he made me swear not to tell you. Besides, he's right. You pair can be such dicks and he'd know if I told you."

James scoffed. "We're supposed to be friends, Moony. You're supposed to tell us stuff like this."

"It was Peter's secret," he mumbled. "And don't try that friends thing on me because friends don't threaten each other with abandonment. Besides, if one of you had told me and asked me not tell the others, I'd bet you'd be a bit put out if I went back to them and we gossiped like girls at a fucking sleepover."

James nodded. "All right, I see your point. Listen, Remus, I'm not using friendship for blackmail, okay? You should know that by now. I'm just trying to make my point. I'm sorry."

Lupin softened. "No, I am. I should've warned you, Pad. I just didn't think he'd react like that."

Sirius shrugged. "I don't think any of us did." He sat on the end of James' bed. "So Peter's gay then?"

Lupin shook his head. "Bisexual."

"That's just what everyone says until they can come out properly."

Lupin laughed. "Pad, I walked in on him giving oral sex to his sort-of boyfriend. I think if he was gay, he'd have just come out anyway."

James couldn't hold back the laughter. "I'll say this for you, Moony, you don't mince your words, do you?"

Lupin grinned. "There'd be no point. I don't lie."

James scoffed. "You don't lie. Okay, so 'She's just a friend', 'I didn't kiss her', 'My mum's ill', 'Aenaeus won't hurt you' and 'I'm going to a funeral' weren't lies then?"

Lupin laughed. 'No, Jimmy, they were half-truths. Anna _was _a friend. I _didn't _kiss Lily. My mum _was _incredibly stressed and _did_ have high blood pressure. My dog _didn't _bite you. My grandfather _did _die around that time, but I didn't want to miss any more school than I needed to."

Sirius nodded solemnly. "The amount of funerals you were going to in first year actually frightened me, Remus. I thought you were some sort of curse."

The door opened and dripping wet Peter stood in the doorway. "Do you want me to sleep in the bath?"

James laughed. "Why the fuck would we want you to sleep in the bath? To stand guard against spiders?"

Peter shivered. "I didn't know whether you'd want me in the same room."

Sirius leapt to his feet. "Don't be ridiculous, Wormy! We're your friends for Merlin's sake!"

"Exactly," seconded Lupin. "Besides, if they can handle a werewolf in here, I think they can handle you."

James sighed. "How many times must we go over this, Remus?"

Lupin hesitated. "I think at least five hundred more and then it may start to sink in."

"Come on," said James. "Come and have a cuddle from a very sorry idiot. You look like you need one."


	17. In which James infuriates

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: My little group of friends have the sandwich too. We have cheese, mayonnaise, chilli peppers and red onions. It's slightly more digestible than a Marauder sandwich…**_**slightly.**_

_October 6__th__ 1973 Gryffindor Common Room 01:25_

"I could eat."

Without looking up from the text - that Sirius and James thought had to be swimming in front of his eyes - Lupin sighed and said, "You're always hungry."

James corrected him. "I didn't say I was hungry. I said I could eat. The two have no link whatsoever. I think we should have a nice sandwich. You can't beat a sandwich." Struck by a sudden idea, his hazel eyes lit up. "We should all have the same sandwich. We should call it the Marauder sandwich."

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "And what were you thinking of putting in it?"

Sirius nodded. "No, Loopy, it's a brilliant idea. I'm definitely up for it. Although I want decent bread."

Peter practically wet himself with excitement. "I like the seeded one. Can we have that?"

Lupin nodded. "It's probably the best option. Natural oils make your eyes shine brighter."

James laughed. "Remus, if your eyes shone any brighter, you could light Las Vegas. You really don't need seeded bread."

"And it does wonders for your skin."

"You've never even had a spot."

Lupin finally closed his book. "I have. I had three in first year."

"And two years later, you haven't had one since." James smiled smugly, knowing he had won. "No, we want white bread that's at least sixty-five per cent air. That's the best stuff. So, most importantly, what's going to go between the bread?"

Sirius grinned wickedly. "Jalapeños."

James frowned. "If that's what you want. I think we should pick our favourite sandwich and then sort of…I don't know…pick the best bit and shove it in with all the other best bits."

Peter clapped, partly to get attention and partly to appease James. "Yes! And then we'll have a sort of super sandwich."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Saving the world one crumb at a time."

James turned to him. "So what's your favourite sandwich?"

"Cheese and pickle. So we have Jalapeños and Branston pickle. Incidentally, Sirius, what the hell kind of sandwich do you put chilli peppers in?"

"An interesting one. One with smoked salmon and cheese," replied Sirius. "I use cream cheese to take the sting off it although we won't have it this time. It should be fun."

"Chicken and bacon," said Peter. "I don't know whether to have chicken or bacon. What do you think?"

"Definitely chicken," said Sirius. "Everybody eats chicken and everything tastes like chicken, It'll appeal to the masses that way." He turned to James and grinned. "I wonder what Jamie'll pick. Hmm?" He caught Lupin's eye and winked.

"Now this is just a guess," said Lupin. "But possibly tomato sauce."

James smiled sarcastically. "I like tomato sauce."

"I know," said Peter. "You're the only person I've ever seen eat it with roast dinner."

Lupin winced. "I'm sorry but that's disgusting." He laughed to himself. "And so's this sandwich if I'm honest. Chicken, Jalapeños, Branston pickle and tomato sauce, truly the food of the Gods."

James sighed. "Remus, this is the state of the art sandwich."

Without even missing a beat, Lupin replied, "It's the state of the floor I'm worried about."

Peter laughed. "And the state of your insides afterwards."

Lupin shrugged. "They can do what they like. It's not my liver that'll be hissing all night but if I have to sleep in a room full of purple sick, I will go absolutely bananas."

James raised his eyebrows. "Remus, you're having it with us. We're Marauders. We risk things together. All for one and one for all."

"Yes, one Salmonella bug for all. That sounds very appealing, James." The laughter in Lupin's eyes betrayed him. "As I'm lying on my death bed, quietly shitting myself to death, I'm sure I'll be comforted by the fact that we're all dying together. Thanks."

"Come on," said Sirius, smiling broadly and pulling Lupin to his feet. "You can't put it off any longer. Doom awaits."  
_

It wasn't so bad, thought Lupin, it set his mouth on fire and he was fairly sure that he had burnt off his taste buds, but other than that it was fine. He wasn't entirely convinced that tomato sauce and pickle went well together but he had grown up with a mother who was an adventurous chef in her kitchen and he had tasted far more repulsive condiment cocktails.

"Well," he said, waving goodbye to the House Elves as they left the Kitchens. "I'm alive."

"For now," said Peter, retching. "It's your pickle, Remus. It's got to go."

"No," said James. "I bet it's the ketchup. Shit."

"We can refine it," said Sirius. "We can work on our digestive systems. You know what they say, practise makes perfect."

"Practise?" shrieked Peter. "Practise! You think I'm ever eating one of those _monstrosities _again?" With that, he was violently sick in the corridor.

"STUDENTS OUT OF BED!"

"It's alright," James hissed. "We've got the cloak."

"They'll hear Peter groaning three floors below for Christ's sake!" snapped Sirius. "Peter, get up and bloody well run!"  
_

"I must not take leave of my senses," said McGonagall, handing each of them a sheet of parchment. "One hundred times." She took note of Sirius' arm in the air and glared at him until it shot back down seconds later. "Just what is the matter, Mister Black?"

"I feel a bit queasy."

"Go and see Madam Pomfrey." Her nostrils flared as he pushed back his chair. "_After _you have completed your detention. I must not take leave of my senses, for the last time, Black!"

Sirius groaned and scribbled the sentence at the top of his parchment.

"One hundred times," McGonagall reminded him. Her face softened. "Fifty times and then you'd better go to the Hospital Wing."

Peter had avoided detention through sickness and diarrhoea, Sirius had escaped half way through and James had practically collapsed. He was slumped on the desk, his nose touching the wood. The only sign of life was his hand scribbling hurriedly.

"What possessed you?" McGonagall asked. "You realise that you three in particular are leading the school in detentions and it's only October."

"I know," said Lupin. "I never have a free weekend. I'm either being dragged into some ridiculous scheme or I'm in purgatory for it."

Despite herself, McGonagall smiled faintly. "It's not funny, Mister Lupin."

"You're telling me," Lupin muttered, crossing his last 't' and handing it in. "James, are you nearly finished?"

James nodded. "Ninety-eight."

Stepping out of the classroom, James Potter regained his bounce, grinning at Lupin and messing up his hair. "I don't know about you, Remus, but I could eat right now."


	18. In which Lupin is traumatised

**Disclaimer: See First Chapter  
A/N: So I was writing for the Requiem fic-verse and got to writing Lupin giving 'the talk' and after that, I just couldn't resist.  
****I need a life. I really need a life. I have updated so much. Apologies for flooding inboxes with them.**

_December 23rd__ 1974 9:30 pm. Sleepy Cottage, Hope Cove._

"Dad, you really don't need to do this."

John Lupin blatantly disagreed. He stared at his son until the latter was forced to lower his book and sigh.

"Dad, I get it, okay?"

"What's her name at least?"

Lupin had retreated to the safety of his bedroom for this very reason. It was shortly after the full moon and he really wasn't in the mood for this discussion. Girls, he had decided, were good for nothing.

Stupid McCormack.

Stupid Lovett.

His stupid, snooping mother who had found replies from Sirius and James and actually read them before showing them to his father and expecting the two of them to talk about it. There was nothing to talk about.

He immediately regretted that. She had had his best interests at heart. Besides, the letters from James made him sound practically suicidal and Sirius obviously interpreted him as an obsessive stalker. Lupin wasn't entirely sure which was worse.

"Anna."

His father nodded. "And do you love her?"

Lupin thought about this for a moment. The way she laughed made him grin inanely. Her laughter was his Holy Grail. She never made him feel inadequate despite his appalling performance as her Potions partner. She continued to speak to him after he had spilled Shrinking Solution on her nose. When she had emerged sopping and practically transparent from the lake, his legs had actually buckled for a second. That moment had been a key feature in his sexual development.

"Yes."

Not to mention giving him a fondness for red polka dot underwear.

On women. Not on himself. That would be very wrong indeed.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

Lupin thought about admitting any of that to his father. "Not particularly, no."

"I was fourteen once, Remus. I know what you're going through. All you have to do is pluck up the courage to ask her."

"Dad, she has a boyfriend."

"Ah," murmured his father, nodding in understanding. "Now we're getting somewhere. What's he like?"

Lupin picked up his book. "Dad, I really don't want to talk about this."

"Alright, alright, just humour me."

Lupin sighed and rolled his eyes. He slammed his book shut and rested his elbow on it. "What do you want me to say? His name's Colin and he wants me dead. Will that do?"

John smiled. "He wants you dead?"

Lupin's expression became somewhat strained. "Sirius and James went round telling everyone he was gay, had a two inch penis, wore his girlfriend's underwear and when all else failed, that he was a vampire."

John tried to contain his laughter, biting his lips together to suppress the upward curl of his lips. "I'll say this for your friends, Remus, they're bloody good to you."

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "Are you kidding me? McCormack's the Gryffindor Prefect and he's an animal. He walks like John Wayne and he's got an ego bigger than Hagrid. I'm just waiting to be pounced on and mauled."

"Is he a lot bigger than you?"

Lupin shook his head. "Quite the contrary. I'm a lot bigger than him…well, I'm about six inches bigger than him."

John smirked. "We are still talking height, aren't we, Remus?"

"Oh, Dad, shut up. God, I can't take you anywhere."

John laughed loudly. "And are you willing to risk being mauled for this girl?"

Lupin nodded. "Sometimes, I think I could handle it if she was just single and my friend and I got to be around her all day. Sometimes, I want to touch her. Sometimes, I'm next to her and I have to sit on my hands. Is that…odd?"

John shook his head, smiling. "Do you want to have sex with her?"

Lupin blushed scarlet. "Dad!"

John remained utterly unfazed. "If you can't talk about this with me, who can you talk to? Do you want to have sex with her?"

Lupin nodded mutely, his crimson face hidden by his long fingers.

John sighed deeply. "Okay, here we go."

Through his fingers, Lupin said, "If you dare try to talk to me about sex, I'm going to have to kill you. I know, okay. I know how my body works."

"I know you do," his father assured him. "Believe me, I know you do. Until I was your age, I was more familiar with the Middle East than I was my own body but as soon as I hit fourteen, it was just there. Listen, Remus, if I've learned anything about sex it's that it's always better when you make love."

Lupin groaned and fell back onto his pillow.

"And your mother and I-"

"Dad, I really don't want to have to think about that."

His father laughed. "Alright, alright. The point being that sex is more than just a physical encounter, okay? It's old and it's a bit corny but the fact is that it's an expression of love. And what I wanted to say, Remus, was that I don't think it's fair to make love to a woman when she doesn't know who you are; who you really are. I'm not saying that every time you take a girl out for a drink, your opening line has to be 'Hi there, I'm a werewolf', but I'd like you to be open about it before you think about sex because sex and secrets really don't mix." He paused for breath. "I think I handled that pretty well, what would you say?"

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "Better than I thought you'd do."

John breathed a sigh of relief and slammed his hands on his knees as though performing an ancient victory ritual. "So tell your mother we talked, okay?"

Lupin nodded.

John winked. "What would I know about sex anyway? I'm a married man."

His son grinned at him. "In the nicest possible way, Dad, you disgust me."

"Oh and er…just to let you know…if you ever want any tips-"

Lupin sat up quickly. "No, Dad, really. I'll be fine. I'll just figure stuff out for myself. It can't be too hard. Besides, I'm a Catholic, sex will always be filthy. Anyway, thanks very much and er…see you in the morning."

John laughed quietly and ruffled his son's hair. "Get your hair cut," he said, getting to his feet. "Goodnight and um…thanks for being such a good sport."

Shortly afterwards, the spectacled owl landed on his window ledge carrying a piece of parchment that read in a large and loopy beautiful hand, _Hahaha! What did your Mum say when she found them then?_

Lupin sucked in a breath and told the owl to wait.

_Sirius, I am going to fucking kill you. I swear to God, stop sending me letters that make me look like I ought to be locked up for more years than I can count to, or I will. I mean it. You don't know what I've been through. I've been exposed to my parents' sex lives!  
__Anyway, what's it like in hell? Merry Christmas, hope you survive the holiday.  
__Yours,  
__Remus._

The response came two hours later.

_What? They think you haven't been wanking over her for the past two years? Incredible.  
__Hell is…hell. I'm keeping my head down and my nose out. It's safer. Can't wait to get back to school and the land of the normal. Miss you all loads.  
__Christmassy hugs,  
__Sirius.  
__P.S. Wouldn't mind hearing about your mum's sex life. Why don't you write it down for me for Christmas?_

_Sirius,  
__I'm not going to ask how you are aware of my habits.  
__Hope to see you with all your limbs intact soon.  
__You're not getting a hug back until you stop talking about my lack of sex life.  
__Remus.  
__P.S. Enclosed are the manual and rulebook for a little game called hide and go fuck yourself.  
__P.P.S. Didn't mean it. Miss you too. Sending PROPER present tomorrow with Sophocles._


	19. In which Sirius peacekeeps

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: If you have ever been disturbed by your own photo collection, copy and paste this…*laughs* Yes, I've been profile stalking again. Who knows, it could be you.  
A/N Part 2: Immense thanks to Tabs for all the reviews she left yesterday; so many that I can't reply to them all. Thanks ever so and sorry I repaid you with this.  
****A/N Part 3: Because I'm obsessed with the James and Remus bond. And I am firmly a fan of cannon just to set everyone straight. Tabs, you're really going to hate this, but this was "Marauder verse" ages ago so on we plough...**

_March 3rd__ 1975, 6:34p.m., Library_

"I don't know how many times I've told you, Remus," she snapped, "For the last time, no."

Lupin did not even glance up from his book. "And I don't know how many times I've told you, Lily. Don't shoot the messenger." As far as he was concerned, this was the end of the conversation. His eyes darted across the page.

"You can't be taking any of that in," said Lily, staring in wonder.

Lupin smiled up at her and handed her the book. "Amortentia is one of the most powerful substances known to man. It smells different to every brewer and victim, emulating the scents of those things you hold dearest or find desirable. This potion releases endorphins in the body that are akin to those produced when one is in love. Thus, the victim becomes obsessed with the supplier. Note, this lasts only as long as the victim is constantly duped with Amortentia. Once the supplier can no longer feed their lover's needs, the 'spell' is broken." He grinned smugly, watching Lily's jaw drop. "I have a photographic memory," he explained. "It's like I'm reading the page as though it's in front of me."

Lily gasped. "No wonder you do so well in exams."

Lupin shrugged. "I suppose some could call that cheating but the exact memory only stays for about a minute but I can remember things without any real effort."

She shook her head. "No, it's an extraordinary gift." She frowned slightly. "Incidentally, what are you doing reading about Amortentia? That's N.E.W.T. level."

Lupin's smile became grim. "Gemini Costello fed me some the other day, remember?" He laughed. "My goodness! You thought I was going to make it?" Lily bit her lip. "James isn't going to drug you! Even if he was, I hardly think he'd pick _me_ to brew it. He doesn't want to _kill_ you, Lil."

She laughed and leant in closer. "Who would you give your Amortentia to?"

He puffed the air out of his cheek and shook his head. "I hadn't really thought about it." Though, of course, he had. Creamy skin, plump pink lips, chocolate brown eyes and shiny curls in the exact same colour, breasts her shirt could barely contain…he cleared his throat. "It hadn't crossed my mind."

Lily nodded. "Remus, why do you never tell Potter I always say no?"

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "You know about that?"

"I heard you."

"Oh." He blushed slightly. "It might make him stop."

Lily's renowned emerald eyes widened. "And that's a bad thing, how?"

"You don't want him to stop, not really." He smiled sheepishly. "I've seen the way you look at him when you think no-one's looking."

Lily leapt to her feet and stared, open mouthed. "The way I look at _Potter_?"

Lupin stood, immediately trying to pacify her. "I thought…" He looked down at her - he really was ridiculously tall for his age - and made to sit back to down. "I thought you looked at him like you really liked him deep down."

Lily rolled her eyes and pulled him back up. "Don't be stupid. I'm a terrible actress. There's a boy…and he's around Potter sometimes…a lot."

He ignored her, fearing the worst for Sirius. "Besides," said Lupin, his eyes catching the light and shining copper. "Faint heart never won fair lady."

Had he known the effect his words would have, Lupin had the distinct feeling that he never would have even learned to _spell _Miguel De Cervantes, but her lips were soft and sweet and she smelled delightful. His raging hormones refused to listen to reason and even ignored the crawling of his skin as he felt eyes on the back of his head.

He would later look back and wonder what the hell he had been thinking. Certainly, there was no doubt in his mind that he had no idea what he was doing. He had never even been kissed before and worryingly, he was relieved that it had finally happened. And if there was no doubt that his inexperience was obvious, it was nothing compared to the surety that James would turn his skin into his marriage suit and the future Mrs. Potter would wear his bleached intestines for a garter.

But still, it felt marvellous as her tongue swept across his and his fingers tangled in her hair. He pulled away, gasping for breath and sated. Rather suddenly, he remembered that he had kissed Lily Evans. Lily Evans! By the end of the week, he was sure to wish that he had never been born. Although - he bit his lip - only if James found out. Now, was as good a time as any. He could scare her off and she would never tell anyone about their kiss, never.

"Lily, I'm a werewolf."

"I know."

His jaw dropped open. "_How_ do you know?"

Lily smirked. "Well, a) not only are you ill every month at the full moon but b) you just told me and c) given 'a', I would say you were truthful." She smiled at him. "I've just been waiting for you to admit it. I've known since last year."

Lupin looked as though he was about to faint. "Is it really that obvious?"

Lily shook her head. "If you hadn't just admitted it, I would probably have said that it was sheer coincidence. No offence but…uh…you don't look like the type."

He took a deep breath. All right, so his get-out-of-jail-free card didn't work. "And James is my best friend."

Lily rolled her eyes but she nodded. "I wouldn't do it to Mary so…"

Lupin grinned wickedly. "And James was wondering if you were busy next weekend." He winced as the book collided with his arm but he managed a laugh. "I'll take that as a 'no'." Lily smiled at him and closed the door behind her, leaving him utterly alone. He picked his book up and sighed, returning it to its place. "Well, at least its effects aren't permanent," he assured himself.

He slid the book back into place and almost had a cardiac arrest as there, peering through the shelf at him, were the hazel eyes of James Potter.

"Oh fuck."

"Yes, Remus. I think 'oh fuck' sums it up nicely."

Lupin darted behind the shelf until they stood face to face. "James, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have-"

James raised an eyebrow. "-done it if you'd known I was watching?" He shrugged and turned. Lupin reached for his arm which he promptly snatched back. "Get off me, werewolf."

Lupin gasped and James immediately swung round, his apology plain in his eyes. "Wow," whispered Lupin. "I really didn't think you were going to stoop that low."

James ran his fingers through his already messy hair and shouted, "Remus, I'm sorry!", earning himself a murderous glare from Madam Pince.

Lupin turned on his heel. "I don't know if you caught the end of that conversation, James, but there's a reason we're not spending Saturday afternoon in Madam Puddifoot's, right."

The rest of the evening was spent in silence while Lupin read and tried to hold back what appeared to be tears and James closed his curtains. Sirius, forced to play chess with Peter, was plastering on a smile and hoping to catch Remus alone for his side of the story. Eventually, sick to the teeth, he creamed Peter and strode over to James' bed, throwing back the curtains. "Get up, you bloody poof. This isn't Sense and Instability, you know. You've got to come out some time."

Lupin peered over the top of his book.

"And you," said Sirius, noticing him, "keep your tongue to yourself in future. I never thought I'd end up saying that to the kid who asked me what a blowjob was, I really didn't." He sighed irritably. "Now, I'm sure, James, that if Remus wanted to, he'd be banging the beejesus out of Evans right now but he's not. He's sitting here waiting for you to talk to him about it because look at him, he's bloody sorry."

Lupin shrugged. "I'm waiting for him to grow up, actually."

Sirius glared at him. "And, Remus, James came back here in a worse state than I've ever seen him in, muttering about how you were never going to speak to him again and he'd done something so terrible that I had to punch him in the gut before he'd tell me about it. Incidentally, both myself and Peter saw to it that he was in quite a bit of pain. Well, not Peter so much but I punched him again and Peter laughed. So, both of you, please," he said, smiling sweetly. "Man it the fuck up!" He sat back down and huffed. "Pawn to E4."

James got to his feet. "Remus, can I talk to you?"

Lupin put down his book. "Are you going to be civil?"

James nodded. "Honestly, Moony, I have never been more ashamed of myself in my life."

A muscle jumped in Lupin's jaw. "And I have never deserved it more in my life. It won't happen again, I swear to you."

"Are we…okay?"

Lupin smiled. "Well, I'd say we were still best mates, if that's okay with you."

"There," said Sirius, "what did I tell you? I reckon we should have pushed for longer, Pete. I was just getting used to the peace and quiet."

Lupin grinned. "Oh yeah? Well, welcome to my life."


	20. In which Peter makes a discovery

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Because we all love a bit of raunchiness on a Sunday afternoon and Remus Lupin's sex life has been bothering me -)**

_May 6th__ 1978_

Quidditch season was over and James and Sirius, having finally been forced to amuse themselves, were not taking it well. Peter was still singing his cotton socks off at choir practice and they found themselves wandering around, searching for the third musketeer in all his usual haunts; the Library, the Charms classroom and (knowing Remus as they did) the Hospital Wing.

Indeed, Remus Lupin had in fact died and gone to heaven. At least, that's what he would have said had anyone actually bothered to ask him. The notion that shy, bookish Lupin was entertaining had not even crossed their minds.

At this precise moment, around half past one in the afternoon, he was smoking and still gasping for breath, rather enjoying the silk-soft feel of the curls resting on his chest.

"You know," said Anna, "they say that the best way to tell if your sex life is shite is to watch your lover afterwards and if they light up before it's over, you know it's bad sex."

Lupin smirked. "But it _is_ over; at least for a good ten minutes anyway. You need to give me some time. Jesus, you're insatiable."

Anna laughed and pushed him over to the side he usually slept on, resting her head against the pillow. "And you hate it, obviously."

"Obviously," replied Lupin, nodding solemnly. "It's a personal hell but these things are sent to try us."

She slapped him for that. "Well, it's your own damn fault for being so good at it, isn't it?"

He grinned mischievously back; her favourite smile. "Well, it's your own damn fault for teaching me, isn't it?"

"You found my hot spots all your own."

"You put me in a position where I _could_. I'm a bloke. What did you expect me to do - tell you to put it away and never speak of it again?"

Not a soul had heard them, seen them or even walked in on them during a whole afternoon of sheer fornication. It was practically unheard of and Lupin couldn't believe his luck. It wouldn't last.

_May 9__th__ 1978_

Lupin had forgotten the finer points of the previous Saturday. Indeed, when he attempted to recall anything other than shouting 'I love you', crying out and collapsing, it was as though he had not been present at all. Still, of all the things to remember, he supposed that his mind had selected the highlights.

Tuesday began with double Charms. Tuesday also ended with double Charms. The rest of the day was his to enjoy and luckily, Divination was scheduled at the same time. The rest of the day was his to enjoy with a very highly sexed, incredibly good looking - if a little unconventionally sexy - girl who was as keen on him as he was her. Tuesdays were Holy Days - or so said the Gospel according to Lupin. Two hours shoved between an inept Peter and an abysmal Sirius was a small price to pay.

"Why did you take Charms?" Lupin asked, utterly perplexed. "I mean, no offence, Sirius, but I think our Flobberworm was better at protective shields."

Sirius smiled sarcastically. "Purely to spend an extra hour basking in your glory, Moony." He laughed. "Do you always start the day with chocolate and a fag?"

"If he can find a willing fag," said James, winking.

Lupin smirked. "You're next on my list, Prongs. I wouldn't get too cocky if I were you." Spotting Peter still flattening his hair, he waved him over. "Worms, you wouldn't be willing to do me a favour, would you?"

Peter, willing to do almost anything for Remus, nodded. "What do you need?"

"I need breakfast, Pete," he said, grinning. "I'm running really late because I've been fighting off accusations that I'm a closet fag, so could you bring my Charms textbook with you to the lesson?" He smiled encouragingly, hoping he hadn't offended.

Peter nodded. "Okay. Where is it?"

Lupin shrugged. "Around. It's probably under the bed or the pillow. I was annotating last night before I fell asleep."

James rolled his eyes. "Only you, Moony. Only you."

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "Oh, so when your beloved girlfriend does it, it's cute, but when I do it-"

"-it's the bane of my life, yes, Remus."

Lupin sighed. "I'm going. I need my marmalade."

* * *

Peter made it back to the dormitory with five minutes to spare. He began frantically searching through Lupin's cabinets and finding only bruise salve and a collection of letters that he would pay good money to read through, he began a quick search under the bed, reaching amongst thin air, trying desperately to grab at a book that wasn't to be found there. He growled in frustration and tossed four pillows around the bed. Lupin had been right. Sure enough, there was the Charms textbook.

What else Peter saw made his heart stop.

"Padfoot?"

Sirius threw the last of his pillows on top of the pile and turned. "Mmmhmm?"

Peter gingerly held up his offering, looking as though he was about to be physically sick all over it; a red and white polka dot thong with a black bow and mesh along the edges. His hands shook. "About Moony being a closet fag…I don't mean to suggest that I've found a clue but er…I've found a clue."

Sirius walked towards it, mouth agape. He took the 'clue' from Peter with none of the latter's disgust. He grinned. "Dare I smell them?"

Peter retched. "Oh. Sirius, I mean it. You're a sick bastard/"

Sirius laughed and unfurled the bundle. "Peter, these are a size eighteen. Moony'd be lucky to fit into a bloody size six." He flicked them at Peter's face. "You know who these belong to, don't you?" He smirked. "These, my man, are Lovett's." The smirk danced across his disturbingly handsome face. "These are also going to provide me with the most fun I have ever had in a Charms lesson."

* * *

"FUCK OFF!"

The class had been silent until Remus Lupin had cried out. Filius Flitwick chose to ignore the fact that his star pupil had cursed at an astounding volume and snapped, "Mr. Black!" without even looking up from his paperwork.

Sirius glared at Lupin. "What d'ya do that for?" he hissed. Peter giggled and was soon silenced by a mere flicker of Sirius' gaze in his direction.

"I thought you were trying to hold my hand or something," whispered Lupin. "You kept feeling me under the table."

Sirius grabbed Lupin's wrist and stuffed a small bundle of mesh into his outstretched palm. Lupin gasped and his hands shook. "Pad, don't."

Sirius frowned. "What's the matter?"

"You take the piss out of her all the time-"

"-I don't anymore," Sirius protested. "You asked me to stop and I did."

"…And she'll think I'm laughing at her too and, Pad, I love her. No, I am _in_ love with her and if someone has seen you handing me her underwear in the middle of Charms and tells her and she hates me, I mean it, Sirius, I won't ever forgive you."

Sirius blushed, remembering the last time they had had a conversation like this one. "Yeah, all right. Sorry."

And Peter learned a valuable lesson. Never come between a werewolf and his er…prey.


	21. In which Sirius won't get Scurvy

**Disclaimer: See Prologue  
A/N: The sex will stop. I promise.**

_1973_

"Question three, Remus?"

Lupin flicked through a well thumbed copy of Tolkien's _Unfinished Tales_. He lay on his bed, his weight on his stomach. Utterly nonplussed, he sighed and said, "Shoot."

"When in bed, do you wear a) your bra and French knickers, b) a skimpy little negligee that makes you feel like a princess or c) nothing at all?"

Lupin frowned. "Um…definitely not the French knickers. B."

"Anything for you, Princess." James ticked it off. "Do you think your breasts are too small, too large or just right?"

Lupin turned the page. "Definitely too large."

James frowned. "Aww, Rem, I'd say just right. Stop being so hard on yourself."

"Yeah," said Lupin, "but Sirius' were just right."

From beside James, Sirius added, "And I got Sexy Little Minx and that's blatantly the best result."

"But if I was a girl," protested Lupin, "I _wouldn't_ be a sexy little minx."

James grinned. "I completely disagree with you on that one, Remmy, and you know how little I do that."

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, you've got 'Come to bed' eyes, just like me."

"Yours aren't 'Come to bed' eyes, Sirius," said Lupin. "Yours are 'Shag me in a closet after fifteen Firewhiskies' eyes."

Sirius smirked. "Question five."

"Can you believe Gandalf went through all that and was still back in time for the Council of Elrond?"

James frowned. "Who? Is this more bloody history because, Remus, if it is, I am throwing that textbook in the lake."

Lupin sighed. "I happen to be interested in History of Magic and this is actually a book I had when I was little. I love it and if you throw it in the lake, I'll throw _you_."

Sirius laughed. "I think you're the only one who is. Binns' lessons are so full of shit."

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "I don't know how you can judge, Sirius, because you never listen for long enough."

"If you hadn't brought the _Cosmopolitan_," said Sirius. "You'd be disowned from The Marauders for being so damn bookish."

"If my mother realises that's gone…" Lupin trailed off, hoping he was the last person she would suspect. After all, her thirteen year old son was unlikely to take her magazines for the 'Twenty Shoes Under Five Pounds' feature. However, he was likely to take it for the exposé on 'How to Turn Him from a Dud to a Stud'. Somehow, during the course of the evening, Sirius and James had thought it appropriate to work out their sex style before learning how to do the deed. On realising that this was a quiz for women, they came to the conclusion that if they pretended to be female, the answers would be pretty much the same.

Sirius threw James' _Transfiguration Today_ at him. "Question five," he repeated. "What does making the first move consist of?" He gasped. "Remus, your mother has starred her answers." He was practically drooling. "Okay, a) saying "So should we just do it now? Yes, Remus, that would be you I think. B) snuggling up to him and hoping he gets the message, or c) grabbing his…" He trailed off. "I have never heard it called that before. Your mother obviously has; she's crossed that one."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Yeah, a or b." He frowned, imaging himself snuggling up to a girl and praying she understood. "Definitely a."

James snatched the magazine back. "Question 6. You're a character in a romance novel. Who are you?"

Sirius snorted. "Remus? He'd be Edna the lesbian narrator wearing a tea-cosy. Question seven. How likely is that you'll be satisfied during sex? Do you say a) if he gets it right, great - if he doesn't, I'll wait for next time, b) I know how to do it myself once he's fallen asleep or c) if he doesn't hit my G, I hit the roof and make him go back down there until he does?"

Lupin shuddered. "Um…b."

"Where do you do it? A) In the bed, obviously, b) in the bed with a canopy over the top, the windows open and the candles flickering in the breeze or c) in our friends' bed during a dinner party?"

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Sirius, whatever did you pick? They don't give broom closet as an option."

"Shut up, ginger pubes. For that, I'm marking you as c. What's your favourite sex toy? A) Are you serious? Er…yes. B) A magic wand with a detachable G-spot stimulator or c) my imagination?" He frowned. "Is that _my_ imagination or _your_ imagination."

"C."

Sirius crossed it off. "That one's not too bad. I use my imagination to get my rocks off and it never fails. Okay, question ten. What do you think of talking dirty? A) I invent loads of wild situations and scream four-letter words, b) I am lucky if I can get out a moan or two, or c) it's just silly."

Lupin squirmed. "C."

Sirius licked his finger and flicked the page over. "Okay, mostly Cs. You're a Sensible Seductress. You enjoy sex but not on a daily basis. For you, sex is about friendship and companionship." He looked up from the text. "That's lovely, Remus, but when I said I wanted to be your friend…" He laughed. "You might be surprised to find there's more to sex that your usual, boring routine." He raised his eyebrows. "Okay, so now we all know what we're doing, what are we going to do to be studs?"

Lupin sighed and turned his page. "I honestly don't care. You have fun with it." His eyes rocketed across the page and James sat and watched him for a moment, staring in awe. "I love Gandalf," Lupin said eventually. "Wouldn't it be great if we had staffs instead of wands." He seemed to offer no more on the subject and Sirius shook his head, disturbed.

"To be the master of oral sex, get him to put his tongue in an orange." Sirius gawped. "Who fancies a trip to the kitchens? I don't think I'm getting enough Vitamin C."

James raised an eyebrow and shared a grin with Lupin,

"What?" cried Sirius. "It's a serious issue. I could get Scurvy?"

The dubious glances returned and Sirius rolled his eyes. "Forget it then. Where's the lingerie section?"


	22. In which James gets amorous II

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: So this moves nicely on from Where Dwell the Brave at Heart, Chapter 16.**

_January 8th__ 1978, Library, 17:45_

Lily Evans. He was dating Lily Evans. Lily Evans was his and would kill him for using that phrase. James grinned. He'd been smiling non-stop for three days. His cheeks were starting to really hurt. Peter kept muttering about how his girlfriend must be a permanent cheering charm, Lupin, muttering away about someone by the name of Elizabeth Bennet, had told everyone and with a charming smile had somewhat forced the majority of the student body and worryingly, staff, to publicly agree it was very sweet indeed, and Sirius had been watching him sleep and wondering how he didn't stop smiling even then.

And he really didn't. The smile was there even when Peter made him eat cottage pie. The smile stayed put when Lupin took compromising photographs of him. The smile stayed when Slughorn set an essay that not even Lily could do without research. That was what frightened Sirius most of all.

And the smile stayed as he flicked through books looking for answers he knew he wouldn't find just because he could smell her apple shampoo just round the corner. Sod it, the library was otherwise empty and she didn't know he was there. Gently, he placed the book back onto the shelf and tiptoed round it until he saw her. Her hair shone copper in the gentle light from her candle and he heard the scratching of her quill. How was it that a girl could remind him of an eleven year old Remus and still be sexy?

He placed his hands over her eyes and she gasped. He chuckled softly to himself and whispered, "Shh," in her ear, dropping a kiss just below it.

"James-"

"Shh."

The kisses returned and he pushed her hair out of the way so that he could continue along her shoulder.

"James, I really think-"

"You think far too much, sweetness. Far, far too much."

Lily pursed her lips. "I would really appreciate it if you didn't refer to me by pet-names Black uses on his harem."

James immediately stopped and in an affronted tone, said, "Sirius has been a one-woman-man for over a year now. Give him a break."

Lily scoffed. "After the events of fourth year, I highly doubt any female in this castle - up to and including Mrs. Norris - will ever give him a break again."

"Electra-"

"Oh, yes. Electra Nott - lest we forget." She sighed and reluctantly admitted, "She seems sensible enough. At least she doesn't pretend he's a saint. Although I don't-" The kisses had returned and she was rather lost for words. There were many things she would like to say about James Potter, many indeed, but though she had known he was something of a ladies man, she would never have guessed he could do things like this to a girl. At least he wasn't Sirius. She could still count his girlfriends (not that she had been keeping track, of course) on her fingers. And girlfriend, in regards to James Potter, still meant girlfriend and not 'girl-I-shagged-who-won't-get-off-my-back'.

He sat beside her and took hold of her hands, pulling her onto his lap, earning a slap that felt like she had tapped him and a shriek that was fifty-two percent giggle against his lips.

"James, Remus is taking his Charms tutoring with some first years a lot less seriously."

James turned slightly and waved at his best friend. "Hi, Moony."

Lupin grinned. "All right, Jilly. How's it going?"

Lily rolled her eyes and James pretended to be cross about the collective name Remus and Sirius had given he and his girlfriend. Remus had even tried to pass it off as a noun and succeeded in assuring several third years that it could be found in the Oxford dictionary.

Lily blushed scarlet. "I tried to tell you," she hissed. "And now eight eleven year olds are staring at us."

The eight eleven year olds flicked their eyes toward their tutor who surreptitiously winked at them.

"Let them watch," James whispered to her, grinning. "They might learn something useful."

She bit at her smile but failed to conceal it. Merlin, she was adorable like that. He tightened his hold on her and kissed her again. She hesitated for a moment but responded as she felt his tongue trace her bottom lip.

"All right, get out of the Library before I report you. I'm trying to bloody teach here." When James opened his eyes, he found Lupin standing directly above him, wand in hand and textbook in the other. He frowned. His best friend was shooing him with a textbook. Something, somehow, somewhere had gone very wrong in the last ten minutes. "Now I know how Minnie feels with Electrius in her class. Out!"

Lily managed to laugh at her friend's perfect imitation of Madam Pince, but she was shocked that she of all people, had been shooed out of the library for inappropriate behaviour. She had been dating James Potter for all of three days and already he was influencing her.

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

James bit his lip. "Look, I was wondering if I could…um…whether you'd let me-"

Lily raised her eyebrows. "It's been three days. No."

He frowned. "What?"

"You were talking about sex, Potter, yes?" James laughed. He actually laughed and Lily felt the blood rise in her cheeks. "Well, what then?" she snapped.

"I was wondering if it was acceptable after three days for me to hold your hand."

Lily laughed, "You probably wouldn't want to. I came straight from Potions." She showed her hands, stained lilac. "I wanted to make a start on that essay."

"How about I hold your hand and if I catch anything, you have to personally take me to Madam Pomfrey and sit with me until I'm back in the bloom of health, which should be either three weeks or until the next Quidditch match."

She grinned at him and held her hand out. "Deal."

"That was quick."

"Well, the match is tomorrow so I thought it was worth it."

James frowned. "Damn."


	23. In which Peter amazes

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Hmm, while I've been obsessed with James and Remus, I am now intrigued by Peter and Sirius.**

**A/N: 2: Dedicated to my Sirius who I am missing so much. It's quiet without him.**

**A/N: 3: And Electra is Theodore Nott's cousin not aunt. Her uncle is Theodore's father and already a Death Eater by the time she and Orestes are at school. I can't tell you anymore about her without giving everything away. Her story will eventually be told between this and Daring, Nerve.**

"_I try to speak but my tongue gets tied. I try to see but you're hard to find. My will is weak 'cos my soul's resigned. It's like I'm seeing you for the first time." _- First time - Beverley Knight.

_February 13th__ 1976, Charms Corridor 12:58_

She was beautiful when she was angry, a terrifying beauty. Her blue eyes blazed, darkening to the colour of midnight skies and the ends of her long black hair stood to attention. Her fists clenched and she her legs spread. She stood in fighting stance, tall and elegant even then.

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

Sirius' heart leapt. For once, she wasn't shouting it at him. No, indeed, she was shouting it at a boy in her Charms class who reminded him of Remus' favourite character from the Muppets - the drummer with the wild red hair.

"Electra-"

"I don't want to hear it!"

"But-"

And taking the opportunity to defend the girl of his dreams, Sirius said, "You heard her, William."

William McCormack raised his eyebrows. "Stay out of this. This is nothing to do with you."

From the way she looked at him, Sirius thought Electra was about to heartily agree. "Sirius, please."

"I'm not letting him speak to you like that. The only person allowed to make you that angry is me." He winked at her and she grinned back. "William, bugger off."

William scoffed. "And you can decide my movements because…?"

"Because I'm bigger than you and your brother learned the hard way."

Colin, having been knocked off his broom, would have seconded this but he was unable to comment as he was still in the hospital wing, recovering from a Bludger to the back of his head. His ego had taken a battering when Lupin had replaced him on the Quidditch pitch too, but he wouldn't dare admit it.

But before William could think of a reply, Orestes Nott snapped, "Get the fuck away from my sister, you little ginger prick."

Electra held her hand out and pressed it against his chest, a warning to go no further. "Ori, leave it. I'm handling it."

Sirius frowned, bewildered. "Lex, come here."

Orestes' gaze followed him and narrowed suspiciously. Flanked by Avery, which Sirius immediately clocked, he didn't dare retaliate. Electra's eyes met her brother's and her brows rose pointedly.

"What?"

Sirius tilted his head toward McCormack. "What's going on there?" As a rule, despite Nott spending time with thugs, he was placid enough and a gentleman - a rare Slytherin that Sirius had time for, having spent time with the twins as a child.

"William tried to take things too far," she said softly. "He knows where he stands now. My brother and his mates will kill him if he comes near me again."

Sirius winced. "Duly noted. You haven't reported me for asking you out all the time, have you?"

Electra smiled grimly. "No. You always understand what the words 'shag off' mean."

This took a moment to sink in but eventually, Sirius found himself capable of speech. "He tried to have sex with you?"

Electra nodded. "And he didn't seem to understand 'no'. He's a half-blood too. You can imagine how my brother felt about that." She shared none of her family's prejudices in the sense that she was indifferent to the idea of half-bloods, Muggleborns and squibs. Ultimately, Electra Nott's priority was looking after herself in her world where indifference led to a killing curse.

Sirius was thoroughly confused. "Your brother doesn't give a bloody toss. He told me that himself after the bitch from hell's cousin tried to pass that bill on Muggle-hunting." He turned and shouted. "Oi! Nott!"

Orestes glanced over and glared at him. "What?"

"Come here." Sirius remembered him being a pleasant child. They hadn't spoken in years but he had been Sirius' only remotely sane friend (with the exception of his brother whom he didn't count these days anyway) before James. "This McCormack business - it's not because he's a half-blood, is it?"

Orestes laughed. "Not entirely. It's also because he's a prick."

Sirius frowned. "What do you mean 'not entirely'?"

Orestes' smile faded. "Sirius, you can't be serious. Listen, I don't mind them as people. I'm not Charlie, I don't hate them, but put it this way, would you let your thoroughbred carry the spawn of a mule?"

Sirius' eyes blazed. "A thoroughbred and a mule? Who _are_ you? You might not be Mulciber but you're talking like him."

"Don't you ever-!"

"Stop it!" Electra stood between them, staying her brother once more with the touch of her hand. "Both of you, just stop."

Sirius ignored her. "You're not who I thought you were."

"Don't be so melodra-fucking-matic, Black. Who are you anyway? You're a fucking nobody. Even your mother hates you."

"Sirius, leave it."

And he did. For the first time, Sirius backed down and knew that he had gone too far. He glared at his one-time playmate and turned on his heel, storming down the corridor. And moments later, he heard the clacking of heels and swishing of hair. He turned and found Electra sprinting after him. He barely had time to register that this was not another fantasy before she pinned him up against the wall and kissed him hard.

She backed away, gasping for breath. "You're not really a twat, are you?"

Sirius grinned. "Well, I'd like to think not."

"You've got beliefs." Electra smiled back and took hold of his hand. "Sirius?"

He squeezed her fingers. "Yeah?"

"Do you fancy coming out with me on Saturday?"

Sirius frowned. "This is to give William the message, isn't it?" Electra shook her head but he knew. "Like you said, I've got beliefs and I've got standards. They're low but they're there. Don't use me. You won't like my reaction."

Still, he decided to send her a card tomorrow. After all, he did fancy her something rotten and part of him - sod standards - was desperate to take her up on her offer.

He was convinced that he was going to wake up and find Binns leaning over him, glaring at the page that he had fallen asleep on.

Shit. He was supposed to be in History.

"Yes."

Electra grinned and blew him a kiss. "I'm late. Bye, babes."

_13:05_

"Good evening, Mr. Black."

Sirius looked at Professor Binns and muttered an apology. He took his usual seat beside Peter, feeling the gazes of James and Remus on the back of his head. He was relieved he sat next to Peter who didn't ask too many questions and unlike James, would not demand a blow-by-blow account. There was another reason too. Both James and Remus were actually interested in this lesson and would scold him, shush him and try to make him work.

"Sorry, sir."

"What's the matter with you?" Peter hissed as Sirius pulled out his textbook and pretended to be interested. "You've got a face like a slapped arse."

"I'm going out with Electra."

Peter grinned and winked. "So what's the matter then?"

"Forget it."

Peter sucked the end of his quill. "It's not Testes Nott, is it?"

Sirius barked a laugh and was silenced with a glare from Binns. "Peter, stop calling him that. He's huge."

Peter shrugged it off. "Pad, if he's fucking with your head again-"

Sirius shook his head. "S'alright. The mind games ended years ago. I know we're not exactly what you'd call friends but…I don't know." He sighed and slumped over his textbook.

Peter frowned. "Pad, what did he do?"

Sirius shook his head. "Forget it, Pete. It doesn't matter."

Peter looked across at his two concerned best friends and shrugged, but whatever it was Nott had done, he had upset the usually unflappable Sirius and for that, he was going to wish he had never been born.

_17:08_

"Peter. Potter." Gemini Costello looked up from her book and acknowledged the fact that she was being watched. "Can I help you?"

"You can, actually. I'm brewing something and I need you to give it to a boy in about a month. You're pretty good at slipping people stuff."

Gemini laughed. "You're not serious. Who?"

"One of the Nott twins."

"Oh, Orestes? Sure. Easy as blinking." She put down her book and pulled out the seat next to her. "What's that about then?"

Peter frowned slightly. "He really got to Sirius this afternoon and we don't know why."

James, who remained silent, flashed his eyebrows and Gemini smirked. "That's easy, gentlemen. He and Sirius used to be friends, didn't they?" She raised her eyebrows. This was a rumour she evidently wished to verify. James nodded once, reluctantly. "Well, this afternoon, they argued about pureblood rights and Sirius started moping about family and stuff. He calls his mother the bitch from hell, right? He's not getting on well with them, is he?" She waited for her gossip but didn't get it.

James sucked in a breath. "Fuck the Veritaserum, Wormtail. I'll rip him apart."

Gemini wrinkled her nose. "Why are you giving him that?"

Peter grinned. This was his idea and it was downright ingenious if he said so himself. "Listen, Costello, imagine a world where you couldn't lie for a whole day. Wouldn't that be worse than anything we could slip him and because it's such a complicated potion, no-one will guess it's us."

James glared. "So you'd better not open your big mouth."

Gemini gasped. "You're giving him a day's worth? All right, but be careful, boys."

Peter smiled at her. "So you'll do it?"

Gemini nodded. "Why not? It'll be something to tell my children."

James thanked her and walked away. He stood at the door of the library and gestured for Peter to follow.

"Thanks, Gemini."

"No worries." She picked up her book and returned to her passage.

"I'll speak to Remus."

She beamed up at him. "Wicked."

_March 23__rd__ 1976, 10:02 Transfiguration class_

"Mr. Nott, what are you doing?"

"Trying to look down Mary McDonald's shirt, Professor." Orestes was clearly in some distress about his inability to lie as by second lesson he was almost in tears.

Sirius met a grinning Peter's eyes and mouthed, "Rocking,", giving him the thumbs up and winking.

"You amaze me," whispered Lupin. "You scare the living shit out of me, Worms, but you're incredible."

Peter smiled grimly. "But now you have to take Costello to Hogsmeade."

Lupin groaned. "I was just forgetting about that."


	24. In which Lupin is enlightened

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Problem solved. By the way, listen to I Heard It Through The Grapevine. The whole song is so perfect for this chapter but I couldn't quote it all.**

_"If it's true,  
__Please tell me dear.  
__Do you plan to let me go?"_

_**Marvin Gaye - I Heard It Through The Grapevine**_

_May 29th__ 1978, Dungeons, 20:07_

Being dumped on one's birthday was never going to be a pleasant experience and little did Anna Lovett know that she had not been dumped, that her boyfriend was currently moping in the Shack, prodded by antlers until he livened up a little.

Seventy-five percent of the Marauders had been missing from her party. Sirius had only been present because Electra had given him a death glare when he said he couldn't make it. They had mysteriously disappeared and Anna found herself wandering around the cold corridors looking for her best friend's common room.

And it was there that she quite literally walked into almost six feet of muscle and winced. "Sorry."

Mulciber smirked and in a rough voice said, "It was a pleasure."

Anna glared at him. "Where's your common room anyway?"

"I'll take you if you like. I was just going back myself." He held out his arm which she did not take.

"I'm looking for Electra."

Mulciber laughed. "Buggered off with Black somewhere. No chance of finding her all night, I reckon. We could try some broom closets." He raised an eyebrow and Anna grinned but didn't care for the look in his eyes, the same predatory fire that ignited in Remus'. She bit back her tears. What was the harm? It would certainly show Remus that she didn't care; that he hadn't hurt her.

"Well, I will if you will."

He really was rather attractive; ruggedly handsome. His square jaw and broad shoulders were a complete contrast to Lupin's willowy almost feminine beauty. Their shadows - his long and broad and hers short and wide - complimented one another and she imagined that they looked good together - far better than she and Remus had.

She wasn't sure how to address him. "Where are we going, Charles?" She was almost frogmarched along the corridor, back the way she had came.

"Call me Charlie," he told her. "You said yourself, broom closet."

And he wasn't as bad as Remus honestly made him sound. No doubt, both of them were biased. He was charming despite the gruff exterior and rather easy on the eye. He had fancied her for years, and been quite brazen about it, but she had been repulsed by him and his activities. In his company, it seemed that the things he was rumoured to have done were just that - rumours.

"Ah, Old Faithful," said Anna, pausing outside and smiling. "You know, I remember waiting outside between lessons once as a lookout."

Mulciber raised an eyebrow. "He's that sex-mad?"

"And you're better?"

Mulciber smirked. "That all depends on the girl in question." He bowed his head and tilted it slightly. Anna gasped for breath - not sure whether she should run or kiss back. And if she ran, then what?

His lips descended onto hers and she kissed back briefly before pulling away, her eyes brimming with tears she would let fall. "He doesn't want me," she whimpered, shaking her head and pressing her lips together in a bid to stop the quivering of her lower lip.

"Then he's clearly insane." He smirked. "Do you want to know what a real man feels like?"

She found herself in a broom closet, her skirt hiked up round her waist and her knickers round her ankles and wondered just how she got there. She didn't remember saying 'yes' or removing his belt or any of the minor details she took such pleasure in remembering during her time with her - was he still her boyfriend?

And he was far too large. Still, she supposed that these things came with practise and soon they would fit together…if that was what he wanted. After all, after Colin she had thought Remus was huge but average was probably the correct category. What was average anyway? It suddenly occurred to her that she shouldn't be thinking so much during sex.

What did she usually think about? Oh yes, how Remus could love her even through some horrifically spastic reactions to his administrations. And rather suddenly, several things seemed to happen at once. Mulciber rubbed just the right spot and she cried out, bursting into tears just as the door opened.

She stared into Sirius' steel grey eyes, wishing she would wake up. All four of them were silent; even Electra refused to look at her.

"You fucking bitch."

The door slammed behind him and Anna pushed Mulciber away, pulling down her skirt and adjusting her underwear before rushing out into the corridor to find Electra gone and Sirius waiting for her, a murderous glint in his eyes.

"Do you know what I did?" he hissed. "I apologised publicly to you because he told me how much he loved you. I stood up for you when he wasn't there to do it because he's my best friend and he loved you. I encouraged him to go for it because he was crazy about you and I actually thought you felt the same. I'm as much of an idiot as he is. But he's not going to be an idiot, Anna. We're Marauders and that makes us brothers and I won't have him treated like that, not by a whore, not by anyone. Either you tell him or I will."

Anna's hands shook. "You don't understand."

"Then tell me!" he screamed. "Fucking explain it! What's not to understand?"

"He dumped me!"

Sirius laughed bitterly. "When did he do that then? Because at six o'clock this evening, he was still going on and on about how sorry he was he couldn't make it."

Anna narrowed her eyes. "Sirius, he's dumped me three times and every time he's backed off and let me figure it out for myself. And if he's that bothered by it, why's he not here then? Come on, if you know all this, why couldn't he come?"

"His mother's ill. Don't tell me you wouldn't leave him for the night."

Anna hissed, "Well, I wouldn't know, would I?"

Sirius shrugged. "If that's supposed to make me feel sorry for you, it's not going to work. I remember the day you got the news and you came up to our room and you called for him, do you? Do you remember him staying up with you all night and letting you cry into him? Because I bloody well do and I'm sure Remus does too." Sirius smirked in triumph. "So either you tell him tomorrow or I will and believe me, that's not an empty threat. I'm not having you do this to him."

He stalked down the corridor and Anna's knees buckled.

* * *

_May 30__th__ 1978 Gryffindor Tower, 17:23_

"I am so sorry. Truly."

Anna nodded. "It's fine, Remus, please, just leave it."

"It's not fine. You'll only turn eighteen once."

Anna smiled and shrugged. "You were there for my seventeenth and that's a bigger one."

"I wasn't your boyfriend then."

Anna shook her head. "Yes, you were. We broke up two days after. Speaking of which, I thought you were breaking up with me yesterday."

Lupin frowned. "Why would I do that?" He turned when he heard a scoff and sighed. "Yes, Padfoot?"

Sirius glared at Anna. "I was just trying to imagine why anyone would want to dump Anna. It completely escapes me. She's just so damn loyal."

"Shut the fuck up, all right? I'm doing it."

Lupin tensed. "What the hell's going on? You're doing what?"

Anna bit her lip. "I'm telling you."

"Telling me what?" Lupin dropped her hand and looked down at her, a wary expression in his eyes. "It can't be all that bad. Just spit it out."

Anna shook her head and Sirius raised his eyebrows. "She's shagging Mulciber."

Lupin took a step back. "This is a wind-up, isn't it? Both of you; you're sick."

Sirius shook his head. "Well, not _both_ of us."

Slowly, it dawned on Lupin. He paled and narrowed his eyes. "Did you do it?"

"I thought-"

"Don't bullshit me. Just tell me. Did you do it?"

Anna's voice shook. "Once."

"When?" he rasped.

"Last night."

Sirius stood beside him and took hold of his wrist, squeezing it. Lupin did not react. "And you let me walk around today holding you hand? You let me kiss you as he walked past. What kind of kick were you getting out of that?"

"Remus-"

"I don't want to hear it right now." He turned and paced along the corridor, thinking that the last time he had walked along it, he had been blissfully happy - unequivocally so.

"You bastard," he heard Anna hiss and he wondered whether it was directed at him. If so, that was highly unfair and he turned in time to see point her wand at Sirius who immediately pulled his out. "You fucking prick. Why couldn't you let me handle it? Why couldn't you keep your mouth shut?"

"Protego," Lupin whispered, knowing what came as a result of his supposed girlfriend's temper. Sirius evidently felt the spell take hold over him as he turned to face his friend. "Thanks, Remus. I-"

"Shut up." He stalked off, leaving Sirius to wonder where he had gone.

He didn't return to the common room. His bed remained unslept in. He hadn't even changed out of his uniform.

He emerged, shabby, tired and covered in stubble later the next evening. He shaved, showered, changed and left. He returned for all of ten minutes, a shadow of himself. Sirius wasn't sure who he wanted to kill more, Mulciber, Lovett or himself. He decided to start with the former.


	25. In which Sirius is touched

**Disclaimer: See First Chapter**

**A/N: Prelude to In which James makes a decision.**

"_Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now…" Airplanes - B.O.B. and Haley Williams._

_May 1973 Gryffindor Boys Dormitory 21:12_

It had been a difficult goodbye this time, now that they knew where Remus was really going. James liked to think that it had been easier for Remus who no longer had to fabricate a lie and who would no doubt allow them to visit him tomorrow.

Sirius had scoffed and told him not be to ridiculous. Naturally, Remus allowing them to see him in the morning looking his usual state, was about as likely as Lily offering James a good time.

And he knew that it was rude to spy and that Remus would certainly not appreciate it, but still, Sirius couldn't keep his eyes off his friend's bedside cabinet all evening, and eventually he coaxed James and Peter into looking with him, looking for signs of the wolf.

He found several books written by someone called J.R.R. Tolkien, books that Lupin had not added to his makeshift bookshelf he had created from the stone window ledge beside his bed. There was certainly half of Honeydukes in the second draw, mostly consisting of chocolate bars that had been nibbled at the ends. Confusingly, all of them had been labelled with separate tags, reading;

"_Homesick"_

"_Peckish"_

"_Sugar craving"_

"_Bad Day"_

And most interestingly, _"Morning after"_ of which there were several bars of creamy milk chocolate.

"What's that?"

James gave him a half smile. "Like tomorrow morning."

"After full moons," said Peter, shuddering. "To think that's been there all along."

"Have you got some sort of problem, Peter?"

Peter raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "I just feel…I don't know…"

James frowned. "What's changed about him then?"

Sirius squirmed slightly. "Something huge, James."

"Oh not you too. For Christ's sake. Is that what this is about?"

He flung open the top drawer and rooted around the photographs there, Polaroid pictures cataloguing their first year. James watched the expression on Lupin's face as they made their way along the Charms corridor and the change from elation to concern suddenly made sense. He knew the day would come. That's why he had been so calm when they had confronted him. It knocked the breath out of him. The young boy, eyes shining with his shy smile, was a dark creature already, very capable of killing. And it was that moment that he understood the fear of what Remus was. For twenty-seven days, he was a bookish, shy little boy who organised his chocolate bars into piles for every occasion and took photographs of his friends, but on the twenty-eighth, he became a monster.

A picture fluttered to the floor and James reached for it, taking hold of the edge with a shaking hand, knowing that Remus would skin him alive if he smudged the photograph. It was a perfectly ordinary picture, one of himself, Peter and Sirius, glaring at the camera for interrupting them. It was the words underneath that made his heart stop, for in small, italic loops at the bottom, Lupin had written,

_The most wonderful people in the world._

James flung it at Sirius and glared. "You tell him you feel that way then because he's certainly got no idea."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "I didn't mean that. I just wonder what else he's hiding. I don't give a toss what he is. You know that." He moved his exploration to under the bed, lying on stomach and finding nothing. Lupin kept his space worryingly tidy.

They found nothing of interest until Peter lifted his pillow, revealing a little yellow box, hand painted. It bore unintelligible markings, slightly faded now. This was old. Peter opened it, tipped it onto the bed and gasped in horror.

"Voodoo dolls."

Sirius laughed. "I'm sure he's not into that, Pete."

Three small dolls made from matchsticks wrapped in sewing thread. One - the tallest - had bright blue dots for eyes and a shock of dark red felt on the tip of the match which they assumed was hair. The next -a woman - had black felt and black dots. The child - represented by its remarkably small stature - had black dots and red felt. Sirius smiled faintly. "Look, they're a family."

James pulled a piece of paper from the bottom and read, "Worry dolls were used by the Indian Mayans of Guatemala. Legend says they would tell their worries before they slept and the Worry People would take them away in the night." He frowned. "How strange. Cool though, huh?"

Peter licked his lips. "It's Remus," he said softly, pointing at the smallest. "Look properly. He's got the right hair and eyes and look, it's wearing a green jumper."

James unfolded one of three bits of paper. "His worries."

"_I might never get over my fear of spiders."_

Sirius grinned. "You wait until next week. We'll see if he ever did."

"_I might never make friends."_

Peter smiled. "Well, he's got us."

"Yeah," said James, "and we're snooping through his things. I really don't think we should be doing this."

Sirius scoffed. "Like you don't know what's in my mine and Peter's."

"Yeah, but you and Peter _showed_ me. That's just…different."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "There's only one left for God's sake. Open it."

James shook his head and returned to his bed. "I don't want to know."

Sirius picked it up. "You in, Peter?"

James glared and Peter hurriedly shook his head, scurrying off to his own bed and picking up his Potions textbook, the only subject for which he ever revised.

Sirius unravelled it and held it up to the light. He soon folded it back up and returned the box to its spot under Lupin's pillow, not even reacting to the strange looks James was shooting him. He collapsed onto his bed and pulled the curtains round him with the words _I will never be normal_ racing round his head.

"James?"

"Yes, Sirius?"

"If you're going in the morning, I'll go too."

James grinned, though Sirius could not see him. "Goodnight, gentlemen."

Sirius sat up and threw his curtains. "James, it's half past nine."

"Early to bed, early to rise. Go to sleep. You'll be up at six."


	26. In which Lupin has a good day

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_Deserted classroom, Gryffindor tower, 20:13 April 8th__ 1974_

It was odd without Lupin. Strange things always happened around him and they found themselves somewhat bored without chaos to wreak. The other boys had not seen him in just over a week outside of classes. He even spent lunchtime in his little deserted classroom. Of course, they knew exactly where he was. Indeed, they had visited him there to try to persuade him to come to the kitchens with them and see sense. All to no avail. He was completely wrapped up in the book he had borrowed two years ago and was obviously getting somewhere with it. He had even put an end to his Charms tutoring which were somewhat obvious attempts at flirtation by his little Ravenclaw fan club and while he pretended to hate it, he made it only too obvious that he secretly enjoyed it very much indeed.

So Sirius, James and Peter found themselves sitting with him while he muttered an incantation under his breath and paced. They talked amongst themselves after he had shouted at them for staring.

"Remus," said James, patiently, "why not call it a night if it's difficult?"

Lupin sighed. "It'll be difficult tomorrow at lunch too and I'll have less time. I'm going to do it tonight."

"You've been saying that for the last two years," said Peter, somewhat unkindly.

"I need a memory, Pete," Lupin explained. "I just don't have one that's good enough. I've tried the first time we went to Hogsmeade. I've tried wandering around with the cloak. I've tried flying. I've tried finding out I was coming here. I've tried meeting you. I've tried everything good that's ever happened to me." He growled in frustration and threw his wand down.

Sirius frowned. "I thought you said a Patronus was easy."

"In theory," snapped Lupin. "And I'm trying to get it to speak."

"Remus," said James, raising his eyebrows. "You're fourteen. Give yourself a break."

"No-one else is going to give me one," Lupin reminded him. "I'm a werewolf."

Sirius sighed. "Yes, Remus, believe it or not, we know."

Lupin's head whipped round and he stared at Sirius. For a moment, Sirius thought he was going to die slowly and painfully but Lupin cocked his head to the right and smiled faintly. His eyes glinted and he reached for his wand.

"Remus?"

He did not respond but turned to face the wall and squeezed his eyes tight shut and mumbled to himself. James caught the words, "…best friend…going to kill me…killed me by now…furry little problem…" and then, louder, "Expecto Patronum," more of a murmur than the shouting he had done previously.

Lupin felt the tingle at the tips of his fingers and opened his eyes in time to find his three friends staring, wide eyed and open mouthed. He followed their gaze and watched as the ethereal winged Patronus swooped through the air and landed lightly on James' shoulder.

"What is it?" asked James, staring at its colourless plumage.

"A swallow," said Peter. "Look at that tail."

Lupin was beaming at them and as much as they made him laugh, neither of them had ever seen him this happy or horrified as he realised he would now have to return the book two years out of date.

And this happiness was still emanating from him the next morning as he cheerfully spread marmalade lavishly across his toast and began to make up for all the meals he had missed, much to Mary McDonald's disgust.

"Are you actually going to eat all of that?"

Lupin looked up at her and said, "Are you actually allowing yourself to be seen with your hair looking like that?" He took a bite out of a pancake and smiled at her smugly. "Can you pass the bacon?" His inner Marauder had come out to play.

Lily pursed her lips and pushed the plate over. She glanced from Mary to Lupin who was obliviously working his way through his second helping. "I think," she said, "that Mary was wondering where on earth you put it all."

James took in his friend's twig-like physique and was inclined to agree. If he plated up three helpings of breakfast, he could kiss his sexual attractiveness goodbye. He'd look like Peter - that said, even Peter got dates. He shrugged and reached for more bacon.

"Well," said Lupin, buttering another slice of toast, "I burn it off by running round like a mad thing once a month. I can't handle weekly work-outs. I haven't got the time. I have four lots of homework to do, after all."

At this, the Marauders burst into laughter, leaving a thoroughly confused Mary and a smirking, enlightened Lily who had guessed two years previously. She composed herself and smiled as her best friend tapped her shoulder.

"Snivellus, what a wonderful surprise. How are you this morning?"

James earned himself a withering glance and it perked up Lupin's rapidly depleting cheeriness. He managed a smile for Snape who stared down at his plate and wrinkled his nose.

Lupin sighed. "What is it this morning with people watching me eat?"

Snape made no further comment and Lily left without even acknowledging their presence - highly odd in itself as she was usually perfectly polite to Lupin. As much as Lupin tried to concentrate on his achievement and the fact that he had eaten properly for the first time in months, he found that the scene at breakfast had been troubling him.

"Mary!"

Mary turned in the Charms corridor and flattened her hair. Sirius snorted. "Wow, Remus, suddenly you're _the_ person to go to on the subject of hairstyling."

Lupin frowned and ran to catch up with her. "Mary, I'm sorry. I had just been really happy and I've been skipping dinner for weeks. I was starving and a little bit irritable."

Mary smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I noticed you haven't been around much."

Lupin grinned back, relieved. "And your hair looks lovely, by the way. Shall we go to Charms?"

"REMUS!"

Lupin rolled his eyes. "It sounds like I have a date with the Prince of Darkness and his wand movements. I'll catch you later." He ran back along the corridor to his friends and as soon as he reached them, he was accosted by the tiny and twitching Professor Flitwick.

"I hear you can produce a Patronus?" It was a question and Lupin wondered who had told him. No-one else had seen and his friends wouldn't have had the time. Flitwick was almost bouncing with excitement and he would not have wanted to let him down if he couldn't. He nodded.

"Would you like to make it talk?"

Lupin beamed. "You'd teach me?"

"Naturally, naturally. Anything I can do to enhance talent, my boy. When did you manage it?"

"Last night, Professor. I've been trying for years."

"Well, well done. It's harder than it seems isn't it?"

Lupin smiled broadly, glad that he wasn't really just a simpleton. "It seemed easy; think of something happy and say the words but finding something happy enough was really difficult."

Flitwick nodded knowledgably. "Yes, yes. Well, any time you're free, I know you have a busy schedule…" he trailed off, winking.

Lupin laughed. "Thank you."

He was sent back to his friends, took his seat beside Sirius and beamed, happiness seemingly evaporating from him. Even Sirius, who had no idea what had just happened, was grinning inanely.

"Sweet, sweet karma," murmured Lupin. "I'll charm, you take notes." He sighed and slumped down in his chair. "I think I could use today for a corporeal Patronus. Isn't that great?"

Sirius, having no idea what the hell his friend was harping on about this time, nodded and smiled. "Remus, get to work, yeah? If Flitwick sees I'm not doing anything, he'll go mad again."

Lupin privately thought that seeing a very short man jump up and down as he shouted would actually be the icing on today's cake but didn't want to risk Sirius not speaking to him for a whole afternoon. Idly, he flicked his wand and immediately changed the colour of their snuffbox. "We're sorted."

Sirius stared enviously. "How do you do it?"

Lupin shrugged. "It's karma again. I have to be good at something. I think I'm the only person in this school who has managed to melt a cauldron every year he's been here."

Sirius grinned. "Yeah, but you never know when you'll need to dissolve Pewter. You're just boldly going where no wizard has gone before." He laughed. "So what's going on with you and Mary Mac then?"

And their Charms lesson - as their Charms lessons regularly did - became yet another free period in to discuss girls and the sheer coolness of Gandalf.


	27. In which James advises

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_Gryffindor Boys Dormitory March 18th__ 1976_

"James?"

James Potter dog-eared his page, sighing. This homework was impossible and Remus had refused to do it for him on moral grounds. Bloody Prefect badge. He never used to be this assertive.

"Yes, Moony?"

On the other side of the curtains, Lupin frowned. "Can I open the curtains, your Imperial Highness, or am I not fit to look upon your dashing masculine beauty?"

James threw them open, one eyebrow raised. "You're a bitch, Remus Lupin, a total bitch."

Lupin grinned. "I try."

"Was there anything in particular you wanted?"

Lupin immediately made himself at home, grabbing James' pillow and propping himself up with it. "Well, yeah." He sighed. "What am I going to do about Anna?"

James sighed and collapsed onto the other side of the bed. "Come here." Lupin moved the pillow and did as he was told. "Right, man up. So she's screwing McCormack. It's hard, Remus, but you've just got to face it. What's he got that you haven't?"

Lupin blew the air out of his cheeks. "Would you like the list?"

James rolled his eyes. "You know what he's got, Remus? He's got confidence and he fucking adores himself. He would actually marry himself if he could, but he can't so he's opted for Lovett because she's plainly besotted. Remus, she's not much to look at. I mean, she's a pretty girl - don't get me wrong, mate - but she's built like Buddha."

The door slammed. "Who is?"

"Ah, Wormtail, your thoughts on Anna?"

Peter shrugged. "She's all right, I suppose - if you like that sort of thing."

"Meaning?" asked Lupin.

"Meaning she's all tits and arse. Not my type, mate." He rifled through his drawers, scattering quills, biros, spare parchment and sheets of music that had nothing to do with one another, across his bed. "You haven't seen the sonata, have you? Flitwick's given me that bloody piece too many times to count."

James shook his head. "Share with that Hufflepuff you always arse around with." Peter blushed and fell into silence as he searched. "Anyway, Moony, what you need is some confidence."

Lupin looked dubious. "And some physical attractiveness. I don't understand it. My Mum's so beautiful and my Dad's not exactly been hit by the ugly tree so how the hell did they manage to produce a child with no attractive features whatsoever? That's what I want to know."

James smirked. "Now you're just fishing for compliments. You're way out of her league, mate."

"Hear, hear!"

Lupin laughed. "Thanks, Pete." His happiness was short lived.

"Sirius!"

Lupin groaned and stared intently at the ceiling as Sirius waltzed in, left the door open and strolled over, taking his time and blowing obscenely large bright blue bubbles. "Yeah?"

"Fat Annie - thoughts on?"

Sirius frowned for a moment. "I would." Lupin sat up with a jolt. "I mean, she's thick as shit, but she's got a cracking pair on her."

Peter hummed. "I thought you were a leg man."

"I _am_ a leg man, but _Remus_ is a _breast_ man and from the way he's staring off into the distance and pretending he's in Middle Earth, shacking up in the Shower with the wee hillbillies, I'd say it's Remus we're talking about here."

Lupin glared. "I think you mean Hobbits and you had better mean Shire."

James laughed. "Give him a break, Moony, it took him three weeks to figure out Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White were the same bloke."

Sirius smiled sarcastically. "Ah, but it only took me three days to work out Aragorn was a dick and you, Potter, are still hero worshipping."

Peter shook his head. "Bloody Muggle books. What did you want to go giving them to that pair for?"

Sirius turned slowly and said, "In English, Wormtail? Besides, you're a Sheep Shagger. You know nothing. Clinically proven."

Peter raised an eyebrow. "I'm going to choir now."

Lupin sighed and eventually convinced himself to get up. "Yeah, I have some homework to do." He grinned at James. "Give me your Defence. I'll finish it."

* * *

"Oi, Lupin!"

The Charms corridor was too full for Lupin to see just who had called him, but he knew his voice. James grabbed his arm and yanked him along the corridor. "Come on, Fruit-Loop, don't rise to it."

"Oi!"

Lupin sighed. "What did you say to him?"

Sirius bit his lip. "Not much. Stuff about a two inch cock and possibly accusing him of being a Vampire a few years back…that might have something to do with it."

Lupin frowned. "That was last year."

James raised his eyebrows. "It's McCormack. It took him this long to work out what we meant. Jesus. Come on."

"He knows about Anna?"

James squeezed tighter. "Maybe. He's not as thick as he looks."

Lupin was horrified. "No wonder he's been going for me all the time."

"And why do you think that is?" said Sirius. "He's blatantly insecure, so at least we know Anna likes you too."

"That's a huge comfort, Pad, thanks."

"Lupin!"

"Piss off!" James snapped.

McCormack smirked. "Potter, I advise you in future to stay out of things that don't concern you. May I also remind you that I am a Prefect? I have the power to make sure you barely see the light of the day next winter if you want to spend all your free time in detention."

James narrowed his eyes, an effect spoiled somewhat by his spectacles. "It'll be worth it."

"And he'll be with me. We won't care."

McCormack glanced over at Sirius who at sixteen towered over him and had muscles from Quidditch practice that appeared in the distorted fear of McCormack's mind to be the size of his head - muscles the bat had given him. Perhaps it was not wise to start picking fights with Beaters.

And Lupin, though taller than him, was scrawny and quiet and took the abuse thrown at him with vague interest.

Most of the corridor had now taken the same interest, wondering what would happen. If it came to physical blows, Lupin would surely be killed. Yet, if involved in a duel, Colin McCormack would be obliterated but would surely fire the first spell.

"Is it true you want to shag my girlfriend?"

Lupin remained silent, though Sirius smirked.

"Would anyone? Colin, do _you_ want to shag her?"

Colin smirked. "Course I do. Fat girls give better head." Before he could add anything further, the long, thin wand pointed between his eyes.

"Don't you dare talk about her like that again."

McCormack grinned. "So you _do_ want to shag her. Word of advice, Lupin, you're really not her type."

James' nose wrinkled in distaste. "If her type is you, can I just say that _I_ am very pleased about it so God only knows what kind of relief Remus is feeling about that."

Lupin smiled back at him and slowly lowered his wand, the tips of his ears turning a shade of magenta previously unseen by his friends. "Sorry," he mumbled, unheard by anyone other than James as the bell rang and the corridor emptied reluctantly.

"So why's he not her type then?" Sirius asked. "He's much better looking than you."

McCormack rolled his eyes. "Don't you have a class to go to?"

"Don't you have a dick to suck?"

"Does your mother, Lupin?"

Lupin sighed deeply and glared at Sirius, muttering, "Why did you have to start?"

"Does your mudblood mother?"

Sirius snapped, his fists clenching and eyes blazing. "Don't you fucking dare!"

Lupin, however, merely raised his eyebrows and remained uncharacteristically calm. He loved nobody like he loved his mother and this lassez-faire approach was starting to worry James and Sirius.

He placed a finger in his mouth and pulled it out, twirling a string of bright blue gum around it. With a slightly perverse pop, the gum left his mouth completely and he twirled his finger one last time, watching it as though he was wondering whether to diffuse it, take it out to dinner or copulate with it.

Colin laughed and was silenced when Lupin looked into his eyes, his pupils huge and his eyes shining.

"Waddiwasi."

The gum flung itself at McCormack and lodged itself in both nostrils. Colin shrieked and attempted to pull it out, seemingly having a panic attack as he did so. Unable to resist while furious, Lupin strolled casually over.

"Word of advice, Colin, learn when to hold your tongue." He turned back and said, "Oh, and my mother's a Muggle so technically, that filthy word does not apply in any way, shape or form so I will choose to ignore it. Oh, and by the way, Colin, she's passed a W.O.M.B.A.T. which I highly doubt you could do. If you'll excuse me, I'm late for History." He picked up his satchel and glanced back to a horrified James and Sirius. "Are you coming or not?"

"What?" James cried. "Are you serious? What are you, insane?"

Lupin's eyes widened further. "Well, what are we going to do then?"

"We'll take him to Pomfrey," said Sirius, calmly. "If you ask me, he deserved it, didn't you, Colin?"

James raised his eyebrows. "You have got to be joking me. Were you dropped on your head? What if he suffocates?"

"Pomfrey doesn't ask too many questions. No-one saw it. It's his word against ours." He winked at Lupin. "And he's a bastard. No-one will care."

Lupin shook his head. "She's bound to ask what happened."

"And we'll have to skip History," said James, somewhat disappointed. "And Peter will be wondering where we are."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh for God's sake. Most people would give their wand arm to be able to ditch History. Peter Schmeter. He'll meet us at lunch. Who cares? Colin, won't say anything, will you, Colin?"

Colin shook his head.

James smiled strangely. "So what are we going to say to Pomfrey?"

"We're not going to say anything," said Sirius. "Colin's going to go and say he had a funny turn and that's only if Remus here can't perform the Vanishing Charm." He turned to Colin. "And if he can, I'll break your nose so it can't ever happen again, deal?"

Colin recoiled. "Shut up, Death Eater."

"Take yourself to the Hospital Wing," said Lupin. "I'm not doing anything for you." He turned on his heel and felt James' arm link through his.

"Wow, Remus. I think that's the closest to mental I have ever seen you. I always thought you being furious was some tongue clicking and two exasperated sighs." He laughed when Lupin did, relieved that he wasn't going to be blasted with gum for his comment.

* * *

"Gentlemen?"

Lupin smiled sadly. "We're very sorry, sir. Unfortunately, Colin McCormack had a funny turn in the Charms corridor." His shoulders slumped as he caught sight of Anna's look of concern. "We were the only people near him and it took all three of us to carry him to the Hospital Wing."

Professor Binns pursed his lips but nodded towards the seat Lupin usually took, which they took to mean forgiveness. "And if I may continue, the Goblin Rebellions of 1867..."

James threw his books down and collapsed into his seat beside Lupin who raised his arm. "I'm sorry, sir, could you please recap?"

Fully aware that Lupin and Potter were the only people who actually listened to anything he said, their professor flicked back two pages and read aloud as Lupin furiously took notes, his quill blurring as it sped across his parchment.

James shook his head slowly. He was sharing a desk with the only person who possibly ever existed who could ask a teacher to recap a lesson because he had been late and succeed.

"Remus?"

Lupin hummed, not looking up from his notes.

"Can I just say that you are quite possibly the coolest person I have ever met."

"Thanks," replied Lupin, dryly.

"And if you want my advice, if Anna Lovett can't see that, then she's not worth your time."

Lupin finally put down his quill. "I am now torn between thanking you and being very glad that I chose my best friends well, or reminding you of instances involving a certain Miss Evans."

James rolled his eyes. "To reiterate my point, Remus, you're a bitch."

"I know." Lupin grinned. "But I'm a bitch who chews gum, so ye be warned." He laughed.

"Mr. Lupin?"

Lupin smiled. "I just thought that bit there about Goblin theft was ironic. Sorry."

Professor Binns tittered. "Well, yes, I suppose it is." He was evidently rather pleased that at someone shared his sense of humour. "Yes, good point, Mr. Lupin."

"How-?" But he was shushed. James gawped as Lupin returned to scribbling. He read over his friend's shoulder and his jaw dropped further as he read their entire exchange documented on Lupin's parchment.

"Shh," whispered Lupin, offering him a stick of gum. "I charmed it to dictate a while back."

Yes, definitely the coolest person in existence. And glancing over at the desk opposite, Lovett evidently thought so too.

"Mate, just ask her out."

"Who?"

James raised his eyebrows. "Who do you think?"

Lupin scoffed. "And have a repeat of today? No thanks."

"I'll orchestrate something, I mean it."

Lupin sighed. "You do that, James. You do that."

James smirked to himself. It may have been sarcastic, but it was still permission…


	28. In which Peter is bailed out

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**AN: Wrote this a while ago now and I can't really update or spend a lot of time on here because I am painting pretty much everything in my room, but I thought I'd upload because it's been a while.**

_June 12__th__ 1978, Dumbledore's office 21:43_

One thing James couldn't understand was why the vast majority of the faculty had to be present. All right, so they all had questions, but this was awkward enough even with only Dumbledore there. Lies raced through his head. How was he going to explain this one?

All four boys sat in silence as the Marauder's Map was laid out on Dumbledore's desk, open and plain for all to see the figures trailing around the castle, all neatly labelled in handwriting that was easily recognisable - Remus Lupin's.

McGonagall made eye contact with the unfortunate Lupin and pursed her lips, but said nothing.

"Gentlemen, I know this is yours."

Peter bit his lip as his eyes darted around the room, counting the exits which didn't take him long as there was only one and it was not an option.

"Moony," said Dumbledore, smiling and nodding toward Remus. Shrewdly, he peered over his spectacles, frowning slightly, "Padfoot, am I not correct, Mr. Black?" Sirius' jaw dropped open. "Prongs and Wormtail. Am I right?"

James nodded. "How do you know?"

"Well," said Dumbledore, indulging a little. "I think everyone in this room knows what Moony stands for, and a Padfoot is the symbol of your house, is it not, Mr. Black?" He turned to James. "Prongs?"

"My Patronus is a stag." He gestured with his hands pointing out from his head. "Like antlers. I can't believe I just did that."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "No, neither can I. I'm embarrassed for you."

"Wormtail?"

"Rat," squeaked Peter.

Sirius looked over at him and rolled his eyes. "Professor? Peter had nothing to do with this and he's plainly terrified."

McGonagall glanced over at Pettigrew and drew in a breath. "Mr. Pettigrew, your name - of sorts - appears on this map. Did you know that you were included in this?"

Peter swallowed and opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

James sighed. "We put him there. Well…I put him there, it was my fault."

"I was the one who suggested it," said Sirius. "If it's anybody's fault, it's mine."

Both Lupin and Peter remained silent; Peter, wondering if he was going to get away with it and Lupin wondering how long it was until his writing was recognised and he was given an infinite number of detentions for his remaining days.

"Mr. Pettigrew, you agree that you had no part in the making of this map?"

Peter paused a moment, remembering explorations with Lupin sketching beside him, holding the cloak over them; remembering transforming and creeping up the stairs into the girls' dormitories.

"Yes, sir."

"Then you may leave." He turned to the three boys. "Mr. Lupin, I am told that this is your handwriting. You may of course dispute this but if you do-"

"Test him, I would," said Filch, his eyes shining.

McGongall's soft spot for Lupin came in very handy. "I hardly think there'll be any need for that, will there, Albus?"

"Of course not. Mr. Lupin, if I may continue, if you do dispute this, please say so now."

Lupin swallowed. "It's my writing."

James frowned. "But we made him write it."

"Are you saying that Mr. Lupin performed only this role?"

"Expel the lot of them," hissed Filch.

"There doesn't seem very much point, Mr. Filch," snapped McGonagall. "They will be leaving school soon."

"Plainly full of dark magic."

At this, Lupin leapt out of his seat. "Now just a minute, I performed the charms on that map. I created the damn thing and I'm telling you now that there's not a dark spell on it. Not one. I…" He trailed off, watching Sirius roll his eyes and James shake his head. He returned to his seat. "I'm sorry."

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, do you agree with this statement?"

"Absolutely not," said Sirius. "We all played our parts. Poor Moony here was just trying to spare us the punishment."

Flitwick raised his eyebrows. "Albus, if I may so, the only person with the required talent is Remus here." Lupin blushed at the backhanded compliment. "I don't even teach this to the seventh years so Mr. Potter hasn't the necessary knowledge and Mr. Black, if I may say so, Sirius, lacks the certain flair this requires."

"Well then, gentlemen," said Dumbledore, smiling. "Would you mind telling me just what you contributed?"

"Well," said Sirius, "I suppose I spent more time out of bed than was strictly necessary."

James remained silent, not wishing to bring the cloak into common knowledge, but he met Dumbledore's eyes and the latter nodded.

"I'm going to have to punish you, gentlemen, you realise this? I will leave this in the capable hands of your Head of House." McGonagall nodded once and gestured for James and Sirius to follow her outside.

"Argus," said Dumbledore, softly, "thank you for bringing this to my attention-"

"You're very welcome, Professor. It was my pleasure."

"You may leave. I would like to speak to Mr. Lupin alone." His eyes flickered towards his door and Lupin swallowed hard, watching the staff make their exits.

Dumbledore opened the map once more and flicked through it, watching his employees head back to their various offices and quarters. "Marvellous," he said softly. "Superb craftsmanship. I feel as though congratulations are in order." He smiled warmly. "Did you see your Charms Professor almost bouncing out of the room?"

Lupin bit his lip and the tips of ears reddened. "You won't tell my father, will you?"

Dumbledore frowned slightly. "Why would I do that?"

"If you're going to expel me-"

Dumbledore laughed softly. "Mr. Lupin, I do not expel students for showing remarkable capability and curiosity. That's what I'm assuming this is?" He raised his eyebrows. "A test of your abilities?"

Lupin nodded, blushing further. After all, that was indeed how it had started out as they drew it up, thinking it was an impossible task. "Yes, sir. It was just blown out of all proportion."

Dumbledore nodded, imagining just what Filch would have said when he found it. "Mr. Lupin, Remus - if I may -, I am rather curious as to where you gained the necessary knowledge. Professor Flitwick has told me that he does not teach some of the charms here, at N.E.W.T. level. Do you mind telling me where you found them?"

Lupin sighed. "You can ask Professor Flitwick if you'd like proof. I asked him to sign a form for me, one that would let me take books from the Restricted Section and years ago Professor Maynard signed one for me that I never really took back. Professor McGonagall has been renewing it for me." He dipped his head and hid behind his fringe.

"Professor Maynard taught Defence, Remus."

Lupin pulled out his wand and tapped the parchment. "Mischief managed."

For a long while, Dumbledore was silent, staring at the blank parchment. "And you used defensive techniques to hide your information. I see. Very clever." He paused. "How long has this been in existence?"

Lupin swallowed hard. "In the state it's in now, half way through fifth year."

Dumbledore was plainly astounded. "At fifteen?"

"Well, sixteen."

"Mr. Lupin, if you performed these charms, which - from the information I have been given - I have absolutely no doubt you did, may I be the first to say that you are an extraordinary wizard."

Lupin's head shot up and his eyes widened. He stared back at his headmaster. "Um…thank you."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "And have you considered a career in charms?"

Lupin's smile faded. "No, sir. I haven't considered a career at all, really. I thought it was too optimistic."

Dumbledore smiled. "As soon as Professor Flitwick decided that he has had quite enough of us, I'm sure I could find you a position." He winked and folded the map. "I'm afraid I can't give this back to you." Lupin nodded. "And you will serve a detention, same as your friends."

"Yes, sir."

Dumbledore gave him that strange little smile again and said, "Off you go then."

Lupin did as he was told, wishing desperately that he had been able to take the map back and beat Sirius to death with it for being so careless.

"Remus?"

Lupin swung round. "Oh, have you seen the others?"

Peter shook his head. "I was waiting for you. What did he say? I was scared shitless. I thought we were all going to be expelled."

Lupin gave him a half-smile. "Yeah, well, you'd have been all right. Pad bailed you out."

"Remus, if I had been expelled, I would have been murdered by my mother."

They walked together along the corridors, expressing their hatred of Filch, their sympathy for James who was probably still suffering the wrath of McGonagall and their desire to do obscene things to Sirius in order to forgive him for losing their beloved map.

"It's this Nott business," Peter concluded. "If he's so obsessed with her, why did he dump her?"

Lupin rolled his eyes and sighed. "_Because_ he's so obsessed with her. You know what he's like. He just can't bear losing Electra, losing James to Lily and losing you to whoever you can get your mitts on, you little tart. You're getting worse than Sirius."

Peter grinned. "Good God, no!"

Lupin smirked. "Worse, Pete. Bisexuality means no-one's safe."

Peter elbowed him. "Shut up. Me and Mike-"

"And you and Aggie."

Peter shot him a death glare. "Me and Mike-"

Lupin rose to the challenge. "I think you mean Mike and I."

"If I mean Mike and you, Remus, there will be ructions."

Lupin laughed, trying to suppress it as Peter put a hand on his hip and sighed, waiting patiently for the fit of giggles to end. The sight only exacerbated matters.

"Oh, Peter, stop."

Peter rolled his eyes. "So you think Sirius is compensating for losing everyone he comes into contact with, by roaming around with the map?"

Lupin nodded. "Pretty much. He's been watching her go around on it."

Peter sighed. "Anyone would think _she_ had dumped _him_, not the other way round."

"She broke his heart, Pete," said Lupin, leading the way down to McGonagall's office. "She made him realise he _had_ one."

Just as they arrived on the first floor, the door flew open and James and Sirius closed it behind them, immediately starting to bicker.

"It was _your _fault."

"_My_ fault?"

"If you hadn't been arsing around with it all the damn time-"

"Well, if _you_ hadn't buggered off with Evans."

"Oh for God's sake. You are _so_ mature, Sirius."

"You're even starting to talk like her."

Lupin ran a hand through his hair. This was going to be a long night.

"Stop bitching, Remus."

Lupin raised his eyebrows and ran after them. "I didn't even say anything."

"No," said James, "but you had that 'God, give me strength' expression on your face."

"Yes, well, spending my time with you two means that's there by default."

Peter watched the three of them walk away from him, arguing amongst themselves, and wondered if they were already falling apart.


	29. In which Sirius is affected

**Disclaimer: See Prologue (force of habit - this doesn't have a prologue, it has a first chapter)**

**A/N: Because some people wanted to see it and frankly, I wanted to write it. I like Electra. She is the person I would like to be. As you will see, she always has a witty come-back at hand as opposed to thinking of it three days later. Sadly the only thing we have in common is our bright white skin because both of us just cannot tan.**

_June 2nd__ 1978 22:13 The Dungeons. Outside Slytherin Common room. _

It was cold and damp and dimly lit. Sirius had never been more pleased to be a Gryffindor with a fire and warm scarlet walls. Of all the things he would miss about her, visiting her dormitory would not be one of them.

The Portrait Hole swung open and the woman in question emerged. His eyes slowly made their way up to her face, starting at her feet and widening as he realised that she obviously wore those heels to bed. Or worse, perhaps she knew what he was about to do and she wore them for the sole purpose of embedding one of those seven inch monsters into his balls.

His eyes trailed along her impossibly long legs, lily white and absolutely flawless, covered barely where they joined by a pair of aqua blue pyjama shorts, and then up further, nipping in where her waist did and hurriedly over her breasts - which she spent ninety percent of her time complaining about - so as not to arouse suspicion. Then along her swanlike neck, finding her bobbed black hair disheveled and distinctly reminiscent of post-coital muss-up. Finally, his eyes met hers - electric blue and wide.

A dark eyebrow quirked. "Yes?"

Sirius frowned slightly. Worryingly, in those ridiculously tall shoes, she was almost the same height as Remus. His lines deepened. She was currently taller than James. It made him uneasy. If she picked a fight with him, it would be almost like being bitch-slapped by a bloke.

"Nice shoes."

Electra sighed. "If you'd given me a little more warning, I might have been able to find something other than the damn things I could barely stand in at Anna's eighteenth." She shuddered. "Never again."

Sirius winced. "Yeah…about that night. Listen, I was really out of it."

Electra rolled her eyes. "And you said something you didn't mean in the heat of the moment. It's fine. Don't worry about it." Her voice cracked. "Just forget it."

"And I really don't think we should carry on from that because…I don't feel that way."

Electra took a step back. "What the fuck?" Sirius remained silent. "So forty-eight hours ago, you were in love with me-"

"I _said_ I was. That doesn't make it true." Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was aware that he sounded like a child.

"-and now you're breaking up with me."

Sirius sighed, closing his eyes and massaging his temples. "Look, I had been drinking-"

Electra nodded and smiled sarcastically. "Funny you should say that because we have had sex before when you've been out of your skull and barely able to notice the fact that I'm supposed to get something out of it too, and you have never started screaming that you loved me before."

He sucked in a breath and hissed, "Fuck you."

Electra smiled smugly. "Have I touched a nerve? Oh dear. You poor little darling." Calming himself, Sirius apologized. "Oh, fucking save it."

"Lex, it would never have worked between us. I'm a Scorpio and you're a Capricorn."

Electra's striking face remained expressionless, as though she was bored. "Am I supposed to find that funny?" Her eyes blazed, midnight blue as her pupils enlarged. "I thought maybe there was something more to you than you were letting on. I thought maybe you were putting on a front, but you're not and you weren't. You're just the same as the rest of them." She turned on her heel.

"The rest of them?"

"Men!" Electra snapped, her voice a snarl. "You're the same as every other man, but you don't believe that, do you? No. You think you're God's gift. You all do. Potter swans around like he's the messiah, Pettigrew is a nasty little bastard and don't even get me started on that long eyelashes and pouty lips thing that Lupin's got going on. It's not fooling anybody."

Sirius froze. "Say what you want about me, but you leave my friends the fuck out of this!" He took a deep breath. "I like you, Electra." In fact, he loved her though he would enjoy spattergroit before he allowed her to become aware of this. Sirius Black with a heart? A ridiculous notion and one that had to be erased from the minds of all involved. Hence why this was necessary despite a two year relationship that suited them both down to the ground. "And I'd like us to be friends."

Electra scoffed. "Friends? You think we can be friends?" She took a step forward and stopped. He wondered whether this was because she couldn't stand to be near him or her heels did not allow for movement. "I know what your cock feels like. Two people who know that sort of stuff about each other can never be friends."

Sirius sighed. "Please don't do this to me."

"Don't do this to _you_. That's rich. Listen, Sirius, when my dog died, I didn't have him stuffed and mounted on my bedroom wall, okay?"

Sirius frowned. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means, Black, that I sucked your dick enough as your girlfriend and I certainly won't stick around to do it as the girl who always takes you no matter the time or place. Sorry to shatter your illusion. Goodnight." She stormed back into her common room and Sirius breathed a sigh of relief.

As break-ups went, that was not bad. She had not thrown something at him, she had not screamed at him, and she had not even wanted to be friends. It had been easy.

He found himself pouring over the map, lying in bed and watching her do the same. Was she crying, he wondered. Was she wishing she had not come out to meet him? He had been silent all evening, strangely serene, in fact - and no-one had bothered him, not even the ever-nosey Peter who had merely announced that he would be spending the night in the Hufflepuff dormitory many floors below.

And yet, as he watched her little green dot join with William McCormack's, he felt his heart rush into the back of his mouth and his stomach clench. He felt physically sick. He yelped, like a puppy that has been stepped on and hurriedly covered his mouth to force the sounds back in. He rocked back and forth, clutching his knees to him and watching the dots copulate.

The curtains opened and Lupin stood at the foot of his bed, watching him intently with a vague concern in his dull black eyes. He had never looked so rough, not even after full moons.

"Remus?"

He wore stubble remarkably well, it suited him, but his skin was sallow and there were scars along his neck that had not existed two days previously and that had been just after the full.

"Remus, where have you been? What happened to you?"

Lupin shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I'm not staying long. I thought you'd all be asleep. I've just come to shave." His breath was haggard, as though each caused him extreme pain. "And shower...and possibly change my clothes."

Sirius swung his legs round and stepped slowly towards Lupin, as though hardly daring to believe he was there. "Remus, where have you been?"

Lupin sighed. "The Shack." He cleared his throat. "That's where I always go when I need to think."

Sirius frowned. "You've been _living_ in there?"

Lupin shrugged, kicking a mothball that Sirius thought he had probably dragged in with him toward Peter's bed at the foot of the room. "No-one missed me."

"_I_ missed you." He turned and got back into bed, watching William's dot head down the stairs and into his own bed. He flung the map on the floor and Lupin rushed to pick it up, flattening it on his own bed, closing it and folding it gently.

"What's the matter with you?"

Sirius sucked in a breath. "William and Electra are…fucking."

Lupin frowned, blinking several times in quick succession. "What the hell have I missed?"

Sirius sniffed. "We broke up."

Lupin nudged his friend over and sat beside him. "Why would she break up with you? I thought you said you loved her."

"I _did_."

Lupin frowned. "You _did_ love her or you _do_ love her?" He never received his answer and wrapped his arms around Sirius. "I know how you feel."

Sirius extracted himself. "No, you don't. You're in _real_ pain and you're hurting so much that you won't even be seen. You didn't deserve this. No-one deserves what happened to you, Remus. Except maybe me. I brought this on myself."

Lupin sighed. "Where's James?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and made a derogatory sound. "With Evans."

Lupin took a moment to digest this. "I'm sorry."

Sirius shrugged. "It's not a bereavement."

"For letting Anna just take over my life, for not being here for you, for buggering off on a whim because I was feeling dramatic." Lupin smiled tentatively. "I suppose I take after my mum that way."

Sirius attempted a grin. "Get in the shower. You smell all musty and you've got dust in your hair."

Lupin laughed. "I'm fairly sure that's just premature grey."

Sirius arched an eyebrow. "And I'm fairly sure it's not. Get off my bed, you dirty stop-out."

He heard the sounds of the water without the usual slightly muffled singing, and winces when the razor nicked at his skin. Sirius wondered whether Lupin was going to stick around or change and return to the Shack as he had originally intended. He had not meant to sound so desperate - so needy - but as Lupin shook his hair dry and returned to the dormitory wearing a green jumper and brown corduroy trousers, seemingly clothes one would not associate with bedtime, he leapt out of bed and cried, "Don't leave me."

His breath caught as Lupin met his eyes. Of course, he found love and loyalty, but worryingly doubt; doubt and just the smallest hint of blame. Sirius was instantly reminded of the same look in his eyes when James had forced him to sit down and explain what he had done to Snape - what he had almost done to Remus.

"I'm sorry."

Lupin frowned slightly and his expression was the same as though he were reading a complex book, full of ideas he did not entirely agree with. It was the same expression he had adopted when reading the author's note of that God-awful book.

"What are you sorry for?"

Sirius wondered himself. If A.N. Onymous was not just that, he would have hunted him down and torn him to pieces even at thirteen years of age. And yet, he had betrayed Remus' secret. He had made crude remarks before Anna's news could be broken to him gently. He had done the same to Electra - forced her to hide away in the shell of her former self. She hadn't taken it to quite the extreme Lupin had - living in a Shack where no-one could find him - but she had immediately felt the need to remove all traces of him from her life. Sirius could not honestly say that he blamed her.

"For everything."

Lupin finally exhaled. "No, you only did what you thought was right. I've been avoiding Anna because I'm afraid, not you because I'm angry. You only did what any best friend should do. You didn't let her lie to me. I'm grateful. I should be apologising to you."

Sirius frowned deeply. "Why are you afraid of that bitch?"

Lupin smiled grimly, throwing back his curtains and lying on his bed. "The same reason you're afraid of Electra. I love her. You love Electra even though she's with William now and I love Anna even though she did that to me." He took a deep breath. "I would still give my life to keep her safe even though she has chosen danger of her own volition."

Sirius nodded, his mouth to dry to speak. Anna Lovett had betrayed his best friend in the lowest possible way. She had forced him into hiding from her for fear that he betray how he felt to all and sundry. Lupin had a perfectly good reason to be angry and depressed and frightened by his emotions.

Electra had merely not returned his feelings, at least not verbally.

"I need to see Electra."

Lupin smiled and nodded. "I think that's wise," and as an after-thought, added, "Good luck."

"Will you be here when I get back?"

Lupin shook his head slowly. "No, I think maybe-"

"Then I'm not leaving. Remus, you are far more important to me than Electra Nott, all right? And if you think that Anna's going to accost you in corridors, I'd like to see her fucking try." Lupin smiled softly. "You should have seen Peter last night. It was so bloody funny. He came _this_ close to bitch-slapping her. Full on. I nearly pissed myself."

Despite himself, Lupin laughed. "I think I'd pay to see that."

"And James did some bad stuff."

Lupin froze. "What kind of bad stuff?"

"Well, he stuck his wand in her throat and used it like he would a corkscrew and kept asking her where you were, but she didn't know. I think he thought she'd kidnapped you." Sirius smiled sadly. "Please stay. He'll be so pleased to see you. He's been out of his mind with worry."

Lupin laughed bitterly. "All he's done for the past three days before I walked off, is snap at me."

"He snaps at everybody," protested Sirius, "especially me. It's because his mum's ill. He's just lost it right now. You're the only one who knows how he feels, Remus. He needs you."

Lupin sighed, "I can't be his rock, Sirius. I'm just a spineless blob of goo right now."

"What happened to us, Remus?"

Lupin did not even ponder this. "Girls."

"Well, I'm not going near a single one of them ever again."

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Let's see how long that lasts."

Sirius grinned, finally regaining his sense of self. Fuck McCormack and Nott. He had a friend again now and he was no longer wracked with worry and self-loathing. "Well, I've sworn off them, you're afraid of them. Let's see if we can help each other out."

Lupin's eyes widened. "Okay, Shack time."

Sirius laughed. "I missed you, you sarcastic bastard."

Lupin softened. "I missed you too. It was too quiet."

"Stay then." Sirius smiled encouragingly. "If Lovett wants to say something to you, she can say it to all of us, and if she wants to say anything to James then, quite frankly, she's fucking lost it. To be perfectly honest with you, Remus, I am so tempted to suspend her upside down and remove her skirt. I would if I didn't think she'd enjoy it."

Lupin smiled softly. "I have never ran from anything in my life, not even a werewolf and we all know how _that_ turned out." He laughed bitterly. "But she makes me do things I don't understand. I don't understand why my blood starts to itch when I think about her. I don't understand why I'm sleeping in that horrible place. I don't understand why I have spent the last two days playing an out of tune piano, but I have. You're right, Pad, I can't go back." He took a deep breath and managed a smile. "So what about Electra?"

Sirius shrugged. "It's a bit late for that, mate. She'll live her life and I'll live mine. I'm such a dick." He ran his fingers through his hair. "So since it's just us, why don't we nip down to the kitchens and see what your fan-elves have to offer and then we'll prank Mulciber."

Lupin laughed. "Sounds like a plan."


	30. In which Lupin organises

**Disclaimer: See First Chapter**

**A.N: Yeah, this was a recent birthday present our Remus gave and I just had to use it.**

_Saturday September 4__th__ 1971, Gryffindor Boys Dormitory 08:34_

"What are you doing?"

Lupin could not reply as his tongue was currently poking out of the side of his mouth, clamped in place by tight lips. He frowned, his black eyes shining, in concentration, lifting his wand and sending the corkboard creeping up the wall, hooking it onto the nail that had stuck out, tearing mousy little Peter's cloak as he ran out of the door the night before.

Lupin gave a small sigh of satisfaction and took a step back to admire his work. "Well," he said, "someone had to organise you."

James groaned and grasped for his glasses, throwing almost everything off his beside cabinet in the search.

"Now," said Lupin, "if you were organised, you would keep them in a specific place every night so you knew where they were in the morning."

"Remus, holier than thou will piss people off at three o'clock in the morning."

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "It's half past eight and they're in the drawer. You put them there when you went to bed."

James adjusted them and frowned deeply. "What the hell is that?"

"It's a notice board."

Lupin set to pinning a calendar and the three photographs he had of his two friends, to it.

"Where did you get a notice board?"

"It's from my bedroom."

James shook his head slowly. "I don't believe it. Oi! Sirius!"

The curtains twitched and Sirius made a sound that was distinctly reminiscent of prehistoric hunter gatherer. "Wozza time?"

"Half past eight."

"Piss off."

Sweet, sweet silence reigned for all of about four seconds.

"I don't believe it; he's gone back to sleep."

Lupin ripped a piece of parchment and scribbled _Potions homework - due in Tuesday._ "What did you expect? It's Sirius."

The bathroom door opened and James collapsed onto his pillows, feigning sleep.

"Oh, good morning, Peter. If you want to use this, you're welcome."

Peter gave him a half-smile, but did not approach or even ask what it was. "Thank you." Privately, he still wondered why Remus Lupin took such an interest in him and his well-being. They barely knew one another and somehow, Peter got the impression that was just the way James wanted it. "I'm going to go to breakfast now."

"Okay, see you later."

Peter hovered by the door but changed his mind and closed it behind him. James immediately sat up.

"Remus, stop talking to him all the time."

Lupin pinned up _Library books due in on September 24__th_ and _Ask Prof. Maynard about Restricted Section._ "Why?"

"Because he might think we want to be his friends." James flung off his pyjama top, swapping it for a bright crimson jumper.

Lupin, utterly unimpressed, drew a circle around September 13th. "Tartan trousers. How fetching. Good look, Jamie."

James smiled sarcastically. "What's on the 13th?"

Lupin froze. "It's…it's um…I'm going…um…home. My…my mother's ill."

"Oh. Okay. Give her my best, yeah?"

Lupin smiled and looked moderately pleased with himself. "Yeah. Yeah, okay." He returned to the calendar, circling more dates.

James frowned but decided not to press the subject. Evidently Mrs. Lupin was ill a lot. "So you've cleared it all with Dumbledore, have you?"

Lupin twitched. "Yeah. My Dad did it all. I have…dates…you know…to go. About um…t-twice a month. Every f-f-four weeks."

James wandered over to the board and wrapped an arm around Lupin -easy for the time being as Remus was still a head shorter than him. "You're stutter's back." He rolled his eyes. Talk about stating the obvious. "Listen, Remus, of course you're worried. What is it, if you don't mind me asking. Will she get better?"

Lupin shook his head. "No cure."

"Well, how old is she?"

Lupin ran a hand through his hair. "Twenty-eight."

James' mouth dropped open. "Twenty-eight? Really? My Mum's like fifty."

"Will you two shut up? I'm trying to sleep."

James detached himself from Lupin. "Sirius, it's nine o'clock. Get up! Remus is having a crisis."

"Christ, another one?"

Lupin laughed. "I'm not having a crisis. Is there anything you need to remember this week?"

"To murder the pair of you. Better write it down for me."

Lupin glared darkly from under his fringe. "You can laugh now."

Sirius groaned and finally emerged from under his covers. "Remus, I am looking at you when I should be looking at the insides of my eyelids. I have never seen anything _other _than the insides of my eyelids at this time on a Saturday morning before. I am _not_ laughing."

Lupin made a face behind his back and James sniggered.

"What?"

Lupin's eyes widened. "Nothing, Sirius."

Sirius ripped off a piece of parchment and wrote like a calligrapher, making Lupin insanely jealous.

_Kill (and eat?) Remus_

"You're so funny, Sirius. I almost cracked a rib."

James laughed. "You're such a bitch, Remus."

Lupin frowned. "If that's true, James, why is that you want me as a friend but not Peter?"

James rolled his eyes. "Because Peter's creepy and you're not. Please don't get sympathetic and deep. It's too early."

Sirius shook his hair into place. "You're telling me. Can we get breakfast now? I am dying for some bacon."

"No, no, no. Peter's gone. Give it ten minutes."

Lupin was horrified. "James!"

"He follows me around and…asks how I am…and…yeah."

Lupin scoffed. "You mean he's pleasant to you? Oh, heaven forbid, James. Someone call the Aurors in."

James slapped him round the back of the head. "Shut it, Remmykins."

"James! That hurts!"

"I know, but it's very therapeutic."


	31. In which James is blatant

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_May 3rd__ 1978 02:19 Gryffindor Common Room_

Bugger off is what James Potter's eyes would have said if they could speak to the seemingly innocent and unobservant Black, but as they could not, they made do with glaring and widening at appropriate times when he thought his girlfriend wasn't watching him.

"And I said to Colin, I said…Christ, what was it I said?"

James raised his eyebrows pointedly. "It wasn't fuck off and go to bed, by any chance, was it?"

Sirius frowned. "Do you know, I think it was. I think it was fuck off and go to bed with a Basilisk."

James nodded. "A sentiment I very much echo. Though I was thinking maybe Hungarian Horntail as opposed to something as tame as a Basilisk."

Sirius nodded. "Oh, I see. I get it. So it's come to this, has it?" The pain in his eyes sent panic flooding through James' system. "You want me out of the way, don't you?" He glanced down at Lily. "You're cutting into boy time. It's dangerous territory."

James raised his eyebrows. "Boy time?"

"Yeah. With Remus being forty years older than he actually is and Peter being worse company than my mother's innards, I don't get much of it these days and now you've gone all sensible and reliable and dependable on me. I don't like it, James. It's freaking me out."

James nodded solemnly. "I hope you don't mind if I don't take you too seriously, Pad, because you've smoked so many unidentified leaves from Greenhouse Six, that your own shadow would freak you out."

Sirius accepted this with a Continental shrug. "Quite possibly. If you'll excuse me, I'll work on my plan to sneak into bed with Remus because he just might give me a cuddle if I cry a bit."

"If you wake Remus up, you'll be more likely to get a cuddle out of your mother."

Sirius sighed deeply. "You're lucky I like you and that you look rather good together and that you're lucky. You're lucky that you're lucky. Oh, that's deep."

James smirked. "No, that's nonsensical."

"You've changed."

James grinned. "You're flying higher than my Nimbus right now, so I'm going to suggest you go to bed, Pad. And leave Remus alone if you know what's good for you."

Sirius nodded solemnly. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I'm going to bed now."

"Goodnight." James breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed back into his favourite spot on the sofa, beside his girlfriend. "I actually thought he was never going to leave for a minute there."

Lily smirked. "And you were keen for him to leave because…?"

James raised his eyebrows. "Because he embarrasses me in front of girls. It's his hobby."

"I think you embarrass yourself enough without his help."

James fixed her with a vaguely amused, half-hearted glare. "Who's side are you on anyway?"

Lily grinned. "Depends."

"Depends? Miss Evans, I am shocked and horrified." He frowned slightly. "Depends on what?"

"On what's in it for me."

James opened his mouth to counter this and found that he had lost the power of speech. He closed his mouth, retaining at the very least the ability to realise that this was not a good look.

Lily moved closer, pushing her hair forward, the first sign that she was not entirely comfortable with the code of conduct vis-à-vis seduction and only too aware that her boyfriend most certainly _was_. "So…er…what's in it for me?"

Still speechless, James merely blinked repeatedly, tempted to pinch himself. Desperately, he wished Sirius were here, just to verify that he heard correctly and if he had, that he was reading the right signs.

"My unending gratitude?"

Lily took a deep breath and tried desperately to follow the advice of every trashy magazine she had ever come into contact with. "Wrong answer."

James took hold of her hand. "Sorry. Can we just…clarify? What happened to me? Was it a quick death?"

Lily was thoroughly confused and could not even summon a sarcastic quip to hide it. "I was just wondering if things had….if maybe we were…I was just saying too much."

James beamed at her. "Come here." She shuffled closer and pressed herself into him as his arm snaked slowly around her. "What happened with Adrian?"

Lily's mouth dropped open. "Adrian Greene? Adrian who I found out was admiring your best friend in drag?"

James laughed. "Yeah, sorry about that. That was probably the most ridiculous thing I ever thought up."

"Yes, it was rather; although I'm tempted to go with the time you and Remus made spot-cream from Mandrake leaves."

James sighed. "I can't believe he told you about that."

She giggled. "He had to. He'd come out in a rash that covered most of his face, James. I was bound to ask."

James rolled his eyes. "Yeah…well. Anyway, Adrian?"

"Got no further than anyone else."

He frowned. "Rather ambiguous."

"Merlin, do I have to spell it out?"

"Er…preferably."

Lily sighed deeply. "He got nowhere. No-one has ever got anywhere." She frowned. "What do you want to know for anyway? It's not like you're a pure little innocent."

James smirked. "I've never been innocent; not even at birth." He avoided her gaze and muttered. "Except in some respects. Me too, incidentally."

Lily scoffed. "_You_?" He nodded. "_You_ are a virgin?" She laughed, throwing her head back and laying a hand across her throat as though thinking her boyfriend was about to bite it.

"What's so funny about it?"

His tone immediately silenced her and Lily's eyes widened. "Well, it's not _funny_, James, it's just unbelievable."

James smiled softly. "I'll take that as a twisted compliment and not as the insult it was obviously intended to be."

"Is that why you wanted to get rid of Sirius?"

James laughed. "Maybe. He still thinks Kathryn Verona took it."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "And who told him that then?"

"I know what you're thinking," said James, holding his hands up in surrender. "But it was Kitty, actually. The fact that they ended up shagging and he clearly took hers did not deter him. I don't think anything does when he's getting action. Sirius is like a pitbull terrier. The only way you can get him off is with cold water. You don't want to go getting your hands in there, you'll lose them."

Lily's eyes were decidedly reminiscent of a rabbit in headlights. "I really think it's best if I don't ask about that one."

"Remus will vouch for me."

"I'm _definitely _not going to ask."

She shifted slightly and stared into the fire, unsure how to steer the conversation back to more familiar territory.

"Do you sometimes see shapes in the fire?"

Lily looked up sharply. "You mean like Divination and those bloody tea leaves? You're not seeing sheep again, are you?"

James nudged her playfully. "Shut up, Evans. You were the one telling me the damn thing was a boat."

"It looked more like a boat than a sheep."

A yawn from the bottom of the stairs made them both jump. James narrowed his eyes suspiciously. On the one hand, it was Remus and he was unlikely to make a comment that might put him in a compromising position. On the other, it was Remus and he was a sarcastic bitch when he wanted to be.

"I think you two are the only people I know who use arguments as a form of foreplay."

Lily smirked. "Where are you going at this time of night?"

"Anna."

She watched him traipse up the stairs leading to the girls' dormitories, casting counter charms to McGonagall's wards as he went. "I could give him detention for that."

"Go on. Do it. It would make my year. Name: Remus Lupin. Crime: Being a slut."

Lily hit him with her cushion. "He's not a slut. You're just a sexless old bag who'll have to knit his own jumpers and share a house with fifteen cats."

James nodded solemnly. "And I'm asking you whether you'll save my very soul here. And, you know, stop Sirius popping round and making jokes about it all the time."

Lily froze. "If you tell him all the gory details, it'll be the last time we have it."

James winked. "If there is one thing Professor McGonagall has taught me, it's quality not quantity, Lil."

Lily sighed. "I bet Anna's not taking this crap from Remus."

"Only because Remus can only wish he was this smooth."

"James, seriously, do you ever shut up?"


	32. In which Peter apologises

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: It's been a while hasn't it. This is for everyone who prompted me into this. Thanks for poking me until I finally started to write Peter again.**

**A/N: This one follows on from Chapter 25**

_May 1973 Hospital Wing 17:23_

"Remus."

Lupin's eyes fluttered open and he winced as his muscles protested to his sitting up in bed. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

Lupin groaned. "What the bloody hell for this time?"

Peter shifted awkwardly. "Snooping."

Remembering Peter's slip up remark about the organisation of his chocolate that morning, and the subsequent glare from James, Lupin smiled grimly. Surprisingly, Sirius had not said a word which he could not decide to be a good or bad thing. Either he was innocent in the matter or he was hiding something, and Lupin was inclined to believe it was the latter.

"Forget it, Peter. It's all right."

"Yes, but-"

"I said forget it. Look, I'd be curious too. It doesn't matter."

Peter bit his lip. "And if I have any questions-"

"You'll go to Professor Dearheart."

Peter looked somewhat downtrodden, though Lupin could not for the life of him think why. If he had been handed a legitimate reason to visit Catherine Dearheart, he would have thought all his Christmases had come at once.

"Okay, well um…shall I leave you to sleep?"

Lupin closed his eyes. "Much appreciated. Thanks, Pete." He heard the chair scrape back and the footsteps along the hall but he still felt as though he was being watched. He yawned and opened one eye and found Sirius peering at him. "Ahhh! Jesus Christ!"

Sirius smirks. "Did I startle you?"

Lupin took a deep breath. "Oh, only a lot."

Sirius' face became rather suddenly serious. He bit his lip. "Look, I did it too."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "I knew it."

"In fact, it was my idea."

Lupin nodded. "Yeah, I can believe that."

"And we…well, _I_ looked in your little box."

Lupin froze. "What?"

"You know, the little yellow one under your pillow."

"Why would you do that?"

Sirius stared at metal bed frame, addressing it. "I er…I wanted to know what you kept in it."

Lupin hid his face in his hands. "I look like even more of a freak."

Sirius' eyes darted up. He took a deep breath, realising what he had done to Lupin. "Fruit-Loops, honestly, I don't think you're a freak at all."

"You have to say that."

Sirius shook his head despite knowing that Lupin could not see him. "No. No, I don't. You're the best person I know and…and I'm sorry."

Lupin removed his hand and gripped his sheets, refusing to look Sirius in the eyes. "My Dad made it for me, the dolls too. They're us; my family, I mean. They were supposed to take my nightmares away. They…well, they worked so…I…I b-brought them with m-m-me." His stutter had returned and he was inwardly cursing himself. He sucked in a breath and Sirius just knew that he was counting to ten before he spoke.

"Remus, I want to talk to you about what was in there."

Lupin closed his eyes and nodded. "Okay."

"You're afraid of spiders?"

Lupin smiled but he still didn't look up. "My Mum is too. It's just a quirk we have. We know it's ridiculous."

Sirius beamed at him. "Please look at me."

Lupin met his eyes and threw out his chin, almost defiant.

"Why are you still worried you won't make friends? We're your friends. I know we didn't act like it last night, but we want to be and we're really hoping you'll forgive us. I know James took a lot of the blame for it, but he never wanted to and I think I forced him a bit. Even if you don't want to speak to me and Peter, don't do it to James, he'd be distraught."

Lupin shook his head. "You know I want to speak to you. You know I've forgiven you."

"You obviously didn't want to anyone to see those."

Lupin shrugged. "Shouldn't have brought it then, should I?"

Sirius was aghast. "Don't you dare blame yourself. It's like a habit and in truth, I still bring a diary for 1970 just because it was the last birthday present my mother bought me. My comfort-blanket is much more ridiculous than yours."

Lupin softened. "No it's not. Sirius-"

"And most importantly, why the fuck do you want to be normal? Normal is shit. Who wants to be normal? You're brilliant, Moony. You know why? Because you're the most bat-shit insane person I have ever come across."

Lupin grinned at him. "You really think so?"

"Yeah, Remus. And everyone likes you. You don't even know how much."

Lupin glanced at Sirius through the corner of his eyes. "Are you going to add anything to that?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Now you're just fishing for compliments."

"Well, it sounded like you were about to tell me you loved me."

"You're such a dick." Lupin laughed. "You're a bastard and still everyone thinks you're a saint. That's why you're abnormal. Merlin, Moony, that's brilliant."

Lupin bit back a smile. "Will you do me a favour?"

Sirius nodded. "Sure."

"Can you find the box and rip them up?"

"What?"

"The worries. Rip them up. Leave the spiders though. I haven't been cured yet."

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. "I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast, yeah?"

Lupin nodded. "Sirius?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Thank you."


	33. In which Sirius' head is turned

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: For Padfoot's Blondie who asked for this.**

**A/N 2: Sorry, I have been rushed off my feet with my original stuff and I haven't even replied so you have my sincerest apologies. Thank you everyone.**

_September 7__th__ 1971: The Dungeons: 10:02_

"Well, what are you going to do then? Stand in that room and stare at her for another hour?"

Lupin thought about this and weighed up his options. On the one hand, Sirius had offered to get said girl to speak to him. On the other, it was Sirius.

"Er…yes."

"Remus, you can't be serious."

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "I'm deadly serious. Don't even think about going within ten yards of her."

"Ten yards of who?"

The little Irish girl fell into step with him, abandoning her friends who Sirius thought were giggling more than they really needed to.

Lupin froze. "Um…my…er….my…cousin Betty."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Since Remus isn't about to do introductions, hello. I'm Sirius." He held his hand out and Anna shifted the books she had clutched to her chest, balancing them with one arm and shaking Sirius' hand.

"I'm Anna."

Though the obvious answer was 'Yes, I know. We have heard nothing but your name for the past three days', Sirius had the sneaking suspicion that mild as he was, Lupin was not the sort to be trifled with.

"Okay, well Sirius and I have to go now," said James, smiling and shaking her hand.

Anna frowned. "But we have Potions now."

James nodded. "Yes. I just…forgot my stuff so we have to go back. That way if we're late, we'll have a detention together. See you."

Sirius turned and almost walked headlong into Anna's raven haired friend.

"Watch where you're going," she snapped, not sparing him a second glance. Her eyes returned to Lupin and Anna.

Sirius' mouth dropped. "Did you see her?"

James rolled his eyes. "Listen, Remus likes her and it is blatantly obvious she's rather fond of Remus-"

"Not that fat little lump. Her mate."

James raised an eyebrow. "You mean the one that looked at you like you were a dead rat someone had left outside her door?"

"Yeah. She's Orestes' sister - can't remember her name - and we used to spend time together when we were kids; me and Orestes, I mean."

James shrugged. "You realise I don't know who these people are, right?

Sirius shrugged. "What did you forget anyway?"

"Nothing, you idiot. I just thought we should just leave Remus alone with her."

Sirius gawked. "You thought _what_? How could you think that was sensible? You know what he's like!" He grabbed hold of James' wrist and pulled him down the stone staircase. "You're an idiot, Potter."

James clicked his tongue. "I thought that's what people do. I know _I'd _like you to bugger off around girls."

"Yes, but _you_ can handle them. Remus is different. He's only got to smell estrogen and he becomes a total fool."

The class were still waiting outside Slughorn's door. Anna looked up at them.

"That was quick."

Lupin smirked. "Suspiciously quick."

James cleared his throat and kicked at some imaginary object. "Yeah, well, what happened was…we er…"

"James realised he had left it in the bottom of his bag."

"Yeah."

"All right, come in and set up."

* * *

_Great Hall 12:30_

Lupin toyed with his toad-in-the-hole, eventually giving up on eating.

"Don't you want that?" Lupin shook his head. "Pass it this way then."

Sirius' expression was one of moderate disgust. "Seriously, James, do you ever stop eating?" He looked back at a melancholy Lupin and decided it was time to take action. "Well, you finish that and me and Remmy will meet you in Charms."

"Stop calling me that!"

"What? You can't leave me!"

"Shut up and eat. You can't waste all that. Starving children in Ethiopia, remember that."

"Come on, let's go out."

Lupin frowned. "I don't want to go out with you. I like girls." Sirius smacked him round the head. "Ouch!"

James glowered and shoveled down Yorkshire Pudding as Sirius grabbed hold of his other friend and dragged him out into the corridor.

"Speaking of liking girls, what happened?"

Lupin shifted awkwardly. "You mean with Anna?"

"No, I meant with McGonagall. Who the hell did you think I meant?"

"Well, we made a Soup of Blessings - same as everybody else."

"Remus, seriously, I will punch you in the nose. What happened?"

"Nothing."

Jokingly, Sirius clenched his fist and half-heartedly aimed it toward the middle of Lupin's face, but Lupin grabbed it only millimeters from his nose.

"Wow."

Lupin immediately dropped it. "God, I'm sorry."

"That is one hell of a reflex."

"I just-"

"So cool."

Lupin froze. "Sorry, what?"

"That is so cool. I wish mine were like that."

Lupin shook his head. "No, you don't."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Come on, we said we'd meet the gannet."

They walked beside one another, matching their steps exactly - much as Lupin was loathe to admit he was in tune with this boy - in an easy silence that Sirius did not attempt to break.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"What would you have done anyway?"

Sirius laughed and beamed at him. "I'd rather not say. It would give you nightmares for a fortnight."


	34. In which James is in ecstasy

**Disclaimer: See First Chapter**

**A/N: I admit it. I love her. I actually enjoy writing her. I am seriously sick - I create her, love her, force her to marry a man she doesn't really want to, miscarry, and die. I love you Fat Annie!**

**A/N: I love watching Sirius grind her into the ground just a little bit more.**

_North Tower, Divination Classroom 14:21 January 12th__ 1974_

"This is a travesty to the Education System."

Sirius glanced across the table, watching his best friend practically wet himself having been paired with Lily Evans. And who was he paired with? A fat little Leprechaun with dimples.

"Screw the Education System. I'm more worried that you're going to make up a future for me that involves prison sentences and falling off things and seeing grims all the time."

Anna scoffed and took a sip of her tea. "By that logic, we'll _both_ be dead by the time we're forty then, because I don't see you telling me my life will be sunshine, lollipops and rainbows either. Chin, chin." She knocked the dregs of the cup back and pushed it across the table to Sirius.

"Okay, I see…um…" he flicked through the book. "I see a sun which means you'll be happy, but I see a mask which means you'll be hiding a secret. Perhaps you're not supposed to be happy. You have a Full Moon too." He smirked. For all Remus' moaning… "Or maybe it's just a clump of leaves. And a blanket. That's security…and babies, apparently. You'll have a Security Baby. Okay, now do me."

Anna raised an eyebrow. "I would rather gouge out my own eyes."

"You're such a pervert."

"You're such a dick." She took his cup and peered into it. "Ooh, looking good, Black. You've got a snake, a knife, a tower and a key."

Sirius shrugged. "Are you going to elaborate?"

"Are you prepared for it?" She smirked. "Okay, a snake means someone will betray you. I bet it's Potter. I bet it. You're both so fickle. A knife means death and division. So you'll die separated from something or someone. A tower is imprisonment which I can actually really believe. Though you don't have a sign for indecent exposure so who knows. And the key is liberation. So you'll be imprisoned but you'll get out." Anna set the cup down and smiled sweetly. "Let me see my cup, I'm not sure about a moon and some blankets."

She set about reading her signs while Sirius sat watching her, mouth agape.

"Well the moon means a dark side to my nature. Oh, that'll be fun. That's not a blanket, you idiot. It's a square. That means I'm down to earth. At least I haven't got my head in the clouds."

Sirius leant back in his chair. "You're a right little ray of sunshine, aren't you? I demand a second opinion." He turned around.

"And that looks like a sheep," said James, peering into Lily's cup.

Lily pursed her lips. "There isn't an entry for sheep. For such a wooly subject, they seem to be very precise in the book."

Both James and Sirius laughed.

"I don't see what so…oh, for God's sake. Grow up. Is there any reason you're eavesdropping, Black?"

Sirius scoffed. "Yeah, right. You know how much I hate the sound of your voice. Why would I willingly put myself through listening to you speak? No, I was wondering - since we both seem to think we're about to be sexually assaulted by our partners - whether you wanted to swap seats."

Lily picked up her book. "Absolutely. Who have you got? Anna. Brilliant. Finally, someone who knows what they're talking about." She took Sirius' seat. "Does that look like a sheep to you?"

Anna picked up the cup. "Um…no, it's a boat."

Lily turned. "Did you hear that, Potter? It's a boat."

"Like you said, Lil, the whole thing's wooly. Everything's a sheep. And sheep is in the book. It means disease."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm surprised Fat Annie didn't find it in mine then. Have a look at that. What do you make of it? Do you see a knife?"

James glared at him. "If I did, it would be in you after you moved her away."

"Look, I'm sorry, James, all right? I'm sorry. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I was going to be locked away and stabbed and betrayed and my cow was going to get the plague. I was so depressed."

James laughed. "Your cow was going to get the plague? You haven't even got a cow."

Sirius shrugged. "All right, so I might have exaggerated a bit. Give me your cup. Let me see."

James switched their cups and peered inside. "I see a lot of butter in your future." He bit back his grin and said, "Yeah, you're going to fail your exams and become a farmer and then your only cow is going to get the plague and you're going to fall on your own butter churn so you can die with dignity."

Sirius smiled sarcastically. "From the boy who thought a boat was a sheep."

"Easy mistake to make when you think about it."

Sirius was horrified. "_How_ is that an easy mistake? You wait until I tell Remus. You'll never live it down."

James sighed. "Do you remember how much time we spent laughing at him when he said he would rather be dead than sit in here?"

Sirius nodded. "And now you're starting to see his point?"

"With disturbing clarity, Sirius. Disturbing clarity."

Sirius sighed. "Me too sometimes. It _is _fun though. I can think of worse ways to spend an hour. He's probably bored shitless up in Ancient Runes. I know I would be."

That sentence sealed it. If Sirius hated it, Remus was probably having the time of his life and James was now begrudging him every second of it.

"So what have we learned today?"

"Sirius' cow will get the plague."

"Life is a disease."

"Fat Annie's going to have a security baby."

"Lily's bought a yacht."

"Shut up!"

"Bite me, Lovett!"

* * *

"Hi!"

The three boys stopped in the middle of the busiest corridor in the school and waited for Remus to catch up with them; not easy when he was carrying so many books he could barely see over them.

"What kind of reading material do they give you in Runes?"

Lupin handed a selection to both Peter and Sirius and turned to answer James' question, slotting books into his satchel as they headed to the Dungeons.

"Hmm? Oh, these. No, these are the books I asked Professor Flitwick for. I just stopped in his office. How was Divination?"

"Great news for you," said Sirius. "I saw your future. Security babies with Fat Annie."

Lupin faked surprise. "Not the clanging bells of doom? Bloody hell."

Sirius scoffed. "Well, I would say so. Unless you used a turkey baster."

Lupin elbowed him. "Shut up."

"Bite me!"

Lupin glared at him. "At least I'm not a Vampire, or I'd do it right here and right now."

James laughed. "No wonder everyone thinks you're a poof."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Saw that in your tea leaves too, did you?"

"I was too busy concentrating on Lily's sheep."

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Is that a euphemism?"


	35. In which Peter pushes his luck

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Yeah, another long break. Sorry about this.**

_November 2nd__ 1974 Gryffindor Common room_

"It was so ironic." Peter shook his head and laughed.

Lupin sighed, exasperated. "Peter, 'ironic' has now lost all meaning. It can usually be replaced with 'Wow' or 'Dude, check this out'. That's not what ironic means and it's pissing me off."

Peter raised his eyebrows. "What's the matter with you?"

"I see. You can't grasp the Queen's English, so there's something wrong with me?"

Sirius draped himself across the back of the sofa, balancing on the small space chosen for himself. "Yo, bitches."

Lupin stiffened. "Don't even start."

"Merlin! Who rammed the stick up your arse?" Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "Jump down my throat, why don't you."

Peter watched his Chocolate Frog leap away from him and slumped against the leg of the sofa. "It's about Potions."

"Jesus tap dancing Christ, Remus. Lighten up."

Lupin pushed his fringe back. "Lighten up? Lighten up? This is the first time I have ever failed anything in my life."

James sucked the end of his quill. "Key Stage Two Maths?"

Lupin narrowed his eyes. "I did _not_ fail Key Stage Two Maths! I just didn't do as well as everyone else."

"So you failed then?"

Lupin swung round and pushed Sirius off the back of the sofa. Casually, Peter bit the legs off his frog and said, "You know, Remus, I could help you. I mean, I don't know what you're doing but I bet you're just confusing your flies."

James rolled up his Transfiguration homework and leapt out of his seat. "I know what's good for you."

"If you say a trip to the Kitchens, I'll-"

James laughed. "No, a trip to Greenhouse Four."

"Greenhouse Four? What the hell do you want from that?"

Sirius smirked, taking the seat next to Lupin. "Well you know your Bindi?"

Lupin glowered. "My spot, you mean."

"Yeah, the one that looks like a Bindi." Sirius grinned. "You know? The one that's right in the middle of your face."

"That's his nose," said Peter, flicking through the latest edition of _Gnomes and Gardens._

Lupin cleared his throat meaningfully. "Like you're one to talk."

"It _is_ abnormally large, Remus."

Lupin covered it with one hand and frowned. "It's not that bad, is it?"

Sirius positively cackled. "You are so easy to wind up, you know that."

* * *

James shushed him and hurried Lupin into the greenhouse.

Lupin, ever organised, peered at the labels along the shelves. "What exactly am I looking for?"

"Anything that looks like it might clear our spots up, Moon. If it looks like it's going to blow up, we'll take it."

"Who's going to make it?" hissed Lupin. "I-"

James shook his head violently. "No, Remus, not you. Not after today's lesson."

Lupin frowned. "Do you think I really will be lucky to get a T?"

"No, mate. Slughorn's just had it out for you from day one. I think your mistake was to shrink Lovett's nose last lesson and then cock it up again this time." He picked several buds from an overhanging stem. "Pete will do it."

"Can you believe him? Like he's one to go on about my nose."

James laughed. "Remus, your nose is fine. Very attractive, if I may say so."

* * *

"So what do we do with all these?"

A variety of roots, berries, and leaves splayed out before them, Lupin and James sat down to plan this spot-defying mixture that would solve the mysteries of the universe if the latter was to be believed.

James shrugged. "I hadn't really got that far."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "This is why I'm so glad I've grown out of the spot stage."

James gave him the finger. "I don't _think_ any of these are poisonous."

Lupin froze, the thought of poison clearing having never before crossed his mind, and seemed to be choosing his words very carefully, his right hand poised in the air like a conductor's baton. "Right. So you are going to make some sort of cream that you want to slather on not just your face, but mine, and you don't know whether your chosen ingredients are poisonous or not?"

James rolled his eyes. "What the hell would they be doing here if they could kill us?"

A strange but familiar light glowed dimly in Lupin's jet black eyes, one that only seemed to switch on when venomous sarcasm was about to spurt forth. "Oh, I don't know, James, perhaps they're to teach us not to go within ten yards of them. Perhaps they're vital ingredients in Slughorn's Draught of Living Death."

Sirius flicked over the page of PlayWizard and remarked casually, "Oh, they've started showing pubic hair."

Lupin raised his eyes to Heaven, as though calling on a higher power. "What?"

Sirius persisted. "Come and look."

"No, thank you. You know how I feel about those magazines."

"Remus, are you gay?"

Lupin slowly turned his head. There was a wild look in his eyes that Sirius couldn't pinpoint as amusement or fear.

"A gay, spot-ridden, werewolf? My life really would be a bitch, don't you think? No, Sirius. I'm not gay. I just hate what that damn magazine symbolises. There are some things that I think it's better to leave to the imagination. It's not about what you see, it's about what you _don't_ see. If you take the element of mystery away, how can you say that you're genuinely attracted to a woman? So, no thanks. I'll sit here and contemplate how close I am to death."

Sirius laughed and peered closer at the photograph. "Then there's only one thing to do. Feed them to Peter, and if he lives, you've got nothing to worry about." He frowned slightly. "You'd think she'd tidy herself up a bit before the photographer came round."

James grinned. "Peter!" He beckoned Peter from the chess board over which he reigned supreme (though only because Sirius had better things to do of an evening) in the far corner of the room. "Take a look at these, will you?"

Peter rummaged through the berries. "What do you want me to say?"

"They're delicious and nutritious," said Sirius, not looking up from the next page. "Try one."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't. We don't even know what they are, and I don't know how Sirius can be an expert on the matter when he's had his head buried between a tart's thighs all evening."

Sirius smirked. "No, that was yesterday. This evening I am immersing myself in one of the great literary masterpieces of our time." He met Peter's eyes and added. "PlayWizard have started showing pubic hair."

"Really?" Peter leant in closer and peered over Sirius' shoulder. "That's not pubic hair! That's George Bernard Shaw's beard."

Lupin physically recoiled. "Jesus Christ."

James nudged Lupin over to his own side of the sofa and laughed. "Merlin, Remus. A little extreme, don't you think?"

Lupin threw him a dubious glance. "Clearly you've never seen his beard."

James clicked his tongue. "Pete, can you make something with these?"

Peter nodded. "Yeah. Though I can tell you that those," he pointed to a clump of vivid orange berries, "will smell foul. They're one of the key ingredients in Dung Bombs."

"What can you put with it?"

Peter smirked. "Well, we could always take a little trip to the Kitchens."

* * *

Three days later, having gone to bed with his face smothered in Peter's home-made spot cream, Lupin awoke with what felt like facial paralysis. He was numb, feeling nothing when he attempted a smile, but a vague pain.

He gingerly opened his curtains and found his three friends asleep. He groaned and padded barefoot to the bathroom mirror, whereupon he shrieked like a five year old girl.

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

He ran to Peter's bed and shook him violently, continuing to do so even when Peter was blatantly alive and quite literally kicking.

"Okay, Peter, if you're such a bloody fantastic potioner that you can afford to take the piss out of my efforts, how is my face covered in hives?" His voice was raspy, a symptom from which he would never recover, and his eyes were watering so severely that Peter thought he had burst into tears.

Peter struggled free and opened James' curtains. He found his friend with clear, shining skin. He looked as though he had been regularly moisturising for weeks.

"I don't understand," said Peter weakly.

"What did you put in it?" asked Lupin, still unable to be taken seriously due to an extremely unfortunate appearance.

Peter ticked the items off on his fingers as he went. "Powdered wormwood, salmon berries, double cream, asphodel root, honey, and-"

Lupin froze. "Honey? Peter, you know I'm fucking allergic!"

Peter recoiled. "I only put a little bit in, to take away the smell."

"Severely allergic," snapped Lupin. "I always have been. It's not like it's a new thing, Pete. Too much of it can kill me."

"Well I won't do it again."

Lupin sighed. "Peter, when it comes to death, once is enough."

"But you're not dead."

Lupin clicked his tongue and winced in pain. "When I come back from the Hospital Wing, I will kill you. You have half an hour to get your affairs in order." But he smiled faintly and shook his head. "You're damn lucky I like you, Peter."


	36. In which Lupin's obsession is outed

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: I warn you, the next chapter will not be pretty (hint…angst, horror, Sirius and bubblegum) so I thought I'd go all out madness today *insert evil grin here***

_April 3__rd__ 1976 Gryffindor Boys Dormitory 20:35_

"Well, I love mine." Sirius leant back against his pillows and rolled the tension out of his shoulders. It was impossible to believe there was something about him that he hated at all.

Peter smiled grimly. "Lucky you."

Lupin tried not to be a part of this conversation, choosing to immerse himself in his latest find in the deepest, dustiest shelves of the Library, reading the same line three times before he truly took it in, eavesdropping shamelessly.

"You know," said James, ruffling his hair one last time before leaving the mirror for a whole night, "some people would take 'dog' as an insult."

Sirius shrugged. "Well, let's take a look at the qualities needed to be a dog, shall we? Loyalty, yeah, that's terrible. Big, wide eyes, which means you can get away with murder. A playful nature and pleasant temperament-" Peter laughed and Sirius glared at him. "A tail which is the best damn thing to ever happen to me. Can you imagine the conversations I can stop with that little tidbit? Yes, when I was sixteen, I grew a tail. And, here's the deal clincher, I can lick my own genitals. I need never go out again."

James laughed, Lupin shuddered, and Peter sighed.

"I can get licked by Mrs. Norris. I can never leave this room."

Sirius grinned. "Don't knock it. You know she's an Animagus too, right? She's got to be Mrs. Filch. She's just got to be. I mean, she's like how old?"

"At least one-hundred-and-three," said James, reading over Lupin's shoulder. "What the hell is this?"

Lupin snapped the book shut. "You know, you really shouldn't do that."

James raised an eyebrow. "Why? In case you're hiding porn under there?"

Lupin threw him a dubious glance, and returned to his book on the raising of a Grindylow.

"What do you want that for anyway?"

Lupin winced. "I um…I might have acquired one."

Sirius finally sat up. "Acquired one? What do you mean acquired one?"

Lupin, who immediately regretted releasing this information, drew his shoulders in and tucked his chin toward his chest, taking up as little space as possible. "I…um…you remember in The Hog's Head on Tuesday?"

James nodded. "When you buggered…off." He nodded slowly in understanding. "All right, Remus, let's just recap here. You bought a water demon from a bloke in the most dubious pub in possibly all of Britain?"

Lupin shook his head. "I didn't buy it."

Sirius' jaw dropped open. "You stole it?"

Lupin recoiled. "Don't be stupid. I swapped it."

Sirius narrowed his eyes as though trying to work out a complicated piece of long division. "You…_swapped_…it?"

Lupin nodded. "Yeah, do you remember the Jabberknoll that you told me I had to get rid of?"

James nodded. "Moony, it was ancient. Soon it would die and all that sound would come bursting out backwards. How many of our conversations had he listened in on? Besides, it would be so suspicious. I couldn't let you keep him here anymore."

Peter smiled sadly. He had been rather attached to the little bird who had lived on top of their wardrobe. Lupin had developed an obsession with all manner of weird and wonderful creatures since their second year, for which he blamed Catherine Dearheart - their then Defence professor - entirely. Though it was not until Care of Magical Creatures in third year that Lupin had started to 'acquire' creatures they all had a feeling were illegal, with the aid and use of James' cloak and the One Eyed Witch statue.

Most of the birds Lupin brought back looked as though they would have snatched his skull in the night without a care in the world, but luckily, Lupin soon developed a new fascination, and the creature was released into the Forbidden Forest in the dead of night.

"Where the hell have you been keeping a Grindylow?" asked Sirius, watching in awe as Lupin rolled off his bed and on hands and knees, pulled out a very large tank from under his bed.

Its inhabitant was pressed up against the glass, a horned creature whose skin was a shade of green distinctly reminiscent of bile, with long thin fingers that curled around the weeds it usually hid in as though they were bars. It barred its green teeth and Peter physically recoiled.

Though he did not approve in the slightest, he had to admit that at least Lupin was looking after it. He had made a little home for it, filling the tank with what appeared to be dirty water and adding several clumps of weeds.

"Did it come in that tank?" Peter asked, emitting a little expression of disgust as Lupin's latest pet made a face at him.

Lupin nodded. "I switched the water pretty quickly though. It looked like salt water to me and he needs fresh. I stole some from the lake and the weeds came from the banking. Though I have no idea where I'm going to get fish to feed him on. I think I'm going to have to ask the House Elves."

Peter's mouth dropped open. "Are you serious?"

James rolled his eyes, knowing the Grindylow would soon be added to the lake itself where he would probably become a little pet for the merpeople.

"I've called him Pepper."

James nodded slowly. "Pepper the Grindylow? Right…okay."

Lupin shrugged. "It was either that or Tabasco. The poor sod who got the Jabberknoll was drinking a Bloody Mary at the time."

Sirius laughed. "Go on. Call him Tabasco. It's so much cooler."

Lupin shook his head. "I'm saving Tabasco for when I get a Niffler."

"What? Pepper the Grindylow and Tabasco the Niffler?"

Lupin nodded. "I thought it was time for a change from Mythology and Composers."

"So you went with cocktail ingredients?"

Lupin shrugged. "I thought it might be interesting."

Peter shook his head and wondered where on earth Lupin was going to keep a Niffler.

And two weeks later, as Peter lay in bed, he felt a strange tickling feeling between his legs. He froze and tried not to breathe too hard for fear it shatter the pretence that he was already dead. Peter lifted the covers and lowered his eyes. He found a small, black creature destroying his bed sheets.

"REMUS!"

Lupin winced. "Sorry."

"YOU CAN'T KEEP A FUCKING NIFFLER INDOORS!"

"Well, where else was I going to keep him?"

James rose groggily. "S'going on?"

"That bloody badger thingy is about to eat my balls."

Lupin grabbed his Niffler and began to defend it in vain. "So? Sirius would _pay _someone to do that to his."

Peter raised his eyebrows. "Well, put him in Sirius' bed then. Let's see what he says."

Lupin sighed sadly. "All right, you win. I want a Shrake now anyway."

James buried his face in his hands. "I'm going back to bed, and in the morning, this had better have turned out to be a dream."


	37. In which Sirius betrays

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Yeah, I remember people asking for this months and months and months ago. Incidentally, all of Where Dwell the Brave at Heart Chapter 39 could fit in the middle of this nicely. **

**A/N: I'll turn this into a challenge. How many liberties that I have taken can you spot? How many deviations from J.K's world have I taken? Etc.**

_June 1st__ 1977, Charms Corridor_

Sirius hated it when Lupin buggered off like that. Yes, it was full moon tonight, so yes, he had a lot of things to get straight, but he kept disappearing off. Besides, this time he had no excuse. He'd been called over by Fat Annie and off he'd trotted. What happened to mates before girls anyway?

"Oi! Snivellus!"

There was no excuse for boredom. Boredom couldn't be allowed, and here God had provided him with not only a human punch bag upon which to relieve his tensions, but also with something to do.

Snape refused to acknowledge him and power walked along the corridor, clutching his books to his chest like a shield.

"Oi! I'm not going to curse you!"

Where was this coming from? Yes, he was going to curse him. He _wanted _to curse him. Sirius bit his lip and slowly smiled, thinking of a better prank - one that would have to wait for the cover of darkness.

"Snape!"

That got his attention. Having been addressed by Sirius Black in a manner that could only be interpreted as an insult as opposed to a direct and bitter pill to publicly swallow, Snape finally stopped and turned. Seeing a lack of Black's friends, he relaxed and reached for his wand.

"You don't need it," said Sirius. "I was just thinking about you actually."

Snape froze, terrified.

"I think maybe I've been a bit unfair. I mean, everyone else knows what's going on. Why shouldn't you? You know the Whomping Willow? Well, there's a little knoll in it that when you poke it with a stick, it stops moving and you can follow a little tunnel down there." Snape frowned and Sirius knew he had caught on. "Remus goes there every now and again."

"On full moons."

Sirius shook his head. "No, like all the time. Tonight just happens to be a full moon. He's not dangerous or anything. He's not going to eat you. He goes there to get away from us. You could ask him about it. He hates us as much as you do sometimes." He smiled sweetly. "Not that I blame him…sometimes." Sirius winked. "Oh, and Electra won't be able to do the rounds with you tonight. She's busy."

Snape wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Why couldn't she tell me herself?"

Sirius smirked. "Be fair, Snivellus. She doesn't even know it yet."

* * *

James roared with laughter. "Really? Is he going to do it, do you think?"

Sirius shrugged. "Doubt it. He probably thinks there really _is _a werewolf down there and he's such a coward." He locked eyes with Snape across the Library and raised an eyebrow. The challenge was now official and James had only just realised how serious this 'prank' was getting.

* * *

Almost as soon as the clock struck nine, Sirius had made himself scarce, probably moaning in a broom closet within five minutes of leaving the common room, leaving James and the unknowing Peter to sit in uncomfortable silence for an hour.

"What's the matter?"

James realised a muscle in his leg was jumping and sprang to his feet. "Stay there, will you? Just wait for me. If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, send for McGonagall and tell her everything about…us. You don't have to mention your involvement but tell her where I am and that I'm in my human form."

The grounds seemed so dark and unending. James didn't know how far he had ran but he couldn't even see the Whomping Willow yet. Fifteen minutes were sure to be up soon, before he even had time to make sure no-one ever knew.

And there it was, looming up ahead like a sacrificial alter, a black shadow against a cloudless, bright sky. Snape's shadow fell across the grass, his greasy hair bobbing as he ducked into the tunnel.

James sped up, running at full pelt downhill, and unsure whether he would be able to apply the brakes before he crashed into the tree. He was able to grab one of the uncharacteristically still branches and duck inside the tunnel before he even needed to use the carelessly discarded stick.

"Snape!"

He couldn't see him anywhere down the long, ever descending earthy tunnel. Perhaps Snape had gotten further than he had thought. But the tunnel twisted and began to rise, and - crawling before him - heading into the room that had been ravaged by a desperate young werewolf, and allowed to fall into disrepair, was his target.

"Snape!" It came out as a harsh, exaggerated whisper, but James plowed on, wondering where Remus was and whether - he shivered - he could smell their presence.

Snape's eyes were wide with fear and James emerged at the other end of the tunnel into the room he had so often transformed in. Luckily, the werewolf was still upstairs in the room he had become accustomed to using to transform in and out of his temporary body. Luckily, the nights were drawing out, and Snape had not found himself sharing a room with a wolf who was chewing on a chair leg and desperate to get his teeth into something a little softer.

"Potter?"

James shook. "Just get out."

Snape didn't need telling twice, but James obliged him regardless, pushing him back through the tunnel entrance as the sound of heavy paws beat down on the staircase.

"Move!"

But Snape was petrified by terror.

"Snape, get going, seriously!"

The red fur of the wolf could be glimpsed through the banister and James' blood ran cold as jet black eyes met his. Remus' eyes. He relaxed and breathed out slowly.

"Remus? Remus, it's me. It's Jamie."

Snape seemed to have regained the ability to speak as he whispered, "That's Lupin?"

James hissed. "Now you know. So get the fuck out."

Snape shook his head and reached for his wand. "I'm not leaving you here to die, Potter. People will say I lured you down here."

Ordinarily, James would have laughed at the irony, but he was overcome with fear and hate.

"Put your wand away."

Snape gawped. "Are you insane?"

"It's Remus!"

Snape gripped his wand tighter. "I don't know if you were paying attention in Defence, Potter, but a werewolf doesn't care. He'd kill his own best friend."

"Not _this_ werewolf!"

Snape sighed irritably and pointed his wand at the slowly approaching wolf.

"I don't care if he's a little furrier than usual," snapped James. "That's my best friend and if he gets so much as a paper cut from you - you're dead."

"What do you suggest then?"

James slowly backed away. "We maintain eye contact and head back towards the tunnel." He did so, and Snape hurriedly followed suit until they were pressed against the wall.

"Now what?"

James blinked twice. "Now we run."

They emerged into a balmy evening and James struggled for breath, his hands shaking violently. Matters were not improved by the peculiarly marked tabby cat that bounded towards them and grew into an imposing, formidable, tartan-clad deputy headmistress.

"Potter?"

James groaned. "Yes, Professor?"

"What possessed you? What the bloody hell possessed you?"

It was the first time that he had heard McGonagall swear, even lose composure for an instant. She was gripping his shoulders and digging her nails into him.

"Snape was down there and I-"

"You thought you'd play the hero?"

Surprisingly, it was Snape who stepped in. "Black sent me down there. The four of them had this little plot. Potter chickened out last minute."

"Is this true, Potter?"

"NO!"

McGonagall released her student and brushed imaginary dust from her shoulders. "I assume that you are both unharmed?"

Snape growled. "What do you mean 'no'? You were laughing in the Library about it."

"Because I didn't think you would actually be so stupid!"

McGonagall silenced them with a piercing stare. "I think you had both better come with me. Professor Dumbledore is waiting for you."

James struggled to speak. "Professor, whatever can be said for the stupidity of myself and Sirius, I asked Peter to fetch you. Peter didn't even know why he had to. He just did as he was told."

McGonagall pursed her lips. "And luckily, he did."

"And Remus-"

McGonagall swung round, as though turning on him. "Mr. Lupin has not the idiocy nor the cruelty to be involved in such a ridiculous and blatant attempt upon a fellow student's life."

James froze. "Is that what I'm being accused of - attempted murder?" He followed McGonagall into the headmaster's office and immediately launched into a defence speech. "Listen, Professor, I'll be the first to admit that I hate him, but I wouldn't wish him dead, and even if I did, I would never even dream of using Remus. He's my best friend, sir. I've known since we were twelve and we've only ever got closer. I know what it would do to him and-"

Dumbledore silenced him, raising a hand and indicating he take one of the three seats. The one on the far left, having been occupied, James accepted the chair beside it and budged it across to his right, wanting to be as far away from Sirius as possible.

"I have heard all that I need to from Mr. Black. I want to know why you willingly faced a fully-grown werewolf alone."

James took a deep breath. "I didn't believe that Sn…Severus would actually go down the tunnel, but I had to know, so I waited until I thought he would be leaving and ran to the tree so I could stop him."

"And what would you have told him?"

James wished that Dumbledore would shout at him. He couldn't handle the polite, conversational tone his headmaster had adopted. McGonagall had at least put the fear of God into him. "I…I don't know. Not the truth."

"But it was too late to do that?"

James nodded. "And I couldn't let Remus hurt him. He deserves better than that."

McGonagall made a slight nasal sound that told them all that she heartily agreed.

"I'm sorry."

Dumbledore nodded solemnly. "Mr. Snape, you are forbidden to repeat the events of tonight to anyone. If you mention Mr. Lupin's secret to any of your fellow students, you will find it a statement that is very difficult to prove. I warn you also that expulsion may even be necessary." He nodded to the two boys and sent them away under the supervision of McGonagall.

"I-"

Dumbledore peered over his half-moon spectacles, attempting to meet the eyes of Sirius Black.

"I didn't think he had it in him."

Dumbledore sighed sadly. "No, nor I you." He stood and made his way to the stand on which his phoenix perched. He stroked the delicate plumage and said softly, "I will speak with Mr. Lupin in the morning. If he desires it, you face suspension at the very least."

Sirius slumped, burying his face in his hands.

"However, I think that gentlemen such as Mr. Lupin ask for as little fuss as possible. I don't believe I will have to even suspend you, but you will face detentions for the rest of the year. I will arrange for them to mean something to you. I can only hope that a lesson has been learned."

Sirius nodded.

"I suggest that you do not return to your dormitory. I don't think it wise to send you back to Mr. Potter just yet."

Sirius wiped the blood from his ravaged bottom lip. "I don't think he'll forgive me in a hurry."

Dumbledore smiled grimly. "Precisely."

* * *

It had been two days and the thing that had been their friendship and brotherhood was still in critical condition. Sirius twitched, Peter's nervous giggles went on for far too long, the veins in James' forehead looked as though they were about to burst out of his skin, and Lupin was pale, reserved, and trying to pretend that nothing had happened.

"Moony?"

James hissed. "Don't you dare call him by that name."

Lupin merely returned to his homework. "What? What can you possibly have to say to me?"

"I'm sorry."

"Well, that's a start."

Sirius gawped. "A start? Well, what else can I say?"

Lupin laughed bitterly, but he stood, a fire blazing in his eyes as he spat, "You are a spoiled, vicious, child. You're a Black. You think you're better than me, don't you, _Black_? Yes, you're cleverer than me, yes, you're better looking than me, and yes, you're more normal, you psychopathic bastard, than I can ever hope to be, but you are _not_ more human than me. What you did last night, that wasn't human. I would never have believed it of you." His voice rose and he was almost shrieking as the tears rolled from his bloodshot eyes. "I _trusted_ you!"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know what you want me to say."

Having flown at him last night, and blacked his eye, Lupin remained composed, wondering just how much he must have hurt Black for a bruise like the one he was sporting that morning, to emerge.

"I don't think there's anything you _can_ say."

* * *

_Dad,  
__I know this is awkward for you. I need to get out. I can't stay at Hogwarts anymore. I can't explain it. I don't want to explain it. Come and get me. I've dropped out.  
__I'm so sorry.  
__R._


	38. In which Lupin wakes

**Disclaimer:** **See first chapter**

**A/N: So this is more procrastination for NaNoWriMo.**

_June 3rd__ 1977. Gryffindor boys' dormitory, 02:14 _

His bloodcurdling scream echoed around the room, thankfully silenced to all others by the permanent silencing charm James insisted on, though not to the other three boys sharing the room. It woke even Sirius, who stayed in his bed, keeping the curtains drawn but sitting bolt upright and listening intently.

"Remus?"

From Peter's former bed on the other side of the room, James sprinted to the bed beside the window.

"Remus, is everything all right?"

Stupid question. Sirius peered out of the miniscule gap in his curtains. Peter drew back the curtains around Lupin's bed. The occupant was a shade of pale previously only seen on Moaning Myrtle. He shook, covered in sweat.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I'm…I'm all-all r-r-right."

James stared open-mouthed. "Nothing? Moony, you're soaking. Calm down"

"J-j-just leave me. I n-n-n-need m-m-my sleep."

"Deep breaths, Remus."

Though many people were loathe to admit someone as inept as Peter Pettigrew was actually good at something, he seemed to be mastering the situation.

"Okay, what happened?"

Peter sat at the end of the bed and smiled softly. "Whatever it was, it's gone now. Deep breaths."

Sirius could hear Lupin complying and felt a stab of envy in the pit of his stomach. It pulsed around his body, making his head throb. It should be him, not Peter, doing the comforting.

"You…you'll l-l-laugh," stuttered Lupin, laughing breathily himself.

James shook his head. "You know we won't."

"J-j-just-"

Peter shushed him. "Slowly."

Lupin took three deep breaths, sucking in oxygen. "Nightmare. Wolf…and death…and blood. Blood everywhere." He swallowed hard. "I killed him."

Sirius felt physically sick. His stomach churned and his apparent migraine had given him no relief. Blood pounded in his ears. He wanted to get up and face his friends. He wanted to apologise over and over until it made everything better. But neither was going to happen.

He waited until the others had fallen asleep, and swung his legs out of bed. Silently, he pushed back the curtains and immediately discovered that he had been wrong. A small light shone from behind Lupin's curtains, and the sound of turning pages was slightly muffled.

He darted past the bed and locked the adjoining bathroom door behind him. He splashed cold water onto his face and took a deep breath. Lupin couldn't even escape his paranoia in his dreams, and it was all his fault. Cold water didn't - _couldn't _- help.

He hated himself. Sirius Black had not so much hated a hair on his own head before. This was a completely alien sensation. Guilt. He hated the very sight of himself. Desperately, he wanted to hit himself so hard that he broke his own nose. But Sirius, unlike most of his family, was not a sadist, and instead, did the next best thing.

His hand was numb and blood poured freely from it. The mirror was completely smashed and bits of glass were embedded in his knuckles.

"Open the door!"

Sirius slumped. "I can't."

"Open this fucking door or I'll have it down!"

Sirius sighed, wondering when James would be shoved out of the way.

"_Alohamora_."

More of that Lupin-logic. He waited, leaning against the door frame, pale as death as he caught sight of the blood coating the ruined mirror, floor, and walls.

"Sirius, what the fuck?"

Lupin remained silent, Peter damn near had a panic attack beside him, and James shouted. A lot.

"What were you doing? What were you hoping to achieve? It's two-thirty in the morning! How were you going to get to the Hospital Wing?"

"I don't need to go anywhere," Sirius protested weakly, thinking a psychiatric ward might be best.

Blood still spurted from the wound and Peter wretched.

"Peter," said Lupin coolly, "go to bed." He directed his wand at the mirror frame. "_Reparo_." Shards of glass burst from Sirius' knuckles and landed perfectly into place on the wall. Turning his attention to Sirius, Lupin muttered, "_Episky_." The bleeding stopped, but the wound did not heal. "Sorry. It's the only healing spell I know."

James sighed and pulled Sirius to his feet. "Don't be such a fuckwit in future." He shook his head. "What if you'd bled to death?"

"Don't be so melodramatic."

"How could I shout at you if you were dead?"

Sirius smiled grimly. "I'm sure you'd think of something."

"Come on, Pad. Go to sleep now. I've had enough crises for one night. Let's hope Peter's not fainted from all that blood."

Sirius nodded and made to leave the room, but he was stopped by a firm hand on his chest.

"Wait." Lupin didn't meet his eyes. "You shouldn't go to bed like that. It's still pretty deep. I've got something you can put on it."

He reached for a pot of bruise salve and wordlessly handed it to Sirius.

"I-"

"Just rub it in."

Sirius winced, the muscles in his right hand convulsing as he unscrewed the lid. Lupin took it from him. He took Sirius' hand and began to rub the salve into the wound.

"I can't promise it'll help, but it should stop a bruise forming."

Sirius nodded. "Thanks, Remus."

"That's okay." He smiled weakly. "Why did you do it?"

Sirius shrugged. "Suppose I couldn't stand to look at myself anymore."

"You wouldn't have to if you'd stayed in bed. Pad, it's really quite worrying when you have to get up in the night to check your hair."

Sirius grinned. It was the first time Lupin had referred to him by his nickname. It was the first conversation between them that wasn't strained.

And too soon, it was over.

* * *

Breakfast was worse. Sirius took his usual seat beside James and opposite Lupin, but the latter barely acknowledged him.

"Listen, Remus, thanks for last night."

Lupin did not even look up from his toast. "Forget it."

"You were right. No bruise."

"I said forget it."


	39. In which James is elated

**Disclaimer:** **See first chapter**

**A/N: For Blueskies13 and all you other Jilly fans.**

_November 8__th__ 1977. First floor corridor. 22:13_

Head Duties were getting easier, she had to admit. Though she still missed doing her rounds with Remus, Lily found that Potter was fairly easy to talk to once she had got used to him.

"Potter…" she sighed. "James, do you know how easy it is for it to screw with your mind?"

James Potter only clicked his tongue. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But can you do it?"

Lily frowned. "It's a dangerous present."

"I didn't ask what you thought of it. I asked you whether you could do it."

"Peter could."

"Yeah, but Peter will tell everyone about it. Though he speaks so fast, I don't know how anyone could understand it."

Lily tried not to smile. "What does it matter? Peter won't tell Sirius if you ask him not to. You know he won't."

James rolled his eyes. "Back home, I think Peter is known as The Gob of the Valleys."

Lily composed herself. "What do you want it for anyway? If it's to win the next Quidditch match-"

James laughed. "I coach my team well enough not to have to rely on a luck potion, thank you very much."

"So why does Sirius need it?"

James winced. "Well, it's a sort of early birthday present. I've told you about how strained things are between him and…" he trailed off, wondering whether he had said too much.

Lily frowned slightly. "Let me get this straight, you want me to brew you a luck potion to give to Sirius so he can catch Remus on a good day and get talking to him?"

"Smart as a whip, as ever."

"What's in it for you?"

"Well, nothing. Just that one of my best friends won't leave the room whenever the other one walks in."

Lily bit her lip. "All right, I'll do it." She found herself wrapped in his arms, inhaling the scents of his favourite cologne and the Pepper Imps he had been sucking on when she came to collect him.

And too soon, he released her. "Thanks, Lil. Thank you ever so much."

She tried not to blush. "That's okay. It's for a good cause so…" She shrugged, desperately wanting him to touch her again.

He beamed at her. "You're a total star, Evans."

Despite his use of her surname (which not thirty minutes ago, would have infuriated her), she smiled back. "So I'm told. Wow. I think this is the first proper conversation we've ever had."

James gawped. "Excuse me? What about the time I told you all about my issues?"

Lily smirked. "That wasn't a conversation. That was a rant."

"Same broom, different rider."

"No, Potter, it's not."

He nudged her playfully. "Shut up." His eyes shone. "And that time we practiced charms together."

Lily frowned. "I don't remember that."

"I do." James smiled smugly. "You told me I wasn't at all up to my usual standard and asked me what was on my mind."

"That was Remus."

"No, it was Remus' _body_."

Lily froze. "What?"

"Yeah, Peter made me a Polyjuice potion."

"Does Remus know about this?"

James scoffed. "Hello? Of course not! I still have all my limbs, don't I?"

Lily pursed her lips. "You're lucky I like you."

It took James a moment to register this. "Really?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Very lucky."

He practically walked on for the rest of the week.


	40. In which Peter has a wicked idea

**Disclaimer:** **See first chapter**

_March 27__th__ 1976 Gryffindor Boys' Dormitory_

"Happy Birthday to you."

"Squashed tomatoes and stew."

"Bread and…what?"

Peter shook his head. "Sirius, you're out of tune." He smiled grimly. "You're a semitone flat. It's almost painful."

"I am never out of tune," Sirius assured them in the self-satisfied tone he always seemed to adopt when criticised. "You two tossers were sharp."

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me? My 'stew' was bang on."

Sirius scoffed. "If you carry on, Moonykins, you and your stew can bugger off."

"Besides, my mother's a music teacher. Every time I was sharp, I was beaten."

Peter laughed. "Remus, I've met your parents and they love you big time."

"Yeah, your mother couldn't beat you if her life depended on it." Sirius frowned slightly. "I'm actually having some trouble thinking of something your mother _could_ beat."

Lupin nodded. "Fenrir Greyback. I actually think she's the only human being to ever spit in his face and get away with it. Oh, and Nuns. My Mum's good with Nuns. She punched my teacher once. It was amazing."

Sirius grinned. "I didn't think it was possible, but my love for your mother has just rocketed."

"Yeah so did mine," Lupin admitted. "I thought she was pretty cool actually. For such a little person, she's got a bloody scary right hook. It was quite some time before I talked back to her, I can tell you."

James groaned. "Fuck off back to bed."

"But it's your birthday," protested Peter. "We can't! Get up and open your presents!"

James reluctantly threw off the covers and ran a hand through his hair.

"Oh, good look."

"Piss off, Remus."

Lupin grinned. "If you're going to be like that, I'll keep your present for myself."

James reached for his glasses. "What is it then?"

Sirius laughed. "Knowing Moony, probably a nice thick book."

Peter nodded, his expression one of vague disgust. "Or something illegal he picked up in a cage in The Hog's Head."

Lupin smiled sarcastically. "Neither actually." He reached into his trunk and pulled out an exceptionally neatly wrapped parcel. It appeared to be rather on the large side and James immediately began worrying over how much and how long Lupin had saved.

"Wow, Remus."

Lupin, abashed, shrugged and addressed the floor. "Yeah, well…it's not every day your best mate turns sixteen."

James grinned and put on the crimson socks, taking a frankly alarming deal of pleasure from watching the Snitches race around his ankles as he took a large bite out of a bar of Marble Chocolate, reading through the manual of his Broomstick Servicing Kit.

"Ooh," murmured Sirius, "they're new out. How much did that set you back?"

"Sirius!" Peter gawped. "You don't ask that."

"Thought I might ask for one for Christmas."

Lupin rolled his eyes, knowing that come November he would be forking out for another one.

Peter handed his gift next, a vial of clear liquid and a sandy blonde hair.

"What's this?"

Peter winked. "You'll see."

The small gathering having been dispersed while they each got ready for the upcoming day, Peter approached James.

"Remus, get out of the shower!"

"I only just got in! Sod off!"

Sirius twisted the doorknob. "I'm coming in."

"Don't you dare! I'm naked!"

"It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"You haven't seen _mine_!" snapped Lupin. "And I intend to keep it that way. Five minutes, all right?"

Sirius smirked. "No deal. Cover up, Cupcake."

When he closed the door behind him, Peter darted over to James' bed. "It's a Polyjuice Potion. That's Remus' hair. I'll keep him busy and when Evans comes to practice Charms with him, you'll be him."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

James laughed. "Okay this the best day of my life. Chocolate, cool socks, the chance to make Evans like me, and a shit-scared Sirius. Could this day get any better?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

The door flew open and two wet towels chased Sirius out of the bathroom, occasionally flicking him across the cheek and back of his head. He caught both towels and seethed. "Wandless. Flaming wandless Charming. How is he so good at Charms? How? It's not natural!"

Peter shrugged. "How is he so shit at Potions? That's not natural either."

"I heard that!"

The towels immediately launched an attack on Peter and James beamed. This day just kept getting better and better.


	41. In which Peter is misled

**Disclaimer: We all know where to look now.**

_Astronomy Tower. April 4th__ 1975 00:03_

"Mr. Pettigrew."

Peter slumped. "Yes, Professor."

"What are you doing?"

Peter, who had been peering at Sirius' co-ordinates for quite some time, had no answer to give. "I don't know."

"You don't know what you're doing?"

Peter shook his head. "No."

"You're hopeless." Meant as a term of strict endearment, and delivered through pursed lips - a technique obviously learned from McGonagall - she sidled off to scare another unsuspecting cheat.

"Bad luck, Pete," said James.

"She's right," said Peter, weakly. "I _am_ hopeless."

"Don't be stupid, Peter."

And that was all that was said on the matter. At least, until lunch time the following day when Peter missed chicken pie - an as yet unheard of occurrence.

"Do you think he's taking this to heart?" asked James, helping himself to a large portion.

Sirius shrugged. "If Wickham wanted to go bananas on him, she would have. She didn't, so what's to take to heart?" He stole a spoonful of Lupin's vegetarian option and gagged. "Why do you eat this shit?"

Lupin shifted uncomfortably. "I don't want to eat meat. Maybe I'll crave it less."

James winced. "You put yourself through stuffed aubergine so you don't want meat as much every couple of weeks? Talk about dedication."

"More health and safety than dedication," said Lupin. "Besides, I have meat every now and again and I don't really miss it at all."

Sirius held out a spoon laden with chicken and gravy, the smell of which wafted in Lupin's general direction.

"You don't miss that, do you?"

"Stop it."

James grinned. "Sure you don't fancy some chicken?"

"I can't have it. I had a bacon sandwich for breakfast."

Sirius smirked. "But do you want it?"

Lupin picked at the vegetable compote filling. "More than ever before."

"Then bloody well have it and stop being miserable." Sirius edged the offending aubergine away and handed the spoon to Lupin. "Get on with your life, Remus."

"What's after lunch?" asked James.

Sirius shrugged.

"Divination," said Lupin, savoring his first taste of gravy in three weeks.

"How do you know?" asked Sirius. "You're not even in the class."

"Every time you have it, I…bugger."

Sirius frowned. "You bugger who?"

Lupin was too busy shoveling chicken into his mouth to even react before he leapt out of his seat, flung his bag over his shoulder and said a hurried, "Sorry, boys, I've got three inches to write before lunch finishes."

Sirius turned to James who was eating in much the same manner as Lupin had, but without the excuse of an essay he had forgotten about. "Why are all my friends such oddities?"

* * *

"What are you doing back this early?"

Lupin gathered his finished essay for Ancient Runes and several thick books. "I forgot some things for next lesson." He glanced over at Peter's pale complexion and heavy eyelids. "Peter, what's wrong."

"Wickham's right. I'm hopeless. I can't do anything right."

Lupin sighed and put down his books. "Well, Pete, there are two things you could do here. You could accept it, keep telling yourself you're useless, and beat yourself up for the rest of your life for being mediocre at best. Or, and I went through this myself, you could stand up, work your arse off, swear loudly, and shove two fingers up to The Man when you succeed."

Peter nodded. "Yeah. You're right, yeah."

"So why don't you get some lunch while it's still there? It's your favourite."

Peter grinned. "Thanks, Remus."

"Oh, and Sirius has let a load of spiders loose in her desk drawer."

"Really?"

"I never joke about a prank."

* * *

"Well done, Mr. Pettigrew."

Peter smile smugly, got to his feet, and flicked her a V. "You know what, Professor. Screw you." He walked out in total silence as most of the class, even Professor Wickham herself, was stunned.

Sirius took a deep breath and turned to Lupin. "How many times have I got to tell you not to use that bloody metaphor?"


	42. In which Lupin has a breakthrough

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_October 19__th__ 1977 Gryffindor Boys' Bathroom 19:35_

"Can you try?"

Peter groaned. "What if I botch it up?"

"I can't go to Slughorn," said Lupin firmly. "I _won't_ go to Slughorn. Please, Pete."

Peter clicked his tongue and sighed irritably. "If you die, I am holding you responsible."

Lupin grinned. "You're an absolute diamond, Peter."

Peter merely hummed dubiously. "All right, but you do know this is experimental, don't you?"

Lupin nodded. "Give it a go though, yeah?"

Peter added a spoonful of blue powder to his boiled cauldron. "This could be lethal."

Sirius, sitting on the sink and keeping balance with sheer easy grace, rolled his eyes. "Peter, take it seriously. Merlin. It's not funny."

Peter looked at him coldly. "Neither are you." He stirred the smoking, hissing, mixture in his collapsible cauldron. "At the very least, this will give you serious indigestion."

Lupin smiled wryly. "I've had worse."

"Okay, well, that's today's dose ready. Sure you want to do this?"

James, sitting on the rim of the bath, leant forward, his elbows on his knees. "Worth a try, right, Moony?"

Lupin held out the goblet that had been stolen from the dinner table. "Sock it to me."

Peter ladled a serving into it. "Try not to let me poison you."

Lupin laughed. "I'll give it my best shot, Pete."

The bathroom fell into a terrified silence as Lupin brought the smoking goblet to his lips and held it there for quite some time, his lips clamped firmly shut.

"For fuck's sake," snapped Sirius, "either drink it, or don't, but do it quick because Peter's going blue here."

It was certainly true that Peter was not daring to breathe, but he gestured for Sirius to shut up and watched Lupin knock the goblet back and down the contents.

"Well?" asked James.

Lupin shuddered and Peter wailed.

"That's it. I've gone and bloody murdered him!"

Sirius (who would usually roll his eyes and mock unashamedly) frowned. "Not yet, you haven't. Moons, you okay?"

Lupin nodded and swallowed. "That is the foulest thing I have ever tasted."

James grinned. "Another six servings yet."

"Yay," muttered Lupin, darkly.

"You bastard!" cried Peter. "I thought you were having a fit!"

Lupin only grimaced. "Well, it's only a prototype. They might develop the taste when it becomes more widely available."

Peter shook his head. "Well, don't ask me to make it again. And don't bloody add anything to it either. I know what you're like for sugar. It'll be ninety per cent maple syrup if you have your way."

"So what's it?" asked James, peering into the cauldron. "Wolfsbane? Do you think maybe they can turn it into a cure?"

Sirius smiled. "Maybe."

"Doubt it," said Lupin. "Thanks for your help, Wormy."

Peter, having relaxed, shrugged in response. "Well, you'd do it for me."

James laughed. "You'd better hope he wouldn't. You'd be dead in seconds."

"Piss off, James."

"Love you too, Moony."

* * *

_October 25__th__ 1977. Gryffindor Boys' Dormitory. 23:51_

"You'd better not come with me tomorrow," said Lupin, finally drawing his curtains for the night.

"What?" Sirius was once more wide awake.

"Are you completely bonkers?" asked James. "We help you. What if you go back to scratching yourself all night?"

Lupin sighed. "Then we'll know it doesn't work." Though he hoped desperately that it would. This felt like one last chance at normality. Besides, he reasoned, Wolfsbane had made it past the prototype stage. He had been able to find a recipe easily enough. People wouldn't just hand it out if it didn't work.

"Okay, but you come and find us. We'll pick up your work and bring it to you. Don't even think about going to lessons if you're not well."

Lupin scoffed. "Yes, Mum."

James frowned. "I'm not happy about this."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "We'd never have guessed, Prongs."

Peter pretended to sleep, terrified that something would happen to his dearest friend. And if it did, it would be entirely his fault for making the damned potion. Without his involvement, Lupin would never be facing tomorrow night alone with the vague possibility of keeping his mind.

No. He tried to soothe himself with the thought that without him, Lupin would only have attempted it himself and surely blown something up in the process - probably himself.

"Goodnight."

There was a tone of finality in Lupin's voice and James took his protestations no further.

* * *

_October 27__th__ 1977. Great Hall. 08:04_

"You!"

Peter froze, his slice of toast only halfway to his mouth. Lupin's voice was practically a hiss. Even Sirius and James stopped to look at him. He was positively glowing after a full moon, a strange and unheard of occurrence.

"You, Peter Pettigrew, are a fucking genius."


	43. In which James acts chummy

**Disclaimer: See first chapter.**

**A/N: This was going to be an angsty chapter, but I started listening to "Shake Your Groove Thing" so you all owe Alvin and the Chipmunks for a slightly happier chapter. Now there's something I thought I'd never say.**

_November 12th__ 1976 Gryffindor Boys' Dormitory 19:03_

It had been an exceptionally long day and James Potter was glad to see his bed after an hour flying in the dark lugging a Quaffle around under his arm for the majority of the time. On top of a full day of lessons, he was unimpressed. He could only thank God it was Friday.

And he had homework for Monday morning that he really ought to have done, seeing as tomorrow was a Hogsmeade weekend and no doubt, the others would make him forget he even had it.

He could copy Remus.

No. No chance in hell. Remus might have done the homework, but it would surely be wrong.

Sirius wouldn't bother so there was point even asking him.

Peter! He could copy Peter. Peter always had the answers right. Maybe even Evans would be impressed and ask him to help her with the next essay.

With these comforting thoughts, he found himself drifting off to sleep. Except, he had been thinking of Evans and how she would look as she pleaded for help, with those big green eyes and soft pink lips. Her hair would be up. He liked it when she wore her hair up, especially when bits of it started to fall out of her bun. It was bed-hair all right. Just how it would look as she writhed around on his bed sheets…

James sighed. "Great. Just great. Well done, Potter. Nice going."

He checked the time. Ten past seven. Sirius would be down in the common room for quite some time yet, and likely Peter would stay with him. Remus might come up for a book, but he'd at least have the discretion to figure out what was going on and either bugger off or put up a silencing charm. Besides, he'd hear him opening the door.

But by the time the door latch clicked open, he was too far gone to really care who had come up to bed so early, or why they were crying. He let out a strangled moan and the sniffling suddenly stopped.

"Hello?"

James sat up in bed with a jolt, muttering a hurried "_Scorgify_". He cleared his throat. "Sorry, mate. I was asleep." He pulled back the curtains, not caring that he was completely naked. "What's up, Pete?"

Peter's eyes widened. "I sleep with boys and you'll just sit there starkers?"

James frowned. "For God's sake, Wormtail. I've known about that for six months and we haven't shagged yet, so I'm not too worried." He slipped on his pyjama bottoms and ran a hand through his hair.

Peter hiccoughed and wiped away the tears pooling at the corner of his deep blue eyes. He attempted a smile. "Yeah."

"What's the matter?"

Peter shook his head. "N…nothing. I'm fine."

James raised an eyebrow. "Well, pardon me, Peter, but you appear to have been bawling your eyes out."

Peter took a deep breath. "Well, now everyone knows."

James's frown lines deepened. "Knows what?"

"About me. That I've been giving Michael Harrington blowjobs since February. Everyone knows because he told them and he's going tomorrow with Agatha. So now _she_ knows I've been doing him favours. And it wasn't even that, James, because I thought it was more than a favour."

James rubbed his eyes. "Right. That went straight over my head. Speak a bit slower. It's hard enough to understand you sheep-lovers when you're not in hysterics." He winked. "So Mike dumped you, is that it?"

Peter nodded. "Publicly, after telling everyone what we've been doing for the past nine months, yeah."

"Life's a bitch, Pete. You'll just have to find someone better looking. Tell you what, date Sirius. He's off with Electra so you'll be doing him a favour. And he's classically sexier than Harrington. He's got a smaller nose."

Peter shook his head. "No, because then they'll only shout 'Faggot' even louder."

James gawped. "Who the fuck was calling you a faggot?"

"Oh, you know…the usual crowd."

"Right…well, we'll set Remus on Mulciber. We can sell tickets to that fight. Everyone's been waiting for that for like…six years. And if he reckons you're a fag, Pete, I'd like to see what he calls that relationship with Avery, because I don't think it's bloody well healthy. They won't even go to the bathroom without each other, which sounds highly questionable in itself."

Peter managed a strangled sob which he tried to pass off as a laugh.

"Do you want me to ask Sirius to sort them out? They're all shit scared of Pad."

Peter laughed breathily.

"Go on. Go and splash some water on your eyes and we'll go down together and then you can smash my new chess set. Deal?"

Peter shook his head. "They're all whispering about me down there."

James shrugged. "So you could stay up here and feel sorry for yourself, or you could give them something to whisper about. Come on."

Peter came out of the bathroom with his eyes slightly less inflamed, but his shoulders still slumped and he dragged his feet as he crossed the room.

James pushed him out into the corridor before he could change his mind and wrapped an arm round Peter's shoulders, pinning him to his side as though frightened he would turn round and run.

The room became a hotbed of whispered rumours as Peter stepped onto the stone stairs, James still grasping his arm tightly.

"And if any of you fuckers wants to make a comment, I'll turn you into a mouse and give Mrs. Norris a shout, understood?"

Peter blushed scarlet. "Not quite what I had in mind, but thanks all the same."

James grinned. "My pleasure. You wait until you see what I've got planned for Harrington." He winked and dragged Peter into a seat between Lupin and Sirius. "Greetings, cock-suckers."

Lupin rolled his eyes, Sirius only gave a smart-ass reply in return, but Peter glared.

James laughed. "I'm allowed to rip on you, Peter. I'm your mate."


	44. In which Sirius befriends the enemy

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Sorry. Internet loss and Christmas just took over my life.**

_April 3__rd__ 1977. North Tower. 15:48._

"Anna!"

Her curls bounced as she started and turned to face the owner of that hateful voice. Her fists clenched around the books in her arms and Anna Lovett took a deep breath, sending Scarlett on to save her favourite armchair in the corner of the common room.

"Yes?"

Sirius, who had made sure their entire exchange was not witnessed by any of his friends - especially Lupin who would think it was the most contrived apology he had ever heard - or associates, bit his lip.

"Um…look, could we…go for a walk or something?"

Anna raised her eyebrows. "If this is about needing advice to get Electra to bed, you-"

Sirius scoffed. "I didn't need your help to shag her, Lovett, and I doubt I ever will."

Anna's eyes blazed. "So what is it then?"

"Come on," he said, taking her arm and dragging her back up the steps towards the classroom she had just vacated, "we can talk about this as we go."

"Go? Go where?" she cried, struggling to pull free. It was in vain. She was a mere five feet in height. She made even Peter look tall and dashing. Besides, years of Beating for his House Team had given Sirius muscles in places she could not even name.

"On our walk."

She gave in with a sigh of deep scorn and resentment. "Oh are you taking me on a tour? What is it, Staircases of Great Britain and Ireland?"

Sirius stopped and released her. "Look, do you want to hear me out, or not?"

"No," she replied. Though strictly speaking, 'Yes' was the answer.

Sirius let out a growl of frustration. "Listen, I came to apologise and I'm going to if it's the last thing I do."

Anna raised her eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

Sirius failed to meet her eyes. "You're not fat."

Anna nodded in understanding. "You feel bad about Remus, don't you?"

"Yes, but shut up and let me finish."

Anna rolled her eyes, but complied.

"You're not fat. You're…um…"

"Rubenesque? Wide? Voluptuous?"

Sirius nodded. "That's a good one. You're voluptuous." He stared at her chest for just slightly longer than was necessary. "You're _very_ voluptuous, actually."

Anna pursed her lips. "I'm your best friend's girlfriend."

"I know. I know. Trust me, I wouldn't be here if you weren't."

Anna sucked in a breath. "Then you don't mean a word of this. You've wasted my time, you've offended me, and now you're pissing me off. So you know what, Black? Shove it up your arse." She barged past him and tossed her hair in her face. "And if you gave a damn about Remus, you'd stop leering at me."

"I wasn't leering at you," he called after her, running down the twisting staircase. "I didn't know where else to look. Come on, Anna, be fair. They walk into a room before you do."

Anna laughed despite herself and turned on the staircase to meet his eyes for first time that afternoon. "You waited for me outside Divination? You climbed seven floors of stairs to talk to me?" She shook her head sadly. "You have sixty seconds. Say what you have to say and then we can both go back to the common room and pretend we're now best mates."

"It was childish. It was petty. It only started because I was jealous of you. I'm sorry. Remus didn't set me up to this. In fact, if he knew I was doing it, he'd either thank me or kill me, and I think it'll be the second one when you tell him I was looking at your breasts." He paused for breath. "I just wanted to say sorry. So er…sorry."

Anna nodded. "Jealous of me?"

Sirius shrugged. "Well, I might as well say it. God knows I can't be in any more trouble than I already am. Remus liked you. He's always liked you; very much actually, as I'm sure you are now aware. He didn't like me very much. In fact, he utterly despised me and I wanted him to like me because he doesn't have a bad word to say about anybody, which makes you feel worse when he hates you. You feel like you're sent from hell when Remus hates you, trust me. And now it's different, of course…sometimes…, but I couldn't think of anything to say to you. You're clever, you're actually lots of fun, and you're not ginger. But you were…voluptuous…so I picked 'fat'. This is a lot longer than a minute, you know."

Anna grinned. "I know, but this is the biggest ego boost I think I've ever had."

Sirius grinned and held out his hand. "So can we put it in the past? I mean, things were said on both sides-"

"-mostly yours-"

"-and I think we could be friends."

Anna accepted his hand and shook it firmly. "I think so too. I'm Anna."

Sirius beamed at her and for a fraction of a second, she could almost see why so many girls found him attractive.

"Sirius."

She linked her arm through his, thinking that though he was classically better looking, her Remus still had a sexier smile. "So…favourite biscuit?"

Sirius laughed. "What?"

"Well, we're friends now," said Anna. "I have six years to catch up and I'm a girl. Girls have to know everything about their friends."

Sirius smirked, thinking she knew almost nothing about her boyfriend, but said nothing.

"So what's your favourite biscuit?"

He laughed again. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to take you seriously, but that's just such an absurd first question."

Anna shrugged. "Not for me it's not. I like sugar."

Sirius nodded, understanding the attraction for Remus. The two of them probably just shagged and ate sugar all day. It would be a perfect world for them both. He burst into uncontrollable giggles and was glad of Anna to steady him down the staircase.

"What? What's so funny?"

Sirius shook his head. "Nothing. I just…" He took a deep breath. "I'm fine now anyway. Um…it's probably Shortcake. I've not got a sweet tooth I'm afraid." He smirked. "Come on then. If you know everything, what's Remus' favourite?"

Anna smiled back smugly. "He doesn't really like them. He prefers cake - preferably a Cherry Bakewell.

Sirius whistled. "Oh, you're good."

"I know."

* * *

James crossed the last 't' of his essay. "So how did she take it?"

"Really well," answered Sirius. "She didn't even try to push me down the stairs. We're going to be friends from now on."

Peter laughed bitterly. "Let's see how long that lasts, shall we?"

Sirius threw him a glance that quickly silence him. "And I solved our little mystery."

Peter frowned. "What mystery? There's a mystery?"

James rolled his eyes. "About the noises?"

Sirius nodded. "I think he's telling the truth when he keeps harping on about being a virgin. All those little moans are over his bloody categorized chocolate bars."


	45. In which Lupin is called for

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: For everyone wondering, I deleted chapter 45 because it was meant for Daring, Nerve and Chivalry.**

**A/N: And am I the only one laughing bitterly at the irony here?**

_April 2__nd__ 1977 Gryffindor Boys' Dormitory 05:13_

The door slammed shut and James groaned, glancing at the clock on his bedside table. Just gone five o'clock. The only person up at this time was Remus and it was unlike him to make so much noise - indeed, some mornings, to make _any_ noise as he pottered through his morning routine.

"Remus?"

And it was unlike him to speak two octaves above his usual register in a North London accent.

James sat up with a jolt and flung the curtains of his bed back. "Maguire, what the fuck are you doing in here?"

Scarlett Maguire licked her lips and tossed back her blonde spiral perm. "I need to talk to Remus. Which bed is he in?"

James frowned. "What do you want him for?"

"It's none of your business, Potter. It's not really any of mine but Anna refuses to get out of bed. She's in no fit state."

Sirius groaned from behind the bed closest to the door. "Oh, are you needing a crane to get her out of it these days?"

"Piss off!"

Sirius laughed to himself and turned over, falling asleep.

"Bed by the window," said James.

Scarlett pushed the curtains back before James could protest. He needn't have made a stand. It was empty and neatly made-up with the pillows fluffed.

"It's not been slept in," cried Scarlett, horrified. She gasped as Sirius' pillow hit the back of her head.

"Keep your voice down. Some of us are trying to get some bloody sleep! This is a dormitory, you know. A _boys'_ dormitory. So fit in or fuck off."

The bathroom door opened and Lupin emerged, wearing only a towel wrapped loosely around his waist.

"AAAAAAAAAARGH!"

He darted back into the room and others heard the lock click.

"Each and every one of you," said Scarlett, slowly, "needs to be insti-fucking-tutionalised." She banged on the door. "Remus, come out of the bathroom."

"No! I'm half-naked."

She sighed irritably. "I assure you, it's nothing I haven't seen before."

"Oh, I think it is," protested Lupin, his voice sounding decidedly strained.

"Remus, please. Anna is asking for you."

"I'm sure she can wait a couple of hours until breakfast."

Scarlett bit her lip. "It's Mrs. Lovett, Remus. She's been murdered."

At this even Sirius got out of bed. "What? What happened?"

But Lupin was quicker, still wearing only his towel and hoping everyone would be too busy worrying to notice the bite on his shoulder, not really caring if they did. "Where is she?"

"She won't get out of bed."

James threw Lupin's cardigan into his arms. "Take that," he said, his eyes traveling surreptitiously up to Lupin's shoulder. "It's a bit nippy out."

Lupin nodded his thanks and ran out after Scarlett, still wearing only a patched grey cardigan and a crimson towel.

Peter put his face in his hands and muttered, "You've made him look like Stig of the Dump, you daft sod."

_Gryffindor Girls' Dormitory 05:24_

Lily Evans had had the decency to clear off with Mary MacDonald as soon as the owl had landed on Anna's four poster bed - as soon as the wailing started. Having tried to sympathise, she was ushered out by a fraught Electra Nott, who, in Lily's opinion, was far too cold to be of any use in the circumstances.

So Remus Lupin found himself in a room full of girls who wanted to taste his blood after he had broken their best friend's heart.

Nott was the first to her feet, practically spitting at him. "What are _you_ doing here?" She glanced down at the towel that was slipping and averted her eyes. "She's not in the mood."

Lupin sighed. "Anna, are you all right?"

Scarlett, being the most sympathetic, merely spoke to him as though he was mentally lacking, Electra was trembling with sheer hate, and Agatha, still wounded by his silence on the matter of Peter's sexuality, ignored his very existence.

Scarlett, too sweetly stupid for her own good, blinked and explained as though talking to a small child, "Her Mum has just died. I went to fetch the others because Anna is crying."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "I know that."

"You insensitive son of a bitch!"

"Electra, there is absolutely no need to be rude." Lupin took a deep breath. "Anna, I'm so sorry."

"For ignoring her for three days and expecting her to get the message, or for killing her mother?" snapped Electra. "One you are not guilty of, and the other I would have you castrated for."

"Well, luckily you don't have the power to do that so…"

Electra raised her eyebrows. "Watch me, Lupin. Just watch me."

"All right, well it's obvious no-one actually wants me here so I'll be off then."

He stormed out, knowing he was only angry because he had heard the truth and guilt was gnawing away at him. First he had broken her heart and next some heartless bastard had murdered her mother. He could only hope she did not believe that such things came in threes.

He slammed the door of his dormitory closed and stalked into his bed without a word to his friends who knew when not to push a matter.

"I'll ask Lexi later," mouthed Sirius.

"REMUS!"

Peter gawped. "Jesus!"

"Is it enough to turn you straight?" Sirius immediately regretted making this joke, as Anna's eyelids were inflamed and red raw. Her tears streamed down her cheeks. She was pale and sickly looking, not at all her usual self. He didn't even want to comment on the way her nightdress hugged her figure in a manner he personally found rather unbecoming.

Lupin got to his feet and held his arms out for her, glad as she ran to throw her arms around him, that he had changed back into his pyjamas.

"Remus, I'm sorry. They don't understand. _I_ don't understand. I just need you. Just please. Please, Remus. Please make it go away."

He stroked her hair, his fingers tangling in her messy curls. "Come on." He pulled her into his bed and nodded towards the door.

The others caught the hint and immediately made themselves scarce under the pretence that they fancied sitting by the fire because it was too cold despite spring being well under way.

"Do you know what happened?" he asked her.

"Muggle baiting."

Lupin was faintly surprised. "Your mother was a Muggle?" He felt her nod against his chest. "Mine too. My Dad constantly lives in fear of the same happening to her."

"At least you have a Dad. I don't have anybody. Mine walked out."

Lupin pulled her closer. "Where are you staying for Easter?"

Anna sniffed and gasped for breath.

"Shh," he whispered, wiping away a fresh stream of tears. "You'll make yourself sick. You need to calm down. Breathe slowly for me, Annie."

She hiccoughed and sobbed softly.

"That's better. Good girl." He took a deep breath. "Would you like to come to my place? My parents can't wait to meet you."

Anna sniffled. "Oh yeah, that'll be a gas, won't it? Ma, Dad, this is my ex-girlfriend who's constantly weeping. Don't mind her."

Lupin bit his lip. "I don't much care for your use of the prefix. I make a point of never allowing girls I don't want to be with to share my bed even for comfort purposes."

Anna nodded. "OK. Thanks. Tell them…tell them I can't wait to meet them either." She burst into sobs that made her shake. "You'll never meet mine. I'm never going to see her again."

Lupin pulled her closer and kissed her forehead, at a loss for any words of comfort.

She fell into silence for so long that Lupin checked she had not fallen asleep.

"Does that mean we're back on?"

"Only if you want to be." He averted his eyes. "I mean, _I_ want us to be, but if you don't-"

"No, I do. I really do." She sighed. "My Ma told me to leave you well alone. She said that if I continued to love you, I would wind up dead."

Lupin blew the air out of his cheeks. "Well, that's a conversation stopper if ever I heard one. Let's hope she wasn't a seer."

Anna smiled grimly. "A very good one actually."

"Oh." Lupin had to fight the urge to laugh. He couldn't fathom why. There was nothing funny about this at all, but he had a sudden uncontrollable urge to giggle. Not laugh - actually giggle like a schoolgirl. "Well, I guess you're up shit-creak without a paddle then."

Anna sniffed and shrugged. "I guess so."

"Try and sleep."

She shook her head violently. "I want to talk to Sirius."

Lupin frowned. "Sirius? What on earth about?"

"I need his advice." She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes to find she had cried until there were no more tears.

"Advice? From Sirius? Advice on what?" Lupin was astounded. They hated each other. Besides, Sirius' idea of advice was 'Procrastinate. At least you'll have something to do tomorrow.'

"Coping when half your crazy father's family is full of fucking Death Eaters."


	46. In which James is blown away

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: For BlueSkies13, Tabs, and MissGoalie75 in particular who like these two together, here's a little light romance to make us all sick.**

_February 14__th__ 1978, Dungeons, Potions Classroom 12:03_

"Oh, please. Get a room."

Potions was becoming unbearable. It wasn't the same without Moony to tease mercilessly. Loathe as he was to admit it, Sirius missed the explosive chemical reactions and profanities from the corner of the room.

Not only that but his Potions partner had ditched him for his girlfriend, Electra had set up with Peter's fan girl, and if he didn't nab Peter quickly, he would end up sharing a cauldron with Snivellus.

It was do or die.

"Pete!"

Peter trotted over. "Yes, Padfoot?"

"We could like…team up. Since Prongs started working with Evans, he's become very uppity and since you're the only person in this class capable of beating her even when she's so loved up that she's off her guard, I think with my brains and ability to cheat, we could make a great team. What do you say?"

Peter, pleased at having been chosen by the coolest of his friends, beamed and immediately set up his cauldron, laying out his many jars of ingredients in alphabetical order. Sirius stared wide-eyed, but said nothing.

Sirius glanced to his right and found the Head Boy with his nose in a book for once, and Evans elbows deep in a jar of flies. This would be an interesting picture to file in the depths of his memory.

"I'm actually really glad that I'm already going out with you."

James smiled smugly. "I know you are."

Lily threw him a dubious glance. "I meant that since you're learning how to brew Amortentia, I'm glad I don't have to test my meals."

James shrugged. "You never know. You'll just never be able to leave me now. I'm quite a catch now that I know how to keep you in a state of obsessive love, right, Lil?" He put on his best imitation of his mother. "So how did you two meet?" Returning to his usual voice, he said, "Well, I poisoned her pumpkin juice and…"

Lily laughed and nudged him. "Stop messing around. What do we need?"

James smirked. "Stop physically abusing me in public."

Lily scanned the text, tracing the sentences with her finger. "But in private it's okay?"

"Okay? In private, it's my ultimate fantasy." James winked. "You know me. Leather, whips, chains, car battery with jumper cables, broomstick polish, and pretty much anything except hot jam."

Lily froze. Her captivating eyes slowly traveled toward her boyfriend. "Great. I'm dating a sexual deviant."

James grinned and assumed the same high pitched, quavering voice. "And when are you thinking of children, dear?" He made a face. "Well, it's a bit awkward, Mum, seeing as she's currently too afraid to get into a bed with me."

From the cauldron next to them, Peter muttered, "Don't blame her."

But Lily seemed to see the funny side, flicking her boyfriend with the small amount of liquid that had gathered at the bottom of her cauldron. James flinched.

"Oh, don't be such a baby."

"It might get in my hair."

Lily raised an eyebrow and added three unicorn hairs. "Who are you? Sirius?"

"OI! I can hear you over there, you know."

Peter tittered. "It's true. You are the vainest human being I have ever met."

"Shut up, Wormtail."

Lily beamed. "Are they always like this?"

James nodded. "Only when Remus isn't around."

"Peacekeeper?"

"No," said James, stirring in ashwinder eggs, "Sirius' preferred target."

Their potion began to take on the tell-tale mother of pearl sheen and Lily stood back, admiring her handiwork as would a proud mother. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Well, I was hoping to spend some time with you. You know, since it's Valentine's Day. You should come up."

And even as James led her up the stairs for moderate privacy while he got as sappy as he dared, he knew it was a bad idea. Raised voices rarely meant sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows.

"You were doing that thing with your eyes!"

James sighed. They were at it again. He couldn't help but wonder why Lovett and Lupin continued to see so much of each other.

"That thing with my eyes? When do I not do things with my eyes? It might be hard to pin down one specific incident here." Lupin sounded strangely on the defensive and James couldn't help but wonder what he had done.

Lily winced. "Why don't we go somewhere else?"

"Good plan."

"Where can we go?"

James, who had several ideas - none of them appropriate, shrugged. "Dunno. Who's in your dorm?"

"Oh, I have no doubt Scarlett will be gathering her fan-boys around her. Maybe we could go for a walk or something."

"Okay, sure."

As the sun set over the forest's looming pines, glittering burnt orange on the lake, James regretted not suggesting this before. His girlfriend - he was going to repeat that, it seemed inconceivable that Lily Evans was finally requiting his feelings. His _girlfriend_ was captivated and only half listening to him ramble on about anything other than the way he felt about her. He was carefully avoiding the subject in case she had a sudden change of heart and pushed him in the lake.

"And then Sirius said-" He paused and frowned. "Are you even listening?"

Lily smiled at him. "Intently. I was just wondering why you're spending all of Valentine's evening talking about Sirius Black. Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

"I'm sorry. Am I boring you? I am, aren't I? Oh God, I'm sorry."

Lily laughed and slipped her cold fingers into his hand, clammy with anxiety. "Not in the slightest. I just thought maybe we could talk about us."

James swallowed hard. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I know this is a little early and you might want to run away-" She was cut off by a gust of wind that made her shiver through her cardigan and her teeth chatter.

James grinned. "Me? Run away? From you? In what world do you think this is possible?" He took off the deep purple scarf he had (rather sensibly, he thought) hurriedly wrapped around his neck before leaving the castle, and wound it around Lily.

She immediately protested. "You'll be cold. It's my own fault for not putting something warmer on."

James reached into the bottom of his school-bag (too afraid to drop it into the dorm when Remus and Anna were slugging it out) and pulled out a second scarf.

"How many do you carry around with you?" asked Lily.

James laughed. "I'm always finding them somewhere. I've got loads. Absolutely loads. Mrs. Lupin likes to knit. I've got jumpers to match most of them. You ought to see the inside of Remus' trunk. It's got half a sheep in it."

Lily laughed and he pulled her closer against the wind.

"But what were you saying? I was apparently about to leg it in a contrary direction."

She licked her dry lips and looked up at him through her eyelashes. "I think I might be falling in love with you and I thought you'd be scared and you'd-"

She got no further as his lips were moving against hers and his cold fingertips left lasting chilled tingles as his hands caressed her neck, her scalp, her back, her cheek.

"Way ahead of you," he said as he pulled away, his forehead against hers, gasping for breath. "I thought I might be falling in love with you when I was fifteen."

"You don't think I'm being stupid?"

James shook his head. "Of course not. But then, I'd say that even I thought you were - which I don't - so maybe I'm not the most reliable person to ask."

Lily laughed breathily. "So what should we do now?"

"Well," said James, "you should find Mary and ask her if you're being stupid, and I'd better brew some more Amortentia to slip you. I had no idea it would work this quickly."

Lily nudged him playfully. "Shut up."

"Or alternatively, you could give me another kiss and we'll take it from there."


	47. In which Sirius makes a friend

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Set just before Chapter 4 of Where Dwell the Brave at Heart.**

_September 2nd__ 1971, Charms Corridor 14:00_

Sirius groaned, noticing the seating plan pinned up on the door of the Charms classroom. It was bad enough that he had to sit at the front (someone had obviously pre-empted his penchant for misbehaviour), but he also had to sit beside the oddball who had been sharing a dormitory with them.

"What's up?" asked James, blissfully unaware of his best friend's trauma.

"Who are you sitting with?" asked Sirius.

James hurriedly checked the list. It wasn't Snivellus so a worst case scenario had been avoided. "Marlene McKinnon."

Sirius sighed. "Well I'm next to King of the Creeps."

James laughed. Beside Sirius' name on the seating plan was neatly printed: _Remus Lupin_. "He'll kill you, Sirius. By the end of the year, he will have murdered you."

Sirius scowled. "He freaks me out."

"Shh," James elbowed him sharply in the ribs as Lupin turned the corner, his copper-coloured hair disheveled and books sliding out of his arms, refusing to fit into his school bag.

"Am I late?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Doesn't look like it, does it?"

"I thought I would be." Lupin set his large collection of books on the floor and began to slide them neatly into his satchel. "I ran."

They fell into an awkward silence, ended only when three of the five Gryffindor girls joined them. Lily, careful not to stand anywhere near James and Sirius, stood between her friends and enquired after Remus.

Lupin, paranoid and jumpy, stammered. "O-OK, thanks. You?"

"I'm having a great time. It's incredible here, isn't it? Oh, this is Marlene, and this is Mary. Girls, this is Remus. He came over in the boat with me and Sev."

Lupin, painfully shy, could not even meet their eyes and Sirius threw him a disparaging glance.

By the time the rest of the class joined them, he was convinced that this class was going to make this year the worst of his life.

Flitwick ushered them in. "You may have noticed the seating plan on the door. I'd like you to stick to it for now. It helps me learn your names."

Lupin sank into his seat and pulled out his textbook, pretending he couldn't find it in his bag so that he wouldn't have to watch Sirius Black walk towards the seat beside him as though going to his execution.

Flitwick stood atop a pile of books in order to see over his desk, littered with papers and various open texts. His eyes met Lupin's who quickly closed them and ensured he would be staring directly at the desk before he re-opened them.

Here, thought Flitwick, was a boy with whom it would be very difficult to form a relationship, even perhaps to like. He almost pitied Black until he saw the look of disgust in the other boy's eyes. In one respect at least, they were equals.

"I'd like us all to perform a simple hover charm," said Flitwick, flicking his wand and sending twenty-six feathers onto the desks and distributing them around the room. He noticed that Lupin jumped as his softly landed on his fingertips. No wonder Dumbledore had allowed him to study here. He didn't look like much of a werewolf.

Flitwick kept one feather back and placed it neatly atop a pile of marked papers. "Listen carefully, Wingardium Leviosa. A nice long 'aaah' sound and remember to stress the middle of 'Leviosa'. Wingardium Leviosa. Repeat that for me, please."

Twenty-six voices chorused it back to him and he smiled. "Good. Very good. Now look very closely. Watch my wand." He aimed it at the feather and performed the charm. The feather slowly drifted up to the level of his eyes and he let it drop. "Can anyone tell me what I did there?"

Absolutely silence reigned for the first time.

"No-one? You mean to tell me that none of you watched as I had asked."

Lily raised her hand. "It's a swish and flick motion,"

Flitwick smiled at her. "Well done, Miss Evans. Five points to Gryffindor." Turning his attention back to the rest of his class, he glanced at his watch. "I'd like you all to give it a try. You have to the end of the lesson in forty minutes. Now this can be quite difficult. The stresses must be in the right places and without a swish and flick, your feather will go nowhere without heavy blowing. No-one gets it right first time so don't be alarmed."

Sirius was about to pick up his wand when he heard Lupin mutter the incantation and his feather drifted off the desk. His mouth dropped open and he was only able to stare in awe as Lupin directed it as high as he dared without drawing attention to himself.

However, this tactic did not go as planned for a height that would not draw the attention of the average man, was not quite the height that did not draw the attention of Professor Flitwick.

"Merlin's beard!" He watched the feather float slowly back onto Lupin's desk and beamed at him.

It was, Sirius thought, a rather psychotic smile - one that spoke of cogs whirring in the back of Flitwick's mind.

"Look! Look, everyone. Mr. Lupin has done it. First time!"

Lupin, whose eyes at the best of times were reminiscent of a frightened deer in headlights, looked absolutely terrified.

Flitwick awarded him twenty points and heaped praise upon him, but Lupin only blushed an increasingly violent shade of scarlet which Sirius found oddly endearing. This boy was brilliant - quite the unexpected genius - but he obviously had never been alerted to this before and he was rather uncomfortable with his new position as 'the class swot'.

His shyness would have to be overcome and his apparent phobia of attention would need rectifying, but Sirius thought that Lupin had the potential to be a very useful ally.

Especially because, as it turned out, Flitwick was right. This was a difficult charm to master - especially for those who were impatient and too stubborn to admit they had mispronounced the spell. Two traits that Sirius thought summed him up rather well. If _he _had ended up with a buffalo on his chest, he would have claimed it to be exactly what he was hoping to achieve.

"Sirius wasn't it?"

Sirius swung round and gawped. He had actually spoken to him. If Lupin wanted to ask a question, he generally directed it towards James, or waited for James to be present before speaking to Sirius.

"Yeah."

"Right. Well you…you're um…you're putting emphasis on the…er…the wrong syllable. It's Levi_o_sa not Levio_sa_. You're leaving a pause that shouldn't be there."

Even having the courage to offer constructive criticism, he was unable to stop his stammer, but the soft lilt in his quiet and unassuming voice drew attention away from his speech disorder.

Sirius did as he was told and watched as his feather hovered above his head.

"So," he said, turning to face Lupin, "what do your friends call you?"

* * *

Charms lessons thereafter were dominated by the laughter of Lupin and Black who, it seemed overnight, had become thick as thieves.

The changes in Lupin were obvious. He was louder, he had lost his stutter, and was evidently engaging in an ongoing competition for top-marks with Lily Evans - to hell with who looked at him for it.

And the next time Flitwick caught Lupin's eye, the boy held his gaze, allowing him the slightest glimpse of his developing identity.


	48. In which Peter is impressed

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: I think it's Chapter 31 of Where Dwell where Remus gets called Moony for the first time. Anyway, this follows on from it.**

_November 18th__ 1973, Charms Classroom, 13:27_

"I'm fourteen today."

Lupin flashed a rather strained smile. "Yes, Sirius, I know."

"And I still can't get this fucking lesson."

Lupin sighed. "There's absolutely no need for profanities. If you put your mind to it, you could do it easily. Do you want to know what your trouble is."

This was a statement and though Sirius' answer would have been 'no', he knew that Lupin was going to tell him about it regardless.

"You're too used to being able to do something without any concentration or work on your part."

"Whatever I do in Charms, Remus, I just fail at."

"Well, no-one can be good at everything, Sirius, and you're top of your other classes so forget about it."

"I am not," snapped Sirius. "McGonagall is fawning over James in Trans. You, you're Flitwick's bloody golden boy, and if Peter and Slughorn get any fucking closer, allegations will be made. I don't have that with anybody."

Lupin raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat. "I'm going to recall a certain conversation last Friday in Defence."

Sirius grinned. "It was the one time I have ever beaten you in a subject. Give me a break."

"So you've never got a better mark than me in Potions?"

Sirius laughed. "Remus, I don't count Potions. I have an unfair advantage. You're the only person I know who can dissolve pewter."

Lupin grinned. "Thanks." His smile waned. "Look, no-one likes failure. I hate it. I work my arse off so I never have to fail, although I fail miserably at Potions so I've given up on that. I don't count it either. Listen, Sirius," The room had fallen into silence and Lupin, caught up in his somewhat impassioned speech, failed to realise that he could be heard by a class full of his peers. "We all fail. We all mess up. We all have something we can't do. For me, it's Potions, for Peter it's Arithmancy. For James, it's…well, it's nothing." James looked over and grinned but Lupin didn't notice. "For James, it's dating Lily. And for you, it's Charms. So what? Of course it bothers you. Show me someone who doesn't care when they can't do something and I'll show my arse to the Pope."

A collective gasp filled his ears and Lupin blushed scarlet. He took a deep breath and said, "So get back to your snuff box."

Sirius sniggered beside him. "Brings a whole new meaning to 'Moony', doesn't it?"

Lupin couldn't help but grin. "You can call me that now, you know. I won't mind so much."

Sirius nodded, "It's no fun then though, is it?"

"Do you want me to fix your snuff box or not?"

Sirius grinned and pushed his box over. "Right you are, Moony."

* * *

_15:36_

"You're a clever bastard, Remus," said Peter. "I'm impressed."

Lupin laughed. "It wasn't intentional."

James shook his head in disbelief. "Only you, honestly."

Peter tittered. "You know what bothers me? Everyone says our Moony's completely selfless and he ends up giving a pump-up speech and saving his own arse."

Lupin smirked. "Well, now you don't have to bite your tongues all the time. Whose arse was I saving?"

Sirius met his eyes and smiled oddly. "Give the boy a break. Hey, Moon, come here. Will you give me a Charms lesson?"

James wolf-whistled. "We all know what goes on in that classroom, don't we, Pete?"

Lupin smiled sarcastically. "Yeah, I tutor in it."

"You tutor girls."

Lupin frowned. "They ask."

"When they say they want to watch your wand-work, Moony, they don't mean they want you to show them how to swish and flick. Sirius, are you sure you want to go through with this? Full's next week and we all know what a randy little bugger he turns into."

Lupin gave him the finger and turned to Sirius. "What do you want me to do?"

"How far are you willing to go?"

Lupin's eyes widened. "I'm really not sure where this conversation's going?"

James laughed. "Remus, I'd watch yourself. You know he'll have a go at anything that'll stand still long enough."

"I mean, how much can you teach me?"

Lupin grinned. "Anything you want."

James beamed. "Can you do the whole lights on and lights off thing with me?"

"All right, but wait until the moon's come and gone, okay?"

James nodded. "Brill. God, this is the best day of my life. Evans smiled at me, Snivellus fell in the lake, Moony's allowed to be called Moony, and now I'll be able to turn the lights off."

Peter laughed. "You don't ask for much, do you?"


	49. In which Lupin introduces

**Disclaimer: See first chapter.**

**A/N: I have neglected this lately and because I am heading off to see my John Lupin on Friday, this is in honour of my excitement and also because I promised Anna info to a few people. **

_April 12th__ 1977, Hope Cove 11:45_

Sleepy Cottage was in chaos.

"Remus, I have no objection to you having your friends over during the holidays," snapped Mrs. Lupin, currently elbows deep in a bucket of soapy water, "but I wish you'd give me further warning than ten minutes before you go to meet them from the station. I mean, _look_ at the state of this kitchen."

"Emma!"

"Get your boots off the floor. I just washed that bit. Shoes off!"

John Lupin immediately did as he was told, terrified of his wife's innate Mediterranean temperament.

"John, have you fed the chickens?"

John, currently too busy yanking the claws of a Blue Persian cat out of his shoulder, did not reply, much to his wife's frustration. Quietly, before he could be dragged into the fray, Remus closed the door behind him and made his way to the station.

It didn't seem so long ago that he was first meeting Sirius and James here. He had been terrified of bumping into his former classmates and yet, here he stood beside Mark Newman and they had even exchanged smiles.

"Hiya, Remus."

Lupin nodded his greeting. "Are you doing my shift tonight?"

"Yep. Where are you going, you lucky sod?"

He couldn't resist. Despite bullying him furiously for the first eleven years of their lives, Mark had now become his friend. It seemed absurd to him but he supposed that spending so much time with James had mellowed him out. Yet, there was still a small part of him that wanted his former torturer to be jealous.

"Nowhere. My girlfriend's coming to stay and I didn't want to leave her with my parents on her first night. She'd run for the hills."

Mark laughed. "So what's she like?"

Lupin nodded toward the train door. "That."

Anna Lovett did not look her best. The bags under her eyes were almost as dark as her irises and her usually bouncy brown curls were flat. She smiled faintly and waited for Lupin to respond before she ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck, stretching to do so.

Fully aware that they looked like Little and Large, Lupin couldn't help but laugh as he enveloped her in his arms.

"How're things?"

"Terrible," she whispered into his chest.

He cleared his throat and stepped back. "Anyway, Mark, I'll um…I'll see you Friday. I'll be back by then." Turning to his girlfriend, he gestured for her to follow.

"Where are we going now?"

"My house," said Lupin. He took hold of her suitcase. "Let me carry that. Come on. Oh, and before you meet my parents, please understand that they only escaped the asylum because my father must have Confunded someone."

Anna smiled. "They can't be that bad. They made you."

Lupin shuddered. "Please don't bring up my relation to them. I like to live in denial." As Anna fell silent he remembered why she was spending Easter with him. "I'm sorry, Annie. I'm such a callous bastard."

She slipped her hand into his and entwined their fingers. "No. You're not. Though you've made me very nervous."

* * *

"You must be Anna."

Anna smiled and shook the offered hand. "It's a pleasure, Mr. Lupin."

"John, my lovely. Call me John. Remus hasn't stopped talking about you."

"Dad, shut up."

She laughed. "Good. I haven't stopped talking about me either."

Mrs. Lupin kissed her continental style and Anna trembled. It was a well known fact that mothers were infinitely hard to please. Mrs. Lupin shocked her with her youth and twinkling black eyes. From the clues Remus had offered (obsessed with books and mythology, a serial knitter, a baker) she had pictured his mother to be middle-aged and something of a prude.

Instead, she was greeted with, "Hello, darling. Lovely to meet you. _Where_ did you get those shoes? They're gorgeous."

Anna grinned. "I made them. Well, I decorated them."

"They're proper punk shoes. I aime them!"

"Emily, love, she's going to think you can't speak English," said John, filling in the crossword absentmindedly. "'Would you like a scone?' will be the next question."

Mrs. Lupin almost blushed. "Everyone likes scones."

Lupin's eyes had glazed over and it became apparent that he had retreated to his 'happy place'. "I'll show you your room. It's quite a trek so brace yourself."

He led her to the fourth floor, pushing the door open to reveal an attic with wide open windows that gave her a view of the granite grey waves crashing against the cliff atop which Sleepy Cottage was perched.

"This is the second attic. My Dad uses the first as an office and he fills it full of junk. This one's actually bigger so you got the best deal."

"Listen, thanks for everything."

"REMUS?"

Lupin sighed. "Her scones are probably burning. Come on."

He arrived downstairs to find Sirius' owl perched on the window ledge, swallowing scones whole. It was an arresting sight.

"Letter from The Narcissist."

Lupin flipped the envelope over and handed it to Anna. "For you."

_Annalicious,  
__ Head down and chin up. Does that count as an oxymoron? Ask Remus. He's good at that sort of wordy shit.  
__Word of advice, when things get you down, go to Johnny-boy. If he was any more laid back, he'd be dead and nothing you can say will scare him. Give it a try. I did and I found out he was the coolest person on the planet. He's the only human being ever to respond to one of my mother's infamous Howlers ("Mrs. Black, you seem to be mistaking me for someone who gives a fuck. Enclosed are two galleons. Mail someone who does.") See what I mean?  
__Keep out of the way of your father. If he walked away, the likelihood is that he doesn't know where you are or what you're doing. Keep it that way.  
__Also, no offence, but it makes you a half-blood. Doubt you're much use to him.  
__Any time you want to talk about this, you can come to me._

_Sirius._

_P.S. Tease Remus for me. Call him 'Cupcake'. That really pisses him off._

Anna, caring not about the presence of his parents, leant up and kissed Lupin's cheek. "Your friends are savage, Cupcake."


	50. In which Sirius goes to war

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

_September 6th__ 1972. Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. 11:15_

"Good morning."

"It certainly is now," Sirius muttered to James as Catherine Dearheart descended into her classroom.

James smirked and nudged Sirius, nodding in Lupin's direction. "I reckon Remus agrees with you, mate."

She was a pretty brunette with dark green eyes and an infectious smile, just Lupin's type. Her accent was difficult to place but her voice had a knack for making her class fall silent to listen to her. Dearheart was a teacher who did not rely on an ability to shout in order to keep the attention of her pupils. She was evidently a graduate from the McGonagall school of thought, but her rosy cheeks and beaming smile disguised this fact remarkably well.

"Okay, sweethearts, this might be a little different to what your last teacher taught so shall we recap the year? What did you learn last year?"

Sirius raised his hand. "That our teacher couldn't teach."

Dearheart pursed her lips. "Clearly you weren't taught propriety. What's your name?"

"Black."

Dearheart smiled at him. "I never refer to a student by their surname. What's your first?"

"I'm Sirius."

She nodded. "I'm Professor Dearheart. I'm twenty-two. I've recently returned from a world trip and my specialty is dark creatures. I like The Witch Hunters, rain, and chocolate. My pet peeve is tardiness. Why don't you tell me a little about yourselves. Since Sirius has already started, I'll make him go first."

She smirked and Sirius knew this was a lady who was not to be messed with.

"I'm Sirius. I'm twelve - but not for much longer - and I live with a banshee and an anal retentive unemployed…I suppose he's human. I have a brother who's not as good looking as I am. I like unicorns and flowers and rainbows and my pet-peeve is called Regulus."

James laughed. Dearheart raised her eyebrows at him.

"_Me_? I'm um…I'm James."

"And?" Dearheart sat on an empty desk and crossed her legs, making Sirius gulp.

"And um…"

"And he's lost for words in your presence," whispered Lily to Marlene.

"He's James," said Sirius. "Like everyone else in this class, he's twelve. He likes Lily Evans and old films and he hates it when a teacher wastes a whole lesson on introductions."

Dearheart's eyes blazed. "I bet you think you're a fearless bastard, don't you?"

The class gasped collectively.

"Don't you, Sirius?" She got to her feet and pulled out her wand. She began to tap it idly against her thigh. "How would you do this then?"

Sirius shrugged. "It's not my job to do your lessons plans, Professor."

"Are you testing me?" Her eyes twinkled. "All right, Black. Bring it on. Let's see what you can do." She immediately returned to her introductions. "James, would you like to tell me something true?"

"That _was_ true," muttered James. "Um…I like old films and um…Quidditch, flying, sausages-"

"Flying sausages?" laughed Sirius. "Now _that_ I'd pay to see."

"And my pet peeve is Sirius Black."

Sirius faked trauma, throwing one hand across his heart and another over his forehead, and Lupin rolled his eyes.

"Sirius, while your love of unicorns and flowers and rainbows is now public knowledge, I would not recommend such theatrics," said Dearheart. "Next?"

"I'm Remus Lupin and you just made my day."

Dearheart laughed. "I could say the same, Remus."

* * *

_Great Hall 12:30_

"I like her," said James, helping himself to a sixth sausage.

"Watch they don't fly away," said Peter.

Sirius laughed. "Yeah. She's better than Maynard anyway, but I have to think of a prank for her." He glanced toward the staff table, watching her converse with Flitwick who she appeared to have in a minor state of hysteria.

"Good Lord, if he gets any more excited, he'll have a drug squad searching his office," said Lupin, stealing a sausage from James while he was busy monitoring the shade of Flitwick's blushes.

"If he gets any more excited," said Sirius, "he might have a more pressing issue."

"Still," said Peter, "if he's in proportion, at least no-one will know about it."

"Stop it," said Lupin. "I like Flitwick."

James rolled his eyes. "You and him are starting to get like man and wife, Remus. You know when he calls you into his office, do you make a start on dinner and put the children to bed?"

Lupin ignored this. "I think, when I'm a teacher, I'd like to be like Dearheart."

"I know what I'd like to do to Dearheart," said Sirius, "and it has nothing to do with learning whatsoever."

Lupin's nose wrinkled in disgust. "How can you think about that stuff?"

"Yeah," said James, "you're talking to a Catholic. There'll be no more of that filthy talk with Saint Remus around."

Lupin frowned. "Just because I'm not obsessed by sex-"

"Remus, when it comes to sex, you're emotionally seven," said Sirius.

"No I'm not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too. Are too. Are too!"

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "And you've got the nerve to say _I've_ got the mind of a seven year old?"

"I wonder what she's bringing to next lesson," said Peter.

"I don't know," replied Sirius, "but I know what _I'm_ bringing."

Lupin sighed. "If you say 'an erection', I will actually kill you."

Sirius laughed. "Oh that's a good one. No, I'm bringing my ingredients."

"It's D.A.D.A.," said Peter, "not Domestic Science."

"Not for a fucking carrot cake," snapped Sirius. "For the best prank in the history of the world."

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "And what would that be?"

"I don't know yet."


	51. In which Peter is avenged

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Yes, I **_**am **_**bombarding you with uploads**_**. **_**I'm sorry. Can you forgive me? Pretty please. It's just that I have no life.**

_November 15__th__ 1976. Directly Outside Hufflepuff Common Room. 08:15._

"Hello."

Michael Harrington dropped his eyes to the floor and hurried past, clutching his books to his chest like a shield.

"Harrington?" Lupin's eyes flashed topaz. "I said 'hello'."

Harrington frowned. "What do you want to talk to me for?"

Lupin winced. "I think you mean 'Why do you want to talk to me?' If that's the case, then I am perfectly entitled to enquire after you, am I not? I don't believe that your personal space has yet been declared a small independent nation."

Harrington shrugged. "Hello then."

"Good morning. How are you?"

Harrington was now twitchy and expecting a terrible prank any moment. This fear must have been evident in his eyes, as Lupin laughed and said;

"It's all right. The fact that you're alone does indeed make you helpless, but it also detracts from the appeal for James and Sirius. They love an audience. In fact, I believe they have one in the Great Hall. They're giving Severus a bottle of shampoo this morning."

Harrington bit his lip. "Why aren't you with them then?"

Lupin smirked. "I don't approve of humiliating the undeserving."

"And the deserving?"

"The deserving, Michael, usually get two wads of chewing gum up their nostrils."

Harrington gulped. "Good morning then. I have to get to breakfast."

"Don't you want a stick of gum?" Lupin's eyes twinkled though he did not smile as he offered the packet to Harrington.

"Do you expect me to be scared?"

Lupin laughed. "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."

Harrington recoiled. "What the fuck?"

"Ten points from Hufflepuff. Obscene language is not recommended in front of a Prefect."

"Why do you hate me?" snapped Harrington. "All right, so maybe Peter has reason-"

"_Maybe_?" hissed Lupin. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Ten points from Gryffindor," said Harrington, his eyebrow raised a fraction. "Obscene language is not recommended in front of a Prefect." He pointed at the badge gleaming in the middle of his tie and Lupin wanted to kick himself for failing to recall that particular tidbit of information.

"Don't try and beat me at my own game, Harrington," Lupin warned. "You'll lose and while I don't approve of public humiliation, please don't think I am making an idle threat when I tell you that in your case, I believe I will make an exception."

Harrington pulled out his wand. "I'd like to see you try anything."

Lupin shook his head. "No. You don't want to pick a fight with me. I don't want to pick a fight with you, Harrington. I want to offer an olive branch."

Harrington froze. "What? You hate me."

"No, Mike. I don't hate anyone. I have eaten a family sized bar of Honeydukes Gold. I'm on such a sugar high that even Voldemort deserves a hug. No, not only do I sympathise with you, but I'm finding that that cold eyed stare is starting to really get me going. I've wanted to say it for a while, Mike. I'm glad you packed Peter because now you're free. You have no idea what you do to me."

"You're gay too?"

Lupin quirked an eyebrow. "So now you're ready to admit it?"

"You _know_ I'm gay, Lupin."

Harrington stared in wide-eyed horror as Lupin smirked. "Good morning, girls."

Sirius' former stalker waved at him and giggled as Harrington blushed magenta - a shade that clashed horrifically with his canary yellow and black tie.

"Fuck you, Lupin."

Lupin smirked. "I never thought I'd hear those words from your mouth. Unless they were succeeding 'I want to'." He laughed mirthlessly. "I crack myself up."

"Dickhead."

Lupin nodded. "Most people don't know it, but yes, I _am _a dickhead and as a rule, people tend not to piss me off more than once for that reason. Listen, Harrington, you fuck with Peter and you fuck with all of us. If you think you've had it bad _now_, keep out of James' way because the things he wants to do to you would have him arrested and _not_, I hasten to add, for any reason that might make your trousers tight."

Harrington averted his eyes.

"Oh and er…before I forget, Michael. _Waddiwasi._" Lupin winced as Harrington cried out. "Ouch. You might want to get that looked at."


	52. In which James offers his palm

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: In honour of the 30 year anniversary of Anna's murder.**

_March 27__th__ 1976. Gryffindor Common Room 01:44._

The fire burned low in the grate, the ambers casting a dim glow over the shining Snitch as it hovered millimeters away from James' spectacles, almost taunting him with its proximity.

The sound of its fluttering wings and the scratch of quill on parchment broke the deathly silence.

"What are you still doing up?" James asked, his eyes not leaving his prized possession.

Anna Lovett did not look up from her Divination homework. "I'm baking cupcakes, Potter. What do you _think _I'm doing? " She clicked her tongue. "What are _you_ doing up?"

"Can't sleep," said James, his fingers idly clasping the Snitch and pocketing it. "My insomnia's playing up."

Anna rolled up her parchment. "I set myself a goal of a thousand words today so I wouldn't have to do any tomorrow. I think I may have overestimated my abilities."

James smiled. "What is it anyway? What are you writing?"

"My Divination homework."

James' eyes widened. "We had homework?"

Anna returned his smile. "Chill out. For Tuesday."

"I'll make mine up."

She clicked her tongue. "You're belittling an art form. Divination is very highly respected."

James raised an eyebrow. "Where?"

"It just is."

"I'll take your word for it, Lovett. Are you going to bed?"

Anna shook her head. "Don't feel like sleeping. I'm a little overtired."

"Me too." He sighed deeply. "It's starting to get to me."

Anna took the seat opposite him. "Well, what could be stopping you sleeping? Is there something on your mind? Maybe you're not doing enough activity? I notice that on Quidditch nights you're in bed by eight."

James nodded. "Because I'm so damn tired all the time and because I'm so damn tired all the time, I worry about why, which keeps me up."

Anna winced. "Catch twenty-two." She leant back in the chair and made herself comfortable. "Happy birthday, by the way."

"Bloody hell. I'd forgotten about that. Wow. You _are_ good at this psychic shit."

Anna laughed. "Much as I'd like to agree, I have to admit that I was shopping for your present with Remus last weekend."

James leant forward in his seat. "Go on, spill. What's he got me?"

Anna smirked and wiggled her eyebrows. "Wouldn't _you_ like to know?"

"Come on. Moony's presents are internationally acclaimed."

She laughed. "It _is_ pretty good. Very you."

"Tell me?"

"No."

They fell into an almost companionable silence and Anna was forced to admit that while there was something about Peter that just rubbed her up the wrong way and Sirius was a total bastard, James was very much like Remus. Finally she understood why they got on so well.

"You know, you're not the twat I thought you were."

James grinned. "You're pretty cool too."

Anna raised her eyebrows. "Tell me something I don't know."

James laughed. "A girl after my own heart." He patted the seat beside him and held out his palm. "Read it for me. I only ever get Sirius and he bullshits his way through it making up a load of shit about cows."

Anna laughed. "And the plague? Yeah. He did that to me too. Let's have a look." She took hold of his hand an squinted in the dim light. She winced.

"What?" James frowned. "I'm not really going to be a farmer, am I?"

"You have a short lifeline."

James snatched his hand back and looked at the lines of his palm. "How short is 'short'?"

Anna shrugged. "It's longer than mine. My mother's a Muggle and even she's been predicting my death for years. Chill out. It hasn't happened yet." Taking his hand back, she traced his marriage line. "Monogamous marriage. That's good. It ends in death. That's good too."

James looked horrified.

"'Til death do us part," she quoted. "It means that the marriage won't end in divorce. One vertical slash. That's one child. A boy."

"A boy?" James grinned. "What's his name?"

Anna merely looked at him. "I'm good, Potter, but I'm not _that_ good. Wow. You've got a _lot_ of money coming to you. Look. See this line? It runs from the bottom of your thumb all the way to your little finger. That's inheritance. Your health line is missing so you're unlikely to have any health problems. This is looking good, Potter."

"James."

Anna blushed. "Sorry." She cleared her throat and continued. "Your fate line, this one here," she traced it for him, "breaks a lot. Your life is dictated to you by forces you cannot control, but it crosses your lifeline so your friends offer you support, but beware. That line also breaks. You have a Judas Iscariot in your midst."

James shook his head. "It's wrong."

"James, trust me."

He smirked. "I'd better not knowing what I know now. You could be Judith Iscariot."

Anna laughed. "Seriously. Think twice. Your head line has several crosses through it. You have momentous decisions to make but it is also straight so you have innate practicality in your favour."

She leant back and surveyed his palm. "Fire," she said simply. "You have a rectangular palm and very short fingers."

James frowned. "Is that bad?"

Anna shrugged. "That depends. Though I am very surprised that you are able to connect on the level that you do with Remus."

"Why?"

"He is water. He is creative, perceptive and introverted. You are stubborn, spontaneous and extroverted." She smirked. "I'd very much like to read Black's. I think I'd like to piece together how you three are friends." She got to her feet. "I'm sorry but I have to go to sleep now. Goodnight and I hope you have a great day tomorrow…well, today. You'll love your present."

James listened to the fire crackle and her footsteps on the stairs, staring intently at his palm. A traitor? A short life? A marriage to end in death? On the whole, he thought, he would much rather have had Sirius pronounce him to be a farmer.


	53. In which Lupin says goodbye

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

_July 12__th__ 1973. Defence Against the Dark Arts Classroom. 08:35._

"Is it true?"

Remus Lupin slammed the door behind him. His chest heaved and his black eyes were wide with hurt and fear.

Catherine Dearheart looked up from her desk and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Is what true, Mr. Lupin?"

"You _know_ what?" He frowned. "Why are you leaving?"

Dearheart softened. "Come here, Remus." She drew up a chair beside her desk and patted the seat.

Lupin took the offered seat and peered up at her through his eyelashes, abashed now that she was treating him with the respect he didn't deserve after barging into her office and demanding an explanation.

"What would you like to know?"

Lupin shrugged. "Why are you leaving?"

Dearheart smiled warmly. "It's not because I want to, Remus. You know that, don't you? If I could stay on, I would."

Lupin frowned. "But I don't understand why you have to go. You're the best teacher I've ever had and…and…you keep Sirius in line and you do things with us that change the way I think about things and…and I like you."

Dearheart beamed. "Thank you. It's the highest compliment you can pay a teacher, Remus, telling them that they actually taught you something useful and changed you for the better."

Lupin smiled grimly. "You made me realise I wanted to be a teacher."

"I'm honoured, Remus. I think you'd make a fantastic teacher. If you have the patience to deal with Sirius Black, thirty hell-raisers should be no problem at all." She grinned. "As for why I'm leaving, you may have noticed that Professor Maynard has been back and forth every now and again."

Lupin's eyes lit up with hope. "Is he coming back?"

Dearheart shook her head. "He's the reason I have to go."

"But Professor Maynard was…well, he was all right but he was mental."

Dearheart shrugged. "Maybe that's why I love him."

Lupin gawped. "They're firing you because you love him? But he doesn't even teach here anymore and-"

"-No, sweetheart. I'm resigning because I'm going to have a baby in February."

Lupin frowned slightly, as though he had never before heard of a baby.

"Are you going to get married?"

Dearheart flashed him her ring finger and the diamond glittered in the morning sunlight. "So staying here to teach just isn't practical. At least, not yet. Maybe I'll come back one day."

"You won't though, will you?" Lupin smiled sadly. "Congratulations."

"Thank you."

Lupin got his feet. "Goodbye then. Good luck."

"You show a genuine flair for this subject. I know you'll do well and I hope you continue with your studies in this area for your N.E.W.T.s. I'm expecting at least an O." She winked. "Good luck; though I don't think you need luck. I want you to remember, no matter what anyone else says, that you are exceptional."

Lupin blushed. "Thank you."

"Oh, and Remus?"

He turned, slinging his satchel over his shoulder. "Yes, Miss?"

"It was a pleasure to meet you."

* * *

_Gryffindor Boys Dormitory. 17:45_

"Thought you were pissed off."

Lupin's grin only widened. "Not any more. She's going to have a baby."

Sirius' jaw dropped. "What?"

"She's going to have a baby," Lupin repeated. "You know? Natural progression. She's getting married too."

"To who?"

Lupin smirked. "You remember Professor Maynard?"

James recoiled. "That's disgusting. He's, what, _fifty_? No way. You're making it up."

Lupin shook his head. "He proposed to her and they're expecting a baby in February."

James shuddered. "I just can't get over the fact that she had sex with Maynard."

"Yeah," seconded Sirius, "I mean, she's gorgeous. She could have anyone."

Peter nodded. "Why Maynard?"

"Because," said Lupin, "maybe she can see something that we can't. Maybe it's his patience or his kindness or the fact that he stands up for what's right or…gosh, I don't know, it could be anything."

Sirius smirked. "Sure _you're _not in love with him, Remus?"

Lupin narrowed his eyes. "And he's not fifty! He's forty-three."

"And?" said James. "She's about twenty-two."

"Age, James," said Lupin, "is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese."

James raised an eyebrow. "Remus, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard."

"Why else would she resign?" asked Peter. "It has to be true."

Sirius sighed. "Why do pretty girls through themselves at old men?"

Lupin shrugged. "Well, I think it's rather sweet. She doesn't need a reason. She just loves him."

"Whatever, you bloody great puff!" Sirius grinned. "Who do you think it'll look like? I hope it's not Maynard."

"What if it's a girl? What if it's a girl who looks like Maynard?"

Sirius winced. "I sincerely hope it won't be."

"What will they call it, do you think?" asked Peter.

"Ugly," said James.

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Why did I open my big mouth?"

"Do you know," said Sirius, "I think I'll miss her."

Lupin nodded. "Me too."

"You'll miss the animals she brings into class," said Peter. "_I_ won't."

"Brought," said Lupin sadly. "Past tense."

"Oh well," said James. "I wonder who we'll have next year."

"Knowing this school? We'll have a Boggart teaching us," answered Sirius. "I quite look forward to it. Though I'm not sure I could handle a naked Snivellus going on about wand work for three hours a week."

"Is that seriously your biggest fear?" asked Lupin, incredulous. "A naked Snape?"

Sirius merely looked at him. "Well, I'm not expecting you to be afraid because you're clearly gay. You'd be wanking under the desk all the time."

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "_I'm_ clearly gay? Hello, Sirius who likes flowers and unicorns and rainbows."

"That was a joke!"

"It was clearly a confession!"

James and Peter sighed, sharing an exasperated glance.

"Well," said James, "at least tomorrow's the last day and then we'll have a bit of peace and quiet."


	54. In which Sirius loses the battle

**Disclaimer: Oh, we all know where to look now.**

**A/N: I apologise for the Dearheart overdose but a) I enjoy writing her and b) I've been wanting to write this for a while. I hope it doesn't disappoint.**

_December 12__th__ 1972. Defence Against the Dark Arts Classroom. 12:10._

"Yes?"

Lupin frowned. "Sorry, can I just have some clarification?"

"Certainly, Remus. What has confused you?"

"How long does the spell of bad luck last?" he asked, eyeing the Mackled Malaclaw caged on Dearheart's desk with a great deal of distrust.

Dearheart tapped the cage and the Malaclaw snapped its jaws. "Well, when this little fellow bites you, you know about it. Typically, you can expect all bets or speculative ventures to go tits up for about a week, maybe two if it's a particularly bad bite or if you're a bit of a loser by nature." She grinned. "Otherwise, you should be fine. No need to worry if you were bitten six months ago. You can go ahead and gamble. Now, I want a piece of parchment on the traits and habitat of the Mackled Malaclaw by Friday. You can make a start now in the last five minutes."

Immediately, her class burst into a swarm of protests.

"Can we go early?" asked Peter. "I could do with a break."

Dearheart shook her head. "Though I don't mind if you take the next five minutes as free time in here, Pete. As long as your completed essay is handed in on Friday, you can do what you like."

Sirius grinned.

"Within reason," Dearheart warned. "I've got my eye on all three of you."

"Three?" James laughed. "There are four of…Remus, what are you doing?"

Lupin's quill sped across his parchment. "Work, James. Look it up. It _is_ in the dictionary."

James gawped. "No, Remus. Just no. You are a Marauder. Put that quill down."

Lupin sighed, but did not co-operate. "Look, James, the chances that I end up writing all four essays are pretty high, so let me get the first one done today, yeah?"

"Remus, I hope that is not the case," said Dearheart, raising one eyebrow.

Lupin blushed. "No, Professor."

James laughed. "Dropped yourself right in it there."

Dearheart pursed her lips. "And shame on all three of you for making him."

Lupin poked his tongue out and Sirius smiled back sarcastically.

"All right, that's enough. Settle down."

Dearheart reached for her board duster. Sirius smirked.

"What?" James whispered, leaning in and grinning.

"You know that nasty habit of hers? When she wants us to shut up, she bangs it against the desk?"

Peter nodded. "What have you done?"

Sirius smirk became a grin. "You'll see."

Dearheart pulled, straining herself and wincing as she tried to separate the duster from the desk.

"I put a permanent sticking charm on it."

She evidently heard him as Dearheart swung round, a false beaming smile on her pretty face; one that did not reach her eyes and was rather reminiscent of an excited lunatic.

She muttered under her breath, locking eyes with a smug Sirius who only smiled angelically back at her.

"All right," she said, "you may go."

Sirius pushed his desk away and reached for his satchel, slinging it over his shoulder and standing, strapped to his chair.

"What the hell?"

Dearheart smiled serenely. "Is something wrong, Sirius?"

"Not at all, Catherine. I just seem to find myself stuck to my chair."

Dearheart frowned and faked concern. "How awful. I imagine that's how my duster feels. Though I'm quite all right." She reached into her desk and pulled out a replacement. "I wonder how _you'll _manage."

Lupin laughed so hard that tears pooled in the corner of his eyes

"Shut up, Lupin!"

Lupin reached into his bag.

"If you pull that bloody camera out, I swear to God, I will come over there and I will kick your arse so hard that you have my toes for teeth."

Lupin only laughed harder.

"I don't much fancy your chances, mate," said James, "you know, what with a chair strapped to your arse."

"Oh, piss off. All of you."

"Language!" snapped Dearheart. "Sirius, I think you'd better stay behind. Boys, you may leave."

"I can't stay behind," said Sirius, his eyes wide as he pleaded with his friends not to leave him alone with this sadist. "I have Transfiguration next."

Dearheart beamed. "Really? I'm sure your friends can explain where you are. I will apologise to Professor McGonagall myself. I'm sure she will understand."

Sirius sighed as James shrugged and smiled sadly, closing the door behind him.

"Now," said Dearheart, "do you have something to say to me?"

"Yes. That was a bloody good retaliation."

Dearheart grinned. "Thank you." She flicked her wand idly and the chair clattered to the floor. "Pick that up and we'll say no more about it."

Sirius frowned. "I thought you were going to go to McGonagall."

Dearheart winked. "That would be unsporting. Off you go."


	55. In which James is protected

**Disclaimer: See first chapter.**

**A/N: So sorry. Life got a little crazy and I barely had time to sleep.**

_April 3__rd__ 1977. Gryffindor tower. 21:45_

"What are you doing up here?"

Snape jumped and turned his wand on Sirius who only smirked in response.

"What are _you_ doing up here then?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "I'm a Gryffindor, Snivelly. I'm going to bed. I have every right to be here. You, on the other hand, are skulking around with your wand out and I can't help but think you're looking a bit sinister."

James laughed. "He always looks sinister. It's that bloody great hook poking out from his hair. He looks like a nose on legs."

Snape glowered.

"Listen, Snivellus, if you're skulking after Evans, let it go. It was, like, a year ago and she still doesn't want to look at you. Get the message and have a bit of bloody dignity."

"Shut up, Potter. You'd know all about dignity, wouldn't you? You were the one following her around and sexually harassing her."

"Sexually harassing her?" James laughed. "Piss off. She loves it."

Lupin disagreed, but said nothing.

Sirius openly laughed in his face.

James smiled sarcastically. "Shut up, both of you."

"I didn't say anything," Lupin protested.

"You didn't have to, Remus."

"So," said Sirius, turning back to Snape, "what _are_ you doing up here then?"

"It's none of your business."

"No," Sirius agreed, "but I think McGonagall might be very interested."

"Practising some hexes on some first years earlier."

James raised his eyebrows. "And I'll bet they creamed you."

"And you can't get high and mighty about it, Potter, because I saw you doing exactly the same thing in the dungeons on my way up."

James shrugged. "They deserved it."

"What did they do then?"

"Breathed."

"Piss off!"

"Fuck you!"

"Blood traitor!"

"Fuckwit!"

"Troll!"

"Racist!"

Lupin cleared his throat. "I'm going to bed, all right?"

"Night, Remus"

"Yeah. Goodnight, Cupcake."

Lupin turned, listening to Sirius shoot biting insults and wishing he had a spine.

"Slytherin scum!"

"Yeah, well at least my mother loves me!"

Sirius scoffed. "And at least my father doesn't pretend I don't exist!"

"_Sectumsempra_."

James knew he ought to be feeling something; something other than a vaguely pleasant tingle in the tips of fingers, as though a warm glow was radiating from him. This wasn't the desired effect of a spell from Snape, he was sure.

"What the fuck have you done?" Sirius whispered, watching the deflected spell ricochet around the castle walls, causing cracks in the steps, walls and ceiling before dissipating and leaving Snape speechless.

Snape turned on his heel and scurried off like a particularly unattractive spider.

"What happened there?"

James shrugged. "No idea. Cool though, huh?"

Sirius nodded. "How did you manage that?"

"Maybe I'm just gifted. I always knew I was special."

"We _all_ knew you were special, James, but we thought that meant you'd be held back a few years."

"Piss off, Padf-" He frowned, watching Lupin catch his breath and blink repeatedly as he tried to smile. "Remus, what's up?"

Lupin opened his mouth to speak and fell into Sirius' shoulder.

"Prongs? Listen, mate, I think he's fainted."

* * *

"Is he all right, Professor?"

McGonagall pursed her lips. "He will be fine. He seems to have exhausted himself."

"Well, the full was-" James pressed his lips together and his eyes widened in terror, but McGonagall made no gesture of surprise. "It was only last week and-"

"What was going on?" she asked.

"A spell was cast in my direction and I think maybe he'd seen it before. We know what it does now."

McGonagall sighed. "Mr. Potter, there are Ministry Officials who have trouble casting a shield charm, let alone wordlessly without a wand."

James nodded solemnly. "I know."

"I suppose I had better let you see him. He seems back to his usual self."

James grinned. "Thanks, Professor."

"And I don't want to hear of this happening again. I have had the same talk with Mr. Lupin about over-exertion."

"Yes, Professor."

"Well, off you go then, Potter. He's asking for you."


	56. In which Peter is trapped

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: In honour of a WILD night!**

_March 11th__ 1977. Gryffindor Boys Dormitory. 06:30_

The night of Lupin's seventeenth birthday had been the best party anyone who had been present in the Gryffindor common room had ever been to. The reason they knew this was because they could not remember a thing.

Lupin's alarm went off as usual the next morning and the Marauders welcomed this familiar sound as it appeared to be the only usual thing they would experience for quite some time.

It began only moments after the incessant bleeping ceased as Lupin threw the Muggle alarm clock onto the floor with a force no-one had ever before seen him use.

"I have got a hangover you could donate to medical science," he said, throwing the covers back to find he was sharing his bed with a most extraordinary and oddly placed object.

"Fuck off back to bed, Moony."

Lupin frowned. "We are miles into the Scottish wilderness, living in a castle that appears to the Muggle eye as a derelict building, so would anyone care to venture any theories as to how I came to be sharing my bed with a traffic cone?"

This perked Sirius up immensely.

"A traffic cone?"

"Yep." Lupin held it in the air, wincing at the weight, and dropped it in shock at the sight of Sirius, sending it rolling noisily into James' bed on the opposite side of the room.

"Remus?"

Lupin only nodded, unable to speak.

"Am I wearing what I think I'm wearing?"

Lupin nodded.

James groaned and croaked, "What are you wearing?"

"A bra. A very attractive bra, mind you. It's got some pretty blue butterflies on it and some lovely lace. You know how turned on I am by lace, and a very fetching trim of pink silk. It's a work of art, but it's not really my thing."

James sat up, apparently the only Marauder so far unaffected by the events of the previous night. He frowned and said, "What actually happened last night?"

Lupin shook his head, his already large eyes wider than James would have thought humanly possible.

"I don't know, James, and part of me is very glad indeed. I don't think I could handle the truth."

Sirius smirked. "Who's bra is this anyway?"

"Check the size," said James. "If it's not Electra's, you're going to die."

Sirius unhooked the offending item of clothing and held the tag up to the light. "It says '38DD'"

James smiled grimly. "Nice knowing you, Pad."

"Well, how big do you think Electra's are? Could I, do you think, get away with it?"

Lupin appeared to be deep in thought. "Put it this way, I'd put together your hymn list now, while you still can."

"There can't be that much difference. What's average? A C? Does this look like it might be a C?"

Lupin shrugged. "Does it matter? What are you going to do, _present _it to her? She doesn't need to know."

"Yes, but if it is hers, she's going to wonder why I haven't given it back."

"It's not hers," said Lupin. "I'd put Electra down as an A. Maybe a B on a good day."

"Then whoever it belongs to might want to know why I haven't given it back and they might ask in front of her and then I would be skinned alive and castrated."

"Serves you right for being such a tart then, doesn't it?"

Sirius gave him the finger. "Where's Peter anyway?"

James glanced over at his empty bed. "Could he have gone for breakfast?"

"This early? Waking Peter is like trying to wake the dead."

James shrugged. "No idea then." His frown lines deepened and he leant in closer to his left arm, peering at the small stain there. He licked the tip of his finger and began to rub it, hoping the ink-like stain would fade.

"What's that?" asked Sirius.

"Looks like ink," replied James. "Think I must have had a bit of an accident when I got in. I left my ink out on my table. Must have knocked it."

Lupin sighed. "Why is always left to me to be logical? If you had spilled ink, it would be everywhere. It certainly wouldn't centralise itself in the middle of your bicep. Let me have a look."

"But," said James, wincing as Lupin took a firm hold of his arm, "it looks like ink. Don't you think it looks like ink?"

Lupin shook his head. "It doesn't look like ink. It _is_ ink. Someone's given you a tattoo."

James screamed. "What? What's it of?"

"It's writing, Jamie."

"What does it say?"

"I heart Treorchy Male Voice Choir."

James froze, his teeth gritted. "I'm going to fucking kill Peter Pettigrew!"

Lupin groaned, running a hand over his face, stretching the skin. "I'm shattered."

"Go back to bed then," said Sirius. He held up the underwear previously adorning his chest and said, "Who do you think is a 38DD?"

James scoffed. "I have a rather more pressing issue at this moment, Sirius."

"Bet you it'll wash off in the shower," said Sirius. "Try it."

"Oh no, he won't," said Lupin. "I'm using it now. I've got dibs on it first at weekends."

He opened the bathroom door and stepped back, his face contorting in horror. "What the fuck did we _do_?"

Sirius and James, forgetting their current predicaments, peered over his shoulder into a room whose walls were coated in uncooked cake mix, whose shelves and floor were covered in melted and solidified wax, and whose shower had been painted a vibrant green.

"What were we drinking?" asked Sirius. "We have got to get more. _Lots _more!"

Lupin glared at him. "I hope you are joking. We still haven't found Peter. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he's somehow ended up lost in Russia."

"I'm not in Russia. I'm in a vortex."

Lupin shushed James who was muttering about his chances of visiting Amsterdam now at an all time low, and leaned forward.

"Peter? Is that you?"

"Yes and I'm trapped! I can't get out, Remus. Tell my mother I love her."

Lupin sighed. "All right. Where are you trapped? What does it look like?"

"I'm in Oz, Moony."

"Oz? _Oz_? You are in a fictional country, are you, Peter?"

Peter whimpered. "It's not fictional. I'm in the Emerald City, but it's really bland and I think they've killed the horse of a different colour and eaten him."

Sirius threw open the shower door. "Don't be such a fucking idiot."

Peter flung his arms around him. "Oh, Sirius. Thank Merlin! I thought I was going to die in there!"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I think Peter's still pissed."

Lupin gawped. "What the fuck have you done to your hair, you stupid boy!"

Peter sniffed. "Me? What do you mean? What's wrong with my hair?"

"Nothing, Peter," said James, elbowing Lupin in the ribs and muttering, "Let him suffer. Look at my fucking arm."

"Good. I'm going to bed now. I've had a long night." Passing the mirror, he ran a hand through his purple hair and screamed.

"Did you have a good night, Moony?" asked James.

Lupin shrugged. "I've got no idea."

"That's a shame because that's the last bloody party we're going to. Ever."


	57. In which James gushes

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: I figured the last chapter would be a hard one to follow so I've attempted to bribe people into forgetting that I can't always write like that with a little unrequited love.**

_March 29__th__ 1976. 19:00._

"I'll distract him and then you can go."

James frowned. "This looks like it might be complicated."

Peter shrugged. "I didn't say it wouldn't involve lying through your teeth. In fact, that was sort of what this whole thing was resting on."

Lupin collapsed into his favourite chair and fought to stay awake. "All right?"

Peter did not have chance to even nod before Lily leant over the sofa and said, "Meet you in ten minutes, Remus."

Lupin, eyes closed, nodded. "See you there."

Peter waited for Lily to leave through the Portrait Hole before he said, "I thought I was tutoring you tonight."

Lupin groaned. "Oh for God's sake. Sorry, Pete."

Peter bit his lip, wondering how he was going to pull this off. He was almost tempted to tell Lupin not to worry and they would go over his Potions notes tomorrow, but James' eyes were pleading with him.

"Well, I'm busy tomorrow, Moony. If you want to go over my notes, we need to do it tonight. I don't want to be funny with you, mate, but you're failing and I think you need this more than you need Charms practice. You can get the O in Charms with your eyes closed."

Lupin nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I'd better tell Lily I'm busy."

"I'll go," said James, a little too eagerly.

Lupin rolled his eyes but, too used to James' Lily related antics, said nothing.

* * *

James pulled out Peter's birthday present and eyed the tube with distaste. The potion inside still bubbled despite being kept in the bottom of his trunk for three days. It had lost none of its off-putting, murky brown colour.

He heard Peter rap lightly on the cubicle door. "James?"

"Yeah?"

"Oh good. I was hoping you hadn't taken it yet."

James almost dropped the tube. "Why?" he asked, holding it as one might hold a grenade.

"Because I hadn't brought you Remus' stuff. If you're practicing Charms, you can't be using _your_ wand." He threw Lupin's wand over the door, knowing James would easily catch it, and pushed his shoes through the gap at the bottom. "There. And I've got his spare uniform too. Yours will be too short."

James breathed a sigh of relief, having thought of none of this himself. "Lovely. Thanks, Wormtail."

"No problem. Pass me your things. I wouldn't leave them here. I'll take them back with me."

James frowned. "I thought you were tutoring Remus. Wow, that's a surreal sentence, Peter. How are you going to get all this past him?"

Peter laughed. "Leave it to me. I got his stuff out, didn't I? Have fun."

James waited for the sound of the door closing behind Peter before he took out Lupin's hair. He dropped it into the tube and gasped as a loud hissing filled the room. The potion frothed, almost spilling out of the sides of its container before turning a pleasant meadow-green shade.

"All right," he said, steeling himself. "Let's do it."

A startling pain stabbed repeatedly as his body lengthened and his muscles seemed to implode. He felt his hair grow as he developed a long and messy, sandy brown fringe. His eyes blurred and he removed his glasses, wondering why he had not handed them to Peter and just what on earth he was going to do with them.

He threw open the door and gawped at the reflection in the mirror. He traced the long thin scar on Lupin's - _his_ cheek. So this was what being Remus Lupin felt like. He frowned slightly. Something was missing.

He hunched forward slightly and practiced walking as he had seen Lupin do when he was tired. It was not quite a shuffle as it was far too quick. Lupin always walked like he was on a mission - an innate habit the other boys had soon learned was inherited from his mother.

"Okay. I just might pull this off."

He tucked his glasses into his pocket and took a deep breath.

It was only as he stepped out of the bathroom that he began to worry about where Lily might be.

"Shit," he hissed, his eyes widening as he realised the potion did not change his London accent. It was a pity he didn't have Lupin's ability to impersonate, he thought, trudging through the corridor.

"There you are! Where have you been? I was just coming to look for you."

Startled, James managed to croak out, "Sorry, Lily."

Lily frowned. "I didn't know you had the cold too. I thought you were tired. I'm sorry. If you want to do this another night, I'll understand."

James shook his head violently. Croaking seemed to work. "But I can only stay for…" He glanced at his wrist and remembered he had given his watch to Peter and Remus was currently wearing his. "I forgot my watch."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I won't keep you long, Remus. I promise."

James' heart rate sped to that of a hummingbird as Lily took hold of his hand and dragged him into an abandoned classroom.

"What did you want to go over?" he asked.

"You said you'd help me block hexes."

James blinked. "Did I?"

"Remus, we had this conversation half an hour ago. Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry. Just ill and, you know, tired."

Lily smiled. "Tired?"

Desperately, James wanted to cause a little trouble for Lupin but he couldn't bring himself to betray his position or risk her anger.

"I'm an insomniac."

Well, it was a half-truth. _I _am _an insomniac_, James told himself.

"That must be hell. How do you cope?"

James shrugged. "I _don't_."

It was almost like having a real conversation with her, as though they were getting to know each other.

"I can't imagine it. I need eight hours a night or I'm such a grumpy cow in the morning."

James laughed. "Yeah, so's Remus."

Lily stared at him.

"I mean, so am I." He laughed weakly, alone. "That doesn't even make sense. Tell you what, I'll shut up. Let's get something done."

"Remus?"

James pulled out Lupin's wand and cleared his throat.

Lily tugged on his hand and squeezed his fingers, making the breath catch in James' throat.

"I really appreciate everything you do for me, but you're clearly not thinking straight. Maybe you should get back and go to bed."

James reluctantly nodded. "Maybe."

After all, he reasoned, time was running out while he made stupid mistakes and beat himself up for them.

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"I just want you to know that I think you're actually the most wonderful person I know and no matter what sort of stupid stunts get pulled, they're mostly to make you laugh or even make you angry. I-James thinks that any reaction is better than none at all. So be as angry as you please and I'll understand when you absolutely blow your top, but it's been really nice talking to you."

Lily frowned. "Okay. Now you've lost me."

"Just…sorry and I know I sound mad, but I really liked spending time with you."

"Remus, I'm really worried about you."

James' vision began to blur. "Don't be. I have to go to bed now. Goodnight."

"Remus, wait! We're going the…" Lily trailed off, "same way," she murmured to herself.

Lily sighed. Sometimes, she couldn't help but think Severus was right. There _was_ something odd about that boy.


	58. In which Sirius does as he's told

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: For Phoebe Caulfield 16 and Blue Skies 13 who asked for a little bit of loving between these two. Though I feel very neglectful since Blue asked for this months ago. Oops.**

_12 Grimmauld Place. July 25th__ 1977. 13:30_

Her distaste was obvious as Walburga Black called her sons into the drawing room - she made 'Sirius' sound like a filthy curse.

As a result, no-one was surprised when Regulus arrived alone. He stood beside the antique sofa on which his mother perched herself somewhat precariously as though she fully expected it to fall apart in an instant.

"Find your brother for me, Regulus. Tell him we have visitors and if he is not here in three minutes, his father will-"

Sirius leaned against the doorframe and snorted. "I'm bigger than him now. He can't beat the shit out of me anymore."

Electra's eyes shot up to meet his, her brow quirking in curiosity and concern.

"Miss Nott, you know my sons?"

Electra nodded quickly, petrified by the terrible beauty who sat opposite her.

"Yeah," said Sirius, grinning at her, "we've met."

Mrs. Black turned her attentions to Electra's brother and smiled - or at least attempted to. "Regulus tells me you're good friends."

Orestes, unperturbed by the falsity of her smile which looked disturbingly as though she had warped her face into an unfamiliar position. It didn't quite manage to reach her eyes.

"Yes, Ma'am."

Mrs. Nott managed a genuine smile. "Right. Well, it sounds like they'll be all right then. Electra, try to be a little ladylike, won't you?"

The Nott twins got to their feet and followed Regulus out of the room. Sirius lurked in the doorway, glaring at his mother and trying to judge just what was going on. His mother made no secret of her dislike for Mrs. Nott whose father had remarried into a Muggle family.

"Sirius, it's rude to lurk," she snapped. "One might start to question your upbringing."

Sirius only glared and slammed the door behind him, crying out in surprise when he found Electra waiting for him, too close for comfort.

"I'm sorry if I startled you."

"No," he managed, taking a deep breath, "you're all right."

"I just…well, I don't think Ori wants me around so I thought I'd latch myself onto you for the day." She winked and entwined her fingers around his. "It's been a while since I've been here. What is it? Ten years?"

"Lucky you," muttered Sirius, darkly. "Twelve, I think." He smiled. "Not that I was counting or anything."

Her blue eyes, electric as her name, twinkled when she laughed. "So do I get the guided tour?"

Sirius thought about this. "On two conditions. One, You don't ask to see my room and two, you tell me what's going on in there?"

Electra smirked. "You realise your bedroom is now the first room on my list, don't you? And my mother's planning a party. She's disowned her father and wants to get back into society." She sounded bored, utterly indifferent.

"Don't you care? She's just erasing her own father from her life and you don't care?"

Electra rolled her eyes. "If there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you want to live, you have to keep quiet about things that bother you."

Sirius nodded. "I know how you feel. I just don't know how long I can live that way."

Electra squeezed his hand. "I'd offer you asylum, but it's not much better at my place."

Sirius grinned at her. "Thanks, but I've been talking to James. I'm not going to be here much longer. I'm glad you caught me. Anyway, you wanted to see my room?"

He led her up the twisting staircase, peering into the gothic gloom and trying to distract her from the morbid depictions of death that passed for culture in Grimmauld.

"Well," he said, stopping in front of a door bearing a nameplate reading, Sirius. He had decorated it with a Gryffindor scarf, "I just want to warn you that the inside looks like a who's who in Muggle pornography, but that's just to piss my mother off."

Electra scoffed. "Sure."

"Well," Sirius admitted with a wink, "maybe not _just_ to piss my mother off."

Electra laughed, but fell silent as Sirius threw open the door and revealed what must have once been a grand and imposing room. It had received the same treatment as his door and was now so stamped with 'Sirius' that she couldn't believe he would ever truly be gone from this house.

Sunlight streamed through the tall East facing window, bathing the room in a pale lemon yellow. The red velvet curtains were in a stage of either being taken down or re-hung, she couldn't decide. His shelves were empty and his desk cleared. At the foot of his bed, stood his half-packed trunk while cardboard boxes full of his belongings littered the floor.

"It's a bit messy at the moment," he said, suddenly nervous. "I usually keep it a lot tidier. I don't like mess. I think Remus has been hypnotising me or something because I've become awfully neat - the sort of person I'd usually really hate. You know," he said, babbling, "that person who polishes things and actually gets a duster out more than once every ten years."

Electra beamed at him. "I see what you mean about the walls."

Sirius almost blushed. "Some of them are from ages ago but I put a permanent sticking charm on them so I can't get rid of them. They're there for good."

"Let's hope the next owners don't have their hearts set on this room for a nursery," she said, nudging him playfully. "So, she said," stepping forward to admire some of his photographs, "you're a fan of these things, are you?"

"Motorbikes," he said. "I love them. They're like the Muggle equivalent of a broomstick."

"Oh," said Electra. "Do they fly then?"

Sirius shook his head, but a flash of inspiration dawned on him. "Wouldn't it be great if they could? Maybe I'll do it. Maybe I'll make one fly. How amazing would that be? One minute you're speeding along the road and the next, you're in the clouds."

"You'd better take me out on it."

He grinned. "You know I will."

Electra bit her lip, stepping over a box to stand beside her boyfriend. "Where will you go?"

"I told you," he said, taking her hand and squeezing it reassuringly, "I've spoken to James. He's in France at the moment, but when he gets back, I'm going to live with him. I've only got five more days to go and then I'll be free."

Electra leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Whatever makes you happy."

Sirius frowned and pulled away. "Why do you disapprove?"

Electra shrugged. "I don't know how you're going to afford anything. What about your school fees? What about your equipment? Won't Mrs. Potter ask for rent?"

Sirius, terrified himself about financial responsibility, said nothing and wrapped an arm around her waist. "Relax. I'll be all right. I've got two years left. Maybe I'll take out a loan and as soon as I leave, get a decent job and start paying back."

Electra sighed. "That makes you sound forty-two, Sirius, but if it's what you want to do, then you should."

He kissed the top of her head. "That's why I like you so much."

"Why you let me stick around, yeah?"

Sirius grinned. "Well, I can't be a playboy all my life. What am I now, middle-aged? Time to start settling down."

Electra laughed. "Thank you."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, baffled. "For what?"

"Giving me the chance to say this."

"Say what?"

Electra beamed. "Shut up and kiss me."

And for the first time in his life, Sirius immediately did as he was told.


	59. In which Peter is accosted

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Yeah, so I decided to do love life chapters. Please don't ask me why, when these should be bitter as hell, they're all quite sweet.**

_January 15__th__ 1976. Gryffindor Common room. 08:30_

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, and one for luck."

Peter winced and rubbed his bruised bicep. "Jesus, Padfoot. I only hope we don't still hang round together when I turn eighty-two."

Sirius laughed. "Of course we will, but I probably won't have the strength to punch you so hard."

"Yes," said Lupin, flicking through a back issue of _Transfiguration Today_, "but strength is relative. You might not have the strength to punch him so hard but Peter's strength will leave him too, so it'll hurt just as much and you'll be in the same position really."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Shut up and get back to _Transfiguration_ Yesterday."

Lupin smiled sarcastically. "Sirius, you're so funny."

"Well," said Peter, knowing their bickering would soon lead to a fight, "I'm going to breakfast."

"Bye, Peter."

Lupin did not even look up from his magazine. "Happy Birthday, Pete."

"Thanks, Remus."

It was a lonely walk to the Great Hall on a Saturday morning. Peter sighed and wondered why they always did this on his birthday. Each and every one of his friends just left him to get on with it. Sirius and James demanded fuss and fireworks. Even Remus, who hated attention, got an absolute shed load of it on his birthdays.

As a result of this melancholy internal monologue, Peter found himself lying on his back with no recollection as to how he managed to get himself into such a position and a vague twinge of pain in the back of his head and chest.

"Sorry."

Whoever had walked into was a boy from Yorkshire. That was as much as he could make out.

Peter winced and sat up.

He had dark blonde hair and hazel eyes that as the light hit them, changed from brown to green to gold.

"I'm sorry, Peter." He offered his hand and pulled Peter to his feet. "I wasn't looking where I was going. I'll be more careful."

Peter shook his head. "It's my fault. I was…my head…um…I wasn't thinking. Just, you know, daydreaming, I suppose." He frowned. "How do you know me anyway?"

He laughed. "Peter, everyone knows you. You're a Marauder."

Peter smiled grimly. "Yeah. I'd forgotten I was a celebrity."

"I'm Michael."

"Aren't you in my Herbology class?"

Michael nodded. "Anyway, I'd better get going. See you soon, I hope."

He waved and narrowly avoided walking into Agatha Chambers who clicked her tongue. Peter wondered if he made a habit out of flooring people.

"Happy Birthday, Pete!"

Peter managed a smile for her. "Thanks." He smiled as Michael turned to look at him, but said nothing.

"So what are you doing for it? Are you having one of your parties?"

Peter shook his head. "I don't think so."

"I was wondering why I hadn't been invited." Agatha giggled and took hold of Peter's arm. "I know you're probably busy, but I didn't think I'd run into you here. I've got a present for you. Come on."

Peter, now starving and desperately wishing for a bacon sandwich, tried to be enthusiastic.

"I was going to get breakfast but OK."

He found himself ushered into a small and abandoned room that looked suspiciously like Filch might be using it to store mops.

"I thought you said you had a present for me?"

Agatha sighed. "I do. Please, Peter, use your brain."

Peter nodded slowly. "Oh. I see." He frowned. "At this time of the morning?"

"Peter, I have never known a boy turn down a pretty girl because it was too early in the morning. What else would you be doing?"

It was too dark to see her, but Peter knew she had her hands on her hips and her 'I mean business' expression in her eyes. Thus, he managed to stop himself from replying 'Eating a bacon sandwich'.

"Sorry, Aggie. Of course it's not too early. It's never too early."

"No, no, no, Peter. If you've got plans…"

Peter began to panic. He didn't like the idea of sharing a confined space with a pissed off woman. He took a deep breath and asked 'What would Remus do?'. The answer was 'panic' and Peter bit his lip. If the King of Charm couldn't get out of this situation, he didn't have a prayer.

"Peter?"

She was waiting for an answer and Peter grinned slowly to himself. He had asked the wrong question. It ought to have been 'What would Sirius do?' and the answer was 'Keep calm and bullshit'.

"Yes, well, I'd love to stay but unfortunately, I have a rare disease which renders me blind and impotent when I'm left in the dark so I'll have to love you and leave you, I'm afraid."

Agatha was strangely quiet.

"Aggie?"

"Yeah," she murmured. "Listen, your present was me. I thought maybe you liked me too. I mean, I like you. I really, _really_ like you and I thought maybe…yeah."

As much as he felt like Sirius Black when he was accosted by girls and dragged into broom closets, he wasn't Sirius Black. He didn't know how to act or what to say.

"Aggie, I'm sorry. Look, you're a lovely girl and um…" He wrung his hands. "I try not to make a habit out of having sex with girls in broom closets, especially girls I happen to really like so I'm sorry that I can't accept it, but if you maybe fancied a quiet drink later, I'd be more than happy to oblige."

He responded to her arms around him and her lips on his, all the time wondering why he couldn't stop thinking about those ever-changing hazel eyes.


	60. In which Lupin is pressured

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: So much for not updating until after the exams. At least I've done my revision today.**

_March 27th__ 1978. Gryffindor Boys Dormitory. 23:00_

"Get it down you!"

Lupin downed the shot of Firewhiskey, made a face and slammed the glass onto James' bedside cabinet.

"I'm not sure I want to do this."

"Remus, don't be such a girl."

James laughed and accepted his next shot. His eighteenth birthday 'party' was already getting wilder than Lupin's seventeenth had been and no-one had yet remembered the events of that. Luckily, his tattoo had been removed fairly painlessly.

"So," he said, turning to Sirius, "what are we playing first?"

"I think a round of pissed Shag, Marry, Kill wouldn't go amiss." Sirius turned to Peter. "Okay. Shag, Marry or Kill. Um…Aggie Chambers, Alice from Herbology or Debbie Harry?"

Peter frowned. "Okay. Um…I'd shag Debbie Harry."

Lupin nodded. "Yeah. Good choice."

James rolled his eyes. "You can tell he's out for the count."

"I'd marry Alice and kill Agatha."

Sirius laughed. "I thought Agatha was your between-blokes girlfriend?"

Peter shrugged. "Now and again, yeah. Drives me up the wall though." He smirked. "Okay, Sirius. Shag, Marry or Kill. Electra, Anna or Lily?"

Sirius gawped. "Un-bloody-fair, Pete! I'd have to marry Electra."

"Don't you dare kill Lily!"

"Or Anna!"

James punched Lupin amicably in the arm. "Who's bloody birthday is it? Mine. Right. So _my_ girlfriend gets to keep her life."

Lupin shrugged. "Okay, but then she's shagged by Sirius."

James bit his lip, obviously undecided on the subject of Sirius' skills in the bedroom. Undoubtedly with much wider horizons, Sirius would be better in bed, so perhaps it would be best to murder Lily before she could compare them.

"Okay. Anna gets shagged."

Sirius cleared his throat. "I believe it's customary to leave this up to the gentleman involved." He grinned at an extremely drunk Lupin. "So I think you should help me out, Moony."

Lupin frowned. "What? How?"

"I know you've shagged her."

Even in his current intoxicated state, Lupin blushed furiously. "So what if I have?"

"What's she like in bed then?"

Lupin addressed his feet and mumbled, "I'm not telling you that."

Sirius poured him another shot and forced it on him. Knowing he shouldn't, Lupin swallowed and gagged against the burning in his throat.

"What's her bra size?"

Lupin tried to hide his smug smile. "She's a 38F." Unable to resist, he grinned.

James wolf-whistled, Peter blew the air out of his cheeks and Sirius smirked.

"You lucky son of a bitch, Moony."

Lupin blushed further, but the smile did not leave his crimson face.

"So what's she like in bed?"

Lupin, tongue loosened by alcohol and inhibitions having taken a short holiday, smiled back and mumbled, "I'm not complaining."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Oh yeah?"

"My horizons have been widened," admitted Lupin, "and I won't say anymore than that."

"So who usually initiates it?" asked Peter. "Is she more attracted to you than you are to her?"

Lupin frowned. "Just because I don't push her for sex doesn't mean I'm not attracted to her. I love her."

James sat up straight. "Do you?"

Lupin nodded. "Yeah. If she said the word, I'd stop breathing."

"I know exactly how you feel," said James. "I'd die for Lily."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Sweet Merlin. This is the worst party I've ever been to."

* * *

_March 28__th__ 1978. Defence Against the Dark Arts Classroom. 13:10._

"Do you?"

Lupin looked up from his textbook. "Do I, what?"

Beside him, Anna sighed irritably. "Love me, Remus. Do you love me?"

Lupin's eyes widened. "Who said anything about love?"

Anna frowned. "Oh."

Lupin threw a filthy glare toward an unsuspecting Sirius, sitting on the other side of the room. Turning back to his girlfriend, he muttered, "Can we talk later? I was out of my skull."

Anna took a deep breath and went back to her notes, scribbling so furiously that the nib of her quill bent backwards, rendering it useless. She growled and flung it at the desk.

Lupin reached into his bag but Anna gestured toward Mulciber who sat at the desk behind them.

"Have you got a spare nib?" she whispered, holding her hand out. She attached the silver tip with a great deal of fuss, ensuring that her boyfriend was watching, and went back to taking notes.

"I'd have given you a nib," murmured Lupin.

Anna ignored him.

"I said-"

"I heard," she hissed.

"All right, class dismissed."

Anna grabbed her bag and flung it over her shoulders, sliding out from their shared desk.

"Annie, wait." He scowled at Sirius. "Well, the least you can do is watch my stuff."

Sirius' jaw dropped indignantly. "I haven't even done anything!" He gathered Lupin's belongings and shoved them in his satchel, regardless.

"Anna!"

Anna finally turned. "What?"

"What do you mean '_what_'? Why are you behaving like a five year old?"

"_Me_? You're the one who's obviously been telling people that you love me when you've been drinking and then when I ask you to your face-"

"What I tell my friends is nothing to do with you," he snarled.

"It does when it's clearly about me!" she snapped. "You make it so hard to love you, Remus."

Several second years stopped to gawp, but were hurried onwards by a glare from Lupin.

Lupin frowned, cut deeper by her comments than he wanted to let on. "Well, it's not intentional."

"Why don't you love me? _I_ love _you_. Though Heaven knows why."

Lupin bit back his smile. "I'm sorry. I thought maybe I'd frighten you if I told you how I felt. I mean, from the first day I met you, everything I have ever done has been to impress you. I agreed to play Keeper for two months even though I didn't want to because I was apparently good at it and I knew you'd notice me. I tried to get better at Potions so I could save our work and you'd be grateful and you'd notice me. I put water from the lake into Mulciber's pumpkin juice once when you said he was harassing you because I wanted to stand up for you and make you notice me. How can you think I don't love you?"

Anna beamed. "You put lake water in his pumpkin juice?"

Lupin frowned. "I probably shouldn't have told you that."

"So we love each other then?" She grinned. "I'm in love. Really in love. I love someone and he loves me too. Wow. I don't feel any different. I thought I was going to feel different."

Lupin smiled. "Well, at least we can babble together."

"Remus?" Anna shuffled and blushed. "Can I borrow a nib?"

"Shit," hissed Lupin. "My things. I left them with Sirius. I dread to think where they are now. Yes, of course you can borrow a nib, though you may not want to."

Anna laughed. "What's up with you and Sirius this time?"

Lupin peered at her, confused. "Didn't he tell you I told the boys I was in love with you?"

Anna shook her head. "I did a quiz in _Witch Weekly_ that said you must be in love with me. I thought I'd ask."

Lupin gawped. "In the middle of Defence? You thought you'd ask me if I loved you in the middle of Defence?"

Anna shrugged. "It seems to be the only time we get to spend alone, so yeah."

Lupin sighed. "I'm sorry. I just get…caught up sometimes. I've been really busy. We'll spend some time with each other soon. I promise. Just us. In the meantime, I have _got _to save my books."

Anna laughed and gasped as Mulciber passed. "Oi, Charlie!" She reached into her bag and handed him his nib. "Thanks." She paid him no further heed and slipped her hand into Lupin's. "Can I come and save them with you? I'd make a great sidekick."


	61. In which Peter is uneasy

**Disclaimer: We all know where to look by now.**

**A/N: I had this done to me by the John Lupin in my life yesterday. I was bullied on my birthday! (Though he did get me discounts everywhere I went so I can't complain.)**

_July 25th__ 1976. Sleepy Cottage, Devon. 11:35._

There was something in his eyes, Peter later thought, that should have alerted him to the sarcastic quip heading his way; something that reminded him of Remus.

"Peter, darling."

And Mrs. Lupin's greetings never ceased to amaze him. It was as though she had four sons who had been sent away to war rather than one and his three friends who had been to boarding school.

She flung her arms around him and he was pleased to be first (with the exception of Remus who was kissed in every available spot on his face) for a change.

"Well," said John, imitating Peter's accent exactly, "if it isn't the Welsh Wonder. Come here, boyo." He pointed out of the window. "See that yellow thing? We do call that the sun, we do."

"And James! Every time I take my eyes off you, you grow."

James extracted himself from Emma's arms and laughed. "That was really good."

Peter smirked and chose to deal with him in the same way he dealt with Remus. "I'm so glad, Mr. Lupin, that my sides are still intact. The work that the Healers of Mungo's would have had to have done to sew them back up astounds me."

And like his son, John only grinned.

"Where is he?" asked Mrs. Lupin, a smile playing on her dark lips. "Where's Britain's best looking teenager?" She embraced Sirius tightly and longest, attempting to make up for the fact that he wasn't often hugged. "I've never even seen you with so much as a spot."

"I have," said Lupin. "It's not attractive. He treats them like a terminal illness."

Sirius shrugged. "Well they ruin my looks. I am the best looking teenager in Britain after all."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Mum. Inflation; just what his head needs."

Mrs. Lupin paid no heed. "Who wants scones?"

And despite being sixteen, they fell upon the offering as would ravenous vultures. Which is perhaps why not one of them wanted the offered dinner. Which is perhaps why Lupin's Firewhiskey cocktails affected them more than they would usually by midnight.

The attic bedroom was high enough for them to be as loud as they liked without disturbing Lupin's parents, but he was still paranoid about it.

"Relax, Cupcake," laughed Sirius, knocking back a fifth shot.

"You don't know my Mum," said Lupin. "She can hear the cat purring two floors away."

James clicked his tongue. "Don't be stupid."

All of them sufficiently drunk enough to ply one another with intimate questions, Peter began to feel uneasy, though he gave nothing away. He was surprised to find the first question came from Lupin who had been nothing but accepting.

"What's it like?"

Peter took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. The only way to defeat Remus Lupin was to respond like Remus Lupin. "Very ambiguous. What's what like?"

"Kissing a bloke."

Peter shrugged. "It's different."

Sirius leaned forward. "Different how?"

"Better. He knows what you like and where to touch you. There's none of that 'Where do I put my hands?' shit you get with girls. And it's…sexier."

James raised his eyebrows. "Sexier?"

Peter blew the air out of his cheeks. "Well, yeah. I think so."

Lupin, having realised what he'd started, backtracked. "Nothing wrong with it. I've been kissed by a bloke."

James gasped. "Who?"

Lupin smirked. "Padfoot was trying to convince one of his groupies that he was gay."

"Am I the only one who's never kissed a bloke?"

Peter nodded. "Looks like."

James turned to Sirius. "_You_? I can't believe _you've _kissed a bloke."

"_I_ can," said Lupin. "Padfoot would try it on with anything that stood still long enough."

"Well, we won't be doing it again any time soon. You pissed on your chips, Moony."

James laughed. "How? What happened?"

"The little bastard bit me."

Peter guffawed. "Really?"

Lupin nodded. "Well, I'm not fond of being used on stalkers. I like to be wined and dined a bit before I'm grabbed in corridors and assaulted. I just wanted that point made."

"So you made me bleed?"

"Yep. It worked too, didn't it?"

James leant forward. "So what about blowjobs?"

Peter blushed a violent crimson. "What about them?"

"Like…how do you feel? Why do you do it?"

Peter scoffed. "That's easy. I do it so I get one back. That's better than when girls do it too."

Even Sirius was hanging on his every word and Peter found himself enjoying the attention, especially now that he knew they weren't afraid of him.

"Really?" asked Sirius. "How?"

"Well, you know sometimes they get a bit…" Peter made a face. "They get a bit funny about swallowing it when you…you know, or they won't let you…in their mouths."

"You can say 'cum', Peter," said Lupin, who himself blushed as he said it. "I know it's a Catholic house. I know there's a picture of the Pope on the wall. I know it's a bit intimidating but you're not going to be struck down by lightening."

James grinned. "At least, we _think_ you're not going to be struck down by lightening." He leant forward. "So have you and Mike gone further than oral?"

Peter smiled. "Why? Want to join in?"

"Well, Paddy's gone all the way. I just wondered if our group of Sad-Act-Virgins had gone down to two."

Peter grinned. "No, we're still a threesome." He rolled his eyes. "Why did I bring 'threesome' into this?"

Lupin laughed. "Yeah, you're bringing this on yourself now. You're getting to be quite the little pervert."

Peter nudged him affectionately. "Shut up, Remus. I'm not the one writing three pages about a girl's tits in her tight little shirt in my journal."

Lupin blushed scarlet. "It was not three pages. It was a passing remark."

Sirius snorted. "Passing remark, my arse! I read it. James, what was it like?"

James grinned. "It was pretty bad, Moony. You're lucky we like you." He frowned slightly. "Though they do look good. I'm not surprised you have the urges that you do."

Lupin gawped. "What urges?"

Sirius cleared his throat. "I might have decorated it a bit. You know, given it a bit of spice, a bit of flavour."

Lupin glared at him. "Is this my journal or a Gingernut?"

"You _are_ the Gingernut," said Sirius, ruffling Lupin's hair.

Lupin ducked. "Get off. I'm not ginger."

"You _used_ to be."

"Oh, I did _not_!"

James laughed. "You were a bit of a carrot top, mate."

"Yeah, Gingerpubes!"

Lupin frowned. "I don't have ginger…I'm not…Be quiet."

Sirius smirked. "Meaning you _do_."

"Shut up."

"Prove it."

Lupin recoiled. "Christ, no!"

"Go on. Get 'em out! Get 'em out!"

Mrs. Lupin's voice echoed around the house. "REMUS, BE QUIET UP THERE!"

Peter froze, the expression of sheer terror etched onto his face. "How much of that do you think she heard?"

Lupin smiled smugly. "I _told_ you."


	62. In which Sirius is Sorted

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Just in case Flaring Rhythm is reading this, thank you so much for the review you left me which I couldn't reply to. It meant a lot to me.**

**A/N: The chapters for the four of these guys are going to appear. Lupin's was ages ago and there'll probably be quite a gap before Peter and James too.**

_September 1st__ 1971. The Great Hall. 19:15_

He didn't have long to dwell on where he would be Sorted. Hoping that he would not be welcomed with open arms by Bellatrix, Sirius Black took his place in line.

He wasn't waiting long. Abbot, Earnest was quickly Sorted into Slytherin and Sirius sucked in a breath, praying he would not follow him.

"Black, Sirius."

McGonagall gave him a quick once-over; a look that, to Sirius' paranoid mind, seemed to say 'I don't know why we're even bothering to Sort you.'.

She placed the Hat neatly upon his head and took three steps back, lips pursed and eyes beady.

"_Another one, eh?_"

Sirius gasped, but outwardly managed to maintain his 'cool as a cucumber' sham.

"Not Slytherin," he whispered, barely audible above the sounds of the green-clad table preparing to clap and budging up to make space for him. "Not Slytherin. Not Slytherin."

"_Not Slytherin?_" The Hat fell silent and sat deep in thought. "_Sure about that? The Blacks have all been Slytherins, you know._"

Sirius sighed irritably. "Yes, of course I know. Hence why I don't want to."

"_And Slytherin has made them highly successful._"

"_Yes_," thought Sirius. "_Highly successful and bloody crazy_."

"_You _are_ cunning, Mr. Black, worryingly so._"

Unsure whether to take offence, Sirius shifted on the stool.

"Look," he hissed under his breath, "if you put me there, I will destroy you in the night. I'm serious."

"_So you'll use any means to achieve your desires? Certainly, you _sound_ like a Slytherin._"

"All right, I'm sorry. I won't set you alight."

The Hat remained silent. "_Where else could I put you?_"

Sirius bit his lip and whispered, "Not Hufflepuff."

The Hat sighed irritably. "_Hufflepuff? No, Mr. Black, I don't think so._"

"Gryffindor?" Sirius suggested. "You know," he whispered, "just throwing it out there. Running it up the flagpole, seeing if you'll salute it."

"_Gryffindor? A House very much akin to Slytherin._"

"Yeah," answered Sirius, "but cooler."

"_Indeed, you have the courage to be a Gryffindor. You're not afraid to march to the beat of your own drum, are you, Mr. Black? Hmm, are you worried, I wonder, about what your parents will say if I make you a Gryffindor?_"

"_Yes_," he thought. "No," he said.

"_And you are afraid of showing fear? Do you think that fear makes you weak?_"

"No."

"_What does, Mr. Black?_"

"_What is this, twenty questions?_" he thought. "I thought you were supposed to be Sorting me."

"_Are you a Ravenclaw, do you think?_"

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "I hadn't thought about Ravenclaw," he whispered. True enough, he had not thought himself intelligent or studious enough for Ravenclaw.

"_No. Maybe not. You're not quite studious enough, you know. You'll get into far too much trouble,_" said the Hat. "_So what is weakness? Give me a studious answer and I might consider a studious place._"

"Showing weakness," Sirius replied. "Not Ravenclaw," he whispered, thinking of James. "Please make me a Gryffindor. I've got a friend who I know will end up in Gryffindor. Or anything really. I don't even care if you make me a Hufflepuff. Just don't put me in Slytherin. Please."

The Hat remained silent for a moment. "_Are you brave enough, I wonder, are you ready enough to see a rebellious, momentous decision through to the end?_"

Sirius bit his lip, unsure now himself. On a whim, finding himself with a different colour tie and friends with different ideals who perhaps didn't move in the same social circles as he had been forced to all his life, had seemed like the ultimate rebellion and the only way to live his life, but the Hat was right. He might not be able to see rebellion through and stick it out for seven years.

On the other hand, nor did he ever, ever, ever want to do anything that might just make his mother proud.

"I don't want to be Bella," he whispered.

"_It may be kinder to put you in Slytherin, you know. That would also take a great deal of courage. Let's see how brave you can be."_

Sirius froze, petrified where he sat, his hands trembling as the Hat did not respond to his pleas.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Yes!"

Sirius beamed and leapt off the seat, grinning at James who was waiting in line behind the odd boy they had met on the train. "Yes," he hissed, secretly reveling in the attention as the Great Hall became a hotbed of frenzied murmurs and the Gryffindor table clapped quietly and uncertainly.

Spotting Bellatrix Black glaring at him, Sirius smiled back at her and waved as he took the seat next to a tall and muscular redhead.

"Oi, Black."

Sirius turned to face the boy beside him.

"Don't push your luck."


	63. In which Lupin comes of age

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Okay, the next one's a Jilly so I'm bribing for reviews now in preparation. In the mean time, I hope this answers a few questions previously raised in Chapter 56.  
A/N: I just realised this is the longest one yet. **

_March 10th__ 1977. Gryffindor common room. 21:00_

"Everyone!" James Potter stood on the coffee table and cleared his throat. "Er…excuse me?" He glared at a couple of first years who had dared to continue their conversation and smiled smugly as they fell into immediate silence. "Thank you. Now, I have an announcement to make. It's Remus Lupin's birthday today and he's actually come of age. Now I know a lot of us thought he wouldn't live this long as he's been looking a bit peaky for the last six years and his potions were health and safety hazards, but he's proved us wrong. In celebration of his survival, we've got a little something planned. Can everyone find somewhere to hide so we can all leap out and shout 'Surprise?' No, not you, Colin. I think you should make yourself scarce actually. You know what he's like once he's had a drink. He thinks he's got the elder wand."

With most of the common room's occupants hidden in various improbable places, James grinned and headed up the stone staircase to their dormitory where he found Sirius and Peter had already started warming Lupin up for a night of drunken debauchery.

"Sirius, why are his eyeballs pink?"

Lupin pressed a finger to his lips and hissed, "Shhh! Moony's not supposed to know there's a party. Shut up about it."

James frowned. "Er…Remus, you _are_ Moony. Who the hell told you there's a surprise party? I've got half the bloody tower down there crouching behind chairs and for what, eh?"

Lupin only grinned stupidly. "I made a cake."

Sirius snorted. "_We_ made a cake."

"It's beautiful," said Peter, as though they had made a baby.

"Pete?" James leaned closer and Peter giggled like a schoolgirl. "Oh my God! Peter, you're high as a kite."

Peter laughed. "I know."

Sirius took a drag of what was, now that James thought about it, obviously a joint and offered it to his best friend. "Go on, Prongs. You need to seriously chill out."

James accepted and followed suit, handing it to Lupin who reached for it, his eyes wide. James hadn't the heart to refuse him, despite his instincts telling him that Lupin had clearly had more than enough.

"Where's this cake then?"

Sirius nodded toward the bathroom. "In there."

James strode over to the door, slightly annoyed that they had started without him. "You made a cake in the bathroom?" he snapped.

Sirius sat up straight. "Don't go in there."

"Why?"

"I haven't finished yet," he said, stumbling off Peter's bed and reaching for James' hand, pulling him back.

James frowned but reluctantly allowed himself to be led into temptation. He sat beside Peter and took several long drags. "What is this anyway?" he asked.

Sirius shrugged. "A selection of leaves from Greenhouse Six."

"Are you serious?"

"Jim, stop being such a prude and breathe a bit deeper."

James did as he was bidden and soon found himself wondering why he was worried in the first place. He had the nagging feeling that they were supposed to be somewhere, but couldn't bring himself to move an inch.

"What haven't you finished?" he asked eventually.

Sirius licked his dry lips. "Remus and I were redecorating. We thought that the bathroom was looking a bit dull in white and needed a bit more colour."

James nodded. Yes, this made perfect sense. "What colour is it?"

"Green," answered Lupin. "Well where's this bloody party then?"

"Downstairs," said James, swinging his legs off the bed and padding toward the door. "We should go. I think they've started without us now." The thrumming of loud music made the floor pulse beneath them and James smiled. This was already the best party he had ever organised and they hadn't even gone to it yet.

"So let me see this cake then."

In moments, he had crossed the room and opened the bathroom door before Sirius could pull him back. He found himself facing a half-painted bathroom covered in cake mix.

"Right," he said slowly, "so when you said you'd made a cake, what you meant was you've made a mess."

Sirius, the only vaguely sober member of their little trio, narrowed his eyes and tried to think of a suitable lie. Evidently inspiration did not arrive and he nodded. "But," he said, "it's the thought that counts and it was supposed to be the best cake ever."

James sighed. "Since you told him about it, why didn't you let Remus make it? He's a bloody habitual baker."

From the bed, Lupin frowned and mumbled, "You make it sound like a crime."

"Remus _did_ make it," said Sirius. "I just didn't get round to doing the heating up bit. Can we clean it up in the morning?"

James clicked his tongue. "Well, I don't think any of you are in any fit state to do it now." He shook his head in disbelief. "I'm going to this party and I'm not leaving you three up here on your own, but if McGonagall walks in down there and sees you like that, you're for it."

Sirius smirked. "And what if she sees all the Firewhiskey bottles you smuggled in?"

"I can deny that," said James. "I can quite easily say 'You know, Minnie, I don't know how they got here. Certainly, I have not been drinking them because I know that my exams are quickly approaching'. _You_, on the other hand, have not got a leg to stand on and even if you did have one, I highly doubt you could actually stand on it at the moment."

"All right," said Peter, "keep your knickers on."

James threw him a murderous glare. "Peter, do not fucking test me right now."

"Prongs," said Sirius in a reassuring voice, "have a whiskey, smoke a joint or two, dance like a lunatic, and chill the fuck out." He pulled out a thimbleful of ground leaves and rolled a sheet around them. "Remus," he said, holding the finished product over Lupin's outstretched hand, "if you'd do the honours."

A blue flame danced on Lupin's palm and James watched in awe, accepting the offering and taking a deep breath.

"There," said Sirius. "Now wind down a bit."

"So," said Peter, "are we actually going or not?"

"Of course we're going. I asked Remus' little Ravenclaw fan-club up. They're downstairs now. They were when I left anyway."

"The Ravenclaw fan-club including Aggie Chambers?" asked Sirius, wiggling his eyebrows.

Peter punched him in the arm.

Lupin heaved himself off the bed. "If Costello is down there, I will be spending the evening locked in the bathroom. Goodnight, gents. I hope you have a lovely time."

"Remus, she spiked you once," said Sirius. "Calm down."

Lupin gawped. "Pad, she slipped me the most powerful love potion known to our world. Don't tell me to calm down until you've had that happen to you, all right?"

James rolled his eyes. "Remus, believe me I didn't want her here either, but Padfoot asked her because she was wearing a short skirt."

Sirius shrugged. "I know what you're like, Moony. I wanted to fill the room with big breasted girls. It's part of my present to you." He smiled. "Say what you want about her morals, but I'm not a breast man myself and I'd still trample every one last one of you to death, to be introduced to the twins."

Lupin nodded his agreement.

Sirius grinned. "So get your arse down there. You're lucky enough to have her drooling over you and it's your birthday. She might even introduce you personally."

"Why," asked James as they headed down the stone steps into the common room, "is he always talked into doing things he doesn't want to by breasts?"

Sirius shrugged. "Why are you motivated by Evans? Why am I motivated by a cracking pair of legs? Why does Peter dash down to Herbology on a Monday morning?"

Peter blushed. "I like plants."

"No," snapped Sirius, "you like Harrington's cock."

Peter glared. "Piss off! What do you think he does, whip it out at half past nine? Shut up about things you'll never understand!"

James held his hands up as Sirius made to retaliate. "Gentlemen, this is Remus' birthday, is it not?" He sighed. "Yes, it is, James," he supplied when no confirmation came. "He deserves more than you two slugging it out and not only that, but what's it worth?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "All right, Peter, I'm sorry. You're right."

"You're not sorry," said Peter, quietly. "If you were sorry, you'd stop."

Sirius opened his mouth as if to reply, but thought better of it.

Peter was waved over by Aggie Chambers and smiled grimly.

"Why did you have to start?" hissed James.

Sirius shrugged. "I didn't know he was going to freak out, did I?"

"Sirius, he's pissed, he's high and he's hurt. What were you expecting, sunshine, lollipops and rainbows?" He sighed. "All right, I'm not fighting with you. There's no point. Come on. You can dance with me and attract a few girls over."

Sirius grinned. "Who did you have in mind?" He sighed, good naturedly. "Don't you dare say 'Evans'?"

"Damn. You're on to me."

Sirius laughed. "Didn't take much detective work, did it? James, no amount of dancing, alcohol or eye contact is going to make her come over. Set your sights a little lower."

James gave him a sarcastic smile. "All right, Prince Charming, get Costello over here then."

Sirius grinned. "Easy." He met her eyes and smiled briefly, turning back to James and saying, "Dance. Try to look cool."

"I always look cool."

Sirius shook his head solemnly. "Not when you're dancing, you don't. You look like a hippogriff doing ballet." He frowned. "In fact, don't dance. _I'll_ dance. You _sway_. No, James. Like, actually to the beat. There. That's better. Now _you_ make eye contact too."

James' eyes were averted at the sight of Lupin's back flip. "Dear Christ! I didn't know he could do that." He winced. "With all those scars? That'll hurt in the morning. That'll _really_ hurt in the morning." He grinned wickedly. "When it does, what shall we tell him he did?"

Sirius didn't have time to answer as Gemini Costello hovered at his side, swigging from a bottle of Butterbeer.

"Hi, boys."

Sirius beamed at her. "Gem, lovely to see you."

"Thanks." She smiled drunkenly. "How's Electra?"

James raised his eyebrows pointedly, but Sirius did not heed the warning and replied, "All right, I suppose. I wouldn't know."

Gemini smirked. "You didn't invite her?"

Sirius shook his head. "Should I have?"

"Not for my benefit."

James, having never felt like such a gooseberry in his life, headed over to Peter and Agatha who were standing in an awkward silence, bobbing their heads to the sound of The Buzzcocks.

Peter was thrilled to see him. "Jamie!" He grinned. "You're here."

James laughed. "It would indeed appear so, yes."

"Sorry, Aggie. James asked me to give him…"

"A tattoo," James supplied with an easy smile.

"Yes, a tattoo. I should probably go and um…help him with that."

James led Peter away toward the drinks table. "Can you believe how much stuff people brought? This is great."

Peter shrugged. "You said to bring drink and then you invited half the school. I should know. I had to stand outside and let them in. What did you expect?"

James poured himself a Firewhiskey and threw it down his throat. "Pete?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you really give me a tattoo?"

Drunk and still feeling the effects of Sirius' 'herbal anti-stress agent', Peter nodded. "I'll give it a go if you want me to."

"Great." James nodded to the spot he had last seen Sirius and Costello. "Can you believe him?"

"Believe who?"

James turned and found the space empty. "Well, blow me."

"Yes," said Peter, a little tartly, "that's probably what Sirius said."

James made a face. "Oh my God, she's fourteen."

Peter shrugged. "Then she's fair game to him." He smiled smugly. "If he starts on me, Electra is so going to know about this."

James' jaw dropped. "Peter, you can't tell people!"

"I will if he keeps making bloody unfunny jokes about me and Mike."

"Peter, that's not how friendship works. Either you keep his secret or you screw him over and I'm sorry, but I can't let you get away with that."

Peter frowned. "Oh, but you'll happily let him screw Electra over?"

James, tired of the constant fights amongst his friends lately, only shrugged and let the matter drop. "Just know that if you tell her, you can't be a Marauder." He grabbed Peter's wrist and said, "Come on. I want my tattoo."

Peter glowered and allowed himself to be dragged to their dormitory.

"Sirius! We're in here so charm up, yeah?"

The muttered "_Muffliato_" in a Worcestershire accent was confirmation enough and Peter pursed his lips.

"I'm not sure I really know what I'm doing," he admitted. "I could, I suppose, use your quill ink."

James frowned. "Actually, maybe I should get it done properly. You know, by an artist."

Peter, angry beyond words with James and Sirius, attempted to placate him. "It'll be easy. I bet you won't even feel a thing."

James winced. "All the same, I'd rather wait. Lily might be turned off by tattoos."

Peter, thinking that what Lily wanted was irrelevant as James was never going to get within ten yards of her, temporarily admitted defeat. Maybe when James had a few more drinks, the opportunity would arise. He'd regret looking down on him when he had a declaration of his love for a male voice choir on his arm.

"Pad, we're going back down now. See you later, maybe?"

Sirius, instead of responding, threw back his curtains and climbed out of bed wearing only his underwear and Gemini Costello's bra. "Let's go."

James stared. "Er…Pad?"

Sirius refused to listen to reason and held the door open behind him. "Hurry up. I haven't got all bloody night."

Peter merely shrugged and followed him back down to the common room, while James watched in fascination as Gemini Costello wrapped Sirius' brilliant white bed sheet around her and swung her long dark legs out in perfect contrast.

"Potter, is there any reason you are watching me?"

James shook his head, mute. Gemini smirked at him and beckoned him over.

"Are you that much of a slut?"

Gemini shrugged. "Do you even care?"

James thought about this for a moment. "Actually," he said, "yes. Nice legs though."

When he descended into the common room, Lupin seemed to be the only person unperturbed by Sirius' unexpected apparel.

"Remus, baby!"

Lupin looked at him. "Where have you been?"

Sirius smiled smugly. "I have spent the last half an hour in Italy and it was very pleasant indeed."

Lupin clearly did not understand this reference and he shrugged it off, pulling Sirius closer and demanding he dance with him.

"Paddy, why are you wearing a bra?"

Sirius looked down, vaguely surprised by this. "I don't really know, but it's terribly pretty."

"Do you think maybe you should go and put some clothes on?" asked James, also dragged worrying closely by Lupin.

"I _am_ wearing clothes," Sirius protested.

Lupin frowned. "I'm not letting you all bugger off again. I'll turn you both into things and then you can't leave."

"Moony, you get very clingy when you're drunk. I'm not sure I like it."

Lupin frowned. "For that, I am going to turn you into a traffic cone."

Sirius laughed, incredulous. "What the hell?"

"You know? One of those pointy orange things?"

James nodded. "The Muggles put them up round my neck of the woods all the time."

Lupin scoffed. "You don't live in the _woods_. Shut up!"

Both James and Sirius laughed; why, Lupin wasn't sure, but he joined in so as not to look out of place.

"Go on then," said Sirius, holding his arms out and standing as a target. "Turn me into one."

Lupin closed one eye and pointed his wand in a completely contrary direction, much to Sirius' amusement.

What had once been a bookshelf was now a bright orange cone in the corner of the room. No-one paid much attention to it, though several Muggle-born second years who were valiantly trying to finish their homework, stared at it for a while.

"What the hell was that?" asked Peter, darting over to them. "What if you'd hit someone, you daft sod?"

Sirius laughed. "I want to get you high more often. Moony becomes aggressive, you become paranoid and James gets girly. Thank God I'm normal."

James raised an eyebrow. "_I_ get girly? I'm not the one in the fucking bra, mate."

Lupin frowned at the traffic cone. "What did it used to be?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know, but I haven't seen Lovett for a while." He laughed. "Take it to bed with you, Moon. It could be the last chance you get. She's probably not as soft as she used to be, but at least you won't lose yourself in her rolls of fat." He turned as someone tapped him on the shoulder and cried out as Scarlett Maguire punched him in the nose.

"Ow! You fucking bitch!" It didn't hurt too badly. She had barely touched him, but his pride had taken a serious beating.

Scarlett glared. "Shut up. You said you'd stop making remarks about her weight. Just because she broke up with Remus doesn't give you the right to go back on that." She took a step back and gave him a once-over. "Is that a bra?"

Sirius gave her a disparaging glance before looking down at his chest. "Well, Maguire, I don't think it's a pair of slippers."

"Why are you wearing it?, is what I meant."

Sirius shrugged. "I don't really _know _why I put it on. In fact, at first, I didn't even know that I _had_ put it on."

He ducked behind the sofa, laying himself flat on the floor as James hurriedly hid the two bottles of Firewhiskey. Butterbeer, he thought, they could get away with having. Lupin darted to the traffic cone and stood in front of it, praying the absence of a bookcase would not be noted.

"What on earth is going on in here?"

Sirius shook with fright as McGonagall's footsteps edged ever closer to the sofa he lay behind.

"All of you under the age of sixteen, get to bed at once. The rest of you can clean this up. I don't to hear any further noises from this room. Half the castle has been complaining about it."

James bit back his proud smile.

She turned on the three girls in their blue and bronze ties. "And what are _you_ doing in here?"

Gemini, having lost her tie, hid behind Peter whose interest in women peaked at the feel of the braless beauty pressed up against him, and hoped she would not be noticed.

"Can I sleep in your bed, Pete?" she whispered.

"Sure," said Peter, breathless. "I'll um…I'll sleep in the bath."

Gemini giggled under her breath. "Thanks, Pete."

McGonagall closed the door quietly behind her but the common room remained completely silent. Nobody dared to move.

Lupin grabbed the traffic cone and ran up the stairs to the dormitories, promising to fix it in a safe place where McGonagall couldn't walk in and see.

"Remus, how will you get the bookcase down the stairs?"

But Lupin was already gone, followed hurriedly by Gemini Costello who was desperate not to be caught out of her dormitory and planned to leave in the small hours of the morning.

James and Sirius edged toward the stairs and slowly crept up them and to bed before they could be asked to clean.

Peter followed them, grinning inanely. "I don't want to go to sleep. I'm not tired yet. Are you?"

"You're not tired because you're drunk, Wormy." Sirius frowned. "I think you might still be a bit funny from the fumes too."

James thought it odd that Peter headed straight for the bathroom, muttering about how purple would bring out the colour of his eyes, but said nothing. Lupin's curtains were closed and he dreaded to think what had happened to the traffic cone. All in all, he thought as he climbed into bed, it had been a good night.

He was conscious enough to feel a twinge of pain in his right arm, but he swatted at the source, hit something fleshy and turned over in bed, thinking it was probably Lupin trying to turn him into a set of lights in an attempt to complete his traffic control collection.

Peter tittered to himself and climbed into the shower, sliding down the wall and trying to get comfortable. It was odd not being able to see out of it due to its coat of green paint, but on the plus side, the others wouldn't be able to see in anymore and tease him.

With the comforting thoughts of revenge in the form of James' tattoo, his cool new purple hair and the ability to shower without Sirius pretending to stare in and reenact the scene from '_Psycho_', Peter drifted to sleep.


	64. In which James grieves

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Things have been pretty hectic lately. This is a little bit angsty, a little bit sad and a little bit sweet. I hope it suffices. **

_Gryffindor common room. November 29th__ 1978. 21:30._

James read and re-read the letter, his eyes scanning faster and faster and faster and faster, desperate to find a new meaning, a loophole…anything.

As always, it is Lupin who first noticed something was very wrong indeed. Sirius, though his best friend, James noted, was rather too wrapped up his own current dramas to really pay attention to anyone else's.

"What's up?" He dog-eared his page and sat up straight in his favourite armchair.

James did not reply and stared, his gaze vacant, at the letter.

"James?"

The situation became so serious that Lupin realised he would actually have to give up his armchair by the fire - the one he had fought tooth and nail for - to hear his answers.

"Jamie, let me look."

It had been years since any of his friends had called him 'Jamie' and James handed over the letter wordlessly, his eyes now fixed on the fire. Lupin frowned at him, but he was too intrigued by the content of the letter to worry for long.

His breath caught in his throat and he handed it back to James. "Look," he said, "I'm going to get Sirius and Peter, okay?"

James nodded, not really listening and rather glad that Remus had left him alone.

"What's the matter with you?" asked Lily, scrunching her hair into a bun and letting it fall down her back. "You've got a face like a slapped arse. Now," she said, businesslike, "I've got the timetable for Prefect duties. I'm not sure whether you said you needed Tuesday or Thursday off so I haven't filled that one in yet. Which was it?"

James did not reply, his eyes downcast and brimming with tears he did not want to fall in public, especially not in front of Lily. His despair was soon overtaken by anger. He seethed beside her, wondering why the stupid bitch couldn't see he wanted to be alone.

"Pot -? Sorry. James?"

His fists clenched and his breaths became deep and laboured.

"Potter, unless you are in labour, you are deliberately ignoring me. Now, I always knew you were untidy, arrogant, surly and utterly depraved, but I didn't think we could add rude and uncouth to the list."

To her immense surprise, he leaped from the sofa and leaned down to her eye-level, his hands shaking as he whispered, "I am not in the mood to deal with your shit tonight, so shut _the fuck _up. You don't know the first _damn _thing about me. You swan around waxing philosophical on my behaviour when you can barely even bring yourself to spend time with me. You know what, just leave me the fuck alone."

He sniffed and the dreaded tear finally fell as he stormed up the stairs, hoping to hide himself amongst his pillows and quietly die.

He had no such luck. Sirius had also worked himself into a state, despite Lupin's warnings that doing so would probably serve to upset James further. Peter made small and unassuming noises as he wrung his hands and bit his lip.

"Prongs-" Sirius voice cracked. "I-I'm sorry. Really. I mean, I know what you're going through. Well, I don't, but I just want you to know that um…well that I care and that I'm going through it too."

James looked at him, his face expressionless. "No. You're not," he said simply.

Lupin pressed a hand against Sirius' chest, a sure to sign to let it go.

The door flung open and Lily, covered in cobwebs and swatting them out of her flaming hair, hissed, "If you even so much as think of speaking to me like that again, I swear to God, I will-"

Lupin winced. "Lil, don't-"

She turned on Lupin, her lips pursed. "Remus, if you're going to pander to his every whim when he's got PMS, that's your lookout, but I'm not-"

Sirius let out an incredulous sound that seemed to be the lovechild of a gasp and a sigh. "What the hell are you even doing up here? No-one invited you."

Lily's eyes blazed. "If he thinks he can talk to me like that when all I did was ask why he was being such a miserable sod-"

"HIS MOTHER'S DEAD!"

Lily gasped and stood, her shock and outrage frozen on her face. Her hand flew to cover her lips, pressed tightly together.

"And if you're going to be such an insensitive bitch about it, you can fuck off because you're pissing me off big time now."

Lupin stood between them, his hands pushing them apart while Peter whimpered in the corner of the room and James refused to open his curtains.

"Let's all just calm down," he said slowly. "We all liked Mrs. P. Some of us even thought of her as a second mother." He did not gaze only to Sirius. "Obviously, we're all affected by it and I think maybe we could all talk about this when everybody's calmed down."

Sirius shrugged. "I don't have anything left to say. Peter, stop crying. You're pissing me off."

Lupin sighed, but let the matter drop. "I think James wants to be alone."

James neither confirmed nor contradicted this statement. The stony silence was answer enough and Peter almost ran out of the room. Sirius hovered beside James' bed.

"Prongs, if you want to talk-"

"I'm fine."

"I think," murmured Lupin, "it might be best if we all left."

Lily nodded. "Yeah. I'll be right behind you. I just…you know…I want to say sorry."

James sniffed. "It's all right," he said, still not drawing back his curtains. "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, but-"

Lupin pushed Sirius out of the room and Lily found herself suddenly frightened. She wasn't sure what to say after her outburst and was now thoroughly abashed. Aside from that, she'd never dealt with death before. She wasn't particularly close to James and had not known Mrs. Potter. She couldn't help but think that anyone would be better at this than her.

"James?"

"Look, do what you like. Turn me into a frog and fill the grounds with grass-snakes if you want to, but just leave me alone right now."

Lily swallowed hard. "I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Don't worry. I'm not going to off myself. You can take all the razors from the bathroom if you want." He scoffed. "Not that you care."

"I _do_," Lily protested firmly. "If you're not Head Boy, then I don't know who would be. I'm not especially fond of you, Potter…er…I mean, James. Sorry. I know you asked me not to, but old habits die hard. Well, I _am_ fond of you. I mean, in comparison with some of the other boys I could be working with. You're the best of a bad bunch." She frowned. "Sorry. I'm not really helping."

"There's not really a lot of help anyone can give."

Lily shifted awkwardly. Bad enough that she was a poor giver of solace, but he would not open the curtains and talking to an empty space was starting to spook her.

She crept closer to James' bed and stood on the other side of the curtains. "Were you and her really close then?"

James sniffed. "Not particularly. I spent most of my time with my father since I started coming here. It just makes me feel worse. I feel like I didn't even bother with her; like she thought I didn't love her. I wonder did she know that I did? That I _do._"

Lily smiled sadly. "The people we love always know. I had a dog once who I felt really bad about when he died, because we'd recently got a cat and I let him sleep in my room and played with him a lot and when the dog died, I felt like he thought that I didn't love him." She frowned. "I'm so sorry. That was completely inappropriate. Of course I don't know how you feel."

"No, you're helping."

Sure that she wasn't, Lily continued uncertainly. "Just know that she knew."

James did not reply, but it was obvious that he was now allowing himself to cry.

"Do you want me to go?" On not receiving an answer, Lily parted the curtains an inch and peered through the crack. Seeing him, the Big-I-Am-Quidditch-Hero, shaking with silent sobs, his arms round his knees as though he were six, she sat beside him and held her arms out, enveloping James in them and holding him tightly as he wept.

"Shh," she whispered, "you'll make yourself sick."

It wasn't what he wanted from her. She hadn't told him that she loved him, but she cared enough to hold him through his grief. The love of his life might have just turned out to be merely a good friend to him and though James was not okay with this, he thought it might just be enough for now.


	65. In which James takes a lodger

**Disclaimer: We all know where to look.**

**A/N: I've been wanting to write these for a while. There's a little home-life chapter for each of them just…well, because. Just because.**

**A/N: You may have noticed my typo. Last chapter should be dated 1977, not '78.**

_**Another **_**A/N: This follows on from '**_**The Final Act**_**'. You don't have to have read it, but it explains some of the situations here. James' parents are taken from the Black family tree, but it's never been verified that they **_**are**_** his parents.**

_Chelsea, London. July 1977._

James Potter had not even begun to unpack when he heard voices outside his window; familiar voices. One he immediately identified as his best friend, but he couldn't quite place the other.

He peered out of his bedroom window and caught a glimpse of Sirius standing awkwardly outside the door, leaning on his trunk as he fiddled with the lock. James had never seen him fiddle before. He wasn't a fiddling sort of person. In fact, with the exception of Lupin - who could shut up like a clam when he chose, Sirius had the best poker-face he had ever seen.

"Pad?"

Sirius' head shot up and he smiled sheepishly.

"Sirius?"

His attention was grabbed and he picked up his trunk, dragging it behind him into the Potters' porch.

James darted out of his room, clinging to the banister as he leapt down the stairs, two steps at a time. He stood in the hallway, beside Sirius' trunk, wondering where its owner was.

He sighed irritably and wondered aloud, "Now where the hell?"

The drawing room door was flung open and his father sighed. "If you're going to snoop, James, you might want to be a little quieter to avoid detection." He smiled and held the door open. "You might as well come in. There's nothing sinister going on."

James flung himself into the seat beside Sirius.

"So what's all this then?"

The owner of the familiar but unidentifiable voice leaned against the fireplace, looking as debonair as ever, despite the bags under his eyes.

"Long night?" asked James, grinning.

John Lupin winced. "You could say that."

Sirius managed a small smile. Arriving at the home of the Potters with his trunk was different to showing up at the home of the Lupins, totally unexpected and throwing himself upon their mercy.

For one thing, Mrs. Potter, though a thoroughly likeable woman, was not _quite_ so readily motherly as Mrs. Lupin who had scooped him up into her arms, fed him until he could barely move and offered up the master bedroom as it was warmer than the attic. It threw him a little.

For another, Mr. Lupin had side-along Apparated and insisted on ensuring that he was safe. Sirius and John Lupin had once been almost like father and son themselves, but after the event involving Snape of which they were all forbidden to speak, the tension between them had been palpable and James could feel it now, radiating from his best friend. John Lupin, if he had ever known about it, had appeared to have forgiven and forgotten.

"You're the most party-ready human being I have ever met. You bring it on yourself," he said.

Mrs. Potter widened her eyes in reproach of her son who rolled his in response.

John laughed. "You can blame my delightful son and this noisy little git here." He winked at Sirius whose returning smile was strained with paranoia. "They spent the whole night laughing as loud as they possibly could and there's half a bottle of whiskey gone. Good luck, Mr. and Mrs. Potter, I think you'll need it."

Charlus Potter stood and shook John's hand. "Remus? Whiskey? I don't see it."

John hummed dubiously. "_I _do. He was supposed to come with us, but he passed out on the flagstones so I left him to his mother. I'd best get back before she murders him."

Sirius shook with silent laughter and nodded.

Dorea kissed him continental fashion. "Lovely to meet you. Thanks for bringing him."

"Yes, and you. My pleasure, Mrs. Potter."

With that, he Disapparated, leaving Sirius to narrate the events of the past three days and needlessly beg for a room.

* * *

James' room was easily the size of Lupin's attic which had been turned into a studio flat on the fourth floor. Sirius, whose room had been spacious, wondered what anyone would want with a room of such a size. The walls had been painted scarlet and plastered in Quidditch posters and memorabilia and a few photos of his friends had been pinned onto a corkboard. James, untidy in the extreme, had filled the wide open space with clutter and mess. Sirius, as finicky as James was careless, thought he might be on the verge of a heart attack.

"How do you live like this?"

James frowned. "Like what?"

"Surrounded by crap."

"Padfoot, you are the biggest girl I have ever met."

Sitting on James' mammoth bed and not quite believing his own luck, Sirius was finally able to laugh without the aid of Firewhiskey.

"So I said to my mother, I said 'I don't actually know most of the people here but I'll bet we're not going to be sending each other Christmas cards'…or something like that anyway. Prongs, I swear to God, she nearly choked to death on a vol-au-vent. Made my _year_."

James grinned. "What happened then?"

Sirius frowned. "Then my father formally disowned me and blasted my face off the tapestry." His melancholy did not last long. "Good. I'm glad. I looked God-awful on that thing anyway. They messed my face up. I bet it was because they hated me. I had odd eyes. They were too far apart."

James frowned. "Well, they _are_ pretty wide-set."

Sirius produced his wand and raised his eyebrows. "Let me ask you a question. Do you feel lucky, punk?"

James raised an eyebrow back at him. "What's that?"

"A film Remus made me watch. Actually, I'm not even sure that's what the guy said."

"What guy?"

Sirius shrugged noncommittally. "I dunno. I wasn't really watching. It wasn't very good, but he said it was iconic and he knows more about that stuff than I ever will so I went with it. _Theatre of Blood_ was fantastic though. That's his favourite film. It was full of hilarious murders. It might be mine now actually. He can find a new favourite."

James rolled his eyes. "So how did you get to Moony's?"

Sirius sat up, animated once more. "Bus. Not just any bus. This one was driven by a nutter at ninety miles an hour and full of beds. It had this head in the front, all shriveled and…" He shuddered. "Merlin, it was so fucking annoying. It didn't shut up and it kept telling bad jokes. _Really_ bad jokes. Even worse than the ones I heard from John."

James laughed, but his smile faded too early for Sirius' liking.

"What? What's the matter?"

"How was it?"

Sirius laughed breathily. "How was _what_?"

"Well, you were a bit funny this morning."

Sirius shrugged. "Moony practically forced half a bottle of whiskey on me, so no, this morning was not my finest hour."

"With John."

Sirius' upper lip curled in distaste. He clearly did not like the question and James almost regretted pressing the issue.

"He was okay with me. We talked for a bit and he was really good about everything." Sirius sighed deeply and fiddled with the stitching. "I just can't help but think that he knows."

James sat beside him, one leg tucked up to his chest, the other extended to long length. "Look, none of us are ever going to forget it, Pad. It's going to stay with Remus for as long as he lives, I'm not going to sweeten it."

Sirius hissed. "I know. We've done this bit; the making me feel guilty bit. It bloody well worked, all right?"

James held his hands up in surrender. "Yeah, I know. Sorry. My point is that he said he wouldn't tell anyone. We _all_ did. If Snivellus can take a vow of silence so can we. Anything he can do, we can do better, right? Moony's not going to go back on that. His dad doesn't know. You're just freaking out."

Sirius bit his lip. "He can read him like a book, James. You haven't seen them when they think they're alone together. I don't think Remus _needs_ to tell him."

"When were they alone?"

Sirius merely looked at him. "All the time. He's not speaking to me, remember? He wanted to know what happened and he did his best to comfort me, but we only really acted like we were actually friends when we were drunk. I don't think that counts. Besides, his idea of comfort was asking me to jump off a cliff. When he had to be alone with me, i.e. when his parents were in work, he'd either try and throw me off the bloody cliffs or he'd make me watch films so he didn't have to talk to me."

James frowned. "Well, all right, but John still doesn't know it was you."

"I think that's something else he doesn't need telling, James."

James shrugged. "It doesn't matter. You're not there anymore. You're here."

"And another thing," said Sirius, his tone somber. "I don't have any money. None whatsoever."

James shook his head. "My parents aren't going to ask you for rent, Pad."

Sirius smiled grimly. "I know. They _should_ though."

"My Mum thinks she's stolen you back off the Blacks. Between you, her and Andromeda, your family's getting pretty liberal."

Sirius did not find it funny. "In three weeks, I have to go back to school and buy books and new robes."

James waved this off. "We're loaded. My parents will pay for that stuff."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Look, don't think I'm not grateful, but they can't pay my tuition fees. I need a plan."

"What happened to the loan and the job?"

Sirius sighed. "I don't think that's going to work, do you?"

James smiled sadly. "No. You'll just have to wait and see."

"Remus said to write to Dumbledore. What do you think?"

James shrugged. "Couldn't do any harm. They've got to have bursaries. I mean, Peter's Mum's not exactly rolling in it, is she?"

"Help me draft it then."

James nodded. "Dear Dumbles, I am a runaway - no, a fugitive, it makes you sound a bit more exciting - and I have no money. Would be good if you'd cough up. Love and hugs, Padfoot."

Sirius flung the pillow at him. "Be serious."

"No. _You're_ serious."

"Stop stealing my joke!"

James snorted. "Yeah, right. It's not even funny. What would I want with it?"

"You tell me since you just stole it."

James grinned. "It's going to be all right, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

"So you can stop worrying. If you worry, I worry and I don't like worrying. That's why I don't do much of it."

Sirius smirked. "You don't do much worrying because you're handed everything on a silver platter. Looks, charm, intelligence, Quidditch skills. It's lucky I'm here to beat you in all of them or you'd be hell to be around."

James hit him with _Quidditch Through the Ages_. "And it's lucky I'm here to physically beat the sense back into you, isn't it?" He paused, deep in thought. "You don't beat me at Quidditch. No-one beats me at Quidditch."

Sirius smiled smugly. "Who was picked for the team first? Who didn't even have to try out?"

James flicked him two fingers. "Who's Captain and who's not going to be on the team in September if he continues to get uppity?"

"James, I quake in my socks."

"It's boots."

"But I'm not wearing boots," protested Sirius. "I'm not wearing boots because I'm sitting on a bed and some of us like to be cleanly."

"You know, I'm beginning to understand why your mother didn't put up a fight to keep you. Are you always this bitchy?"

Sirius took this in the spirit intended and grinned. "Yep. And now you've got me for twelve months of the year, every single day. You can't even escape me at Christmas. Oh, Prongsie, we're going to have _so _much fun," he said in a falsely chipper tone.

James laughed. "Dickhead."

"That's why you love me."

"No, I love because I'm mad. That's the only reasonable explanation."

"Mad people aren't reasonable."

James laughed. "Touché."


	66. In which Lupin is informed

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: If I missed you, I'd like to give huge thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. These are a bit different. In fact, this one is **_**very**_** different, and it was good to know you still liked it last time. Thank you.**

**A/N: Also, I know it's a bit of pain doing this, but can I recommend that you go back and read Chapter 43 of Where Dwell the Brave at Heart after this?**

_June 15th__ 1976. Headmaster's Office. 09:30._

Remus Lupin closed the door quietly behind him. The last time he had been here, a matter of weeks ago, his father had sat beside him and fought like a starving tiger to get him back into school after he had rather rashly, he thought on reflection, dropped out of school and decided to live as a hermit.

'Fought' referred to his argument with his son as Lupin protested while McGonagall and his father seemed to team up against him and the Headmaster refereed.

He couldn't help but smile at the memory of it. The whole affair had been completely ridiculous and yet, the atmosphere in the room was not one that allowed smiling. Lupin hurriedly scanned through his latest misdemeanors.

Dumbledore gestured to the seat beside his weeping mother.

"Have I been expelled?" he asked. "If it's about the Map, I thought you said I wasn't going to face-"

Dumbledore shook his head. "No, Mr. Lupin. I assure you, you are not going to be expelled."

Regaining his ability to breathe, Lupin turned to the tear-stained face of the beauty beside him, trying in vain to compose herself.

"Mum?"

She took a deep breath and tossed her head back, determined to cease her hysterics in the presence of her son.

"Sit down, my darling." She took hold of his hand and pulled him into the chair.

To say that Lupin was on edge would be an understatement. He perched on the chair, his body tensed as though ready to leap up and fight to the death at any moment. His already large eyes had widened in fear and confusion.

"Mr. Lupin, your mother has asked you that you be pulled out of school for the foreseeable future. Your exams have been completed, yes?"

Lupin frowned and nodded. "But I don't want-"

His mother silenced him with a mere glance in his direction. She had adopted the authoritarian role with ease. Despite knowing that his mother was a talented actress, it threw Lupin who was all too familiar with the usual procedure of sweet talking his mother round to his point of view and avoiding the topic around his father, taking the lecture when it came.

"Mum, I don't want to go. All my friends are staying. No-one else is leaving."

Dumbledore clasped his hands together and leaned forward over his desk. "Mr. Lupin, these are indeed extenuating circumstances. Should you wish, you may of course return before the end of term."

Lupin frowned. "Why wouldn't I want to? What extenuating circumstances? I don't understand."

Mrs. Lupin swallowed hard. Dumbledore smiled sympathetically and turned to her son.

"Mr. Lupin, last night, a known Death Eater entered your father's home."

Lupin's hands shook. "And did what?"

"He tried to kill me," said Mrs. Lupin, as though she had said 'He swept the chimney'. "I have tainted a pureblood name that has survived for generations. So have you. Though, of course, without my influence, you would not have been around to do any tainting whatsoever. So the blame rests mostly with me. Your father is the only innocent body in all this and, despite the fact that he is um…what was it he called him?"

"A blood traitor," said Dumbledore grimly.

"That's it!" cried Mrs. Lupin, her voice shrill. "He did want to preserve his life. It was mine he wanted."

Lupin gawped. "What did he do?"

Mrs. Lupin sniffed and dabbed a handkerchief to her eyes. "Well, he wasn't about to let him murder me, if that's what you mean."

"Is he all right?"

His mother nodded and clutched his hand, entwining their fingers. "For now."

Lupin snatched his hand back. "What do you mean? What happened to him? What's _going _to happen to him?"

Mrs. Lupin pressed her lips together and fought off tears. "I don't know. Nobody knows. He just…he got in the way of a spell meant for me. He got himself to St. Mungo's because obviously, I was completely useless." She burst into sobs. "I can't do anything to help him and he's only like this because of me."

Lupin could only watch in horror as his ever-loving, ever-understanding mother collapsed into hysterics. When he had sobbed, she had rocked him, nursed him, kissed him and told him everything was going to be all right. He couldn't do that.

"Can I see him?" he asked quietly.

His mother nodded as her body shook.

* * *

_Hope Cove, Devon. June 16__th__. 10:30._

"Dad?"

John Lupin smiled as his son peered around the door. He beckoned him in and sat up, wincing as he did so.

"Are you all right?"

His father laughed weakly. "Dandy. I'm all right, Remus. I'm just stiff. Your mother's had me lying down flat for the past couple of days. For the love of God, don't tell her I'm up."

Lupin attempted a returning smile.

John Lupin took a deep breath and seemed to brace himself. "Remus, there are a few things that I want you to know."

Lupin frowned, uneasy. "What things?"

"Sit down, Remus."

Lupin did as he was told and raised his eyebrows, gesturing for his father to continue.

"You remember me telling you how I met your mother?"

Lupin sighed. "Please, not that again. Anything but that."

His father laughed. "Well, your mother taught me things. She gave me my belief in God, she gave me a deflation of my ego and she gave me you. You, Remus, have taught me far more than I have taught you."

"You don't _have _an ego, Dad." Lupin laughed nervously, not caring for the serious nature this conversation was adapting.

"Oh, I used to. I had a _big_ one. I thought that because I was a pureblood, the Sun shone out of my arse." He frowned. "I er…I was enlightened. Your mother had no idea of the concept of blood purity. She fascinated me. You know, of course, that I fixed her mother's car and I should have walked away, but I couldn't. I've never been able to walk away from beautiful things or dangerous situations. Your mother was about to go into Art College and I don't know what possessed me. I mean, she was a good Catholic girl and I…well, I suppose I led her astray." He grinned. "Well, there's no 'suppose' about it."

Lupin looked moderately disgusted. "Is this about to turn into the story of my conception because I don't think I want to hear it?"

His father laughed. "I hadn't planned to marry your mother. I was hopelessly in love with her because I knew she was unattainable. I couldn't marry her. I was a pureblood. She was a Muggle. When we found out she was having you, I asked her to marry me because she'd been thrown out of her home and I thought it was the only decent thing to do, but I didn't want to do it. You were the best mistake I ever made." He winced. "I've made a lot of mistakes, Remus. Before you were born, I wasn't a very pleasant person to spend time with. I er…actually, I was a knob and I stayed that way until you were bitten."

Lupin froze. "And then what?"

John Lupin took a deep breath and averted his eyes from his son's, terrified that the boy was already disgusted with him. "Have you heard of Fenrir Greyback?"

Lupin nodded slowly. "I've read things, yeah."

"Right. Good. That'll make things easier. When I was your age, Remus, I wanted to be an Auror. I wanted to be kicking arse and taking names, but it never really worked out because rather suddenly I had a mortgage and a baby son. I had to take whatever job was offered to me and the position was in the Werewolf Capture Unit." He winced. "Every day I hated my job. I didn't want to be around a werewolf. I suppose I was afraid, but mostly, it was disgust. I didn't like their ideas and I didn't like them. I was petrified by them, especially Greyback."

Lupin's frown lines deepened. "Go on."

"I was promoted fairly quickly. I just put my head down and thought of the future this could give you. The more I earned, the quicker I was promoted, the more respect I gained and the more, what's the word?, um…kudos? Is that it? The more kudos you'd have. Your mother was making very little money. She was an actress then and the job, as you can guess, wasn't steady. I was the breadwinner. So I put my head down and we were able to buy a little house in Bristol. I thought that leaving Hope Cove would be the best decision I ever made. I thought it would be the best thing for you."

"He'd have bitten me wherever I was."

John Lupin jumped. "What?"

"I'm assuming this story is going to end with Greyback finding me?"

His father nodded.

"So he found out where you lived and…?"

"He wanted to see. He er…he tried to bargain with me. By this time, I was Head of Department and he told me that he planned to make werewolves equal members of society."

Lupin nodded. "By biting children. By biting _me_."

His father reached for him but Lupin stepped back.

"Remus, please. Let me finish." He sighed with relief when his son nodded. "Yes, his plan was to bite children and have them grow up as werewolves. He wanted to take them from their families and raise them feral. He wanted them to be a separate society who were no longer bound by our laws. I told him what I thought of him. I said some things that ought not have been said in polite company."

"Such as?" Lupin raised his eyebrows, a gesture learned from his mother and a lesson well learned in extracting information from his father.

John Lupin frowned. "Don't do that. I refuse to repeat what I said, Remus. I have learned that I was wrong. _You_ taught me that I was wrong."

"It was a slur, wasn't it?" said Lupin quietly.

His father nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't even think he would try to hurt you. I would have killed him before I allowed it. I would have carried my own burden. I want you to know that. If I could suffer the disease so that you would not, I'd do it, Remus. I did everything to try and cure you. Your mother called in all sorts of religious quacks and I knew they couldn't help you. Nothing could help you."

"I have one question and I want you to answer it truthfully."

"Anything."

"Why didn't he take me?"

John Lupin gawped. "Would you _want_ to have been taken?"

"I believe I asked for an answer."

John Lupin sighed sadly. "I found you. I took you to hospital. He tried, but what I want you to understand, what you've _got_ to understand, Remus, is that I loved nobody like I loved you - still don't - and I wasn't about to lose you whether you were a werewolf or not."

Lupin smiled grimly. "I know."

"And your mother fought like a rabid dog, Remus. I believe she was even foaming at the mouth."

Lupin couldn't hold back the small laugh that escaped. "When was that?"

His father's face became solemn once more. "He came for you. He wanted to take you to be a member of his society. Your mother wasn't particularly impressed with this idea and you know how she gets."

"What did she do?" Lupin asked, almost begging for a distraction from the macabre images of that night, what little he remembered, that filled his head.

"Remember when she punched Sister Greenwood? Well, it was much the same as that. She didn't swing for him, she flung herself at him and started tearing out his hair and spitting in his face."

Lupin's jaw dropped. "_What_?"

His father nodded vigorously. "I don't mind telling you, kid, I thought she was going to die. I thought he was going to kill her."

"What did you do?"

"I did what any man would do. I ran away and got someone who was qualified."

Lupin laughed, but suddenly serious, asked, "You didn't _really_, did you?"

John Lupin threw his hands up. "Remus, I was the fucking Head of Department. I _was_ qualified."

Abashed, Lupin apologised.

"No. No, listen, Remus. I owe you the apology. I made mistakes and I thought I was God's gift and because of my arrogance and prejudice, you live like this. I had to tell you because I didn't want you to find out from anyone else. You might start asking questions and I might not be here to answer them."

"Dad, you're not going to die. I'm not going to let you."

John Lupin smiled sadly. "We don't have much say in it, Remus. I'll do my best, all right? I'm not quite ready to pop my clogs yet. I can't leave your mother a widow at thirty-three. She'd need at least twenty more cats and we can't afford them at the moment."

Lupin smiled sadly.

"I want you to go back to school. You'll only mope round here otherwise. Go and see Potter. He's a bit of a laugh. Please don't dwell too much on this. Whatever might have happened, it didn't happen."

Lupin nodded, but he couldn't stop the snarls in his head as the six year old boy of his memories ran through the trees. He couldn't stop the terrifying sounds of the tear of fabric and the triumphant howl in the night. He shivered, despite the sun beaming through the windows. If he thought about it for long enough, he could almost feel the wolf's heavy breaths inches from his face as the jaws snapped around his shoulder.


	67. In which Sirius questions

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: From the moment I typed 'Home life chapters', admit it, you knew this was coming.**

**It's not often I do this, but I have a suggested listening for this chapter. **_**I Am What I Am**_** is what I have been playing all day - hence why this chapter came before Peter's.**

_July 16th__ 1972. Grimmauld Place. Islington. 19:30._

The Hogwarts Express had pulled into King's Cross Station a mere ninety minutes ago and yet, it might as well have been ninety _years_ as Sirius Black sat in the darkness of his bedroom, brooding.

"The Mistress says you're to come down to dinner. You're to dress nicely and brush your hair. You're not to speak unless spoken to."

"Oh, piss off, Kreacher." He slammed the door in the House Elf's face. "I'm not hungry," he shouted. He groaned as his stomach loudly corrected him, and flung himself on his bed, his face mashed into his pillow.

He didn't know how long he lay there, feeling utterly wretched, but it was getting dark outside and no-one had bothered to worry about his nutrition. He sat up, sighed, and lit the wall lamp above his desk, deciding to attempt homework.

"Wicked," he breathed, grinning as he pulled out a parcel he knew to contain James' cauldron cakes which had mysteriously disappeared as they crossed the border into England.

Above the cakes, wrapped in tissue paper, he had attached a note reading:

_Because Loopy says sugar fixes everything._

The cakes were quickly polished off and Sirius began to wonder how he would get into the kitchen and what he would find there. He was incapable of 'rustling something up' and he knew that his parents would not have been foolish enough to leave anything for him. He either ate with them in silence or starved.

He was unsure which option seemed most promising.

The light tap on his door aroused his suspicions and he crept towards it, prepared to wring Kreacher's pathetic little neck if necessary.

"What?" he hissed, opening the door a margin and peering out.

Regulus pushed it against his brother, widening the gap enough to squeeze through it. He made himself comfortable on Sirius' bed.

"Oh, make yourself at home, Reg."

Regulus only smiled at him. "Shut up. I brought you some food, didn't I?"

"What time is it?"

"Midnight. I had to wait until Mum and Dad went to bed."

It was only once his eleven year old brother pointed it out, that he noticed the plate of roast potatoes on his bed.

"The potatoes were all I could take," said Regulus as his brother fell upon the offering.

"Thanks."

Regulus frowned. "Why do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Deliberately annoy them all the time." He raised an eyebrow. "There's an owl on your window ledge by the way."

Sirius opened the window and allowed the barn owl into his room, catching deftly the package it dropped before landing on his desk and stretching out its foot, indicating that it brought a message.

Sirius tossed the brown paper bag onto his bed and unhooked the parchment. Though it had clearly been torn from a larger sheet, the sides were meticulously neat.

"Whose is it?" asked Regulus, kneeling on the mattress to read over his brother's shoulder.

Sirius shrugged. "No idea. Never seen it before."

Regulus opened the bag. "It brought dessert anyway," he said, pulling out a biscuit.

"Put that back. They're mine!"

_Be not afraid, for I bring you glad tidings of great joy.  
__My Mum baked. She said to ask Dad to send Sophocles with some biscuits. Don't forget to come down on July 26__th__. It's Fair Week!  
__Yours,  
__R._

"Who's _R_?"

Sirius grinned. "Remus. You'd love him. He's batshit insane too. He takes photographs. In fact-" He snatched a biscuit and began to rummage around his trunk. Satisfied, he stood up straight and sat beside his younger brother, handing him a photograph of his three friends and himself. "That's him, there."

"What's he doing with that stick?" asked Regulus, vaguely disgusted.

"Honestly? He'd just slapped Mulciber across the face with it. Told you he was mad." He pointed to the next boy in the photograph. "That's my very best friend."

"Does he always look like he's been dragged through a bush backwards?"

Sirius thought about this. "Yes."

"And who's that lump?"

"That's Peter. Isn't he just too pretty for words? If his teeth didn't stick out and he didn't have a cock, he'd probably be the prettiest girl in the school."

"I don't know. I reckon the ginger one could give him a run for his money." Regulus grinned. "And these are your friends?"

"He's not ginger! He's…yeah, he's ginger. Well, obviously there are others, but they're my best friends." He smiled sadly. "They're my family."

Regulus frowned. "Your family is _here._"

"My family here hates me."

"_I_ don't hate you." He was saved from the awkward silence that would surely have ensued, by the arrival of a second owl. "Is everyone going to send you provisions?"

Sirius laughed. "If they all bake like Mrs. L, let's hope so."

_Hiya. _

_Jamie said you'd probably be starving to death so I thought I'd inflict my mother's welshcakes on you. They're the jam filled ones because the currenty ones taste like…they're not very nice, anyway. Mum said you could come and live with us, but my sister's even more of a knob than your Elf so you wouldn't want to, trust me. Plus, it rains all the time and I live around people who will steal your shoelaces as soon as look at you. Or, maybe that's just me. My shoelaces, not my habit. Anyway, anyway, anyway, enjoy the summer. Wish I could come to Devon, he makes it sound boss, but I'm in France. Major bummer. _

_Catch you on the flip side,  
__Pete._

Regulus raised his eyebrows. "Did you understand a word of that?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Stop reading over my shoulder. Yes, as a matter of fact. He's sorry he can't be there on the 26th because Remus makes it sound like a great place. 'Catch you on the flip side' means 'goodbye'. Besides, you can't understand a word Peter says anyway. He speaks terribly quickly."

"Did you learn all those at school?" Regulus gawped at him, treating slang like a foreign language.

Sirius smiled. "Yeah. You'll meet new people and you'll learn what's cool. By the time you get there, everyone will be using different words anyway. Only Peter uses 'Catch you on the flip side'. Don't say that. It's so not cool."

"Are you cool, yeah?"

Sirius laughed. "Of course I am." He sat beside his brother and took a bite out of one of Peter's cakes. "Not bad, actually. Have one." He winced. "So where are you hoping to be Sorted?"

"Slytherin," answered Regulus, as though this were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Can I please just ask you, as the only vaguely sane human being left, _what_ is so bloody fantastic about Slytherin?"

Regulus shrugged. "I don't know, but that's where Mum wants us to be."

"_So_? What can she really _do_, Reg? She hasn't kicked me out. Sure, she treats me like shit, but she was never exactly fond of me, was she?"

"She's not fond of anybody, Sirius." He frowned, more puzzled than annoyed. "Except Kreacher."

"Exactly. If you want to live the rest of your life, second-best in your own mother's eyes to a flaming House Elf, be my guest."

Both brothers reigned in their tempers, inherited from their hot-blooded mother. Sirius bit his tongue and Regulus quietly seethed.

"So what's Gryffindor like then?"

Sirius shrugged. "All right."

"Oh, Sirius, don't be like that."

"Like what?"

"Like _that_. I wish I hadn't brought you anything now. You're so ungrateful."

"Well, I don't need your bloody pity."

"I didn't bring them because I pity you. I brought them because I love you and I don't want you to go hungry just because you're too stubborn to come downstairs."

Sirius smiled grimly. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I just… Not everyone can be Sirius Black. You know what I mean? I'm not you. I don't have your strength. I wish I did, but somebody has to be Regulus Black and that somebody is me."

Sirius sat beside him. "Do you agree with them?"

Regulus shrugged. "I don't know. I've never met a Muggle. Apparently, they're really stupid. I suppose if they're stupid then we're superior."

Sirius frowned. "Y-es. They're not really that stupid, Reg. They're just a bit dim and possibly blind."

Regulus pushed the plate further back onto the bed and shimmied closer to his brother. "So what does everyone say about you being in Gryffindor?"

"The Slytherins had a lot to say at first. They soon shut up, mind you. No-one else gives a toss. What you've got to realise, what I hope you _do_ realise, is that if you're a Black, you're Slytherin royalty. To everyone else, you're scum."

Regulus gasped. "What do they say to you?"

Sirius grinned. "Nothing. I'm Sirius Black, remember? I'm cool. I'm cooler than cool. Besides, I'm a Marauder. I'm Gryffindor royalty."

Regulus smiled back at him. "I can't do it, Sirius. Besides, if she hates both of us, who's going to steal the potatoes?" He hopped off the bed, leaving the empty plate behind him.

Though he was now at least well fed and had received good news and small gifts from his friends, Sirius had never felt more alone in his life.


	68. In which Peter faces home truths

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: I am so sorry. A lot of things in real life took over. I'm back now anyway and things will return to normal after this chapter. They'll all be back at school causing havoc (something that's not going to happen to me - sob).**

_July 27__th__ 1976. Rhydfelin. South Wales. 12:30_

The rain beat down in torrents. The boy in the yellow coat, shivered and pulled his hood tighter over his face. The hill was steep and the wind directed the rain into his eyes. He frowned and leaned against a street sign.

"Oh!" he said, pleasantly surprised to read _Holly Street_.

He glanced down the road. It was a pleasant typically suburban street with bright red brick houses and long sloping lawns. This wasn't quite what he imagined. He made his way towards number thirty-two and stood outside it. Behind that crimson door lived a family who needed to be shielded from the people around them. Perhaps a broomstick was kept in the little shed he could see behind the fence.

"Are you coming in or not?"

Leaning on the now open door, Peter Pettigrew grinned.

"Sorry. Yeah."

"Get in here. You look like a drowned rat."

The hall was small but full of clutter and painted a brilliant blue. The umbrella stand was full to over-flowing.

"Give me your coat. Mum will dry it now."

He shrugged his arms out of the anorak, glad to take it off. "Thanks. I felt like such a dweeb on the train down but my mother insisted. Glad she did now."

"Peter? Pete, is that him?" Mrs. Pettigrew called from the kitchen.

"Yeah. Can you dry his coat?"

Mrs. Pettigrew bustled out into the hallway. She was a little woman, even shorter than the tiny Mrs. Lupin, with big hair dyed platinum blonde. She didn't look much like her son, though it was obvious he had inherited her body shape and big blue eyes.

"Mum, this is Mike. He's a friend from school."

Michael Harrington grinned mischievously. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Pleasure, love. Right, I'll make some tea. Come on through to the kitchen. Sorry the weather's so miserable. It's not always like this."

Peter met Michael's eyes and mouthed, "It is."

"Maggie, stop peering through the banister. He's not an animal in a zoo. Come down." Mrs. Pettigrew flicked her wand at the dripping coat and hung it on the coat rack. "Kitchen. Tea. Right."

Peter's seven year old sister ran down the stairs so fast that her long blonde hair flew out behind her. She was still wearing her pyjamas.

"Hello," she said, turning her charming smile on full beam as she landed at Michael's feet. "Peter talks about you a lot."

Peter blushed. "Shut it, Squib."

"I'M _NOT_ A SQUIB! Mummy, Mummy, he's using the 'S-word' on me again."

From the kitchen, the voice of the long suffering Mrs. Pettigrew echoed out into the hall, "Peter, stop it. She's not a squib!"

Michael smiled at the outraged child. "I talk about Peter a lot too."

Magdalene frowned. "I do too. He's horrible."

Michael shrugged. "Well _I_ like him."

"Magda, come and help me make tea. Pete, why don't you take Michael's things up?"

Michael followed Peter up the steep flight of narrow steps, gripping the rail tightly and praying he would not fall as it would surely result in a broken neck. They emerged onto a small landing, just as cluttered as the hall.

"This one's my room. It's tiny but it's bigger than Maggie's or I'd have made her swap."

Peter's room looked out onto the mountain and several disgruntled and wet sheep. The floor was littered with clothes and a suitcase was propped up against the bedpost.

"Besides, I think I'm gay enough without having unicorn wallpaper."

Michael grinned. "Does your Mum know?"

Peter shook his head. "I haven't told her anything. I don't know how."

Michael nodded toward the battered suitcase. "That's not the reason for-?"

Peter laughed. "No. It's Devon Fair Week on Saturday. Remus asks us down every year. It's crazy. He, like, lives there. He can even cheat all the cheat stuff. He can um…you know, like, make rigged rifles shoot true and stuff. He's King of the Gypsies." Peter's smile faded. "Don't tell him I call him that. He could slaughter me. Have you told your parents?"

Michael nodded. "Well, yeah. I mean, it wasn't difficult. I think they knew anyway."

Peter gawped. "What did your Dad say?"

Michael shrugged. "Not a lot. He's barely spoken to me since actually."

"That's encouraging, Mike. Thanks."

Michael rolled his eyes and slumped onto the single bed. "Your Mum's different. She's…well, she's nice. Just tell her."

Peter raised an eyebrow. "Just come out with it? Yeah, you're right. Maybe over breakfast or when the whole family is sitting down to Christmas dinner."

"Don't be facetious."

Peter frowned. "How do you say you're bisexual anyway? 'Mum, who knows who'll I be shagging so if in doubt, leave well alone on the gender front.'"

Michael thought about this. "Well, it sounds a lot better than 'I'd like you to meet my boyfriend' anyway. My father nearly had a coronary."

Peter tittered. "Bet they're really fond of me in your house."

"Seriously, Pete, I think you should tell her." His gold eyes held Peter's and the sincerity of their gaze shocked him. "I don't like the idea of staying under her roof when she's got no idea what we do."

"I'll just leave the door open while I'm blowing you, shall I?"

Michael sat up. "Why are you being such a total dick about this? Why can't you just grow a pair? Thought you were supposed to be a flaming Gryffindor."

Peter scowled. "Daring, nerve and chivalry, right? Doesn't say anything in there about telling your mother you get on your knees and eat cock, does it?"

Michael winced. "Do you have to be so crude about it? It's not like I don't return the favour. Sweet Merlin! You'd think I treated you like a fucking suction device. Well, I don't. I care about you, which is more than most tossers in your life can say. Potter only cares about stalking that girl round the castle and Black doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself."

"When did this become about James and Sirius?" This was an extremely dangerous subject and Peter's hands shook as he lit a cigarette and leant beside the open window in order to disguise the smell.

Michael frowned. "Don't you ever want to tell them where they can stuff it? I don't know how you stand it every day."

Peter shrugged. "I'm a Marauder. It's worth it. Besides, Remus-"

Michael's eyes twinkled. "-is the King of the Gypsies. Says it all. Your best mates are a stalker, a prat and a gyppo."

"Don't make me laugh, Mike. I'm still pissed off."

Michael grinned. "Don't be a dickhead. Come here."

Peter stubbed out his cigarette. "What for?"

"How am I supposed to kiss you if you're over the other side of the room?"


	69. In which Lupin is analysed

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: I've neglected my updates so I think I was having a fanfiction withdrawal. Super fast updates were required.**

_The sun glittered on the bright blue sea just beyond the cottage garden as Albus Dumbledore strolled up the twisting path that led from the charming little village to the clifftops. It didn't look like the sort of place that would house a werewolf. If it had looked decidedly sinister, he would assume the werewolf, after their last meeting, would be Mr. Lupin Sr. who certainly knew how to put the wind up a gentleman's sails when the need arose._

_The garden was deserted. Even the sounds of the tall grass swaying in the ever so slight breeze assaulted his ears. _

_Albus Dumbledore frowned. It seemed a little strange for someone like John Lupin, who had subconsciously straightened offending items on his former Headmaster's shelves, pushing papers subtly into neat piles from the other side of his desk, to miss a meeting._

"_Mr. Lupin?"_

_The leaves rustled in the tree beside him. Albus Dumbledore was acutely aware of this as he noted that the breeze had departed five minutes ago, leaving an almost unpleasant heat._

_The emerald painted front door swung open, revealing the exceptionally beautiful face of an incredibly flustered young woman._

_Her black eyes widened at the sight of such a bizarrely dressed elderly man wandering around her vegetable patch._

"_Can I help you?"_

_Dumbledore smiled warmly and stepped towards her, one hand outstretched._

"_Mrs. Lupin?"_

_She stiffened. "Yes?"_

"_Albus Dumbledore. It's a pleasure."_

_Mrs. Lupin nodded. "I see. Yes, of course. Come in. My husband is…well, he's looking for my son. You haven't seen him out there have you? He's always wandering off and I'm terrified he's going to go careering off the cliffs one day and…oh God. Come in, come in." Her frown lines only deepened as she closed the door. "Do you drink tea?"_

"_Tea would be marvelous if you're offering." His eyes twinkled. "Have either of you checked the Oak tree?"_

_Mrs. Lupin swung round. "The Oak tree? No. Why would-? Oh. I'll kill him." She marched out into the garden and screamed, "REMUS JOHN LUPIN, YOU COME DOWN _NOW_! YOUR FATHER'S _GOD _KNOWS WHERE LOOKING FOR YOU. I THOUGHT YOU'D BEEN _KILLED_! DON'T YOU DARE JUMP! REMUS, DON'T YOU DARE JUMP!"_

_Remus Lupin jumped from the branch regardless and was immediately scooped up into his angry mother's arms as she alternated between scolding him and dropping relieved kisses on his cheeks and forehead._

"_Your Dad's Headmaster is here to talk to you. Neaten yourself up a bit, darling." She licked her long finger and flattened a stray hair. She clicked her tongue and sighed irritably. "In a tree. Remus, please don't climb trees. You'll hurt yourself."_

"_I'm not hurt, Mum."_

"_But you could have been." Mrs. Lupin shook her head in disbelief. "I should have had a little girl. Little girls don't climb trees and they let you plait their hair." She grinned at her son who poked his tongue out in response. "Come here, you." She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led him toward the front porch. "I wouldn't swap you for the world."_

_Dumbledore looked up and studied the child werewolf. He was on the short side, thin in the extreme with his father's auburn hair and rosy cheeks, his mother's charcoal black eyes and sculpted cheekbones, and a mysterious aura about him - one that told Dumbledore that this little boy was not all he seemed._

"_This is Mr. Dumbledore." She glanced down at her painfully shy son. "Say hello, Remus."_

"_Hello," mumbled Lupin to his shoes._

"_Emma! Emma, I can't find him anywhere. I-" Catching sight of his son, John Lupin visibly relaxed. "Remus, thank God." He crouched to Remus' level and flung his arms around his son. Pulling away, he held him at arms length and said, "Where on earth were you? You're all right. That's what matters, but I just-" He took a deep breath. "Please tell me where you are going. You know why I worry."_

_Lupin shuffled and stared at the floor. "I was safe."_

"_Evidently." Mr. Lupin sighed sadly. "Please don't do it again, kiddo." He stood up and catching sight of his former Headmaster, jumped. With a nod in his direction and an uttered, "Professor Dumbledore," John Lupin took over the task of tea making and instructed his son to sit down._

_The silence was deafening, ringing out through the usually busy kitchen. _

"_Mr. Lupin?" Dumbledore smiled at the child sitting opposite him and held out a slightly yellowed envelope bedecked with emerald cursive writing and the Hogwarts crest. "Take it. It's yours."_

_Lupin bit his lip and accepted the envelope._

"_Open it."_

Dear Mr. Lupin,

APRIL FOOL!

_January 13th__ 1976. Gryffindor Common Room. 05:15_

Remus Lupin awoke with a loud gasp and sat bolt upright in bed.

"Remus?"

He'd woken James.

"Sorry."

James' soft tread across the wooden floor became gradually louder until the curtain was pulled back and he climbed inside, wearing the worst pair of pyjamas Lupin had ever seen. Striped blue, red and white, he looked like a piece of toothpaste.

"Was it another nightmare?" He handed Lupin a cigarette. "Got a light?"

Lupin whispered a short spell and the usual blue flame danced across his outstretched palm.

"No. This one was just…_weird_." He took a long drag and leaned back against his pillows. "Dumbledore was in it."

James grinned. "Dumbledore makes _everything _weird."

Lupin smiled back. "It was like a repeat of when he first came to my house. I'd been trying to get a photograph of the sea without the wall in the way so I climbed the tree and my parents couldn't find me and they totally freaked. It was exactly what happened. It was like being in a Pensieve. Except when he handed me my letter, it said…well, it told me I was deluded."

James frowned. "Can't help you, mate." Two drags later, his eyes lit up and he hopped off the bed and rifled through his trunk. "This is a job for…drum roll please…_The Dream Oracle_."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "That's a pack of lies and you know it."

"Oh contraire, my lupine pal, it's practically Joseph King of Dreams. Let's see, let's see…M."

Lupin frowned. "What's M?"

"_Lumos_. Memory. I'm trying to find it. Hang on."

They sat in silence while James' finger ran across the page, tracing the words.

"I can't find memory. How come they've got an entry for macaroni but they don't have one for memory. What's closest? Menstruation. Right, you're bottling something up."

Lupin gawped. "Menstruation? James, you can't just find the nearest word and make it fit."

James rolled his eyes. "Fine, but you _do_ bottle things up. Sure there weren't any tampons in the dream? It would make a lot more sense if Dumbles had handed you a tampon. No? L…Letter. Ooh, it represents new chances or you should heed its advice. Maybe not. Tree! Ooh. This looks good, Moony. To dream you're climbing a tree means you'll accomplish you're professional goals. It's an Oak in your garden, isn't it? Even better. That's stability, good judgment and development in the social arena."

Lupin laughed quietly. "Do you honestly believe all that?"

James snorted. "Hell no. Cheered you up though, didn't it? I read this like a novel. It gives me great things to say to Professor Fournier. 'What did you dream about, Potter?' 'Well, sir, I was menstruating and eating an orange while Sirius waved a sheep around and pretended it was a boat'. Long story. It's an in-joke. It's great fun though. You should have taken Divination too."

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "By the sounds of things, I'm very glad I didn't."

James grinned. "He thinks I'm a right nutter - Fournier, I mean. He keeps telling me I should see a mental health specialist based on my dreams. I mean, as if I'm going to tell him and the entire bloody class what I'm really dreaming about."

"Lily Evans wearing only a smile?"

"Exactly."

Lupin laughed. "You are so transparent."

The sounds of Sirius waking up filled the room - huffing, sighing, grumbling and even a growl.

"If you pair of girls want to share a bed and whisper about boys you like and what make-up you're going to buy, fine but shut the fuck up at five a.m., all right? Christ all mighty." He huffed one last time and the room was silent for a moment.

Silent until Lupin and James made eye contact and tried to stifle their laughter.

"What brought that on?" asked James, laughing under his breath.

"It was you," said Lupin.

"_Me_? What did _I_ do?"

"You were the one harping on about tampons all the time."

"Shut up, Remus."

"Yes," snapped Sirius from his bed, "shut up, Remus and fuck off back to sleep."

Lupin smiled. "I think that's my cue. Night, Prongs. Thanks."

"Any time. If you want to borrow the book-"

Sirius threw a pillow through his curtains. "He can go to the sodding library."

"What's made you so crabby, Paddy? Was it a nightmare? Do you want it analysed?"

"James, I am not entirely convinced that this conversation is not the nightmare. If you're not going to shut the fuck up, Go. To. _Bed_."

James met Lupin's eyes in the darkness and grinned. "Who needs a matron, eh?"

Sirius reveled for a moment in the ensuing silence. He settled back into his pillows and swore loudly as Lupin's alarm sounded.


	70. In which James is jealous

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Massive thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I'm still not 100% at the moment and I don't feel like writing the usual sort of chapters, but I don't want to leave this abandoned.**

**A/N: Oh and Candy has a blog. You can find the link in my profile if you're interested. It's largely so I can be a little more personal, answer a few questions I never seem to be able to do in my stories and let you know the (crap) reasons I haven't been updating.**

_November 12__th__ 1972. Fourth Floor Corridor. 12:30_

"So what are we going to do this year? It's going to have to be good. I don't want us splitting up again," said Sirius. "That meant James got to pull three pranks in total. So we're all in this together."

Lupin frowned. "I've been doing a lot of thinking about this." Both hands gripped the shoulder strap of his satchel. His nervousness was only too obvious.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I know exactly what you're going to say and the answer is 'No'. We're not going to go easy on Dumbles just because he's an old man."

Lupin wrung his hands. "But he's _old_. His heart might not be able to take it this year. We might kill him."

"Don't be such a bloody drama queen. Generally, Loopy, pranks don't end in death. At least, _mine_ don't."

Lupin made a noise expressing apprehension which was conveniently ignored by his three friends. Peter, who was spending his first Christmas as a Marauder, was especially keen to be involved and adamant that Remus Lupin should not be a wet blanket.

"How about we give him a disgusting flavour of beans in a jar?" said Peter, grinning inanely.

"Already been done, Peter old pal," said James. "That's Remus' brain child. I don't know how he could be so cruel." His hazel eyes changed to a dark gold as they twinkled. "We could have _poisoned_ him."

Lupin clicked his tongue. "Oh, shut up."

"Besides," said Sirius, a wistful expression in his eyes, "this year, I'm thinking _big_."

Lupin's frown lines deepened. Big dreams usually meant big trouble, especially where Sirius Black was concerned. The mystery of the missing suit of armour was school legend after only six months and Lupin still jumped and began to assure people he was not at all involved when even the word 'suit' was dropped briefly into conversation.

"Sirius, I'm not sure. I mean, what did you have in mind for starters?"

Sirius shrugged. "You think too much, Remus. Stop it."

"Yeah," said James, waving off Lupin's protests. "We've got six weeks to Christmas. That's plenty of time and we'll think of something incredible - something the school will never see again."

"Like that suit of armour then," Lupin muttered darkly.

"What was that, Remus?"

Lupin pressed his lips together and widened his eyes. "Hmm? I didn't say anything."

Sirius smiled sarcastically. "Good."

"Did I hear something about that suit of armour?"

The voice with a strong Scottish accent had not quite broken leaving an embarrassing squeak toward the end of his sentence that the boy chose to ignore. He was fairly tall with a mop of shaggy red hair and a green and silver tie.

Sirius, upon turning round to gain this information, sighed and replied, "No, William, you didn't." In a stage whisper he added, "Don't worry, Remus. I won't let your confession get out."

Lupin's jaw dropped. "_Me_? _I_ didn't steal it! It's not in _my_ bedroom being used as a doorstop!"

Sirius raised his eyebrows and asked in faux polite tones, "Really, Remus? What do you mean by that? Could you be suggesting that you know the thief?"

Lupin met his eyes and engaged in a silent battle before admitting defeat and assuring the assembled company that he hadn't the faintest clue who might be in possession of the stolen item.

"All right, McCormack? All in order?"

William McCormack raised an eyebrow. "I just thought that if anyone would know it about it, it would be you four. You're all bloody miscreants."

"I beg to differ," said James. "Peter's not a miscreant. He just has a funny look in his eyes."

Peter frowned. "No I don't!"

"Peter, they've got it now."

"Yes, no wonder."

The commotion of the fourth floor corridor between classes did not need the added volume of an argument and Peter was rarely in an argumentative mood. A stare-off was silently agreed upon and Peter's frown lines deepened with every passing moment until James laughed at the ridiculous sight before him.

"Pete, you look about six."

"Whoa! Watch it!"

The bright red ball built up speed as it bounced along the stone corridor. Students in groups moved out of its way, conscious of the superstition surrounding its breaking. Sirius Black was no such student.

"What's that?" asked Lupin, staring at it as it made for his forehead.

"Merlin's pants, Remus!" cried Sirius, leaping in front of his friend and backhanding it toward the wall. "_That_ was glass. It was nearly embedded in your head."

Lupin raised his eyebrows in intrigue. "Oh. So you broke it then."

"Well…I…oh no. Oh no. That's it. Nice one. I should have just let it hit you."

Orestes Nott dashed down the corridor arriving at the remnants of his Remembrall. He knelt on the floor and began to pick up the glass fragments.

"What? What's happened?" asked Peter.

"I've just cursed myself for all eternity," replied Sirius. "Nothing of interest or anything." He ran his hands through his hair. "I don't believe this. I should have just let it kill you, Remus."

"Yeah," said Peter, "especially because Testes is huge."

Orestes swung round. "What the hell did you just call me?"

As Peter's eyes widened and James prepared for yet another stand-off on Peter's behalf, William met Orestes' eyes and smiled in an almost sinister manner.

"Temper, temper. We _all_ call you that. It's because you're a knob."

Orestes' eyes narrowed to electric blue slits as he spat, "Shut up, McCormack! I know things about you that could make your hair curl."

"Oi! You!"

Sirius paid no attention to this, still absorbing the atmosphere between the two Slytherin boys, well known rivals of one another. He was getting real entertainment out of this. That, at least, was obvious.

"Oi! _You_! The Gryffindor! The one whose just cursed himself!"

Sirius looked to the left, where the voice carried down the corridor.

It belonged to a tall and well built Liverpudlian with bright blonde hair and twinkling brown eyes.

"I'm Eros. I don't know if you know, but I'm chucking my Beater. Fancy playing for the team? That's one hell of a beating arm you got there."

Sirius gawped. "Seriously? You're not just winding me up?"

Eros O'Sullivan looked him square in the eyes and replied, "I _never_ joke about Quidditch. Meet me at six on the pitch and we'll check that that wasn't a fluke."

Sirius nodded vigorously. "Um…yes. Yeah, sure. I'll be there."

James frowned. "How come you get picked for the team? I could have swatted that ball away if I'd been two paces to the left. Stupid Peter. That's not fair. That's mad. See if you can get him to get rid of a Chaser. I'm good at that. Tell him to think of me, yeah?"

Sirius nodded vaguely, his eyes having taken on a far-away look that said he was anywhere but the fourth floor corridor at this moment.

"You're buying me a new Remembrall, Black!"

Sirius hummed an agreement and almost glided down the hall while James trudged behind him, frowning at the flagstone floor and snapping at Peter.


	71. In which Sirius' nemesis returns

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Sorry about the update times. I'm trying to keep on top of things. I'm just failing.**

**A/N: I gave this chapter some foreshadowing ages ago. Chapter 53, I believe.**

_November 3rd__ 1976. Outside the Forbidden Forest. 14:00._

"Is he all right, do you think?"

Lupin shivered as the wind whipped his shoulder length hair into his face. He frowned deeply, pulling his cloak tighter around his twig-like body. "I don't know. I hope so."

James jumped down the last three steps of the pathway that led down from the Great Hall to Hagrid's Hut. "We'll have a substitute anyway."

Peter bit his lip. "I hope Professor Kettleburn comes back with both arms. It won't be the same otherwise."

"He'll be fine," James assured him in a tone that said otherwise.

"Out of solidarity," said Lupin, whose favourite teacher had only three days ago taken a sixth month leave of absence to recover from a Graphorn attack, "I think that unless it's Hagrid teaching, we should start something."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Hagrid? _Teaching_? Remus, the world isn't ready."

"Oh, I don't know," said James. "I wouldn't have thought the world was ready for our Remus to suggest we play up in a lesson, but here we are actually having this discussion."

Lupin waved this comment off. "I just don't think it's right. Substitutes are always so far up their own arses that I'm surprised it's not a job requirement."

James and Sirius grinned.

"Oooooh," they said in perfect unison.

"Shut up," said Lupin with a roll of his eyes. "I've had bad experiences."

Forced to agree, the other boys dropped the matter and prepared to defend their friend against sly and subtle anti-Lycanthropic jokes for an hour.

The substitute was waiting for them in a small paddock surrounded by the other N.E.W.T. students and several Erklings - three feet high, impish creatures. Her appearance was that of a collected woman who was not as worried by time constraints or regulations as she would have people believe.

"How did I know it would be you four loitering? Hurry, hurry. Get your groove on, boys."

She leaned against the fence and brushed her dark hair out of her eyes.

Lupin gawped, breaking into a brilliant beam.

"Can anyone tell me what these little things are?"

Lupin raised his hand and Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Anyone besides Mr. Lupin? Sirius, why don't you give it a shot?"

Sirius took a deep breath through his nose and muttered to James, "I _knew_ it. I knew it would be me she picked on."

"What do you expect?" James whispered back.

"Would they be Erklings, Professor Maynard?"

Maynard raised her eyebrows. "Oh so you know about that, do you?" She locked eyes with Lupin who blushed and hurriedly averted his. "Yes, Mr. Black, they would be. All right, Remus, shoot. Hit me with what they do."

Lupin couldn't help but grin back at his former Defence professor. "They lure children to their deaths with their laugh which enthralls children. Once they have lured them away from the eyes of an adult, they eat them."

"Good. Five points for each of you. Yes indeed they do. Caught these using my own daughter as bait." She winked at her class and giggled at their horrified reactions. "For Merlin's sake, learn when to take a joke. Besides, Thalia could handle one of these in her sleep. I hope I can say the same of you. Now, Erklings are very strange little creatures. Despite their love of human flesh, they're actually quite easily startled. These days, they don't get come into contact with many children and those they do come into contact with, more often than not, survive. Despite this, the Ministry gives them a classification of four Xs which means that their capture and containment requires the skill of a specialist. That would be me. Watch and learn."

Peter wrung his hands. "Oh, trust Dearheart to bring man-eaters."

"She's not Dearheart anymore," said James. "She's Professor Maynard now."

Lupin shushed him and watched with rapt attention as Maynard approached an Erkling cackling manically in the corner of her enclosed paddock. She smiled sweetly at it.

"Now, what you want to be doing is disarming them. I don't mean with Charms. I mean psychologically. Frighten the little sods. When frightened, they don't laugh and the amount of danger you are in decreases immensely."

The Erkling threw desperate glances towards the others of its kind who gathered together on the other side of the paddock and watched with the same rapt expression as the class on the other side of the fence.

"See? He's too frightened to even run from me. Also of notice," said Maynard, "is the fact that they are solitary mammals. These little guys don't run in a pack. It's a dog eat dog world out there and it's every Erkling for himself. If you pick an Erkling and you trap him, you're not going to come under threat from any others that might be lurking around."

Peter smiled. "So they won't attack?"

Maynard winced. "Ah, now I didn't say that. Watch."

She turned her back on the Erkling and whistled to herself as it crept up behind her, its wide eyes crazy with glee, stalking her slowly and carefully.

"Will it try to eat you?" asked Peter.

Maynard thought about this for a moment. "I shouldn't say so," she eventually answered. "Two reasons. Firstly, I am not its preferred meat. Secondly, after what I have just done, it will probably want to hurt me - not eat me. Their minds are very like those of a human being. They can be very vindictive and they take absolutely _everything_ personally."

James raised his eyebrows. "So he can understand you?"

Maynard shook her head. "They have their own language. That's why it's impossible to reason with an Erkling. You can learn the language and I know a man in the German Ministry who is regularly in contact with them. That's why the Germans find them so easy to control. They can converse and enforce their laws." She turned to Snape who brushed his greasy hair out of his eyes. "How close is he?"

Snape glowered at her. "A few feet away."

Maynard nodded. "Excellent. Any other questions?"

"What can he actually do to you?" asked Sirius, wondering how a three feet high imp could incapacitate the tall and lithe Professor Maynard.

"You won't see him do it," Maynard assured them. "He'll take a leap at me and laugh very loudly. If he can reach my shoulders, he'll try to laugh in my ear. It is captivating at a certain pitch and up close, it can result in a dead faint. He'd make an attempt to injure me or cause me pain. _Then_ he would eat me."

Peter's face spoke for him. His lips had curled back and he turned his head.

"He's getting close. Just so you know," said James.

Maynard nodded. "Thanks. I can hear him now." She swung round, wand at the ready and murmured a hurried, "Stupefy." She smiled serenely, pleased with her victory. "Very useful little spell, that. One of the only things that will work on an Erkling. You can only incapacitate it. Now then, get into pairs and pick an Erkling."

Peter's jaw dropped. "Is she mad?" he whispered. "It's marrying Maynard. That's what did it. She's gone as bonkers as he is."

Sirius shook his head. "From what I remember of Maynard, _no-one_ is as bonkers as he is." He met Maynard's wife's eyes. "Oi, Cathy! Is this actually safe?"

Catherine Maynard grinned at him. "Charming as ever. Yes, Mr. Black, it is perfectly safe. You're not going to be letting them creep up on you. You're going to study their habits. Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm off to pick up the final aspect of my lesson plan. Do _not_ go in there with them. Just pair up and get your parchment out."

James and Sirius, finally allowed to work together, seized the opportunity and took a step closer to one another in silent agreement.

"Shall we have the stunned one?" said Peter, taking a step towards Lupin.

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Come on, Wormtail. Live a little." He beamed. "I can't believe she's back. How amazing is this?"

James raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat. "What happened to solidarity?"

"That was before it was Dearheart…Maynard…whatever her name is. I thought it was going to be someone who didn't have a clue what they were talking about."

Peter clicked his tongue. "You thought Dumbledore would hire someone who didn't have a clue what they were talking about?"

Sirius smiled grimly. "In fairness, Pete, it wouldn't be the first time."

"Won't be the last either," said James. "Bet you Remus ends up teaching Potions."

Lupin frowned. "Shut up."

"If you're going to be teaching Potions, Remus," said Sirius, "my children will be educated at home."

"By _you_, you mean?" said Lupin. "Oh, in that case, they'll be _much_ better off."

Dearheart returned with a small girl in tow. Her long dark hair inherited from her mother, hung in her father's eyes. A small nose, flushed pink cheeks and a delicate chin hid the fact that she was also the daughter of Helios Maynard, their first 'bonkers' Defence Professor.

"Is that her daughter?" asked Peter, captivated by the little girl's eyes, the colour of shiny new knuts.

"And to think we said she was going to be the ugliest thing we'd ever seen," said James, grinning. "She's actually quite sweet."

"Aww, is Prongs getting broody? Is he hankering for a fawn?"

"Shut up, Sirius."

Maynard knelt down to her daughter and said, "Now stick close to me. Do _not_ leave my side, do you understand?" The little girl nodded. "Good. Everyone, this is Thalia."

Thalia blushed magenta and hid behind her mother's leg, still clutching her hand.

The Erklings began to separate and emit high pitched cackles.

"Listen," said Maynard. "That's the sound they make. That's their call, if you will. Now watch."

Very slowly the Erklings began to creep forward toward Thalia who remained unafraid, laughing quietly. Her interest peaked, Thalia began to let go of her mother's hand.

"Lia!"

The little girl entwined their fingers and frowned, clearly upset that her mother had stepped in.

"See them back off? That's because they remember me. They're very quick and have excellent memories. They also, like humans, learn from the mistakes of others. Unlike humans, they must _see_ the mistake." She led her daughter out of the paddock and closed the gate tightly behind her. "Now, since I'll be your teacher for the next six months, I _will_ be setting you homework." At groans from her class, Maynard only smiled. "Come on. You all know me by now. I only want a write-up of these notes on my desk by Friday morning. Next lesson will be in your classroom. I'll see you there Friday. You're dismissed."

She led her daughter toward the castle as her class began to whisper excitedly.

"It's really nice to see her again, isn't it?"

"Remus," said James in a solemn tone, "it's time to get over her. She's married now."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "I think she's a fantastic teacher, that's all. Besides, she's a really nice woman and I bet you've missed her too."

"Not as much as Padfoot has," said Peter, nudging Sirius .

Sirius smiled sarcastically. "Can I borrow your notes, Remus?"

"No."

Sirius' jaw dropped in outrage. "What do you mean 'No'?"

"I mean that you'll have to ask someone else," replied Lupin. "You're not copying mine again. Either take your own or borrow someone else's. Everyone's starting to get suspicious."

"James?"

James shrugged. "Didn't take any, mate."

"Well, neither did I. How are you going to do yours?"

James winced. "I was going to borrow yours after you'd copied Moony's." He turned to Lupin. "Ah, come on, Moony. We're your friends."

Lupin shook his head. "She used to go bananas on you when you'd copy my Defence. Four years on, she'll be furious that you're still doing it. Why don't you ask, Pete?"

"Because they'll be full of shit."

Peter frowned. "No they won't."

Sirius cast him a pitying glance. "Peter, stop living in denial." He sighed irritably. "Right, well there's only one thing for it. I'm going to have to see her."

Lupin blinked. "Are you serious? You haven't got the nerve, surely."

"I bet babies have mellowed her out, Moony. She'll be fine."

Lupin raised his eyebrows and made a slightly nasal sound expressing deep dubiousness. "Your funeral."

* * *

The writing had changed on the bronze plaque outside the door. _Professor C.C. Maynard. Care of Magical Creatures. 1B._ Sirius took a deep breath and knocked.

"Come in!"

Professor Kettleburn's dark classroom with a staircase running from the back of it into his office and quarters, had been transformed into a homely little room. The many things that had littered Dearheart's classroom on the first floor were now scattered around this room; books, skulls and many, many tanks and cages.

"Professor Maynard?"

Two voices called, "Yes?" back to him and Sirius took a step back.

"Sorry. I'm not used to people using it on you."

"It's been five years since they said it to you," said Catherine Maynard, reaching up to kiss her husband on the cheek. "Yes, Mr. Black?"

Helios Maynard grinned at him. "Still raising hell?"

"When I can, Sir."

"You don't need to call me that anymore. I mustn't infringe on your time. Nice to see you anyway." He took his daughter by the hand and lightly kissed his wife goodbye before heading up the stairs to take advantage of the Floo network.

Catherine Maynard blushed as she met Sirius' twinkling eyes. "Sorry. He won't see me for a while."

Sirius grinned. "None of my business. I saw nothing."

"Thank you. Now," she said, clearing space on a desk, "how can I help?"

Sirius shifted his weight. "Right. Well, it's about my notes."

Maynard sat down and patted the seat next to her. "Get them out then. Let's have a look."

Sirius only looked at her. "_Here_? _Now_?"

"Sirius."

"Sorry." He took the offered seat and wondered how to phrase the harsh truth. "They're er…they're a bit shy, to be honest."

Maynard sighed. "They don't exist, do they?"

"Um…no. No, they don't."

"Then you don't have to do the homework by Friday."

Sirius beamed. A baby hadn't mellowed her. It had cracked her. "Really?"

Maynard nodded. "You can do it Friday evening in detention. Goodnight, Sirius."

As he closed her temporary classroom door behind him, Sirius thought that he really ought to have known better.


	72. In which Peter contemplates

**A/N: Obviously, some of you are wondering where I've been. Nowhere is the answer. I suppose if you want to be philosophical, we could call 'nowhere' the Ninth Circle of Hell. That works.**

**This chapter is the er…well, the way it is because the last time I wrote a chapter I was probably the happiest I have ever been in my life and I left this story as a sort of memento. This was something I could control. The last time I ate, or the last time I breathed, or the last time I drove to ASDA obviously weren't going to work. So I chose 'The last time I updated "Where Dwell…Outtakes" I was the happiest I have ever been'. **

**It's weird to think that I haven't updated this story for three months, nearly four. In fact, since I last updated I have written 48,000 words so far for NaNoWriMo, I have made a whole bunch of new friends, I have been a single girl for the first time in ages, I have started university, I have made plans for the rest of my life, and I have met people who have helped me make some big steps to achieving those goals. **

**For those of you who have been waiting for this chapter, I am sorry.**

**Before this Author's Note finally ends, I just want to say something to everyone who has known an Anna Lovett and everyone who has been that Anna's Remus. There are going to be some nights when you hope you don't wake up in the morning, but it gets better. Trust me. It gets better.**

**Thanks for sticking with me. I'm dedicating this to everyone who asked me for updates over the past nearly four months because you've restored my faith in myself and very often made my day. I hope this short chapter meets expectations.**

_July 16__th__ 1978. Hogsmeade Station. 10:00._

"This is it then," said Peter quietly.

James' eyes traveled slowly along the scarlet exterior of the carriage. "Yeah."

Lupin, tired of rolling up the sleeves of Sirius' leather jacket so that his hands didn't disappear, sighed irritably and fixed them in place. "Don't say it like that," he said, smiling sadly. "It's not like you'll never come back here. You can visit Hogsmeade any time you like."

Peter merely looked at him. "Sarcasm isn't helping you, is it, Remus?"

Lupin shrugged. "Well, it was worth a shot. It's never failed me before."

Sirius cracked his knuckles, listened for James' wince, and grinned. "It's a whole new world out there, Wormy."

James frowned slightly. "You won't miss it?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well, of course I'll _miss_ Hogwarts, but come on, what's changed?"

Peter slumped. His small shoulders hunched up to his chin. "Everything. No more pranks in the corridors, no more sneaking down to the Kitchens, no more map, no more Saturdays watching Quidditch, no more Gryffindor pride, no more pranking the Slytherins, no more stocking up in Zonko's, no more nights in the Shack, no more drinking under-age in The Hog's Head, no more summer afternoons by the lake, no more-"

Sirius began counting on his fingers. "No more Mrs. Norris, no more McGonagall, no more Snivellus, no more lines, no more detentions, no more getting caught, no more Filch, no more _being_ pranked by the Slytherins, no more exams, no more homework. Oh yeah, Pete, it's going to be hell." With a disparaging glance toward his friends, he boarded the train for the last time.

Finding an empty compartment, Peter closed the door behind him and collapsed into a seat, uninterested in the game of Exploding Snap that James and Sirius were setting up.

Lupin sat opposite and curled his long legs up underneath him. He pulled out a bar of chocolate and a book and was lost to the world.

Peter peered out of the window, watching all the first years scrambling aboard, excited for the six week summer holiday waiting for them, safe in the knowledge that their lives weren't changing at all. They'd be back in September, safe from Voldemort and any life changing decisions.

"Five galleons."

"You're on!"

Peter was jolted back to the game he was supposed to be participating in. Sirius and James were staring at him, obviously waiting for him to speak.

"Hmm?"

"Five galleons. We're all putting in five galleons and whoever wins collects the booty. You up for that?"

Peter nodded. "Sorry. I was miles away. Yeah, definitely. Sure."

Sirius turned to the book that obscured Lupin's face.

"Remus?"

Lupin laughed bitterly. "Five galleons? You jest, surely."

Sirius emitted a noise that appeared to be half sigh and half growl. "Get over yourself. So you're a werewolf." Lupin threw him a glare that Sirius knew all too well meant trouble was coming for him in the very near future. "So what? Shut up and move on. You've been on about it for the last six years. Change the bloody record, Remus. Jesus Christ."

Lupin managed a wry smile. "I'm saving. I'm going to need it."

"So put a galleon in and we'll call it quits. If you win, you get sixteen galleons for your food fund. That'll, pardon the pun, keep the wolf from the door for an extra three days. Then, of course, we'll all just let you starve to death in the cold without a roof over your head because that's what friends are for." Sirius raised his eyebrows. "I defy anyone not to see that as an attractive proposition."

Lupin laughed and put down his book. "All right then. You've twisted my arm, you smooth talking bastard."

Sirius grinned. "Good stuff."

"What'll you miss most, do you think?" asked Peter as James dealt out the cards.

Sirius groaned. "Not this again."

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "If you're telling me you're not going to miss Hogwarts, you're in denial."

"I am _not_ in denial. I am never in denial."

Lupin's eyebrow disappeared further into his fringe. "You're in denial _now_."

"No I'm not."

"_Yes_, you _are_."

James turned to Peter. "Well, I'm not going to miss _this_." He blew the air out of his cheeks. His glasses slid down his nose. "I think it might be the sneaking around at night, you know. I think I'll miss the sense of danger."

Lupin, temporarily forgetting his argument with Sirius, turned his sarcasm on James. "Yes, of course. I mean, we're only going out into a world that's being slowly taken over by the darkest wizard who ever lived. What's that compared to Mrs. Norris?"

James smiled sarcastically. "That's what I love about you, Remus. When it comes to the three of us, you wouldn't know tact if it danced a naked tango with you."

Lupin smiled sweetly at him. "I know tact. It's just wasted on you."

Sirius laughed. "Everything's wasted on Prongs. Except Lily Evans wearing only a smile."

James threw the last card in the pack at him. "Wanker."

Sirius smirked. "Funny. Given the context of this conversation, I'd say that was you."

"Oh contraire," said James, smiling smugly at him. "I'm shagging her now."

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "And you tell me _I_ don't know tact."

James turned back to Peter. "There you go, Wormy. There's your proof. Nothing's changed. I'm still obsessed with Evans, Sirius is still the King of the innuendos, Remus is still a sarcastic son of a bitch, and you're still caught in the middle."

Peter laughed weakly. "I suppose you're right."

"I _know_ I'm right. I'm _always _right," replied James. "One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken." He grinned. "Look, at the end of the day, when we get off this train, we won't be getting on it again. What's the big deal? We're still the same people. Wherever we go and whatever we become, we'll always be Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. We're still going to be pissing about for a long time yet. I'm not going to get off the train and immediately forget who you are. We're still going to see each other. We're still going to meet up every full moon and change. We always will. If that's the only thing that links us in the end, we're still linked together. We're still best friends. So we're not going to be chased down hallways by an old man and his tabby cat. So what? I'd call that a significant improvement."

Peter beamed. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right."

"So stop worrying and get your Exploding Snap head on or you're going to lose out on sixteen galleons."

"Prongs?"

James sighed impatiently. "Yes, Wormtail?"

Peter only smiled at him. "Thanks."


	73. In which James has a vision

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: I hope it's not too early to be writing Christmas chapters. Screw it. It's the 10****th****. I'm just going to.**

_December 22__nd__ 1976. Gryffindor Boys' Dormitory. 08:15._

"_On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  
__12 nymphos mating,  
__11 virgins waiting,  
__10 lords-a-spanking,  
__9 schoolboys cranking,  
__8 nun's assenting,  
__7 monks repenting,  
__6 queers consenting,  
__5 Dutch caps,  
__4 birthing pills,  
__3 condoms,  
__2 I.U.D.s  
__And a call girl a-calling on me._"

Lupin pushed back the curtains round his bed and peered out from beneath his blankets. He groaned.

"How long did that take you?" he croaked.

"About six months."

Lupin's eyes quickly adjusted to the early morning December sunlight streaming through the window. He stretched and sat up with a yawn. "And, tell me, how did you manage to do so well in your exams?"

Sirius grinned. "Magic." He pushed Lupin's curtains back behind their ties at each bedpost. "Now come on. We're going to get an early breakfast and bring it back up here to eat. We've got a little Christmas surprise for you and we can't really tell you in the Great Hall."

Lupin, intrigued and just a little panicked, frowned. "Do you have to tell me over breakfast?"

Sirius nodded. "Get a move on. We're going in five minutes."

Lupin gawped. "I haven't got time to shower in five minutes."

Sirius sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Remus, how many times must we go over this? You are a teenaged boy. You don't shower every morning before you dress. You don't brush your teeth before breakfast. You definitely don't put your socks in the laundry basket and the lid back on your toothpaste. Please, for this _one _day, try to be a normal bloke. Get up, put on yesterday's boxers, and get some bacon down you."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "All right, but I draw the line at wearing yesterday's underwear. Something has to separate us from the beasts, Sirius."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Clean or not, I think that might be underwear, Remus."

* * *

"So, here's the thing," said James, scooping up a forkful of scrambled eggs, "we're going to do it. We think it's a great idea and we're going to try it."

Sirius winced. "Look, if you want to have a breakfast meeting up here, fine. Just don't make me sit opposite you while you talk with your mouth full of mashed eggs, all right?"

James narrowed his eyes, an effect spoiled somewhat by the thick lenses obscuring them. "Now, we knew you'd be a wet blanket about this, Moony, but this was your idea and like all your best ideas, it came to you when you were drunk."

Lupin hummed dubiously. "Like the one about the well, you mean?"

"Exactly," said Sirius. "I mean, it bought Prongs an hour of detention with Lily-flower, didn't it?"

James nodded. "Best idea yet, Moony."

Lupin stared at him. "No. No. Just no. Whatever I said, don't do it. You misinterpret everything and twist my words."

"I believe '_Nothing says I love you like a freshly dug well_' was a direct quote, Sirius, wouldn't you agree?"

Sirius nodded.

Lupin sighed irritably. "What is it anyway?"

Sirius reached behind him and pulled out several rolls of parchment tied together with a scarlet ribbon. He frowned. "Peter did that."

Peter clicked his tongue. "You were going to use string. It looked naff."

Sirius turned to face him. "Do you know what I wonder, Peter?"

Peter shook his head.

"I wonder why it took us so long to work out you were a Beater for the other team."

Peter scoffed. "You _didn't_ work it out. Remus told you."

Lupin's jaw dropped. "_I _didn't tell them! _You_ told them!"

James rolled his eyes. "Gentlemen, please. It doesn't matter who walked in on Peter giving blowjobs-"

Peter raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean blowjobs?"

James merely looked at him. "I mean sticking another man's cock in your mouth and acting like it's a Sugar Quill."

Peter stared in silence for a full minute. "I was referring to your use of the plural."

"Oh."

Sirius cleared his throat. "So anyway…" He handed the roll of parchment to Lupin. "Take a look at those."

On the yellowed parchment, someone - judging by the neat and straight edges, Sirius - had sketched finely outlines of buildings, exits to Hogsmeade, shortcuts to rooms, and the outline of the forest.

"I know you're the artist, but it's mostly done now and I don't think my drawings are that bad. We just need to find the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff common rooms and we're there, I think."

Lupin laughed breathily. "This is incredible."

"You're taking it better than we thought," said James. "I was sure you were going to be mad."

"Mad?" said Lupin, captivated. "I'm furious. How could you do this without letting me in on it?"

James grinned. "Oh, but we are. Besides, it was your idea and you were the one who sat down and plotted a lot of this when you were pissed. We just neatened some of it up a bit and went exploring for the rest."

It was now an almost complete map of their school grounds.

"What we want _you _to do, Moony, is make this come alive."

Lupin frowned. "I beg your pardon?"

James grinned at Sirius. "Well, Paddy and me…we've…well, we've had a few ideas and we thought they were impossible, but it turns out they're not. They just happen to require a few tricky charms…" James trailed off and smiled invitingly at Lupin.

Sirius batted his long eyelashes as his shoulders shook with silent laughter.

"Come on, Remus," said Peter, his ice blue eyes twinkling with excitement. "You know you want to."

Lupin sighed. "What do you want me to do?"

"We thought about trying to get it to think."

Lupin blew the air out of his cheeks and shook his head slowly. "What do you think I am, some sort of machine? There's no way I can do that."

James grabbed his arm as though pinning him down. "No, no, no. Hear me out. It's got to know who's in the castle at what time and where. You're not giving it a brain. You're putting a little of us into it."

Lupin's eyes glazed over and he titled his head slightly to the right.

"Are you all right? You're not having a fit, are you?"

Lupin shushed him. "I know a spell that will do it. I'm just trying to remember where I saw it."

Sirius shifted awkwardly. "Remus, you're freaking me out."

Lupin ignored him and stared into space for a few moments, his lips moving at lightening speed without making a sound.

"Right. Got it. What else?"

James laughed incredulously. "I don't believe it. You can really do it?"

Lupin shrugged. "I'm not saying it won't be difficult, but I'll give it my best shot."

"We want it to recognise them moving. We need to see their feet going in the direction they're moving in and they'll need a name tag."

Lupin nodded. "I can write those in for the moment. As time goes on, the names will change but I think the ink and the writing will remain the same so maybe Sirius should do it. His writing is the best."

Sirius shook his head. "It's illegible. It's all loops and italics. You can't read it at all."

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "I read it perfectly. It looks really nice too. Do it, Pad. Come on. Please?"

Sirius grinned, but shook his head. "I already told you. No. Besides, I drew most of it. Prongs did the rest and Peter wrote the inscription on the front. He made us sound awfully grand. You should leave your mark on it, same as the rest of us."

Lupin nodded. "All right then. Right, well I'd better get to it." He got to his feet and threw on a thick jumper.

"Where are you going?" asked James. "You haven't finished your breakfast."

"Professor Flitwick's office," replied Lupin. "Where else?"

"What?" James leaped to his feet. "You cannot possibly be telling me that you're about to tell a _teacher _about this?"

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Please. A little credit." He was halfway out of the door before he added, "I'm just going to ask him about substitutiary locomotion."

The door closed behind him and James stole a sausage from his abandoned plate. He turned to Sirius.

"What the fuck is that?"

Sirius shrugged. "It's a Remus thing. Leave it alone and back away."


	74. In which Sirius is let off the hook

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Guess who stayed up all night last night and finished all her uni work for the next month like a boss. **

**Warning: This chapter moves around a lot. It shouldn't give you whiplash, but if it does, please notify me.**

**Just come from a gig at a Christmas party and while I'm still up on adrenaline I totally had to write this because Mrs. B was there! Well, she wasn't because she's a fictional character, but there was a right evil bitch there who didn't tip and spent the whole evening looking down her nose at me. **

**This one's for you, dear.**

_December 20__th__ 1971. 19:00. Grimmauld Place._

Sirius hovered outside his mother's bedroom door, his right hand balled into a fist and poised to knock the door. She had left it open just a little and through the slit of light, he saw her long swanlike neck tilt upwards as her silver eyes met his in her mirror.

"What have I told you about lurking in doorways?"

Sirius gasped. His blood ran cold.

"Are you coming in?"

Her tone was frosty, but she managed a false smile for him.

Sirius closed the door behind him, leaning against it, his hand snaking behind him and gripping the brass knob as though prepared to flee.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea."

"Nonsense," his mother snapped, her eyes blazing like molten steel. "I'm _trying_ to accommodate you, boy."

Sirius flinched. "I know. I…Thank you."

Mrs. Black raised her eyebrows and though her lips were pursed tightly, she nodded and Sirius breathed a low sigh of relief.

"The Potters don't seem to be all bad. Never heard of the name Pettigrew."

Sirius laughed nervously. "Well, I wanted to-"

"I've heard of Lupin. I cannot for the life of me remember where. I think it might have been in the paper once." She frowned slightly, a tiny crease appearing in her the flawless alabaster skin of her forehead. "What does he do?"

Sirius sucked in a breath. "Mr. Lupin works for the Ministry."

Mrs. Black nodded sharply. "Department?"

Sirius frowned. "Um…I'm not sure."

"What does he do? Is he important?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know."

Mrs. Black sighed irritably. "You didn't think to ask?"

Sirius wrinkled his nose. "Not really, no."

His mother raised her eyebrows pointedly. "And his mother?"

Music teacher, Sirius thought, was probably not the answer his mother wanted to hear, so he shrugged.

"You're exasperating. What about Pettigrew? What does he do?"

Sirius shook his head. "Peter lives with his mother."

Her tone was icy cold. "I see. Go and get dressed."

He was tempted as he left the room, to tell his mother that Mrs. Pettigrew was the Minister of Magic, but he knew better than to attempt to joke around with her.

Regulus was waiting, already bedecked in black dress robes and heirlooms of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.

"You look like Clive of India," said Sirius, eyeing up his own with distaste. "No. _We_ look like Clive of India."

Regulus yanked at the collar of his robes and muttered, "Ten years old and she doesn't even think I can dress myself."

Sirius hurriedly changed, hissing expletives.

"You know what, Reg? No-one else is going to be dressed like this. It's only going to be our lot and all of her psychotic friends. None of my friends are going to be made to wear this shit." He frowned. "Actually, possibly James. Merlin, I hope he is because I'm not sure I'll be able to look him in the eyes ever again if I'm the only one looking like this."

Regulus beamed. "Am I going to meet them then?"

Sirius threw him the look of disdain that only elder brothers can ever truly master. "Er…_no_!"

Regulus seethed quietly. "Why are they even here? It's a _family _Christmas party."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "My mother wants to interrogate their parents. She'll still hate me for not being a Slytherin, but I think she wants some assurance that I'm not going to be a social pariah in our world." He laughed. "I can't wait until she finds out Mrs. Lupin is a Muggle. She'll have a fit."

Regulus' jaw dropped. "Really? A _real_ Muggle!"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "No, Reg. The deal with Mrs. Lupin is that she's actually just fashioned out of clay and made from Mr. Lupin's rib."

Regulus perched himself on the end of his brother's bed. "So is he a Muggle as well?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and adjusted his bow-tie. "I look like a knob," he announced. "And of course he isn't, Dipshit, or I wouldn't have singled her out."

"Is he a pureblood?"

Sirius stared at him. "I don't _know_. I don't give a fuck whether he's a pureblood, a half-blood, or a sodding Centaur."

Regulus shuddered. "I hope he's not. Centaurs freak me out."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Really, Reg? _Really_?"

"Yeah, really. They're horrible."

Sirius got to his feet. "I despair of you. Come on. That's the door. We'd better get to the drawing room."

* * *

Christmastime at Grimmauld Place bore very little difference to the rest of the year. A tall tree stood in the corner of the drawing room, bedecked with white candles. Gifts had been organised into structured piles beneath its branches, but the scene lacked homeliness.

"Jamie," Sirius hissed in his best friend's ear, giving James a start. "Sorry. Come here." He led the way to a secluded corner of the room, out of Kreacher's sight. Regulus followed, hovering behind his elder brother until Sirius took hold of his arm and dragged him along. "Reggie, Jamie. Jamie, Reggie." He leant against the wall and watched his mother intently as she conversed with a tight-lipped Dorea Potter.

"Of course, I was deeply concerned by his not being placed in Slytherin. He's the first one in generations. The shame is unbearable. Was…er…was Mr. Potter in Slytherin with us, Dorea?"

Sirius smirked. He took a great deal of pleasure in watching his mother squirm in social situations as she tried to appear charming and polite.

"Ah, you'll excuse me, Dorea, I believe this is another of my son's friends."

Peter hovered behind his mother, clearly terrified by the House Elf heads adorning the walls. He edged closer toward the door and eventually caught sight of Sirius and James waving to him. He trotted toward them and introduced himself to Regulus.

"You looked a bit frightened, Peter," said Sirius, a self-satisfied smirk dancing around his lips.

Peter shifted his weight. "Well, I mean…it's a nice house."

"But?"

"But it's your mother's house."

Sirius laughed. "I like that." He turned to watch Mrs. Pettigrew falter under the interrogatory stare of his mother. "Your mother needs to grow a spine, Peter."

"I don't work, no," said Mrs. Pettigrew, running a hand through her long blonde hair and catching her nails in the spiral perm.

Mrs. Black nodded. "And your husband?"

Tanwen Pettigrew stammered. "He's not around anymore."

"I'm frightfully sorry," said Mrs. Black, her smirk saying otherwise. "Was it untimely?"

Mrs. Pettigrew blushed a furious shade of magenta. "He's not dead. He's living with my sister."

Mrs. Black raised her eyebrows. "Oh."

Peter glared in their direction. "She's a bit intrusive, your mum, isn't she?"

Sirius nodded. "Oh yeah. Of course. Why do you think she invited all your parents?"

James frowned. "Is Remus coming?"

Sirius shrugged. "He said his dad was thinking about it. I doubt he will. From what Remus has said about him, he doesn't seem the type to show up and stand for this shit."

"I'm just saying-"

The voice drifted from outside in the corridor.

"Well don't, John!"

Sirius grinned. "They're here."

Lupin locked eyes with his friends from across the room and shook his head slowly.

"Dad, can I-?"

Mr. Lupin followed the nod of his son's head. "Go on. Just watch out for that Elf. He's scaring the living shit out of me."

Kreacher's head shot up.

Mrs. Black frowned slightly. "And you must be the Lupins." She held out a perfectly manicured hand and reached for Mrs. Lupin's. "Walburga Black."

Mrs. Lupin tucked a strand of waist length raven hair behind one ear and looked up through long dark eyelashes, managing a warm smile. "Emma Lupin."

Sirius whistled low as Lupin approached. "Your mum is gorgeous! Why didn't you tell us?"

Lupin wrinkled his nose. "She's not gorgeous. She's my _mother_."

Mrs. Black turned her false beaming smile in Mr. Lupin's direction. "My son tells me you work for the Ministry?"

Mr. Lupin nodded. "Yeah. I'm Head of the Werewolf Registration."

Mrs. Black pursed her lips and moved on to his wife. "And you?"

Mrs. Lupin smiled. "Well, I'm Head of Music in our local comprehensive school. I privately teach piano and I'm also a speech therapist. I use music to enhance lexis and phonology in children."

Mrs. Black was horrified. "You…teach?" She seemed to be struggling with the idea. Her silver eyes twinkled with an unidentifiable emotion. "You teach Muggles, do you?"

Mrs. Lupin nodded. "Well, yes. I try to use my talent to enable people, especially children, to adapt to society. It's often very tricky to explain to people."

"What school did you go to?" Mrs. Black's shrewd eyes ran a hurried once-over of the flustered Mrs. Lupin who had began to wring her small and delicate hands.

She was beautiful, granted, but she was awkward. _Too_ awkward.

"Um…I…"

Mr. Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Can I ask why you find it necessary to impose yourself on my wife?"

Mrs. Black stepped back, her drink splashing dangerously close to the rim of her glass. Her eyes widened. "I am merely curious."

John Lupin returned her smarmy smile. "Perhaps you might be so good as to turn your curiosity elsewhere."

It was not going to be a pleasant gathering.

"She looks in the bloom of health to me," said Peter, searching for signs of Mrs. Lupin's mysterious illness.

Lupin, who had inherited the majority of his mannerisms from his mother, began to wring his hands and stammer.

"Well, it's…it's…she's not…it comes and goes." He smiled, evidently very pleased with himself.

James and Sirius locked eyes.

She approached them slowly, eyeing Sirius with great caution, evidently believing she would be persecuted wherever she went.

"Remus, darling?"

Lupin turned in time to catch sight of his father striding toward him with a self-satisfied smile on his face.

"John, don't say-"

"I don't think we're really welcome," said Mr. Lupin. "I'm not sure I want to be. Come on. We're going home."

Lupin blushed. "Dad, this is Sirius."

Mr. Lupin nodded at him, his expression stern. "Charmed, I'm sure."

"And it's really hypocritical to hate being judged and then judge him yourself."

John Lupin rolled his eyes, but he nodded. "All right. I'm sorry."

Sirius swallowed hard, unsure whether he was angry or upset. He didn't belong anywhere, evidently. His greatest fear was to be judged on his mother's actions. He had prayed to every God he knew of that his friends wouldn't come and _this _was the very reason why. Mrs. Potter, being a Black herself, would understand. Mrs. Pettigrew wasn't really a concern of his. The Lupins, judging by the letters Mr. Lupin sent to his son, were just the sort of people Sirius was terrified of.

They were normal. They had never known a life like this.

"I don't know why you're apologising to me," he said, braver than he felt. "I can't stand the evil bitch."

John Lupin swung round and stared at the boy. He was almost the spitting image of his mother. His chiseled cheekbones sat in the same place. His striking silver eyes, though lacking the shine of his mother's, were unmistakable. His brilliant white skin was the exact same shade. His chin was evidently inherited from his father. It was the only facial feature Orion Black had passed on.

"It's more than mutual. She hates me because I wouldn't let the Sorting Hat put me in Slytherin."

He was born with aristocratic features, but he didn't hold himself in the same way. His shoulders slumped, he rested his weight on his left leg, and he couldn't meet Mr. Lupin's eyes.

He was terrified.

"You're not the only one." Mr. Lupin managed a faint smile. "I think I'd rather be a blood traitor than an inbred, myself. You want to get out of here, son, or in twenty years time, the children will have five arms."

Sirius grinned back at him.

"Oh and Sirius?"

Sirius finally met his eyes.

"Don't let the bastards get you down." He winked and turned back to his wife and son.

James smiled at his best friend. "There. See? Not half as bad as you thought it was going to be, was it?"

"No."

"Was he the reason you were so paranoid about tonight?"

Sirius nodded. "Wouldn't you be?"

"He's very opinionated," James conceded.

"_Remus_ is opinionated," Sirius replied. "_Remus _is able to keep those opinions to himself."

James shrugged. "But his father gets things done faster."

"And offends about seventy-three per cent of the room in the process."

"Well, _you_ do that, Sirius. Maybe you two could form a society."


	75. In which Peter wreaks havoc

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Those of you who read my writings regularly will know of the huge break I took toward the end of this year. I am promising you a little something that a number of you have been asking for, for a very long time, as compensation. In 2012, my annual New Year's Day oneshot is not going to **_**be **_**a oneshot. It's going to be AU, but for once it's not going to be Requiem fic-verse. It'll be a fic-verse all of its own. Its name is "Dimension Jump".**

**Yes, guys. You're going to see 'Electrius' as a married couple and you'll even meet their children.**

**To the few of you who are excited, I hope this lives up to your expectations.**

**A/N: I genuinely did not feel like a Peter chapter and after all, this is one of the reasons this story is 'the Outtakes'. I get to show this stuff now.**

_June 2__nd__ 1976. The Lake. 13:30._

When she should have been studying, she was worrying. It was a bright summer's afternoon but a storm cloud hung over her head. Her friends sat at the lake's edge, sunning themselves and laughing together as Electra read aloud the agony aunt pages of _Witch Weekly_. Agatha Chambers paced, ran a hand through her mousy brown hair, and sighed deeply.

"Peter again?" asked Electra, not looking up from her copy of _Witch Weekly_. "Look, Aggie, here's one for you. _Dear Morganna, my boyfriend no longer loves me. I tell him I love him every day. He does not respond to my attempts to make love with him. I have bought several self-help books and a hypnosis script. None of these have worked on him. I don't believe he even tried them. I am trying to brew a love potion so I can keep him in a constant state of obsessive love. Can you recommend a recipe?_" She laughed gaily. Agatha did not.

Agatha threw herself onto the grass with more force than was strictly necessary and winced. She emitted a series of disgruntled noises and shifted her weight awkwardly. "Girls, are there bones in your bottom? Is it possible to actually break one?"

Electra rolled onto her washboard stomach, the sunlight catching on her hair and turning its ebony hue into one of midnight blue. She idly flicked through her magazine. "Well, what do you expect? You weigh too much to go throwing your body around when you're pissed off."

Scarlett gasped and raised her sunglasses above her eyes. "Electra!"

"I'm not as fat as-" Agatha bit her tongue and stared across the lake where Peter and his friends were catcalling in Snape's direction. The mousy haired one got up and walked away. They didn't seem to notice.

"Go on," said Anna. "Say it. I couldn't give a rat's arse. You're not as fat as _me_."

Agatha turned to face her. Anna Lovett was lying on her back, her chocolate brown curls splayed out a whole foot behind her. Her shirt stretched over her chest, the button straining every time she took a breath. Her eyes were closed, shadows danced across her cheeks as her eyelashes fluttered. A smile played on her crimson painted lips.

"I'd love to have your body."

Electra laughed. "No you wouldn't."

Anna sat up, her amusement plain to see in her twinkling eyes. "Lex, you're not too big to throw in the lake."

Electra raised her eyebrow. "Not too big? I'm too big for _you_ to throw in the lake by about ten inches, you bloody dwarf."

Anna laughed and returned to her former position on the bank. "I wish I could tan properly. I just burn and go brown about three weeks later."

Electra turned the page. "At least you tan at all. Don't talk to me about wishing you could tan. I look fucking anemic."

Agatha sighed sadly. "I'm serious. I'd do anything for your boobs, Ann."

Electra abandoned her magazine in favour of discussing which parts of her body she would swap with the other girls. "Me too. At least you _have_ breasts, Annie. I look like a ten year old."

Anna laughed. "An anemic ten year old."

Electra grinned back. "Touché. I like my legs though. Maybe I'd like to have Scarlett's."

"Don't be stupid. They don't close properly anymore."

"Fuck off, Lovett."

The other three girls giggled until a shadow loomed over them, accompanied by a deliberate clearing of someone's throat.

Anna looked up. "Oh. It's you."

Severus Snape glared down at her. "Electra, could I have a word?"

Electra stretched, her back in a catlike arch, and sprang to her feet. She stood opposite him, her hands on her slim hips. "What can I do for you?"

"Black says you can't do your Prefect duties tonight. You hadn't asked me to swap."

Electra frowned. "Do you _want_ to swap? I could do Friday if you really want to do tonight."

Snape glowered at her. "I have plans. My life does not revolve around Black's courtship."

Electra raised her eyebrows. "Tell you what, Severus, why don't you inform him that neither does mine. If he wants to take me out, he can ask me. Sorry to have caused any confusion. I was just as in the dark as you were."

Snape scuttled off, smiling smugly as though all his Christmases had come at once.

Anna sighed sadly. "Wish Remus would do that."

Agatha nodded. "Wish _Peter _would do that."

"Do _what_?" snapped Electra, seating herself beside her best friend. "Show up at your common room when you've no make-up on and you're dressed in your pyjamas? By all means, have Sirius Black."

"At least he's spontaneous," said Anna with a soft smile. "Remus wouldn't know spontaneity if it tried to have sex with him."

Agatha frowned. "I think Peter might _like_ it if spontaneity tried to have sex with him."

Electra shrugged. "He probably would if spontaneity had a cock."

Agatha gasped. "I can't believe you just said that."

Electra groaned. "Ugh. Have you not seen him and Harrington eye-fucking each other? Scarlett said she'd never felt such a gooseberry. She's starting to hate Herbology."

"I did _not_!"

Scarlett's cheeks were tinged pink.

"He's not gay!"

Agatha got to her feet and stormed off.

Anna sighed irritably. "Nice one." She waited for her friends to follow Agatha who was now in tears. Electra returned to her magazine.

"Lex, you caused that."

"No I bloody didn't. She shouldn't be so over-sensitive for Heaven's sake."

Anna clambered to her feet, brushing the grass from her knees. "Oh it's always me, isn't it?" She followed Agatha, stalking around the lake, quietly seething.

"Oh, thank goodness."

Lupin jumped. He brushed his hair out of his face and smiled grimly. "What's the matter?"

Anna clutched his arm. "Have you got a couple of minutes?"

Lupin winced. "Not really. Snape's read the riot act to Sirius and now he's gone off in a huff and he's pissed James off so they're not speaking to each other and Peter's in too much of a tizzy to do anything about it so I've got to sort it out. I wasn't even _there_." He rolled his eyes and sighed irritably. "Some days I really could throttle the three of them."

"Are we the only normal people, Remus?"

Lupin's eyes twinkled. "Speak for yourself. When it comes to insanity, I think I'm probably the leader of the pack." He shifted his weight awkwardly. "Look, I'm sorry, but Peter's-"

Anna ignored him. "Yeah, it's Peter I wanted to talk about."

Lupin licked his dry lips. "What's he done?"

"Nothing," said Anna. "That's the thing. Agatha-"

Lupin groaned quietly. "Please, Anna, don't."

Anna's dark eyes met his, peering into them as though trying to read his mind. "Is he shagging that Hufflepuff? Come on, Remus. I know you know. You're his closest friend. You're the friend who _listens_. What have you listened _to_?"

Lupin averted his eyes and stared at his shoes. "Anna, don't do this to me."

Anna shook her head. "I'm not doing anything."

"You're making me choose between one of my best friends and my girlfriend. Please don't do it."

"I have to. Aggie's _my_ friend."

"Anna, you can't win."

Anna's eyes blazed. "What did you say?"

Lupin's eyes did not leave the ground. "I said you can't win. I said I'm choosing Peter."

"So he is."

Lupin took a deep breath. "What does it matter?"

"Agatha loves him!"

Lupin's eyes shot up. His mouth gaped open. "She breaks up with him about four times a day!"

"Because he never shows her any affection. He won't even have sex with her."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Why does everything come down to sex? You can have sex without loving someone you know."

Anna pursed her lips. "Well, you'd know all about not having sex, wouldn't you?"

Lupin sighed. "Anna, it's lunchtime at the lake. I'd say about half of the school was sat here. Can we _not_ talk about my virginity right this minute?"

She made a disparaging nasal sound and pushed past him. "Fine."

Knowing he shouldn't, Lupin called after her: "Yeah fine. Good. Fine."

Anna gave him the finger. "Is that the best you could come up with?"

"You couldn't handle the best he could come up with, Lovett!"

Lupin jumped and turned to the intruder hovering behind him. His eyes blazed with fury. His nostrils flared.

"Sirius, kindly leave well alone."

"I'm only helping you."

"I wouldn't need any fucking help if you'd all just leave me alone."

Lupin stormed off in the direction of the castle, running to his dormitory in the hope of finding solace in peace and quiet.

The room was just as they had left it that morning. James' pyjamas had been discarded in a pile beside his bed, Peter's books littered the area around his cabinet where they had been stacked, and Sirius' trunk, always overflowing with useless crap, had seemingly exploded, leaving his belongings scattered across the floor.

Lupin sucked in a breath and tried to ignore the mess. Stressed and craving order, he stacked Peter's books in alphabetical order of author's last name on the bedside cabinet, neatly sorted through Sirius' hoarded objects, fitting them into the crannies of the trunk. He folded James' pyjamas and left them on his pillow. Finally, retreating to his own bed with _The Art of Potion Making_, a birthday present from James who had (correctly) thought he might need a little extra help to pass the practical exam.

Only then did he notice Peter's curtains drawn. He narrowed his eyes and crept toward it, wondering why Peter would choose to hide behind it.

The door burst open mid-creep and Lupin's eyes widened as he tried to think of a plausible lie as to why he was tip-toeing toward Peter's bed.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "The fuck are you doing?"

James tried to keep a straight face. "Moony, I do not pretend to understand you one iota, but this is by far the most baffling thing I have ever-"

Lupin relaxed. "It's…I…Well, you know…"

Sirius shook his head. "Can't say I do." His eyes darted toward the foot of his bed. "Where's my stuff? Have you thrown it away?"

"No," replied Lupin, in a tone that implied he was conversing with an exceptionally simple child, "I've _put_ it away."

Sirius brushed past him and inspected the contents of his trunk. Satisfied, he nodded once. "Cheers."

"Look," said Lupin, slowly approaching him, "I know I was a prick. I'm sorry. Friends?" He held out his hand and Sirius shook it.

"Yeah, I was too. I mean, I fuck up my own relationships well enough without having to practice on yours."

Lupin managed a faint smile. "I've got to find her later too. I was just forgetting about that. Before I do, have you two-?"

James nodded. "Yeah. Sirius was ready to admit he was a knob about half an hour ago." He grinned as Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"I was _not_ a knob. It was Snape's fault. Who does he think he is?"

Lupin rolled his eyes. "If we're blaming anybody, it's probably Peter. He wound you pair up, he's pissed off his girlfriend, he's pissed off _my _girlfriend, he made _me _piss off my girlfriend…"

Peter poked his out from behind his curtains. "I have not pissed off my girlfriend! I'm trying to sort it out here so sod off."

"Peter, your sex life is now starting to affect mine," said Lupin. "Do not push your luck, mate." He sighed. "Right, well if we're all speaking and Peter and Agatha are speaking and Agatha is speaking to everyone, I've just got to get Anna to speak to me and we can pretend today never happened." He closed the door slowly behind him, taking a last look at the room as might a condemned man.

"You know, Pete," said James, "I'm starting to think trouble might actually be stalking you. Have you thought about taking out an injunction?"


	76. In which Lupin is victimised

**Disclaimer: See first chapter.**

**A/N: I know. I know. Beat me with big sticks etc.**

**A/N: And for those of you who watch South Park, does my pre-Marauder Remus remind you of Butters? I've been reading back through a few chapters and stories and, to me, it's an uncanny resemblance.**

_September 1__st__ 1971. 21:00. Gryffindor Boys' Dormitory._

"What are you doing?"

Remus Lupin resented this question. His eyes slowly left his parchment, but did not meet those of Sirius, baring into his. He did not reply.

"I _said_, what are you doing?"

James sat on his bed and watched, a smile playing on his lips.

Lupin dipped his head into his chest and hunched his shoulders closer together, attempting to take up as little space as possible in the hope that he might become invisible to Sirius' scrutinising gaze.

Sirius scoffed and snatched the parchment from Lupin's hands. Lupin had not made an attempt to pull it back or cling on to it, presumably because living with a nosy little brother had made Sirius' snatching skills second to none.

"Dear Mum, I'm a Gryffindor. I know Dad will be disappointed. Can you talk to him for me? Will you pass this on? I don't want to tell him myself. I think he might be angry." Sirius raised an eyebrow. "What's your name again?"

Lupin mumbled something inaudible.

"What kind of fucked up family would be angry with their son being a Gryffindor?"

Lupin flinched at the violent obscenity. His hands shook.

"Do you want to finish your letter to Mummy?"

Lupin whimpered something. Sirius flung the unfinished letter at him.

"You're a right little Mummy's Boy aren't you? Are you a Nancy-Boy too? Are you? Well, _are_ you?"

James shifted uncomfortably. This wasn't funny anymore. The mousy-haired, shy little boy Sirius had started on was too easy a target. The Slytherin they had met earlier in their compartment had been a mouthy little git who at least tried to defend himself.

"Sirius, maybe we should-"

Sirius interrupted him with a dramatic sigh. "You're no bloody fun."

At this, Lupin began to sniffle.

"Jesus Christ," spat Sirius. "Get me away from this pansy."

James felt like telling him that no-one had forced him there against his will and maybe it would be better for everyone if he buggered off to bed, but he couldn't get the words out. He _liked_ Sirius. Sirius had a wicked glint in his eyes and the nerve to accomplish the impossible. Remus Lupin on the other hand, had nothing going for him at all. He was shy, quiet, and boring. Of the two, James knew in whose good books he would like to remain.

"I-I'm not a p-p-pansy."

James looked up. Lupin's fists were balled and his teeth clenched. He shook. Evidently he had surprised himself. He blinked furiously.

"Oh, shut up and go to bed, you big girl's blouse. Of course you're a pansy. You act like one. You speak like one. You even _write_ like one."

"Sirius-" James sighed sadly and shook his head. "I'm going to sleep."

Lupin drew his curtains and sobbed so violently into his pillow that he convulsed on his mattress and prevented James from sleeping. Half of him wanted to comfort the boy and the other half wanted to punch Remus Lupin in the face. He was asking for it, but he had a look in his charcoal coloured eyes that seemed to warn James that if he did, he'd be sleeping with one eye open for the rest of the year.

So he sighed irritably and covered his ears with his pillow, wishing he knew a spell to block out sound.

At one o'clock in the morning, James crept over to Lupin's bed and rapped lightly on the bedpost. He felt utterly ridiculous.

"Hello?" he whispered. He wanted to call out the boy's name, but he couldn't remember what it was.

"What?" came the reply.

"Can I talk to you?"

"I-If you're t-t-t-t-trying to b-be funny then you know w-what you c-c-c-can do."

James rolled his eyes, dreading a conversation that would last ten minutes longer than it should if Lupin was allowed to speak more than three words.

"I'm not t-t-t-t-trying to b-be funny at all."

Lupin did not respond. He did not open the curtains. James stood beside his bed in silence for what felt like an eternity.

"I'm sorry."

Silence.

"That was stupid."

Silence.

"Hello?"

"Yes, you're right. It _was_ stupid."

James licked his dry lips. "Can I-?"

"Goodnight."

James sighed deeply. "I wondered if you wanted to come to breakfast with us."

Silence.

"Fine. Whatever."

When he awoke the next morning, he deduced, from the lack of Lupin's satchel that he had already gone to the Great Hall. James was running ten minutes behind schedule. Sirius was still asleep. The bathroom door was locked. The blonde boy was taking a long time.

"Sirius, get up. We have to get our timetables at breakfast."

Sirius groaned.

"We _cannot_ be late on the first day!"

Another groan.

"Come _on_!" James yanked on the loose limb Sirius had flung out from behind the curtain, apparently trying to use his leg as a weapon.

Thump.

"Piss off, Potter!"

After, what felt to James, three years of nagging, Sirius awoke fully, dressed in record timing, ruffled his hair, picked up his bag, and was ready within five minutes. James gawked.

"How do you _do_ that?"

"I've been practicing." He leaned against the doorframe. "You coming, James, or not?"

The Great Hall was already packed. The Gryffindor table was almost full and it seemed impossible to spot the mousy Remus Lupin along the line.

"Look," hissed Sirius, helping himself to large amounts of bacon, "there he is."

Lupin was nibbling unobtrusively on a golden piece of toast covered in marmalade. He was reading through his timetable with a grim smile etched firmly onto his face.

"What have we got first?" James asked, trying to read the timetable he had been allocated, as he shoveled forkfuls of scrambled eggs into his mouth.

"Transfiguration, then Herbology, then break, then History of Magic, then Defence Against my mother, then lunch, then Charms." Sirius grinned. "Nice relaxing day then. We'll have to at least pretend to pay attention in Transfiguration, but Herbology is quite literally full of shit, History of Magic's not going to be any good either, Defence might be fun, and Charms will be easy as blinking."

James nodded. "And we get tomorrow off, don't we?"

"Afternoon, yeah."

James frowned. "What do we have in the morning?"

"Potions." Sirius smiled grimly. "_Double _Potions. I don't think I'll be able to concentrate for that amount of time without a break."

James laughed. "You don't bloody concentrate at all! Come on. We don't want to be late for McGonagall."

* * *

"Now. You will all find a needle on your desk. I would like you to attempt to turn it into a perfectly ordinary, but fully functional, matchstick. You have fifteen minutes. Begin."

McGonagall had not yet acquired the necessary experience that would end in her sitting James and Sirius at opposite ends of the room. They shuffled closer together and abandoned the second needle, choosing to put their heads together and get it done as quickly as possible in order to have at least ten minutes of free time.

James turned out to be a natural, though he was not quite as quick as Lupin, sitting behind him and attempting to be unobtrusive. James rolled his eyes.

"Wow," whispered Sirius. "He's a Mummy's Boy _and_ a Teacher's Pet. James, this kid is comedy gold."


	77. In which Sirius confesses

**Disclaimer: See first chapter.**

**A/N: Neglect again. I'm sorry, but things have got crazy busy with regards to my writing. For everyone who likes this pairing and has asked to see more of it.**

_June 4th 1977. Slytherin Common Room. 01:45._

It was cold. The fire had died hours ago and no attempt had been made to rekindle it. The windows that led out into the depths of the lake were covered in a thin lair of ice, despite the heat of the summer afternoons.

Sirius sat in a grand emerald green armchair, biting his nails. A green lamp hung from the low ceiling at his eye-level giving his face an eerie hue.

"It's nearly two o'clock. What do you want?"

Sirius did not reply. He stared vacantly into the water outside the window.

"Sirius, if you're not going to talk to me, I'll go to bed and you can fuck off back to your own common room. You were the one who called me down here so-"

"I did something terrible," he murmured, his voice barely audible.

Electra's eyes widened. "Something terrible? What did you do?"

Sirius shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it. I'm not allowed to talk about it or I'll be expelled."

"Expelled?" Electra sat up straight. "What the _hell_ have you done?"

His shoulders shook. Sirius took shallow, shaky breaths. "I've ruined someone's life."

Electra clicked her tongue. "Well we've all done that at some point - or at least we _think _we have. Lives are resilient things, Sirius. That's the thing about life, it just goes on."

Sirius' lips curled back in disgust. "It nearly didn't."

Electra's eyes narrowed to electric blue slits. "What?"

For the first time that night, Sirius met her eyes. "I nearly killed somebody. I nearly made someone else a murderer. I betrayed my one of my best friends. They were right about me. I just pretend to be different. I pretend to be someone I'm not. Electra, I'm scared."

Electra leaned back in her chair, her chiseled features laminated by a dim light. "Scared of what?"

"Of _me_! Don't you see it? I'm a killer. I'm more dangerous than any other member of my family. I lure people into a trap and then I do this."

Electra frowned, her thin lips pursed. "Who's dead?"

Sirius' head shot up. "Pardon me?"

"You heard me. Who's dead?"

Sirius blinked and stammered, "W-well, no…no-one."

Electra nodded. "I see. So how are you now a murderer?"

Sirius shook his head. "I tried. I wasn't thinking. I didn't _plan_ murder. I just allowed it to happen. If it hadn't been for James, it _would_ have happened. I didn't even do any killing. I would have let someone else - someone who would rather die than squash an ant - kill for me."

Electra did not respond. She merely looked at him, her eyebrows raised slightly.

"_That's_ why I am a murderer."

Electra's eyebrows rose progressively higher until they were hidden by her thick black fringe. "They don't give an Order of Merlin First Class for attempted heroism, Sirius. If nobody is even dead, you are not a murderer. So cut the melodrama right out."

Sirius laughed bitterly. "Melodrama? You don't even care, do you. Your family's not going to win any sanity prizes, but at least you haven't preyed on a friend."

Electra rose from her chair and knelt before him. She grasped his hands in hers, entwining their fingers. "Listen to me. _Look_ at me." She smiled faintly when he met her eyes. "You are more than your name. You are opinionated and passionate and fascinating. You care about people. You make mistakes. You have a temper like some uncontrollable force of nature and that's what got you into this, I'll bet, not a desire to see someone hurt."

Sirius sniffed. "Yeah."

"Have you tried speaking to this friend?"

Sirius nodded. "He…he told me the truth. He told me I was a spoiled, vicious child."

Electra frowned. "I hardly think 'spoiled' and 'vicious' is a very strong word. He's understandably hurt. Is that the reason for your black eye?" She slipped her fingers loose and idly traced patterns on the back of his hands.

Sirius nodded. "I deserve much more. I-_fuck_." He hissed and pulled his right hand from her grasp as though she had burned him.

Electra gasped. "What? What's wrong?" She reached for his hand, pulling it toward her. Tiny scars, slits in his skin, littered the small area around his knuckles. "How the hell did you get these?"

Sirius averted his eyes and mumbled his response.

"What?" Her pupils had dilated, turning her bright blue eyes the colour of the night sky.

"I punched a mirror."

Electra sighed irritably. "You damn fool." She shook her head slowly. "What am I going to do with you?"

Sirius smiled softly and shrugged.

"Are you feeling better?"

He nodded. "Yeah - a bit." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I just don't know what to say or how I'll face them."

Electra pulled him out of the armchair. "Well, you won't have to tonight. Come on. Come to bed."

Sirius resisted half-heartedly. "Lex, I can't…I don't think-"

Electra rolled her eyes. "I don't want to fuck you." She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed tightly, her long and lithe body pressed against his. "I just think you need a cuddle. Even _you_ need the occasional cuddle."

"Hmm. I don't deserve one."

"It's not about deserving one," she murmured into his chest. "Now come on. I can't let you out of my sight if you're going to go round assaulting mirrors in the middle of the night." She took hold of his hand and led him up the stairs to her dormitory, dodging creaking floorboards.

She climbed into bed and drew her curtains, whispering, "Muffliato," and placing her wand neatly into the drawer of her bedside cabinet. She held her arms out and wrapped them around her boyfriend. "There comes a time, Sirius," she whispered into his hair, "when you're going to have to stop blaming every mistake you make on your surname."

He nodded. "I know."

"Maybe keep out of this friend's way." She pulled away. "You said James stopped it, didn't you?"

Sirius nodded.

"Well then." She smiled encouragingly. "As long as you have James, what does it matter? Just give everything time to blow over. It will. You'll see. Before you know it, it'll be yesterday's news." She pursed her lips. "I wish you'd tell me about it."

"Well I can't so…"

Electra sighed. "Get some sleep. You look like you need it." She closed her eyes, her arms still firmly around him.

For the third night in a row, Sirius did not sleep.


	78. In which Lupin has a bad day

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: Well, I've had my confidence in my writing knocked pretty badly today, so I thought I'd come back to this and try to rebuild a little of it. I've been asked to make these a little lighter so it's back to boys being boys.**

_December 12__th__ 1976. Hogsmeade. 13:30._

"Have you tried a Cockroach Cluster before?"

Lupin shook his head violently. "I'm not a complete madman." His eyes twinkled. "Some parts are missing."

Anna Lovett elbowed him playfully in the ribs, producing a wince. "Don't be such a baby, Remus. Jesus."

The fresh purple bruises stung immeasurably, but Lupin managed to smile. "I thought if I faked serious injury, you might buy decent sweets."

"You cheeky bastard." She turned her attention to the jars on the shelf. "I do _not_ need sweets. I'm supposed to be on a diet. God help me." There was a pregnant pause before she turned back to Lupin, her eyebrows raised. "That's your cue, Remus. Your line is 'You don't need to diet. You're perfect as you are'."

"You don't need to diet. You're perfect as you are," Lupin repeated dutifully.

Anna nodded her approval. "Well said. Fizzy Whizzies it is."

Lupin wrinkled his nose. "Can we _not_ have Fizzy Whizzies ? I don't want to be seen carrying them."

Anna widened her eyes. "Oh, but they're my favourites."

Lupin clicked his tongue. "Go on then."

She beamed and trotted off in the direction of the counter.

"You're whipped, mate."

Lupin rolled his eyes and turned to face Sirius. The other boy's eyes were twinkling. He was genuinely amused - his canine teeth were showing in his smile.

"_Stop_ following me around, Sirius. You ruin this and I swear to God-"

"Remus!" The strong Irish accent rang out through the shop and Lupin was forced to abandon his argument.

"Coming!"

Sirius' grin stretched from ear to ear. "Go on, Remus. Your mistress is calling. Hurry, hurry, no time to waste."

Lupin glared at him. "I _mean_ it." His jaw dropped as both James and Peter waved at him from the other side of the fudge counter. "Oh no. No. No way."

Peter tried to hold back his toothy grin. "Can't we buy fudge now?"

Lupin turned his blazing eyes on Peter who immediately sidled closer to James and began to pack handfuls of fudge into a paper bag.

"REMUS!"

"Coming, Annie!"

Sirius strolled over to his friends, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his flares. "Doesn't it just make you sick." He nodded toward James. "He's getting as bad as you."

Peter shook his head. "Oh no, not as bad as James. Remus is actually _in_ a relationship."

James slapped him round the back of the head. "Shut it, Wormtail."

Sirius frowned. "Where do you think they're going?"

Peter bit his lip, his two front teeth pulling at a small shred of skin hanging loose. He ripped too far and winced, placing his finger on the wound and turning away in horror at the sight of blood on the tip.

James rolled his eyes. "Man up. Episky." He smiled grimly. "I'm not sure he wants us to know, Pad."

"Well, of _course_ he doesn't want us to know. Where do you think he'll take her?"

James blew the air of his cheeks. "He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who frequents Madam Puddifoot's, the Shrieking Shack is probably out of the question, she's not going to want to go anywhere good because she's a ponse so that leaves The Three Broomsticks." His eyes widened, surprised by his own logic.

Peter shook his head in awe. "Wow. I could never have worked that out."

Sirius sighed irritably. "Peter, please grow a fucking spine."

The Three Broomsticks was packed. The fire roared in the far corner from the door. Rosmerta was darting from one end of the bar to the other in a bid to get her punters served.

"Why don't you try to find us a table?" said Lupin, joining the queue at the bar and quietly choking on someone else's cigarette smoke.

He glanced toward a table at the window and frowned slightly. It couldn't be, surely. He gasped. It bloody well was. Anna had chosen the booth just behind his table.

"Anna?" he hissed, beckoning her to his side and pointing to the door. She frowned at him. "Anna! Anna, come on."

"Remus?"

Lupin froze. He managed a weak smile and a pathetic wave of his fingers.

"Get over here."

Anna peered around the wooden frame of her booth and caught sight of her date walking toward the table next to her as though bound for the guillotine.

"What are you doing in a bar?"

Lupin shrugged. "Everyone comes here, Dad." His glance in Anna's direction told her to stay put. "While we're on the subject, what are _you_ doing here?"

John Lupin grinned. "Christmas shopping for your mum. I'm staying upstairs." He breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm out of the house for four whole days while Jane is staying with your mother. I don't think I've ever been so relieved not to see my own front door."

Lupin made a face. "I won't be coming back for Christmas then."

John's eyes glinted. "Oh yes, you bloody well will be. I'm not going to be the only man in the house, let alone the only wizard. The evil bitch will rip me to shreds." He took a sip of eggnog and winced. "Worse, she might make me play Charades." He cleared his throat. "What do you want, by the way?"

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Nothing. _You_ called _me_."

John rolled his eyes. "For Christmas, smart-arse."

"Have you got a sheet of parchment?"

"Yeah. What do you want?" He handed it to his son. "Here," he added, rolling a pencil across the table, "you'll need this."

Lupin scrawled his Christmas list hurriedly, his tongue tracing his upper lip as he concentrated, trying to remember just what he had seen earlier in the year. Satisfied, he turned it over.

His father gawped at the length. "Anything else, Remus? Do you want me to buy you a whole bloody Quidditch team while I'm at it?"

Lupin smiled sarcastically back. "If you don't know what something is, give it to Mum and she can pick it up in town."

John frowned, re-reading the list. "Yeah. What _is_ Animal anyway?"

"He's a Muppet. You know those things I collect? He's my favourite. Listen, I've got to go. Mum will know where to find Muggle stuff. See you."

"Where are your friends?"

Lupin sighed. "Far away, I hope. I've been dodging them all afternoon."

John narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

Lupin made a face. "Dad, don't."

A wicked grin spread slowly across his father's face. "Are you here with a girl, Remus?"

"Yes. Now bugger off." He joined Anna and pulled her to her feet. "Let's go somewhere else."

Anna frowned, her gaze shrewd. "Who was that?"

"My Dad. Come on."

Anna turned and waved. "Goodbye, sir. Nice to meet you." She was pulled quickly out into the street and up a snow-covered hill to a stone bench opposite a dilapidated building.

"Ooh. They say it's the most haunted building in Britain."

Lupin shivered. "Yeah." He was dreading her asking to go to the Shrieking Shack and yet he had taken her there, forced out of a cozy booth beside the window because his father had decided to do his Christmas shopping. He debated going back, but decided Anna meeting his father was much worse than pretending he was enthralled by the Shack.

Anna clutched his hand and squeezed tightly. "Can we get closer?"

Lupin shook his head. "I don't think there's a way."

Anna nodded. Her breath froze in Lupin's face. "Shall we sit down then?" She pulled the hem of her baby pink duffel coat until it reached to the back of her knees and sat carefully on the edge of the damp bench.

Lupin, wearing a cardigan, was not afforded this luxury.

"Would you like a Sugar Mouse?" She offered Lupin the pack, but he declined. "Would you like to move closer?"

Lupin frowned. "We just talked about this. There's no-"

"To me."

Lupin shuffled closer toward her and bit back a smug smile as she laid her head on his shoulder. Her chocolate coloured hair was soft and her curls, though the cold had somewhat deflated them, were still springy. Lupin's fingers flittered through it.

"You have beautiful hair."

Anna quirked an eyebrow. "Is that all?"

"You know it's not. You have beautiful eyes. I love your eyes. In fact, I think the only things I love more than your eyes, are your lips." He blushed a furious shade of magenta.

Anna grinned. "Oh really?" She leaned in closer to him, so close she could smell the spearmint chewing gum that never seemed to leave his mouth. "So much you could kiss them?"

"Ow! Fucking hell!"

Snow landed between his shirt and skin, dripping down his bare back, and Lupin leapt to his feet, staring out at nothingness. The forest behind him was silent and empty. There was nowhere else for anyone to hide. He glanced down at the snow and found three pairs of footprints. One set light and almost elfin, another deep, stomped into the ground, and the third heavy, but small.

"All right, grow up!"

Anna frowned. "Remus, who are you talking to?"

Lupin narrowed his eyes. "No-one. Probably some dick under an invisibility cloak."

"Right." She cleared her throat. "Look, why don't we go back into town. You've been a bit funny since we got here." She took him by the elbow and dragged him down the hill, wondering why his eyes never left the trees.

* * *

"I have been in love with her since my second day of school." Lupin paced around their dormitory. "And you royally fucked it up for me. She thinks I'm some fucked-up little spaz who sees things in the trees."

James attempted a straight face.

"And my own _father_! 'Remus, are you here with a _girl_?' No, Dad. I'm dating a fucking _centaur_!"

Sirius snorted. "Remus, you _are_ a fucked-up little spaz."

Lupin turned on him. "Well, thank you for the vote of confidence." He ran his hands through his hair, his anger dissipated. "What the hell am I going to do now? She won't ever want to go out with me again."

Peter bit his lip. "Maybe that's for the best. Maybe it wasn't meant to be."

Lupin gawped at him. "It was going fine until you started throwing snow at me!"

James shrugged. "Maybe just talk to her. Ask her out again."

"Jim, much as I appreciate your advice, how is that working out for you and Lily? I don't have such a thick skin." Lupin collapsed onto his bed. "I'm doomed."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You are such a drama queen. Get up. I don't know what you see in her, Moony. She's built like Buddha."

Lupin frowned. "Oh, she is _not_! Is she?"

"She's a damn fine looking girl," said Sirius. "I'm liking the whole bambi-eyes thing she's got going on. She's just a little…_meaty_…for my tastes. Right, first of all, get that fucking cardigan _off_! It makes you look like a pervert. Where's your band t-shirts?"

"In my chest of drawers - where sensible people keep their clothes, Sirius. I suggest you try it."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I suggest you shut up. Put one on. Not _The Beatles_, try _The Who_. Right. Good. What're your measurements?"

Lupin blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"Waist and inside leg."

"28 waist. 35 leg. What's that got to do with anything?"

Sirius pulled out a pair of black leather trousers. "They'll be a bit baggy around your waist. I'm 32 inches, but our legs are the same length, so you should be fine. Have you got a belt?"

Lupin nodded and gestured to the belt he was wearing.

"Other than a tatty brown leather thing your mother bought?"

"No."

Sirius sighed irritably. "Don't make this a habit." He flung him a black leather belt with silver studs. "And be careful. Those little bastards nearly had my eye out once."

Lupin eyed them with distaste. "What was your eye doing that close to your groin?"

"Never you mind."

"You make me sick."

Sirius grinned. "Get out there and ask her out. If she turns you down when you look cool, she's mad. If she says 'yes', don't you dare wear a cardigan on your next date. Now go on. Get out of my sight."


	79. In which Peter snoops

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: "Well hello, Candy," said Lupin pleasantly, as though fanfiction writers frequently turned up unexpectedly to wreck havoc around him. "Long time no see."**

**A/N: I don't know if the same people who read this at the start (February 2010 - if this is you - congratulations on serious dedication to my erratic updates) are the people who read this now, but if you are and you messaged me about an equivalent to this story, you may be pleased.**

**In 2010, when I started this, I had a lot of people asking about whether I would write 'Outtakes' for "Daring, Nerve and Chivalry" and I said "No. It's too dark." Well, I'm eating those words now. "Daring, Nerve and Chivalry Outtakes" will be up next week. I'm going to try and balance the two stories out. After very dark updates on that story, there'll be a funny one up here. This will keep me (and probably my readers) sane. If this is a really bad idea, someone tell me now.**

**Anyway, on with the chapter. Oh, and um...it's been a while so you might want to go back to Chapter 53 after this for the chapters in chronological order.**

_July 11__th__ 1973. Defence Against the Dark Arts Classroom. 19:15._

Peter wasn't entirely sure why he had been given a detention for James' handiwork. It was just gone seven o'clock on a Friday night and his friends would be planning their next prank, sitting outside in the sun, and jollying Remus along until he agreed to participate.

Dearheart knew how to tap into people's personalities. She knew 'Little Peter' like he was the hero of her favourite novel. She knew he wasn't overly fond of the creatures she brought into her classes. His detentions constituted of cleaning their cages.

Tonight's torture was the cage of a blind baby basilisk. Peter wasn't _terrified _of snakes, but he would not call himself their biggest fan. He tried to stammer this to his professor, but she snapped at him before he'd finished.

"Oh, Peter, for God's sake! There's nothing _in_ there. _I've_ taken him out."

Peter flinched. She was unusually sharp with him. Professor Dearheart had quickly charmed her way to the position of almost everybody's favourite teacher and her infinite patience was the stuff of legend.

Peter squeezed the water out of the sponge she had equipped him with and said nothing. He concentrated hard on the inside of the cage and refused to meet her eyes. He only looked up when he heard her sniffling on the opposite side of the desk.

"I'm sorry, Peter. I'm so sorry." Her eyes were bloodshot. Her cheeks, tearstained, were bright red. She brushed away her tears and murmured, "God, this is _so_ unprofessional."

Peter jumped at the sound of footsteps downstairs in her classroom. His professor leapt to her feet and assured him she would not be long.

"Excuse me, Peter. I'm expecting someone."

She closed the door as she darted out of the room and down the stairs, but the latch did not click behind her and Peter, who knew that he shouldn't, moved closer to the door.

Through the gap, he caught sight of his former Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Professor Maynard had left at the end of the school year to work for Gringotts for a higher salary as a Curse Breaker.

Dearheart ran to him and buried her head in his chest. He stroked her hair. Peter gawped and decided that the best thing to do would be to return to the tank he was supposed to be cleaning and say nothing, but he didn't.

Dearheart sobbed into Maynard's green woolen jumper. She clawed at the sleeves as though she needed to cling to them to stay upright.

"Catherine," he said softly, gently lifting her chin with his index finger. "Catherine, stop this."

Dearheart shook as she stood upright. "I'm sorry to do this to you."

"Do what to me?"

Two months in Hong Kong had changed him a little. His skin was a darker tone, his hair bleached by the sun.

"I have to resign."

Above them, Peter blew the air out of his cheeks. A third professor for their third year? It was getting beyond a joke. He couldn't help but wonder what would lead a woman who was successful at what she did despite everyone's opinion that she was wrong for the job, to resign after a year in her position. He was relieved that, if he played his cards right, this was the last cage he would have to clean.

Maynard shrugged. "I don't understand how that should upset me. If you feel you need to resign, then you do what you think best." He took a step back. "What have you done?"

Dearheart gasped for breath. "I've been stupid."

Maynard, as ever, did not lose his cool. He muttered a silencing charm in the manner of a man expecting his girlfriend to reveal that she was the leader of an underground criminal organisation. "What have you done to be 'stupid'?"

Dearheart took a deep breath. "You know, this really wasn't how I imagined telling you this."

Maynard sighed. "So far you've told me nothing. You called me to you from the other side of the world. What the hell is so important that you need to do that and then beat about the bush? The phrase 'Time is Money' is ludicrously apt in what I do, Catherine. So please, just enlighten me."

Catherine Dearheart was a woman who was not used to being spoken to in such a manner. Nor was she a woman who often allowed herself to show weakness.

"I'm having your fucking baby! Is that worth ten minutes of your time?"

Helios Maynard froze as though petrified. Peter, who could hear nothing of what was going on, wondered whether the tiny basilisk Dearheart had said was blinded at birth, had proven to be perfectly capable of demonstrating its natural abilities.

"Well," he said at last, "here I am." He held out his arms and Peter was privately relieved that his next detention task would not be burying his previous professor's body. "I'm offering myself to you. I love you, Catherine. I'd move Heaven and earth for you. You say 'Jump', I say 'How high?'. You say 'Cross the globe. I have something to tell you' and I do it. So here I am - offering myself to you. I have a damn good job and a damn good salary. I can support us - all three of us - if that's what you want. If that's _not _what you want-"

Dearheart flung her arms around him and Peter almost blushed as Maynard lifted her off her feet and kissed her deeply. He averted his eyes and scrubbed the tank.

"Oh and my mother's Greek Orthodox so we're going to have to get married. It's going to be pretty long and showy, but I shouldn't worry about rolling a baby on the bed to encourage fertility so we can cancel that one." He laughed. "And the award for Most Romantic Proposal goes to…" He reached inside his pocket. "I was going to keep this for next month, but it seems a bit pointless now you know it's coming."

Thirty minutes after she left him, Professor Dearheart returned to her office beaming at Peter. Her ring finger bore a small and unassuming diamond which she did her best to hide from him.

"Peter, you're still here?"

"I didn't like to leave without your permission."

Dearheart pushed her hair back from her face. "Well, you have it now. Just a moment though, Peter. I'll be leaving in a few weeks and I just want to say that I will be personally disappointed in you and your friends, slightly offended too, if you don't make your next teacher's life hell, as you did mine."

Peter smiled. "Of course, Professor. Don't take it personally. We do it to everybody."

* * *

_July 11__th__ 1973. Gryffindor Boys' Dormitory. 21:00_

"Guess what!"

The three boys looked up at Peter from James' bed.

"What?" asked Lupin eventually.

"Guess!" cried Peter. He was bouncing, rocking back and forth on his heels and grinning. "You'll never get it."

"So what's the point in making us try?" asked Sirius. "Look, just spill it. I can see you're dying to."

"It's Dearheart," said Peter, pressing his lips together as though to stop any further verbal outbursts of his secret.

Lupin paid him rapt attention. "What?" He stared at Peter who refused to give any further clues. "What about her, Peter?"

Sirius sighed, exasperated. "Oh, just tell him before he explodes with anticipation. _What_ is so bloody fascinating about your detention?"

"She's leaving," said Peter, relishing the attention his friends were bestowing upon him. He swaggered to his bed, enjoying his new role as The Oracle.

Lupin's face fell. "You're joking."

Peter shook his head. "No word of a lie. She won't be back in September."

Sirius smiled sadly. "Oh well. There goes the only teacher never to file a complaint against me. It's a shame really. I think one more year might have cracked her."

Lupin got to his feet as though in a trance. "She can't. Why would she leave? Peter, what did she say to you?"

Peter shrugged. "I just saw stuff I wasn't supposed to see."

James frowned. "So she didn't actually _say_ she was leaving then?"

Peter nodded quickly, aware that he was losing his audience. "She told me herself."

Lupin shook his head violently. "What did you see?"

"Professor Maynard. There's something going on there, I'm telling you."

Lupin looked as though he was on the verge of tears. "No. She can't leave. She mustn't."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Calm down for Merlin's sake. We don't even know she's going yet. All we've got is Peter saying she told him."

"So I'm a liar now, am I?"

Sirius turned on him. "I didn't say that. I'm just saying that things might change. Wait for her to announce it before you start going ballistic and talking about directions and poncey shit like that, Remus, all right?"

Lupin nodded. "I still want to ask her."

"Yeah, well not tonight," said James. "It's late. Go tomorrow if you're still feeling like a girl, okay?" He smiled. "Come on, Remus. Chill out."

Lupin sighed sadly. "I just don't understand."

"I reckon Maynard's coming back. That's what my money's on," said Peter. If they were going to doubt him, he wouldn't tell them he'd seen her kissing Professor Maynard. That would show them.

James glared at him. "Peter, shut up now, yes?"


	80. In which James is Sorted

**Disclaimer: See first chapter**

**A/N: I genuinely can't wait to write the last of the four chapters in this little Sorting series. James feels like an easy one. Peter's a whole different story.**

_September 1__st__ 1971. The Great Hall. 19:36._

"Potter, James."

James bit his lip. Was there a certain quota of students per house? Would he be allowed to be a Gryffindor now that the wet and weedy boy who had stumbled toward the stool had just been Sorted there? If he was shafted just because the no-hoper had wanted to avoid Hufflepuff, what's-his-name Pettigrew's life would not be worth living.

James took a deep breath and made toward the Hat as though it brought impending doom. He took his seat and caught sight of Sirius grinning at him from the far end of the room. The sight made him feel sick with nerves. The Hat was surprisingly heavy on his head and sank over his eyes. He was glad of this. He couldn't have sat on the stool smiling politely at an entire room full of faces staring up at him.

"_Well, well, another Potter_."

James breathed a sigh of relief. It knew him. It knew where it had sent each member of his family and it knew where it would send him. His smile grew into a grin.

"Please. Gryffindor. _Please_."

James' mind began to wander. Just what would he tell his parents if he really _was_ shoved in Hufflepuff? His mother had been a Slytherin, but _he _didn't want to be. He and his father joked about her all the time. She was the great source of family shame. They told her that she had besmirched the name of Potter. It was funny, and neither of them meant it, but it wouldn't be funny if it was _him_.

"_Your mother was not a Gryffindor then?_"

"Merlin! Does it matter?"

"_And why do you so desperately desire Gryffindor above all others?_"

James winced. "My dad was there."

He knew this was a ludicrous explanation. After all, Sirius had said all of his family had been Slytherins and he was a Gryffindor. The shy boy on the train had said he wanted to be a Ravenclaw because his father had been, and he too had been made a Gryffindor.

"_Another case of family honour_."

James wondered if that was what this was really about. He couldn't - just _couldn't_ - be a Slytherin. If he was Sorted into Hufflepuff, he would never live it down. Ravenclaw wasn't so bad, but…well, it was Ravenclaw. He wasn't quite arrogant enough to think he could pass his exams without trying before he had so much as attended even one class. He wouldn't fit in there.

"No," he whispered in response. "I just can't see myself anywhere else."

The Hat was silent for some time. Mere seconds passed, but each felt like a minute to James. He shifted in his seat, antsy and not yet convinced he wasn't going to be a Slytherin.

"_You are clever. Yours is not the first mind I consider would do well in Ravenclaw. You are resourceful and can even at times, manage to be quite innovative. You would make a fine Slytherin-_"

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no."

"_You are determined, persistent, a good and noble person who sticks to their values. You would do well in Hufflepuff._"

"Christ, that's worse."

"_Ultimately, Mr. Potter, you are defined by unending loyalty and great courage._"

"Does this mean what I think it means?"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Oh, thank God for that." He almost flung the Hat off his head and danced down the hall to the Gryffindor table. Instead, he placed it neatly on the stool and almost swaggered to the seat beside Sirius.

"Knew you'd be here," said Sirius.

"That was the most awful experience of my life. I thought it was going to put me in Hufflepuff. It was torture!"

Sirius made a noise expressing deep disdain as Snape, Severus was Sorted into Slytherin. He nodded toward Lupin on his left. "Don't talk about torture. This one's been sitting here with a face like a slapped arse."

"Probably because I'm sitting next to _you_."

Both Lupin and Sirius seemed shocked at this outburst and the former cleared his throat, turning to face the opposite direction.

"What's just crawled up his arse?"

James frowned. "I want to say _you_, but that would be really weird."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Weird? I'd be physically sick." He elbowed James in the ribs. "Besides, he's all emotional. I think he might be…you know…queer. So stop giving him ideas."

If the other boy heard this, he did not respond.

Across the table, Peter Pettigrew twittered something that Sirius did not manage to hear, but still took offence to. James sighed. His first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy would be the same length as any other year, but he had the impression that it would feel ten times longer.

He nudged Sirius and mumbled, "Let's just keep out of their way."

"Sounds like a plan."

James beamed. He'd made the house he wanted, his father was going to be proud, the Hat had assured him he was clever and noble and innovative, and he had made a friend.

"Don't go round telling people I'm emotional and queer," he said quietly to Sirius, "but I think this might just be the best day of my life."


End file.
